advice to mothers of daughters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure your daughters excel in Math. This opens doors for them in high paying STEM careers.

You can't make sure a person *excels* in math or any other subject. Either their brain is wired for that, or it's not. Also, high-paying is not everything in life. Going for something that makes you happy is much more important, IMO.

Math can be learned by anyone as long as it is taught well. Women tend to shy away from Math and that is a big detriment to their future earning. A high paying job is more essential for a female than a male. Mainly because of the fact that they give birth and usually take care of the kids.

Sons are given tangible goals by parents -" become good in xyz sports; get into xyz college; become a lawyer, doctor, engineer, hedgefund manager". Daughters are given intangible goals like "be happy". Well, it is harder to get to intangible goals. So, make them financially independent and capable of becoming the breadwinner of their household. The rest will hopefully follow.

I am a female math PhD. I don't think it's genetic.

That said if you want a high paying, secure career, study medicine. My DH is a doctor and made more out of training than most mathematicians I know who are retirement age. I will not be directing my own daughter to math, to the extent that I have influence.

Oh, and all you people out here encouraging your daughters to be SAHMs, you are awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure your daughters excel in Math. This opens doors for them in high paying STEM careers.

You can't make sure a person *excels* in math or any other subject. Either their brain is wired for that, or it's not. Also, high-paying is not everything in life. Going for something that makes you happy is much more important, IMO.

Math can be learned by anyone as long as it is taught well. Women tend to shy away from Math and that is a big detriment to their future earning. A high paying job is more essential for a female than a male. Mainly because of the fact that they give birth and usually take care of the kids.

Sons are given tangible goals by parents -" become good in xyz sports; get into xyz college; become a lawyer, doctor, engineer, hedgefund manager". Daughters are given intangible goals like "be happy". Well, it is harder to get to intangible goals. So, make them financially independent and capable of becoming the breadwinner of their household. The rest will hopefully follow.

I am a female math PhD. I don't think it's genetic.

That said if you want a high paying, secure career, study medicine. My DH is a doctor and made more out of training than most mathematicians I know who are retirement age. I will not be directing my own daughter to math, to the extent that I have influence.

Oh, and all you people out here encouraging your daughters to be SAHMs, you are awful.

I am the "Math for Girls" pp above.

There is nothing wrong in being SAHMs or WOHMs. However, women need to be financially independent and know how to manage and grow their investments. Money gives women options to WOHM or SAHM.

To have no money of your own as a SAHM or to live paycheck to paycheck as a WOHM sucks.

If you choose to work, then be in a position that you can command a good salary. Math opens doors for you. Even if you want to go into medical field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure your daughters excel in Math. This opens doors for them in high paying STEM careers.

You can't make sure a person *excels* in math or any other subject. Either their brain is wired for that, or it's not. Also, high-paying is not everything in life. Going for something that makes you happy is much more important, IMO.

Math can be learned by anyone as long as it is taught well. Women tend to shy away from Math and that is a big detriment to their future earning. A high paying job is more essential for a female than a male. Mainly because of the fact that they give birth and usually take care of the kids.

Sons are given tangible goals by parents -" become good in xyz sports; get into xyz college; become a lawyer, doctor, engineer, hedgefund manager". Daughters are given intangible goals like "be happy". Well, it is harder to get to intangible goals. So, make them financially independent and capable of becoming the breadwinner of their household. The rest will hopefully follow.

Poster you're quoting.

There's a difference between learning something and excelling at something. A very big difference.

Math skills are genetic.

Poster you're quoting.

Nothing is generic past a certain level. Once you get past that, you need real talent in that field, whatever that is. Either you are born with it, or you're not.

The tiger moms do not realize this, and expect their children to be miraculously smarter than they are.

So, according to your statement, Tiger moms must have genetically superior brains - because these Tiger cubs are excelling academically. Maybe the Tiger moms are very humble and deliberately downplay how smart they and their offsprings are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure your daughters excel in Math. This opens doors for them in high paying STEM careers.

You can't make sure a person *excels* in math or any other subject. Either their brain is wired for that, or it's not. Also, high-paying is not everything in life. Going for something that makes you happy is much more important, IMO.

Math can be learned by anyone as long as it is taught well. Women tend to shy away from Math and that is a big detriment to their future earning. A high paying job is more essential for a female than a male. Mainly because of the fact that they give birth and usually take care of the kids.

Sons are given tangible goals by parents -" become good in xyz sports; get into xyz college; become a lawyer, doctor, engineer, hedgefund manager". Daughters are given intangible goals like "be happy". Well, it is harder to get to intangible goals. So, make them financially independent and capable of becoming the breadwinner of their household. The rest will hopefully follow.

I am a female math PhD. I don't think it's genetic.

That said if you want a high paying, secure career, study medicine. My DH is a doctor and made more out of training than most mathematicians I know who are retirement age. I will not be directing my own daughter to math, to the extent that I have influence.

Oh, and all you people out here encouraging your daughters to be SAHMs, you are awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I would love grandchildren there is no need to follow along the traditional road if what she truly wants leads her elsewhere. Be self reliant and confident. Make good friends and keep them close. Most importantly, be sure to call mom at least once a week. Oh, and I love love love you and think you are the most awsome beautiful person on the planet!

+1

I'd make sure she knows that it's more than okay to be single &/or childfree if that's what's best for her life.

[Anonymous]

READ - read. Read for pleasure but also read for knowledge. Knowledge is strength.

[Anonymous]

I suck at math, despite having a family with PhDs across STEM fields. I struggled my whole life, and, although I got Bs and A- in calc, I required a lot of support from my parents and grandparents. Once I was on my own, I failed every stat class I took (even if I got good grades, I never conceptually grasped it). I will teach my kids math (rather, my parents and DH will), but I agree that not everyone can learn math with ease.

[Anonymous]

I think these daughters are going to read between the lines here to figure out that you're really just trying to keep them from making the same mistakes you made. But their mistakes will be their own.

For instance the pp who said "never be dependent on a man EVER" -- we can tell that you were badly treated by a man. But please don't teach your children that all men are unreliable and unkind.

[Anonymous]

Advice to a daughter: own your sexual decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The tiger moms do not realize this, and expect their children to be miraculously smarter than they are.

So, according to your statement, Tiger moms must have genetically superior brains - because these Tiger cubs are excelling academically. Maybe the Tiger moms are very humble and deliberately downplay how smart they and their offsprings are?

Well played!

[Anonymous]

Always have your own money.
Don't drink the punch at parties-only accept drinks you can open yourself. (There was an associated story about sorority girls going blind after drinking punch spiked with grain alcohol).
Be the bigger person. (Makes sense but very difficult in practice).
Don't feel guilty about having sex with someone you are into and who is into you (as long as you are both free) (this was not direct, but a roundabout story about a woman she knew whose boyfriend died in Vietnam).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach her that there is no shame in choosing to be a stay-at-home wife and mother and valuing relationships more than personal achievements. She isn't denying her potential or selling herself short by making that choice, and she doesn't need a fancy degree and high income to prove that she is smart, confident, independent, hard-working, or anything else. She should try to feel good about herself based on who she is, not based on her educational and professional achievements.

So should I teach my son the same? There is no shame in not working and he should choose to be a stay at home dad, he doesn't need fancy degree and high income. Should I tell my son to choose not to work and let his future load carry 100 percent of the load in providing for their family.

Exactly. I find the pp to be embarrassing. Education is very important regardless of if you choose to SAH or not. Relying on a man to support you should not be the plan especially with fewer men wanting to get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take care of your own happiness....no one is served by your being a martyr to everyone else's need and no one can make you happy.

Don't make decisions based on guilt

Don't apologize for the way you want to live your life, there are no prizes for doing what others think is best...they don't have to live your life at the end of the day

Awesome advice! Really, awesome for anyone: mothers of daughters, mothers of sons, fathers of daughters, the works... But yes, girls are more likely to make decisions based on guilt or feel shamed for how they want to live their lives than boys, so key for daughters to know.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you always have the marketable skills & education to support yourself and any kids you choose to have-- and keep them up to date. Even if your plan is to be a SAHM, which can be a great choice, life doesn't always work out the way you planned. You owe it to yourself & any kids you have to be able to be financially independent (or support a household in the event of job loss or disability).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach her that there is no shame in choosing to be a stay-at-home wife and mother and valuing relationships more than personal achievements. She isn't denying her potential or selling herself short by making that choice, and she doesn't need a fancy degree and high income to prove that she is smart, confident, independent, hard-working, or anything else. She should try to feel good about herself based on who she is, not based on her educational and professional achievements.

x 1,000.

+10000