advice to mothers of daughters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure he is handy, can find his way around a proper tool box, is kind, considerate, ambitious.

My Jewish DH is not handy at all and rarely uses a toolbox but he is very kind, considerate and ambitious so it doesn't matter

Is that relevant?

Teach your daughters not to include race, creed, gender, or religion into descriptions unless relevant to the issue being discussed.

[Anonymous]

Choose your partner not based on how you are treated when things are wonderful. Wait for shit to hit the fan.

How does this person treat you then? And how do you treat them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure he is handy, can find his way around a proper tool box, is kind, considerate, ambitious.

Actually I wish my parents had taught ME how to me more handy (their daughter). My father is very handy, and my husband is the same way. I went from having my father do everything for me, to having boyfriends or male friends (some female friends) do things for me, and now my husband. I've gotten better (and even have my own tool box ), but always felt like an idiot and basically incompetent when it came to basics like changing a tire, hanging a curtain rod, installing shelves, etc. I love my dad, and have great appreciation that he has always been there for me...but I wish he'd thought to teach me how to do these things (or I'd thought to learn at a younger age).

That said, I'm always quite secure that almost anything that needs to be done around our house can be done by my husband. Or his dad, or my dad. It's a nice feeling; so you're right that it's good for a guy to be handy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure he is handy, can find his way around a proper tool box, is kind, considerate, ambitious.

My Jewish DH is not handy at all and rarely uses a toolbox but he is very kind, considerate and ambitious so it doesn't matter

Is that relevant?

Teach your daughters not to include race, creed, gender, or religion into descriptions unless relevant to the issue being discussed.

It seems to be pretty typical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure he is handy, can find his way around a proper tool box, is kind, considerate, ambitious.

Good luck finding a man that's handy in Montgomery County. MCPS hasn't offered vocational classes since I don't know when. Private schools don't either. When it all goes to hell in a hand basket you should put your money on someone that attended Thomas Edison High SChool and knows how to do stuff.

[Anonymous]

Teach her that there is no shame in choosing to be a stay-at-home wife and mother and valuing relationships more than personal achievements. She isn't denying her potential or selling herself short by making that choice, and she doesn't need a fancy degree and high income to prove that she is smart, confident, independent, hard-working, or anything else. She should try to feel good about herself based on who she is, not based on her educational and professional achievements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach her that there is no shame in choosing to be a stay-at-home wife and mother and valuing relationships more than personal achievements. She isn't denying her potential or selling herself short by making that choice, and she doesn't need a fancy degree and high income to prove that she is smart, confident, independent, hard-working, or anything else. She should try to feel good about herself based on who she is, not based on her educational and professional achievements.

I like this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach her that there is no shame in choosing to be a stay-at-home wife and mother and valuing relationships more than personal achievements. She isn't denying her potential or selling herself short by making that choice, and she doesn't need a fancy degree and high income to prove that she is smart, confident, independent, hard-working, or anything else. She should try to feel good about herself based on who she is, not based on her educational and professional achievements.

x 1,000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach her that there is no shame in choosing to be a stay-at-home wife and mother and valuing relationships more than personal achievements. She isn't denying her potential or selling herself short by making that choice, and she doesn't need a fancy degree and high income to prove that she is smart, confident, independent, hard-working, or anything else. She should try to feel good about herself based on who she is, not based on her educational and professional achievements.

So should I teach my son the same? There is no shame in not working and he should choose to be a stay at home dad, he doesn't need fancy degree and high income. Should I tell my son to choose not to work and let his future load carry 100 percent of the load in providing for their family.

[Anonymous]

Future wife not future load

[Anonymous]

While I would love grandchildren there is no need to follow along the traditional road if what she truly wants leads her elsewhere. Be self reliant and confident. Make good friends and keep them close. Most importantly, be sure to call mom at least once a week. Oh, and I love love love you and think you are the most awsome beautiful person on the planet!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't marry lazy men. Make sure they know how to take care of themselves; ask about their debt and spending habits. You can't change a man. Marry the man who is, not who you think he can be.

Wow, this is exactly what I tell my son. I tell him don't marry a lazy woman. Don't marry a woman who does not want to work. Make sure she has her own money and is not dependent on your money alone because you don't want that stressor in your life. Find out about her debt and spending habits. Don't marry for looks but love and remember, you can't turn a stripper into a wife. You can't change a woman. Find out her relationship with her family and how she treats them.

I guess we are telling our children the same things, whether they are boys or girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't marry lazy men. Make sure they know how to take care of themselves; ask about their debt and spending habits. You can't change a man. Marry the man who is, not who you think he can be.

Wow, this is exactly what I tell my son. I tell him don't marry a lazy woman. Don't marry a woman who does not want to work. Make sure she has her own money and is not dependent on your money alone because you don't want that stressor in your life. Find out about her debt and spending habits. Don't marry for looks but love and remember, you can't turn a stripper into a wife. You can't change a woman. Find out her relationship with her family and how she treats them.

I guess we are telling our children the same things, whether they are boys or girls.

I don't know if marrying for love logically flows from your advice. I agree 100% with your advice but to suggest that one marry for love, so long as that love makes her own money and isn't lazy, maybe isn't the best way to present the topic. love is just one factor in picking a spouse, marriage is a very serious decision, far more important than choosing your college and area of study or which job to take. I wish that I could have married for love alone but that's the stuff that movies and books are about, this is the real world. It also suggests that there is only one true love out there, I don't know about you but I've had about 5-6 true loves in my life and but for a happy marriage of 11years would have likely found a few more.

[Anonymous]

Don't assume all the women in your men's lives are enemies. Don't let your insecurities destroy possible friendships.

[Anonymous]

Don't act like a victim to get what you want.