Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years

[Anonymous]

Until he puts a ring on your finger, he is daydreaming out loud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
By the way, there are tons of women who look prettier as they age. I.e., Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce, Jessica Simpson to name a few.

Wrong and you are absolutely wrong with your three examples. They may look attractive for their ages, but they aren't "looking prettier as they age."

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Until he puts a ring on your finger, he is daydreaming out loud.

That's how I feel about it too. Until he actually proposes, it's all talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what do you do if you're 28 and your bf of 2 years promises to get married but hadn't done anything to prove its going to be a reality?

Say, "Since you don't seem to be ready to get married, I'd like to start dating other people." His response will tell you what you need to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what do you do if you're 28 and your bf of 2 years promises to get married but hadn't done anything to prove its going to be a reality?

Say, "Since you don't seem to be ready to get married, I'd like to start dating other people." His response will tell you what you need to know.

+1. And follow through if the relationship needs to end.

[Anonymous]

I truly did not realize women waited for men to propose. This is so odd to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also young women need to be honest with themselves about if this is the relationship they really want, just as it is. I wasted years with a guy who was willing to commit and did propose, but I was unwilling to move forward myself unless certain things about him and our relationship changed. I would advise women not to stay with a guy that they would want to marry only if something about him changed. Most likely it will never change and all your time will have been wasted.

This is so true!

We've all heard this too many times, within our network of friends. We don't use this information to make decisions regarding our own relationships no matter how many times we hear the stories.

Why?

Especially, for women in their 20s who have years and years of opportunity ahead of them.

I think it's because when you're young (in your 20s) you mistakenly feel that you will be young forever. You only think you have years and years of opportunity ahead of you. You don't have perspective until you get older. By your late 20s you may get serious about finding someone to settle down with, but then you date for a couple of years without finding anyone right, and before you know it you are 30 or 31 and heading up toward 40. You know it's best to have kids before age 35 (anything after that is considered "advanced maternal age" and higher risk) and you may start to panic and make bad decisions.

I think you also get love blinders, and willfully minimize the issues. That's what happened to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post reflects some fucked up notions about a woman's value. As if physical beauty is the beginning and end of what she has to offer. As if it's a good idea for her to "lock in" a life time with a guy who wouldn't want to be with her if she met him in her 30s. As if it's illegal for her to propose.

Date someone who is kind to you. If you love them, marry them. If they don't want to get married & you do, move on to someone else who is kind to you. Repeat as necessary.

The physical beauty is tied directly to fertility. Fertility is the true and perishable asset you have to focus on. We are like people who are born rich and don't understand the nature of our wealth maybe until it is too late and losers and hangers on have 'helped' us waste our asset. But with smart management and focus you can have great happiness and bring wonderful kids into the world, something only we can do. So it is a responsibility too. Those wonderful kids can't get born until we quit wasting our time and set the agenda.

Sounds poetic, but there are plenty ugly and very fertile chicks out there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what do you do if you're 28 and your bf of 2 years promises to get married but hadn't done anything to prove its going to be a reality?

Why don't you *gasp* TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF and propose to him?

Because most men aren't wired that way. They want to be the pursuer. Marriage works better if the man is more in love with the woman than vice versa. He's got to really want you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This post reflects some fucked up notions about a woman's value. As if physical beauty is the beginning and end of what she has to offer. As if it's a good idea for her to "lock in" a life time with a guy who wouldn't want to be with her if she met him in her 30s. As if it's illegal for her to propose.

Date someone who is kind to you. If you love them, marry them. If they don't want to get married & you do, move on to someone else who is kind to you. Repeat as necessary.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what do you do if you're 28 and your bf of 2 years promises to get married but hadn't done anything to prove its going to be a reality?

It's a tough call. Do NOT live with him. In your gut do you feel you are "the one" for him? Or do you think he still imagines there could be someone better for him out there and he is still looking? (Or is he pining for an ex?) Do you truly love him, even his faults? Or would you be settling yourself in some way? Is some progress being made such as your meeting more family, planning vacations farther into the future, talking about more serious issues and envisioning a future life together?

I'm not living with him and I do not intend to until after we are married.

He says I'm "the only one for him" and I'm the "love of his life". He's introduced me to his family and told his sister that he is thinking of proposing to me. I don't think he thinks there's someone "better" for him and he certainly isn't looking. I'm just confused since if I am the love of his life, what is he waiting for? Shouldn't he be super excited to start our life together?

It's really frustrating for me since I'm kind of in limbo here. I want to move forward with my life and deepen my relationship with him but I can't because we aren't even engaged! I can't even live with him yet or plan anything else.

We are talking of taking a vacation this year but he's super concerned about the finances.

We do talk about stuff like having children and throw around potential names. He's really sweet and voluntarily helped me out with bills and is talking of getting me a new car etc.

I'd see if he'd be willing to go to premarital counseling with you to clarify where each of you stand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is actually full of good advice. I think the mistake women make is waiting until their thirties to realize they want marriage and kids. That's when they end up settling.

A good marriage is a goal like a career goal and should be treated as such. If you want to be a doctor you have to start your education in your college years and work hard.

It's the same with dating. If you want a good marriage you have to only stay with men with similar goals who you also love. If the would-be doctor spends his med school years partying instead of studying he won't achieve his goal. The same goes for dating. There's not much time for fooling around and having fun with men you know you won't marry, or who won't marry you.

I'm not sure advocating settling in your twenties is any better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I truly did not realize women waited for men to propose. This is so odd to me.

How old are you and what is your gender?

[Anonymous]

I think OP's advice is excellent. I will also add

- A woman should be with a man who treats her very well. To be treated well includes mutual respect and support AND a common goal as far as the future of the relationship is concerned.

- A man who loves a woman and wants to marry her will make it very clear in the beginning of the relationship. If the man is not clear in his intention, you are not the wife material for him. You are not a person he wants a future with.

- MOST men are not thinking about marriage unless they are established in their career and financially stable. This is around the age of 27-28 for most men, nowadays. When they do want to marry, they want to marry a woman with good career prospects that can match their own SES. A man without career plans, education or financial stability will never be ready for marriage.

- Women need to understand that having education and career makes them more desirable as a potential mate That is the reason that so many people who meet in law, med or grad school will end up marrying each other.

- Women should spend their early 20's dating and evaluating men as potential mate AND making sure that they are taking care of their own educational and career path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post reflects some fucked up notions about a woman's value. As if physical beauty is the beginning and end of what she has to offer. As if it's a good idea for her to "lock in" a life time with a guy who wouldn't want to be with her if she met him in her 30s. As if it's illegal for her to propose.

Date someone who is kind to you. If you love them, marry them. If they don't want to get married & you do, move on to someone else who is kind to you. Repeat as necessary.

The physical beauty is tied directly to fertility. Fertility is the true and perishable asset you have to focus on. We are like people who are born rich and don't understand the nature of our wealth maybe until it is too late and losers and hangers on have 'helped' us waste our asset. But with smart management and focus you can have great happiness and bring wonderful kids into the world, something only we can do. So it is a responsibility too. Those wonderful kids can't get born until we quit wasting our time and set the agenda.

Sounds poetic, but there are plenty ugly and very fertile chicks out there

I think you are missing the point. Young women, be they never so homely, still have attractive aspects to them because they are fertile. Other women may judge them, but young womens' fertility itself is an attraction. Nature does its thing. Women routinely misunderstand and are blind to what their strengths are about. And as far as physical beauty, Nature's whole point in physical beauty is to get some babies going on.