advice to mothers of daughters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well behaved women rarely make history.

Just as a public service I have to tell the story of this quote and how it has been misused. It was attributed to historian Laurel Thatcher Ulrich. I heard her speak once and she said she is amused that people have turned it into a rallying cry and a bumper sticker, but it's completely not what she meant. She was looking to tell the stories of ordinary women of another era and had to dig very deep to find their stories, because the only historical records she tended to find of women were when they were accused of crimes or witchcraft or part of some small scandal. What she meant was, women generally only showed up in the historical written record ("make history") when they did something unusually disruptive. She actually really valued the ordinary women's stories and it was her whole purpose to dig deeper and uncover them.

When people here the quote now I guess they are thinking of people like Rosa Parks and Amelia Earhardt. Fine enough, but what the historian actually meant was, you're only going to show up in the police records if you get arrested for something.

never knew this!

I didn't either-thanks for sharing PP! That's really interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well behaved women rarely make history.

Just as a public service I have to tell the story of this quote and how it has been misused. It was attributed to historian Laurel Thatcher Ulrich. I heard her speak once and she said she is amused that people have turned it into a rallying cry and a bumper sticker, but it's completely not what she meant. She was looking to tell the stories of ordinary women of another era and had to dig very deep to find their stories, because the only historical records she tended to find of women were when they were accused of crimes or witchcraft or part of some small scandal. What she meant was, women generally only showed up in the historical written record ("make history") when they did something unusually disruptive. She actually really valued the ordinary women's stories and it was her whole purpose to dig deeper and uncover them.

When people here the quote now I guess they are thinking of people like Rosa Parks and Amelia Earhardt. Fine enough, but what the historian actually meant was, you're only going to show up in the police records if you get arrested for something.

That's interesting.

[Anonymous]

I thought this post was asking for advice to give to women who have daughters - like best-practices for raising girls, not advice that mothers should give to girls.

As a daughter of a mother, I'd say model confidence and self-respect. Don't live vicariously through your daughter - you had your youth, let her have hers. Beyond unconditional love, try to like your daughter, even if she's not "your type of person" and isn't becoming who you hoped or expected her to be. If she's a decent human, you're doing it right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach her that there is no shame in choosing to be a stay-at-home wife and mother and valuing relationships more than personal achievements. She isn't denying her potential or selling herself short by making that choice, and she doesn't need a fancy degree and high income to prove that she is smart, confident, independent, hard-working, or anything else. She should try to feel good about herself based on who she is, not based on her educational and professional achievements.

x 1,000.

+10000

yes to this.

-10000000. Teach her to know how support herself so she is never in a situation where she is dependent on someone else to support her.

Flame away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach her that there is no shame in choosing to be a stay-at-home wife and mother and valuing relationships more than personal achievements. She isn't denying her potential or selling herself short by making that choice, and she doesn't need a fancy degree and high income to prove that she is smart, confident, independent, hard-working, or anything else. She should try to feel good about herself based on who she is, not based on her educational and professional achievements.

x 1,000.

+10000

yes to this.

-10000000. Teach her to know how support herself so she is never in a situation where she is dependent on someone else to support her.

Flame away.

Not flaming but pointing out that she can have the skills and experience and choose to be a SAHM while keeping up skills, contacts to the best of her ability. Being a SAHM =/= dependent on another person.