I wish I had never become a parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:there are no guarantees that your MBA would result into anything or that you would be sucesfull. A child is the most rewarding thing in the world.

That's so fucking unhelpful.

I get it OP. My second is SN, and while it has gotten easier, I doubt that it will ever get *better*. I struggled with anger and guilt for years. I've gotten to a point where it doesn't consume me daily and I only have the odd down thought. My suggestion is to carve some time out for yourself, no matter what. I know how difficult that feels, but it can be something as simple as binging on candy crush while you're kid's in the back with his speech therapist, or telling your partner that you have a doctor's appointment or that traffic was horrible and instead just sitting in your car and drinking a fucking milkshake for 30 minutes.

Don't worry about doing "family fun" things and worry about finding something that your kid actually enjoys doing. Otherwise it's just work... well more work that no one has fun as opposed to work that results in a happy kid. If he'd rather stay home and do X Y & Z, then fuck it, stay home and do X, Y, & Z.

The most important thing you can do is get therapy. I felt like I was drowning for a long time and when I finally got counseling, it was a tremendous help. I still have bad days, but now I have the tools to get through them better, if that makes sense. I went here, and saw Rebecca out of the Gaithersburg office. She was amazing. The best part is that if they don't take your insurance, they charge on a sliding scale. http://sussalpsi.com/index.html

[Anonymous]

Daddy sounds like he is failing to be a good husband and good father. Mommy needs some rest!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems that your job is more of a problem than your child. Please get therapy. Where is your dh in this? You need a regular break. I could be wrong and making invalid assumptions but your anger toward your child is misplaced.

OP. You are making invalid assumptions, so how is this helpful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daddy sounds like he is failing to be a good husband and good father. Mommy needs some rest!

OP. You couldn't be more wrong.

[Anonymous]

" cash cow/maid/harried victim of my child's issues/constant needs. "

and this is where you lose me. You blame your child, who does not choose to have these issues, for all your problems.
Does your child see you as a cash cow or a maid? Really answer this one op. Maybe it's your so/dh who sees you as this.

You feel you are a victim of your child? Your child didn't choose any of this. You are the one with all the choices and control. But, god damn, go ahead and blame your kid. It's easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:there are no guarantees that your MBA would result into anything or that you would be sucesfull. A child is the most rewarding thing in the world.

Not all the time.

[Anonymous]

"A child is the most rewarding thing in the world"

This is complete bull shit. I'm the poster not sympathetic to op above, but this is just mindless garbage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your dh is a problem as well. Something is off if you commute so many hours, provide the majority of the income, and are more than 50% responsible for your child's issues.

Op's aggravations should be

1. so or dh's lack of support
2. commute
3. job
4. child

Seriously? An hour long commute each way is not that uncommon. When I was still in DC I lived 5 miles from my job and it still took me an hour to get from home to school drop off to the office creeping through city traffic. Most people work an 8-hour workday. I am not more than 50% responsible for my child's issues. We are in this together. He works from home and handles the majority of daily kid-related crap. We both bear the brunt of it in the evenings and on weekends.

I honestly don't know who you people are who claim to work flexible jobs with minimal hours making $500K per year and think you have it all figured out. Your judgements are really misplaced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone has these feelings sometimes. They just can't talk about them because we are "supposed" to find every moment with our children to be a joy. Wouldn't it be nice if we could be honest about our feelings, rather than pretending our life is always Facebook worthy and Pinterest perfect? That's not real life for most of us, even if we act like that's what is going on. But I guess the grass is always greener. Hang in there.

I don't agree that everyone feels this level of hatred this often. Therapy is a must for op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:" cash cow/maid/harried victim of my child's issues/constant needs. "

and this is where you lose me. You blame your child, who does not choose to have these issues, for all your problems.
Does your child see you as a cash cow or a maid? Really answer this one op. Maybe it's your so/dh who sees you as this.

You feel you are a victim of your child? Your child didn't choose any of this. You are the one with all the choices and control. But, god damn, go ahead and blame your kid. It's easier.

No. I don't blame him. I blame me for not sticking to my guns and letting stupid biology get the better of me and not living the life I really wanted to live in my 20's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone has these feelings sometimes. They just can't talk about them because we are "supposed" to find every moment with our children to be a joy. Wouldn't it be nice if we could be honest about our feelings, rather than pretending our life is always Facebook worthy and Pinterest perfect? That's not real life for most of us, even if we act like that's what is going on. But I guess the grass is always greener. Hang in there.

I don't agree that everyone feels this level of hatred this often. Therapy is a must for op.

Hatred? Jesus Christ. I don't think I expressed hatred at all, anywhere.

Flame away, people. This is supposed to be a supportive group and a safe place to vent, but by all means keep on projecting and being nasty. I don't know why I expect more from most people on these forums. I'm signing off since it appears I'll just be attacked here for being honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your dh is a problem as well. Something is off if you commute so many hours, provide the majority of the income, and are more than 50% responsible for your child's issues.

Op's aggravations should be

1. so or dh's lack of support
2. commute
3. job
4. child

Seriously? An hour long commute each way is not that uncommon. When I was still in DC I lived 5 miles from my job and it still took me an hour to get from home to school drop off to the office creeping through city traffic. Most people work an 8-hour workday. I am not more than 50% responsible for my child's issues. We are in this together. He works from home and handles the majority of daily kid-related crap. We both bear the brunt of it in the evenings and on weekends.

I honestly don't know who you people are who claim to work flexible jobs with minimal hours making $500K per year and think you have it all figured out. Your judgements are really misplaced.

Keep making excuses. An hour long commute each way isn't that common. You certainly have painted it as if you bring home the bacon, fry it up and then have all the child care. I love that the kid related stuff is crap. I would change my job for my kid. You chose this. Your kid did not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I could rewind the clock to 27, stay on course to get my MBA, live on my own, chart my own course. I love my husband and son but my kid is exhausting and his issues make me vacillate between feeling like a fucking failure, furious anger, and complete despair. Sometimes I think if I had stuck to my guns in my 20's - when I proclaimed that I NEVER wanted to get married or have children - that it would have been better and I would be much happier today. I could focus on my career without guilt. I could spend my free time and my money traveling and being with friends instead of going to and paying for therapy appointments. I wouldn't be too exhausted to have sex and could feel like a woman instead of a cash cow/maid/harried victim of my child's issues/constant needs.

I'm sorry. ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) Having a child with special needs is definitely taxing and wearing. One day at a time, might have to move to one hour at a time. Don't forget to breathe (deeply, with your eyes closed).

Is it possible for you to talk to someone? Ask your child's therapists for recommendations for you. Find a parent support group in your area. You need to carve out some time for yourself and your you and your DH. Put it at the same priority as your DC's therapy appointments. Once a month have a lunch with friends- even if ti is a peanut butter sandwich on a bench at the park- if that works try for twice a month. Meditation has helped many of my friends and it doesn't take much time each day. Take a walk around the block by yourself every morning or night. Think like that.

(((((((((hugs)))))))))

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone has these feelings sometimes. They just can't talk about them because we are "supposed" to find every moment with our children to be a joy. Wouldn't it be nice if we could be honest about our feelings, rather than pretending our life is always Facebook worthy and Pinterest perfect? That's not real life for most of us, even if we act like that's what is going on. But I guess the grass is always greener. Hang in there.

I don't agree that everyone feels this level of hatred this often. Therapy is a must for op.

Hatred? Jesus Christ. I don't think I expressed hatred at all, anywhere.

Flame away, people. This is supposed to be a supportive group and a safe place to vent, but by all means keep on projecting and being nasty. I don't know why I expect more from most people on these forums. I'm signing off since it appears I'll just be attacked here for being honest.

Vent away but don't expect to post what you have and not expect readers to react. I have lived this. I'm not being nasty. You are in denial.
You need to take time away from this and get therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your dh is a problem as well. Something is off if you commute so many hours, provide the majority of the income, and are more than 50% responsible for your child's issues.

Op's aggravations should be

1. so or dh's lack of support
2. commute
3. job
4. child

Seriously? An hour long commute each way is not that uncommon. When I was still in DC I lived 5 miles from my job and it still took me an hour to get from home to school drop off to the office creeping through city traffic. Most people work an 8-hour workday. I am not more than 50% responsible for my child's issues. We are in this together. He works from home and handles the majority of daily kid-related crap. We both bear the brunt of it in the evenings and on weekends.

I honestly don't know who you people are who claim to work flexible jobs with minimal hours making $500K per year and think you have it all figured out. Your judgements are really misplaced.

Keep making excuses. An hour long commute each way isn't that common. You certainly have painted it as if you bring home the bacon, fry it up and then have all the child care. I love that the kid related stuff is crap. I would change my job for my kid. You chose this. Your kid did not.

Oh, you're right - I'll quit my job and go live in a cardboard box. Good solution.