Punishing your child by not letting them a birthday party last minute

[Anonymous]

I don't punish in ways that punish other people. Taking away a play date/party/etc is punishing the other child too. Be creative and try something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know what? It is a free country. A parent can take away what they want as a punishment. But if you back out of my child's 3 kid party for that reason, you and your family will not be invited to any events in our home again. So you do what's best for you, and then I'll do what's best for me, and we'll go our ways.

This. I would make my choices that are best for my family. That may mean that I elect to say no to a bday party that is too far of a drive for us or say no to a playdate when I don't particularly like the other kid's behavior, or punish my kid as I see fit. You, as a result, are welcome to do what you think is right for your family. Rather than spend a minute of your time thinking about it, your child wasn't bothered by it, so why not take a page from his book of life's lessons, and MOVE ON?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know what? It is a free country. A parent can take away what they want as a punishment. But if you back out of my child's 3 kid party for that reason, you and your family will not be invited to any events in our home again. So you do what's best for you, and then I'll do what's best for me, and we'll go our ways.

This. I would make my choices that are best for my family. That may mean that I elect to say no to a bday party that is too far of a drive for us or say no to a playdate when I don't particularly like the other kid's behavior, or punish my kid as I see fit. You, as a result, are welcome to do what you think is right for your family. Rather than spend a minute of your time thinking about it, your child wasn't bothered by it, so why not take a page from his book of life's lessons, and MOVE ON?

I can't move on! I'm still not sleeping over this! Actually, discussing parenting issues on a parenting forum does not mean they are taking over your life. Have moved on, do not plan to deal with this family too much in the future anyway as they are not close friends, and still think it's rude to use other people's events as parenting leverage.

[Anonymous]

You know what? It is a free country. A parent can take away what they want as a punishment. But if you back out of my child's 3 kid party for that reason, you and your family will not be invited to any events in our home again. So you do what's best for you, and then I'll do what's best for me, and we'll go our ways.


This. I would make my choices that are best for my family. That may mean that I elect to say no to a bday party that is too far of a drive for us or say no to a playdate when I don't particularly like the other kid's behavior, or punish my kid as I see fit. You, as a result, are welcome to do what you think is right for your family. Rather than spend a minute of your time thinking about it, your child wasn't bothered by it, so why not take a page from his book of life's lessons, and MOVE ON?

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Um, I'm not OP, so I'm not sure why you are telling me to move on or incorrectly assuming that I'm spending "a minute of my time" thinking about someone else's behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:If my kid acts out why should I do him this favor and drive him to a party where he gets to eat cake and play?

The natural consequence is that if you act like an a-hole, I'm not going to be doing favors for you.

Amen

But what about the favor to the birthday kid? You are being selfish and showing your kid that the world revolves around him. Seriously I wonder whether people who do this have a lot of friends. I have a ton of friends and so do my kids and I would never use another child or family's event as leverage. That's not how we treat friendships.

Actually, I don't see how not allowing a kid attend an event he's excited about due to bad behavior teaches him that the world revolves around him. The birthday boy's mom apparently thinks the world revolves around her own child and his party is the most important event of the year.

I don't think it was polite to do use a party as the punishment, but I don't get the arguments that people are using here.

Totally agree. My kids and I are big social butterflies and all going to the party teaches is the world revolves around OP's kid.

Don't plan a "party" like this if you any deal with the repercussions of a kid not coming.

So then say my DD would prefer to go to a show at the theater for her bday instead of have a traditional party and your kid has been invited as the 1 guest that she is allowed to invite. We have paid for seats and have cleared the date with you and have a plan, and then your child behaves badly at home the day before. Do you think it's an appropriate punishment to cancel this date?

[Anonymous]

I know this is an old chain, but searching about the issue bought this up. I am surprised at how many parents here think the parent punishing her kid by not going to the party is acting rudely. I am pretty sure the parent is keeping in mind all possibilities and making a decision based on what is best for her child based on her behavior. At the same time a lot of people criticizing the parenting style of that person are being rude themselves by saying, well just never invite that family again to anything and pretty much agreeing to move the family aside for any other future social event. The parent punishment is surely a one time thing, I think the child would have learned her lesson after that, but you are punishing a whole family forever just because you do not agree with her parenting style, thoughts, and possibly casting out a child by doing that. If you really think about, you are doing the same exact thing you are criticizing and worse.

[Anonymous]

Defensive much PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old chain, but searching about the issue bought this up. I am surprised at how many parents here think the parent punishing her kid by not going to the party is acting rudely. I am pretty sure the parent is keeping in mind all possibilities and making a decision based on what is best for her child based on her behavior. At the same time a lot of people criticizing the parenting style of that person are being rude themselves by saying, well just never invite that family again to anything and pretty much agreeing to move the family aside for any other future social event. The parent punishment is surely a one time thing, I think the child would have learned her lesson after that, but you are punishing a whole family forever just because you do not agree with her parenting style, thoughts, and possibly casting out a child by doing that. If you really think about, you are doing the same exact thing you are criticizing and worse.

The point is that this parenting style - not letting your child attend a birthday party where you RSVPed you would attend - is hurting other people (the birthday child and host) who did nothing wrong and don't deserve to share in your child's punishment. If you cannot think of another consequence to reprimand your child for unwanted behavior, then there is something wrong with you.