not so subtle weight comments from DH ruining my vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do the world a favour and find a new profession, if you're really a doctor, which I doubt.

The whole calories in / calories out has been debunked thousands of times.

There's just too much money going around in the diet industry for the whole thing to be unmasked for the lie it is.

I think it's you who comes across as the idiot here.
Show us exactly where calories in / calories out has been "debunked".
It's a fundamental law of thermodynamics for crying out loud!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:See here is the problem: you weren't fat back when he became attracted to you. Long term, the odds are poor for a marriage between a self accepting fat person and a partner who finds fatness unattractive. I certainly have lost attraction for my spouse who is over 45 pounds bigger than when we met and were married.

So if a guy loses his hair over the years, is it okay for his wife to dump him because she finds bald men unattractive?

Well the big difference is that hair loss is not within his control whereas weight control is 100% within her power.
Nonetheless, if she seriously is not attracted to his unavoidable hair loss, then she should clearly tell him and ask him to explore options for "treating" hair loss. If he refuses and she is just plain in attracted, then Yes she should leave him.

You have no idea of how the human body works. You bought the diet industry's line and swallowed it whole.

Educate yourself.

OP, don't listen to this idiot.

OK I would never condone cruelty towards someone because they are fat. It is doubly repulsive if it is coming from a spouse. That being said,, the number of people on this thread who are trying to claim that weight gain is outside of someone's control is also appalling. This woman may have too much on her plate right now to focus on her weight and health. That is her choice. But, fat people can lose weight if they exercise and cut calories. There is no rocket science to it. I am an internist and cannot tell you how many obese patients of mine claim they are sticking to rigid diets. It is NOT TRUE. How many obese people do you see in the developing world? As a society we are eating our way into chronic illness and early death with our horrible diets. Weight gain doesn't just "happen". You empower yourself if you take ownership of your life and choices.

Do the world a favour and find a new profession, if you're really a doctor, which I doubt.

The whole calories in / calories out has been debunked thousands of times.

There's just too much money going around in the diet industry for the whole thing to be unmasked for the lie it is.

HUH??!? So if it isn't eating too much processed food that is high in calories and fat and doing too little exercise that is making Americans the most obese and unhealthy population in the developed world then it is....what mystery exactly?? Something in the air?? This nonsense about the diet industry is just a red herring. Sure the diet industry loves the fact Americans are FAT and willing to believe buy whatever option or contraption the industry can sell that will promise weight loss. But, if you accept the truth that YOUR food choices Armand sedentary lifestyle are what are making you fat then you don't need the diet industry AT ALL!! Stop eating out, stop buying highly processed junk, stop eating portions that would feed a family in most other countries, put on your sneaks and go for a walk every day. You don't need to buy this basic knowledge from a diet company. Take responsibility for your fat. Jesus people.

[Anonymous]

I would loose the weight and then call a divorce attorney. Life is too short to be abused.

Sorry but you married a dick.

[Anonymous]

I'm overweight and it is, in fact, harder for me to lose weight than it is for other people. It is also easier for me to gain weight. And it's not just my own observation, others have noticed this too.

Even on the Biggest Loser type shows, the middle aged women have a harder time losing weight than many of the other folks do.

Our bodies absolutely do not all process calories the same way. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do the world a favour and find a new profession, if you're really a doctor, which I doubt.

The whole calories in / calories out has been debunked thousands of times.

There's just too much money going around in the diet industry for the whole thing to be unmasked for the lie it is.

I think it's you who comes across as the idiot here.
Show us exactly where calories in / calories out has been "debunked".
It's a fundamental law of thermodynamics for crying out loud!

Do your own research. I am not the jackass whisperer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do the world a favour and find a new profession, if you're really a doctor, which I doubt.

The whole calories in / calories out has been debunked thousands of times.

There's just too much money going around in the diet industry for the whole thing to be unmasked for the lie it is.

I think it's you who comes across as the idiot here.
Show us exactly where calories in / calories out has been "debunked".
It's a fundamental law of thermodynamics for crying out loud!

I.wonder if said poster Also believes the world was created 7,000 years ago in a matter of 7 days?

maybe America is so fat because they don't believe in science.

[Anonymous]

You are fat because you eat too much and don't use up the calories.

Sure some people have a faster metabolism which causes them to consume those calories more easily but for those who don't have that sort of metabolism the answer is to eat less and exercise more.

Most people consume way more calories than they think they do. Eating out is one of the ways people end up not only gorging on those oversized portions but they are also laden with fat and calories. You don't need to eat salads - you eat everything but in moderation.

It really works and I am living proof of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are fat because you eat too much and don't use up the calories.

Sure some people have a faster metabolism which causes them to consume those calories more easily but for those who don't have that sort of metabolism the answer is to eat less and exercise more.

Most people consume way more calories than they think they do. Eating out is one of the ways people end up not only gorging on those oversized portions but they are also laden with fat and calories. You don't need to eat salads - you eat everything but in moderation.

It really works and I am living proof of this.

eh, I'm not going to kill myself trying to "maintain" (starve) myself into a weight that is just not in the cards for me. For the most part, I avoid highly processed foods and I exercise pretty regularly. My results *should* be better but they aren't. Oh well, 'tis life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are fat because you eat too much and don't use up the calories.

Sure some people have a faster metabolism which causes them to consume those calories more easily but for those who don't have that sort of metabolism the answer is to eat less and exercise more.

Most people consume way more calories than they think they do. Eating out is one of the ways people end up not only gorging on those oversized portions but they are also laden with fat and calories. You don't need to eat salads - you eat everything but in moderation.

It really works and I am living proof of this.

eh, I'm not going to kill myself trying to "maintain" (starve) myself into a weight that is just not in the cards for me. For the most part, I avoid highly processed foods and I exercise pretty regularly. My results *should* be better but they aren't. Oh well, 'tis life.

This is a good attitude as long as your partner is on board. My wife could stand to lose a few lbs. She worries more about how she looks than I do. I think she is sexy but she doesn't like to be naked with the lights on or wear lingerie. If she got really heavy though maybe I wouldn't be attracted to her, I don't know. But I do know I would still love her.

OP a lot of folks are bashing your DH but obviously we only have your side. Is this a topic that comes up when you are not on vacation, or did he pick vacation to begin harping on your eating? If it's the latter it is certainly a dick move, if it's the former then it's obviously a big problem in the marriage. Regardless of how poorly he is expressing them, his feelings about wanting to have you more physically attractive to him are valid. You two need to be in counseling together to figure out how better to communicate your wants, needs, and expectations of each other. The answer is not for him to shut up about it so your feelings don't get hurt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I understand that I am fatter than you would prefer, but all of this talk about calories is truly ruining my vacation. I need to relax and recharge here, which is part of taking better care of myself. I really need you to back off and stop the diet talk. It's having the opposite effect than I'm sure you intend. Making me feel awful about myself does not motivate me."

This, exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

If you're fat, you're fat. No point in beating about the bush. Perhaps for him it means he's not attracted to you, etc, which all have repercussions on his life and happiness. It's not a nice word for you to hear, but sometimes loved ones have to hear harsh words in order to get their act together. Now with a lot on your plate it might be very hard to do, and in that case you could very well tell him to shut up about it. But the fact remains you'll have to address this at some point in your life, sooner rather than later.

The woman works, has three kids, including a 9 month old. I think she likely has plenty on her plate right now. Should she be giving him digs on this vacation that he doesn't make enough money for her to stay home and have time to exercise?

Wow, I'd hate to be married to you. My husband works out in the morning. I can't since someone has to be home and get the kids ready for school. I drop them off at school. He picks them up and cooks dinner while I'm on my way home. Since he works out, he cooks carb rich food he loves. I don't have time to work out, and after a long day I'm not going to eat salad while everyone else enjoys chicken Parmesan.

Sounds like he also works, has three kids, including a 9 month old.
I don't understand why does working and kids have anything to do with eating less calories?
Just eat less!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

If you're fat, you're fat. No point in beating about the bush. Perhaps for him it means he's not attracted to you, etc, which all have repercussions on his life and happiness. It's not a nice word for you to hear, but sometimes loved ones have to hear harsh words in order to get their act together. Now with a lot on your plate it might be very hard to do, and in that case you could very well tell him to shut up about it. But the fact remains you'll have to address this at some point in your life, sooner rather than later.

The woman works, has three kids, including a 9 month old. I think she likely has plenty on her plate right now. Should she be giving him digs on this vacation that he doesn't make enough money for her to stay home and have time to exercise?

Sounds like he also works, has three kids, including a 9 month old.
I don't understand why does working and kids have anything to do with eating less calories?
Just eat less!

Wow, I'd hate to be married to you. My husband works out in the morning. I can't since someone has to be home and get the kids ready for school. I drop them off at school. He picks them up and cooks dinner while I'm on my way home. Since he works out, he cooks carb rich food he loves. I don't have time to work out, and after a long day I'm not going to eat salad while everyone else enjoys chicken Parmesan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are fat because you eat too much and don't use up the calories.

Sure some people have a faster metabolism which causes them to consume those calories more easily but for those who don't have that sort of metabolism the answer is to eat less and exercise more.

Most people consume way more calories than they think they do. Eating out is one of the ways people end up not only gorging on those oversized portions but they are also laden with fat and calories. You don't need to eat salads - you eat everything but in moderation.

It really works and I am living proof of this.

Yeah, you!
I used to be super fit. Had kids. Full time job. I enjoy desserts. I don't have to e to exercise. So, yes, I don't need to eat dessert. But I'm going to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

If you're fat, you're fat. No point in beating about the bush. Perhaps for him it means he's not attracted to you, etc, which all have repercussions on his life and happiness. It's not a nice word for you to hear, but sometimes loved ones have to hear harsh words in order to get their act together. Now with a lot on your plate it might be very hard to do, and in that case you could very well tell him to shut up about it. But the fact remains you'll have to address this at some point in your life, sooner rather than later.

The woman works, has three kids, including a 9 month old. I think she likely has plenty on her plate right now. Should she be giving him digs on this vacation that he doesn't make enough money for her to stay home and have time to exercise?

Sounds like he also works, has three kids, including a 9 month old.
I don't understand why does working and kids have anything to do with eating less calories?
Just eat less!

Wow, I'd hate to be married to you. My husband works out in the morning. I can't since someone has to be home and get the kids ready for school. I drop them off at school. He picks them up and cooks dinner while I'm on my way home. Since he works out, he cooks carb rich food he loves. I don't have time to work out, and after a long day I'm not going to eat salad while everyone else enjoys chicken Parmesan.

So many potential solutions here. You alternate going to the gym in the mornings. He wants to work out daily? He does a home based workout the days you go to gym OR on those days he gets up an hour or hour and a half early and goes to gym for his workout then comes home so you can go do yours. Or you hit the gym on the way home and either push dinner back an hour and a half or he feeds the kids and you two eat together later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are fat because you eat too much and don't use up the calories.

Sure some people have a faster metabolism which causes them to consume those calories more easily but for those who don't have that sort of metabolism the answer is to eat less and exercise more.

Most people consume way more calories than they think they do. Eating out is one of the ways people end up not only gorging on those oversized portions but they are also laden with fat and calories. You don't need to eat salads - you eat everything but in moderation.

It really works and I am living proof of this.

eh, I'm not going to kill myself trying to "maintain" (starve) myself into a weight that is just not in the cards for me. For the most part, I avoid highly processed foods and I exercise pretty regularly. My results *should* be better but they aren't. Oh well, 'tis life.

Im.sure you'd be far From starving. Many people's concept of thin is still pretty fat.