advice to mothers of daughters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[b]Teach her that there is no shame in choosing to be a stay-at-home wife and mother [b]and valuing relationships more than personal achievements. She isn't denying her potential or selling herself short by making that choice, and she doesn't need a fancy degree and high income to prove that she is smart, confident, independent, hard-working, or anything else. She should try to feel good about herself based on who she is, not based on her educational and professional achievements.

Should I teach my sons this as well. While there may not be any shame in staying at home, if we all teach our children not to want to work, who is paying for the living expenses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Future wife not future load

Future husband, not forever child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't marry lazy men. Make sure they know how to take care of themselves; ask about their debt and spending habits. You can't change a man. Marry the man who is, not who you think he can be.

Wow, this is exactly what I tell my son. I tell him don't marry a lazy woman. Don't marry a woman who does not want to work. Make sure she has her own money and is not dependent on your money alone because you don't want that stressor in your life. Find out about her debt and spending habits. Don't marry for looks but love and remember, you can't turn a stripper into a wife. You can't change a woman. Find out her relationship with her family and how she treats them.

I guess we are telling our children the same things, whether they are boys or girls.

I'm PP who wrote the original you quoted. I agree, I would tell my DS the same thing. But in my generation, more men do not know how to take care of themselves (cooking/cleaning - that type of thing), than men, hence the advice to my DD.

We are teaching our DS to learn how to cook, clean, do laundry. DS is doing very well in school (in a gifted program). We are teaching our DD to try hard in school and go to college. My DD is obsessed with Disney Princesses so, I am also stressing to her not to look to a man to rescue her. So far, she's doing well in school and seems to care about getting good grades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure your daughters excel in Math. This opens doors for them in high paying STEM careers.

You can't make sure a person *excels* in math or any other subject. Either their brain is wired for that, or it's not. Also, high-paying is not everything in life. Going for something that makes you happy is much more important, IMO.

Math can be learned by anyone as long as it is taught well. Women tend to shy away from Math and that is a big detriment to their future earning. A high paying job is more essential for a female than a male. Mainly because of the fact that they give birth and usually take care of the kids.

Sons are given tangible goals by parents -" become good in xyz sports; get into xyz college; become a lawyer, doctor, engineer, hedgefund manager". Daughters are given intangible goals like "be happy". Well, it is harder to get to intangible goals. So, make them financially independent and capable of becoming the breadwinner of their household. The rest will hopefully follow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure your daughters excel in Math. This opens doors for them in high paying STEM careers.

You can't make sure a person *excels* in math or any other subject. Either their brain is wired for that, or it's not. Also, high-paying is not everything in life. Going for something that makes you happy is much more important, IMO.

Math can be learned by anyone as long as it is taught well. Women tend to shy away from Math and that is a big detriment to their future earning. A high paying job is more essential for a female than a male. Mainly because of the fact that they give birth and usually take care of the kids.

Sons are given tangible goals by parents -" become good in xyz sports; get into xyz college; become a lawyer, doctor, engineer, hedgefund manager". Daughters are given intangible goals like "be happy". Well, it is harder to get to intangible goals. So, make them financially independent and capable of becoming the breadwinner of their household. The rest will hopefully follow.

Poster you're quoting.

There's a difference between learning something and excelling at something. A very big difference.

[Anonymous]

Allow a guy to be a gentleman..pay for dates and open door. Too many women act like men and then cannot understand why they cannot keep one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure your daughters excel in Math. This opens doors for them in high paying STEM careers.

You can't make sure a person *excels* in math or any other subject. Either their brain is wired for that, or it's not. Also, high-paying is not everything in life. Going for something that makes you happy is much more important, IMO.

Math can be learned by anyone as long as it is taught well. Women tend to shy away from Math and that is a big detriment to their future earning. A high paying job is more essential for a female than a male. Mainly because of the fact that they give birth and usually take care of the kids.

Sons are given tangible goals by parents -" become good in xyz sports; get into xyz college; become a lawyer, doctor, engineer, hedgefund manager". Daughters are given intangible goals like "be happy". Well, it is harder to get to intangible goals. So, make them financially independent and capable of becoming the breadwinner of their household. The rest will hopefully follow.

Poster you're quoting.

There's a difference between learning something and excelling at something. A very big difference.

Math skills are genetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach her that there is no shame in choosing to be a stay-at-home wife and mother and valuing relationships more than personal achievements. She isn't denying her potential or selling herself short by making that choice, and she doesn't need a fancy degree and high income to prove that she is smart, confident, independent, hard-working, or anything else. She should try to feel good about herself based on who she is, not based on her educational and professional achievements.

So should I teach my son the same? There is no shame in not working and he should choose to be a stay at home dad, he doesn't need fancy degree and high income. Should I tell my son to choose not to work and let his future load carry 100 percent of the load in providing for their family.

+1

Plus, college may not be for everyone, but being well educated is extremely important. It sounds as if you may be devaluing that.

[Anonymous]

Teach her to accept that friendships end. Some end with flames others just die slowly and les s painfully. When a friendship ends, just let it go, mourn and move forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure your daughters excel in Math. This opens doors for them in high paying STEM careers.

You can't make sure a person *excels* in math or any other subject. Either their brain is wired for that, or it's not. Also, high-paying is not everything in life. Going for something that makes you happy is much more important, IMO.

Math can be learned by anyone as long as it is taught well. Women tend to shy away from Math and that is a big detriment to their future earning. A high paying job is more essential for a female than a male. Mainly because of the fact that they give birth and usually take care of the kids.

Sons are given tangible goals by parents -" become good in xyz sports; get into xyz college; become a lawyer, doctor, engineer, hedgefund manager". Daughters are given intangible goals like "be happy". Well, it is harder to get to intangible goals. So, make them financially independent and capable of becoming the breadwinner of their household. The rest will hopefully follow.

Poster you're quoting.

There's a difference between learning something and excelling at something. A very big difference.

Math skills are genetic.

Poster you're quoting.

Nothing is generic past a certain level. Once you get past that, you need real talent in that field, whatever that is. Either you are born with it, or you're not.

[Anonymous]

I would say, if at all possible, stay at home with infants and toddlers and preschoolers, if you decide to have kids.

I know a huge chunk of working mothers either want to work or need to work, or a combo of both. No judgments there. It is up to each woman and family to do what is best for them.

However, if so inclined and able, stay home and care for your baby. That baby will be leaving home before you know it...you want those memories.

Also, if you cannot or do not want to stay home, that is fine, as well. I do not want to make any woman feel like her choices are inferior- but I'd choose to stay home.

[Anonymous]

Based on these comments, my advice is don't assume your child is heterosexual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure your daughters excel in Math. This opens doors for them in high paying STEM careers.

You can't make sure a person *excels* in math or any other subject. Either their brain is wired for that, or it's not. Also, high-paying is not everything in life. Going for something that makes you happy is much more important, IMO.

Math can be learned by anyone as long as it is taught well. Women tend to shy away from Math and that is a big detriment to their future earning. A high paying job is more essential for a female than a male. Mainly because of the fact that they give birth and usually take care of the kids.

Sons are given tangible goals by parents -" become good in xyz sports; get into xyz college; become a lawyer, doctor, engineer, hedgefund manager". Daughters are given intangible goals like "be happy". Well, it is harder to get to intangible goals. So, make them financially independent and capable of becoming the breadwinner of their household. The rest will hopefully follow.

Poster you're quoting.

There's a difference between learning something and excelling at something. A very big difference.

Math skills are genetic.

Poster you're quoting.

Nothing is generic past a certain level. Once you get past that, you need real talent in that field, whatever that is. Either you are born with it, or you're not.[/quote]

The tiger moms do not realize this, and expect their children to be miraculously smarter than they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:spin-off... what specific things do you suggest?

Do not ever put themselves to be in a position of being reliant on a man. EVER. Be self sufficient, educated and self reliant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach her that there is no shame in choosing to be a stay-at-home wife and mother and valuing relationships more than personal achievements. She isn't denying her potential or selling herself short by making that choice, and she doesn't need a fancy degree and high income to prove that she is smart, confident, independent, hard-working, or anything else. She should try to feel good about herself based on who she is, not based on her educational and professional achievements.

I like this!

I don't! Educational and professional achievements are part of who someone is, and of course they matter.