advice to mothers of daughters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man is not a plan.

Except when he's your third husband, you're staring down 60, and he's rich.

Sign me up!

Advice for mothers of daughters. Be mindful of what you compliment them on. People tend to automatically say about girls, "Oh isn't she pretty/don't you look nice (or any appearance-related comment)." Gently discourage this among your family and friends. Teach your daughter to value her brains, strength, character, everything over her looks. It will serve her well throughout life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure he is handy, can find his way around a proper tool box, is kind, considerate, ambitious.

My Jewish DH is not handy at all and rarely uses a toolbox but he is very kind, considerate and ambitious so it doesn't matter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its sad that the first 3 are all focused on who they marry.

Or that they assume that everyone is heterosexual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:spin-off... what specific things do you suggest?

Which age are the deughters? I feel that would matter a lot in giving advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure your daughters excel in Math. This opens doors for them in high paying STEM careers.

You can't make sure a person *excels* in math or any other subject. Either their brain is wired for that, or it's not.

Also, high-paying is not everything in life. Going for something that makes you happy is much more important, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man is not a plan.

Except when he's your third husband, you're staring down 60, and he's rich.

Sign me up!

Advice for mothers of daughters. Be mindful of what you compliment them on. People tend to automatically say about girls, "Oh isn't she pretty/don't you look nice (or any appearance-related comment)." Gently discourage this among your family and friends. Teach your daughter to value her brains, strength, character, everything over her looks. It will serve her well throughout life.

This.

Also, don't trash-talk your own body in your daughter's hearing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its sad that the first 3 are all focused on who they marry.

Who a woman marries can make or break her. She can be the smartest person but if she's stupid with men she's going to have a tough road ahead of her.

[Anonymous]

Don't marry someone where the relationship starts off as an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure he is handy, can find his way around a proper tool box, is kind, considerate, ambitious.

Nah. In my house, DH may be the one with the paycheck, but I'm the one with the toolbox. DH helps me move furniture sometimes, but that's it. It's really fine.

[Anonymous]

Don't postpone marriage and children for too long. You can have a career anytime. You cannot have -- and be at your best to appreciate -- a family anytime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its sad that the first 3 are all focused on who they marry.

I thought this was a spin-off on the mother-son thread which os all about interacting with his spouse. Am I wrong?

[Anonymous]

You are your girls first and greatest influence - model the kind of life you want for them, not in the specific details but in living an authentic life. Admit your own mistakes and grow from them so that they can learn to do the same. Work on yourself enough that you can honestly say 'this is who I am, warts and all, and I am lovable and valuable.' Learn to love yourself and your life *first*, and then find someone to share both with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take care of your own happiness....no one is served by your being a martyr to everyone else's need and no one can make you happy.

Don't make decisions based on guilt

Don't apologize for the way you want to live your life, there are no prizes for doing what others think is best...they don't have to live your life at the end of the day

Good advice! I think I need to remind myself of these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its sad that the first 3 are all focused on who they marry.

Who a woman marries can make or break her. She can be the smartest person but if she's stupid with men she's going to have a tough road ahead of her.

+10000 know many highly successful career girls that are very unhappy due to their choices in men. Same with the stay at home wives who married boorish men.
My friends sample size are small but no one has ever told me how happy they are because their career is high flying

And maybe it is just me but I have been hanging round different groups of women and like it or not they are men obsessed. I am a little tired when every conversation is dates marriage etc. but it comes to show, men are a important part of our lives if heterosexual.

However the women who married kind considerate men who earn relatively well are very very happy.

The same can be said of advice for boys...marry kind considerate women. That can make or break them too in personal lives or career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure your daughters excel in Math. This opens doors for them in high paying STEM careers.

You can't make sure a person *excels* in math or any other subject. Either their brain is wired for that, or it's not.

Also, high-paying is not everything in life. Going for something that makes you happy is much more important, IMO.

+1

Don't be hard on them to the extent that only money matters. Or they will hate you (mom) in the end, always feel frustrated, and always feel like they are not good enough. Let them be who they are, with gentle guidance, not overscheduling. They are people, not machines.