Did a 180 and decided to redshirt my child- question for parents who decided to do the same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm an "anti-redshirter" because of this study. I have a socially immature 4.5 year old who will be starting K this fall. Being happy about OP redshirting her mature/advanced 5 year old is silly.

While Canada, that does not redshirt, has found that the youngest children are most likely to be diagnosed ADHD, it seems clear to me that redshirting would exacerbate that rather than ameliorate it, as you seem to say.

OP is probably a troll. But are you saying that you'd insist that a parent with a 4.5 year old who is worried about ADHD misdiagnosis send their child on time? Even in the face of the numerous studies (there are more than one) that show what this Canadian study shows? What do you think those parents should do?

It may be clear to you that a wider age range in classrooms exacerbates rather than ameliorates the problem, but as far as I know (and I have read nearly every study I can find on this topic), that hasn't been yet shown as an impact. It might be the case and the studies just haven't been done yet. But there are also arguments that a wider age range ameliorates the problem because teachers stop having expectations that all children act as if they are the same age. Neither theory has been proven statistically yet, but just because you feel something is the way it is, doesn't mean it's going to be borne out in the actual statistical analysis.

I'm in VA, which does not allow early entry. So a wider range of ages would only skew expectations "older". And for a fall birthday, to decide to redshirt, seems misguided but probably not an issue on a wider scale. Redshirting a May child is very problematic, imo. But we can agree to disagree.

You didn't answer the question. What do you think that parents of younger/youngest children who are worried about ADHD mid-diagnosis should do?

I am worried about ADHD misdiagnosis. It runs in our family, which means some have it and some don't. So rather than hold my immature young 5 child back, I am going to carefully evaluate how he is doing, how he is struggling, and have him independently evaluated, if need be. I will get him help if he needs it, and get him a diagnosis, if it's legitimate. If a teacher is holding him to standards inappropriate for his age, then I'll push back.

How would you avoid an ADHD misdiagnosis?

[Anonymous]

It's your choice to pursue and adhd diagnosis. As well as medicating is a choice too. Redshirting is not the solution, parenting is.

[Anonymous]

*an

[Anonymous]

This is how it typically plays out IMO:
Red shirted child does really well in school. Childs parents are very proud. Other parents dismiss these accomplishments, roll their eyes and say "well, of course he is in the highest reading group. His mom had 10-12 more months to prep him"

Red shirted child does well in sports. Childs parents are very proud. Other parents dismiss these accomplishments, roll their eyes and say "well of course he's better than all the other kids. He's had almost another year of growing, coordinating and his dad had another 10-12 months of throwing the ball with him every night in the backyard."
It's almost like these kids accomplishments are put in another category and excused because they are so much older they are expected to be better. And yes, everyone knows who these kids are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's your choice to pursue and adhd diagnosis. As well as medicating is a choice too. Redshirting is not the solution, parenting is.

Parenting includes making a carefully considered decision as to whether your child should be in an environment where, solely by his age, he or she is far more likely to encounter pressure from teachers and schools to start medication that might not be necessary.

I think some of you are pretty idealistic as to how independent you can be from teachers and schools that are pressuring your child to get a diagnosis. Certainly, it's up to you and it's your decision. But sending your child into a classroom year after year where the teachers believe that the child should be medicated takes a significant toll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is how it typically plays out IMO:
Red shirted child does really well in school. Childs parents are very proud. Other parents dismiss these accomplishments, roll their eyes and say "well, of course he is in the highest reading group. His mom had 10-12 more months to prep him"

Red shirted child does well in sports. Childs parents are very proud. Other parents dismiss these accomplishments, roll their eyes and say "well of course he's better than all the other kids. He's had almost another year of growing, coordinating and his dad had another 10-12 months of throwing the ball with him every night in the backyard."
It's almost like these kids accomplishments are put in another category and excused because they are so much older they are expected to be better. And yes, everyone knows who these kids are

By "other parents" you clearly mean you. Spend less time being so competitive, parenting isn't a contest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm an "anti-redshirter" because of this study. I have a socially immature 4.5 year old who will be starting K this fall. Being happy about OP redshirting her mature/advanced 5 year old is silly.

While Canada, that does not redshirt, has found that the youngest children are most likely to be diagnosed ADHD, it seems clear to me that redshirting would exacerbate that rather than ameliorate it, as you seem to say.

OP is probably a troll. But are you saying that you'd insist that a parent with a 4.5 year old who is worried about ADHD misdiagnosis send their child on time? Even in the face of the numerous studies (there are more than one) that show what this Canadian study shows? What do you think those parents should do?

It may be clear to you that a wider age range in classrooms exacerbates rather than ameliorates the problem, but as far as I know (and I have read nearly every study I can find on this topic), that hasn't been yet shown as an impact. It might be the case and the studies just haven't been done yet. But there are also arguments that a wider age range ameliorates the problem because teachers stop having expectations that all children act as if they are the same age. Neither theory has been proven statistically yet, but just because you feel something is the way it is, doesn't mean it's going to be borne out in the actual statistical analysis.

I'm in VA, which does not allow early entry. So a wider range of ages would only skew expectations "older". And for a fall birthday, to decide to redshirt, seems misguided but probably not an issue on a wider scale. Redshirting a May child is very problematic, imo. But we can agree to disagree.

You didn't answer the question. What do you think that parents of younger/youngest children who are worried about ADHD mid-diagnosis should do?

I am worried about ADHD misdiagnosis. It runs in our family, which means some have it and some don't. So rather than hold my immature young 5 child back, I am going to carefully evaluate how he is doing, how he is struggling, and have him independently evaluated, if need be. I will get him help if he needs it, and get him a diagnosis, if it's legitimate. If a teacher is holding him to standards inappropriate for his age, then I'll push back.

How would you avoid an ADHD misdiagnosis?

Well, for one thing, by deciding whether the child is ready to go into kindergarten by assessing academic and social expectations of kindergarten and where the child is, rather than relying on whether the child happens to be born twenty days before or after some random date.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP, but I think your reasoning is just crazy. You don't seem to mention any real justification for redshirting your may birthday. I started school at 5 with an August birthday, my brother started school at 4 with a late November birthday. We both did fine.

When does this end? If everyone with May/June/July/August birthdays decide to redshirt will then all the April birthdays redshirt? Why should they go to school with kids more than a year older than them? Then what will the March kids do? Do you see the problem? I think the counties/state need to step up and put in some requirements for when a child starts K.

I think at some point, OP, your child will be embarrassed to be more than a year older than other kids in class. Everyone knows it is common with early fall birthdays, but when your kid turns 15 in eight grade than all the other kids will notice.

[Anonymous]

You have to understand that you are setting your poor son up to go through puberty a full year and a half ahead of his "peers".


I thin what you have done to your son is truly ridiculous and without merit or reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm an "anti-redshirter" because of this study. I have a socially immature 4.5 year old who will be starting K this fall. Being happy about OP redshirting her mature/advanced 5 year old is silly.

While Canada, that does not redshirt, has found that the youngest children are most likely to be diagnosed ADHD, it seems clear to me that redshirting would exacerbate that rather than ameliorate it, as you seem to say.

OP is probably a troll. But are you saying that you'd insist that a parent with a 4.5 year old who is worried about ADHD misdiagnosis send their child on time? Even in the face of the numerous studies (there are more than one) that show what this Canadian study shows? What do you think those parents should do?

It may be clear to you that a wider age range in classrooms exacerbates rather than ameliorates the problem, but as far as I know (and I have read nearly every study I can find on this topic), that hasn't been yet shown as an impact. It might be the case and the studies just haven't been done yet. But there are also arguments that a wider age range ameliorates the problem because teachers stop having expectations that all children act as if they are the same age. Neither theory has been proven statistically yet, but just because you feel something is the way it is, doesn't mean it's going to be borne out in the actual statistical analysis.

I'm in VA, which does not allow early entry. So a wider range of ages would only skew expectations "older". And for a fall birthday, to decide to redshirt, seems misguided but probably not an issue on a wider scale. Redshirting a May child is very problematic, imo. But we can agree to disagree.

You didn't answer the question. What do you think that parents of younger/youngest children who are worried about ADHD mid-diagnosis should do?

I am worried about ADHD misdiagnosis. It runs in our family, which means some have it and some don't. So rather than hold my immature young 5 child back, I am going to carefully evaluate how he is doing, how he is struggling, and have him independently evaluated, if need be. I will get him help if he needs it, and get him a diagnosis, if it's legitimate. If a teacher is holding him to standards inappropriate for his age, then I'll push back.

How would you avoid an ADHD misdiagnosis?

Well, for one thing, by deciding whether the child is ready to go into kindergarten by assessing academic and social expectations of kindergarten and where the child is, rather than relying on whether the child happens to be born twenty days before or after some random date.

I am PP. I meant to add that if you are worried about ADHD as a possible disability (not a mis-diagnosis), I think that's a good reason not to redshirt because you can start to get support services earlier if it turns out to be a legitimate diagnosis. Reasonable parents can disagree on what is the right approach given the fact that there problems and risks with either approach for children with certain medical profiles. What I object to is the vitriol and nastiness that is generated by the anti-redshirts when there are clearly documented risks of medical mis-diagnosis associated with being the youngest in the class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm an "anti-redshirter" because of this study. I have a socially immature 4.5 year old who will be starting K this fall. Being happy about OP redshirting her mature/advanced 5 year old is silly.

While Canada, that does not redshirt, has found that the youngest children are most likely to be diagnosed ADHD, it seems clear to me that redshirting would exacerbate that rather than ameliorate it, as you seem to say.

OP is probably a troll. But are you saying that you'd insist that a parent with a 4.5 year old who is worried about ADHD misdiagnosis send their child on time? Even in the face of the numerous studies (there are more than one) that show what this Canadian study shows? What do you think those parents should do?

It may be clear to you that a wider age range in classrooms exacerbates rather than ameliorates the problem, but as far as I know (and I have read nearly every study I can find on this topic), that hasn't been yet shown as an impact. It might be the case and the studies just haven't been done yet. But there are also arguments that a wider age range ameliorates the problem because teachers stop having expectations that all children act as if they are the same age. Neither theory has been proven statistically yet, but just because you feel something is the way it is, doesn't mean it's going to be borne out in the actual statistical analysis.

I'm in VA, which does not allow early entry. So a wider range of ages would only skew expectations "older". And for a fall birthday, to decide to redshirt, seems misguided but probably not an issue on a wider scale. Redshirting a May child is very problematic, imo. But we can agree to disagree.

You didn't answer the question. What do you think that parents of younger/youngest children who are worried about ADHD mid-diagnosis should do?

I am worried about ADHD misdiagnosis. It runs in our family, which means some have it and some don't. So rather than hold my immature young 5 child back, I am going to carefully evaluate how he is doing, how he is struggling, and have him independently evaluated, if need be. I will get him help if he needs it, and get him a diagnosis, if it's legitimate. If a teacher is holding him to standards inappropriate for his age, then I'll push back.

How would you avoid an ADHD misdiagnosis?

Well, for one thing, by deciding whether the child is ready to go into kindergarten by assessing academic and social expectations of kindergarten and where the child is, rather than relying on whether the child happens to be born twenty days before or after some random date.

I am PP. I meant to add that if you are worried about ADHD as a possible disability (not a mis-diagnosis), I think that's a good reason not to redshirt because you can start to get support services earlier if it turns out to be a legitimate diagnosis. Reasonable parents can disagree on what is the right approach given the fact that there problems and risks with either approach for children with certain medical profiles. What I object to is the vitriol and nastiness that is generated by the anti-redshirts when there are clearly documented risks of medical mis-diagnosis associated with being the youngest in the class.

If OP's child went on time, he would be nowhere near the youngest. She has stated no real reason to redshirt her son, he is socially mature, academically and athletically advanced, tall, etc.

Fall birthdays are a separate issue, I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is how it typically plays out IMO:
Red shirted child does really well in school. Childs parents are very proud. Other parents dismiss these accomplishments, roll their eyes and say "well, of course he is in the highest reading group. His mom had 10-12 more months to prep him"

Red shirted child does well in sports. Childs parents are very proud. Other parents dismiss these accomplishments, roll their eyes and say "well of course he's better than all the other kids. He's had almost another year of growing, coordinating and his dad had another 10-12 months of throwing the ball with him every night in the backyard."
It's almost like these kids accomplishments are put in another category and excused because they are so much older they are expected to be better. And yes, everyone knows who these kids are

LOLOL.

So the lesson is: if you're choosing your child's academic path in order to impress other parents, don't redshirt. Got it.

OP, this is what youl'll have to deal with: the rampant insecurity of parents who didn't redshirt and who are therefore furious and terrified that your child may have some kind of advantage over their snowflakes.

[Anonymous]

You say your son is a good soccer player. Be aware that if he is good he will want to play travel and travel teams are formed by birthdate. He will have to play on team one grade above what he is in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I decided to redshirt my child who was born in May. I was originally staunchly opposed but our last year of prek changed my mind. We had 4 redshirts in the class and my observations and experiences showed me it would be better for my child to be older than younger.

This is not going to be a debate on redshirting, but rather I want to know if you are asked questions or if you are ever asked about your child's age. If you are, how do you handle it? I was hoping it would be a nonissue. I know my son has friends that are 3, 4, 5, 6, and even 8 and 9! I didn't think it would matter to other families if I let my child go to preschool twice. I don't feel like explaining my reasoning for our family decision to every parent who may press the issue on me.

I am not ashamed of my child and want to feel natural and good about his school experience. My child is bright and excels in math and sports. He can compete athletically with children 10 months older and in math he is doing 1st grade work. I am not giving him another year of prek because he is slow or isn't athletically inclined.

I am only doing bc my child did not like being younger and hated hearing all year long how he was still 4 while others were 5 most of the year. Also, the director at his current school is strongly pro redshirting and suggests it for boys, even April. Actually, she doesn't use any month as a cutoff. Lastly my son never did a full-day and he isn't ready for a full-day yet. He's also very innocent and kind/gentle- he doesn't hit or name-call and he's very compassionate.. so I didn't think I needed to worry about him turning into a bully. He usually helps younger children or new children and his teacher said she thought his citizenship skills were his strongest attribute. She said another year would improve his fine motor skills and give him another year to play and mature (he is a class clown and doesn't sit still). As a mom, it makes me feel good to know that if there is a bully in the class, he/she likely won't be older than m child and won't be able to hurt him/her.

Although most of the children significantly older were kind to my child- two were cruel. My child had rocks thrown at him and had his hair cut during craft-time. He was called names and so on. My child tried to fight them and did well with the one but the age advantage was just too much. I realized I don't like aggressive kids with power over my kid. I'd rather my child be older. I don't have to worry about my child being mean and if he ever is- I will discipline him bc I will not tolerate a bad boy! Trying to raise a good church-boy here. His morality and character are even more important to me than his intelligence or athletic ability. I noticed the older aggressive children influenced my child to be slightly less nice/kind and I didn't like the effect it had on him. We prayed about it and I got him to forgive the children but I could see it was hard for him to hold back.

My concern is with our new school community - a mother commented my child was fast and good at soccer- she then said her son was born in November and how she wished she could have sent him earlier and she lamented he had to wait a while year to go to school. Her son was not very physical and had trouble even using the playground equipment. She then asked me what month my son was born in and I said May. She then said, "Oh so he must have turned 4 in May then? She was just pressing the issue even though it was apparent I wanted to end the conversation.

I don't want to share everything I just shared on this post with new parents or even new friends. I'd rather other parents just not ask or def not grill me about it. How can I do this? How do I do birthdays? I like having big birthdays and I still want to proud when my child turns 6, 7, 8, etc thoughout his school career. Should I try to hide his age or just have a short quick answer ready? I was thinking of saying we might move back to a state I grew up in- which now has a 31 July cutoff. I thought about mentioning my son was bon early by csection (true).

I just really don't want to go into this long explanation about our personal experiences. At the same time I don't want other parents to think ill of my child or me. Some people are very opposed to redshirting.

For birthdays -- celebrate them late, in September.

If someone outright asks you when he was born (not for any official reason) lie and say September. It's the easiest way to deal with this issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to understand that you are setting your poor son up to go through puberty a full year and a half ahead of his "peers".


I thin what you have done to your son is truly ridiculous and without merit or reason.

NP here and I don't understand your math. Are you suggesting there are no kids with fall/winter birthdays in any given class? Even if all the kids in a given class were summer birthdays (that would be incredible indeed), a May birthday held back would be 12 - 14 months older than them, not 18 months.

I did hold back my end of August baby because of maturity issues. He is exactly 12 months older than the youngest child in class (who happens to be his best friend), but only a few weeks to 3 months older than a good third of the class. If you looked at a photo of his class you would not pick him out as the oldest. There are at least 4 kids who are much bigger than him. He's kind of in the middle as far as size. And fwiw, my DH went through puberty later than most of his peers, and my brothers were also slow.