Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP from the " everyone is getting engaged!" Thread and this hits hard. This is precisely why I'm frustrated.

Having a hard time keeping up with the Joneses, are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one should feel as if their best years are so temporary.

But they are. Your entire life can't be composed of your best years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
By the way, there are tons of women who look prettier as they age. I.e., Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce, Jessica Simpson to name a few.

Wrong and you are absolutely wrong with your three examples. They may look attractive for their ages, but they aren't "looking prettier as they age."

[Anonymous]

This is the math that works:

After age 24, date whoever you're dating for 1 more year if there's no proposal, end the relationship.

Find a new long term relationship within the year and repeat.

After age 31, if you're still single, go to therapy and work on yourself until you love you. Get into LTR and after 6 months of no marriage talk and proposal, end the relationship.

After age 35, if there's no wedding within a year of dating, just end the relationship. A good, marriage minded guy is out there if you love and respect yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what do you do if you're 28 and your bf of 2 years promises to get married but hadn't done anything to prove its going to be a reality?

Why don't you *gasp* TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF and propose to him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what do you do if you're 28 and your bf of 2 years promises to get married but hadn't done anything to prove its going to be a reality?

It's a tough call. Do NOT live with him. In your gut do you feel you are "the one" for him? Or do you think he still imagines there could be someone better for him out there and he is still looking? (Or is he pining for an ex?) Do you truly love him, even his faults? Or would you be settling yourself in some way? Is some progress being made such as your meeting more family, planning vacations farther into the future, talking about more serious issues and envisioning a future life together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what do you do if you're 28 and your bf of 2 years promises to get married but hadn't done anything to prove its going to be a reality?

Why don't you *gasp* TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF and propose to him?

Why would she propose to a man who clearly doesn't want to marry her?
And women proposing to men hasn't become a 'thing'. Don't pretend otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Well, OP is right, though phrasing it in terms of peak attractiveness is a little off-putting. With the reality of biological constraints, a woman who wants to have children should not waste too much time with men who do not have the same goals. I think we all know a woman or two who has spent YEARS with a man who has told her repeatedly that he doesn't want to get married or have kids and just keeps hoping as the years tick by...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Why would she propose to a man who clearly doesn't want to marry her?
And women proposing to men hasn't become a 'thing'. Don't pretend otherwise.

Then why doesn't SHE take PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY for her situation and end her relationship? Oh that's right, it's about being a victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
And women proposing to men hasn't become a 'thing'. Don't pretend otherwise.

Women resist the idea of proposing to men because it puts the onus of responsibility for their own lives and happiness on them. They'd rather whine and complain (as a woman's prerogative, right) than take responsibility for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dated my wife for four years before I proposed. We lived together for one of those years. Now we've been married for 15. Worked out fine.

DH and I met when we were 19. He proposed when we were 20. We married at 25, once we were done with education and were in our careers. We did not move in together, and we have been married for 25 years now.

I think this actually proves what OP is saying - I did not waste my time with my DH. His intentions about marriage were clear, and we married at the right age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh Good Lord! And I say this as someone who married my husband at 26 and who didn't move in with him until we were engaged.

It all depends on what you want in life. Sure, if you want a traditional marriage and 2.5 children, it's good to get hitched in your late 20s.

However (and I know it's a shock!), not all women want that! Not even all straight women (because the OP is definitely leaving out all the lesbian ladies in his/her comments about snaring a man). I have plenty of friends who simply do not want children. They did not want them when I met them back in college and they do not want them now, in their late 30s-early 40s. Some are married, some are not but they are consistently child-free. In that case, there is no biological clock ticking so when (if ever), you get a man becomes immaterial. That's not even getting into the fact that some of them don't want any sort of commitment at all and like casual relationships (and if they are that way at 40, chances are they are not going to have an epiphany that they want a commitment asap).

Seriously, it's not 1955.

Here's a shock! Women are smart enough to know whether OP's advice applies to them or not. No need for your Captain Obvious post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what do you do if you're 28 and your bf of 2 years promises to get married but hadn't done anything to prove its going to be a reality?

It's a tough call. Do NOT live with him. In your gut do you feel you are "the one" for him? Or do you think he still imagines there could be someone better for him out there and he is still looking? (Or is he pining for an ex?) Do you truly love him, even his faults? Or would you be settling yourself in some way? Is some progress being made such as your meeting more family, planning vacations farther into the future, talking about more serious issues and envisioning a future life together?

I'm not living with him and I do not intend to until after we are married.

He says I'm "the only one for him" and I'm the "love of his life". He's introduced me to his family and told his sister that he is thinking of proposing to me. I don't think he thinks there's someone "better" for him and he certainly isn't looking. I'm just confused since if I am the love of his life, what is he waiting for? Shouldn't he be super excited to start our life together?

It's really frustrating for me since I'm kind of in limbo here. I want to move forward with my life and deepen my relationship with him but I can't because we aren't even engaged! I can't even live with him yet or plan anything else.

We are talking of taking a vacation this year but he's super concerned about the finances.

We do talk about stuff like having children and throw around potential names. He's really sweet and voluntarily helped me out with bills and is talking of getting me a new car etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why would she propose to a man who clearly doesn't want to marry her?
And women proposing to men hasn't become a 'thing'. Don't pretend otherwise.

Then why doesn't SHE take PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY for her situation and end her relationship? Oh that's right, it's about being a victim.

Ending her relationship would be a great move. Her proposing won't do anything useful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
And women proposing to men hasn't become a 'thing'. Don't pretend otherwise.

Women resist the idea of proposing to men because it puts the onus of responsibility for their own lives and happiness on them. They'd rather whine and complain (as a woman's prerogative, right) than take responsibility for themselves.

No, they know that proposing to a man who doesn't want to get married is a losing proposition. I do agree that at a certain point they should end the relationship rather than continue waiting. Why such a chip on your shoulder?