I feel bad that my child is not gifted

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kindergarten son cannot yet read and he is almost 6yo. DH and I are ivy league educated and have always been at the top of our class. We have many friends with very bright children and I've come to realize my child is average. I know this is not the end of the world but I feel sad tonight. I love him so much and don't want him to know my disappointment.

Einstein didn't read until he was 7.

My profoundly gifted 4th grader didn't read until he was in 1st grade. My moderately gifted 6th grader read at about age 3. About half of gifted kids read early and about half don't. It's not a reliable criteria.

[Anonymous]

My average child died when he was 7. Make the most of each day, and you will be less concerned with reading ability.

[Anonymous]

The validictorian of my senior class killed himself. He was on his way to go to Yal . He decided it just wasn't worth it. Be careful of what kind of pressure you put on your kid. Just let him find himself. Maybe he decides he doesn't want to go to college, but wants to get experiential learning, traveling the word, etc.

[Anonymous]

I meant 'Yale'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, is there anyone on this thread who DID NOT go to an Ivy?

Yes, plenty, I'm sure, like my dh and I - both went to no-name state univs, both in STEM fields.

In some ways, I do understand what OP is saying. When a parent has a child, the parent expects to some degree that the child will be like one of the parents, be it physical or non-physical traits.

My DC#1 is very much like us, both physically and academically - has STEM interests. DC#1 is in HGC now. DC#2, however, is nothing like either of us. DC#2 is all about the arts: drawing, singing, dancing. Not much interest in STEM. DH and I jokingly ask each other: whose child is this? I expose STEM related activities to dC#2, and sometimes, DC is interested and sometimes not.

I read an article about how the most successful (financially/academically) people in life are not those that are the smartest, but those that work the hardest, have perseverance. So, this is what I am trying to instill in my kids -- try your best. I think that's why that Asian poster stated that you have to be like a "tiger mom", because some parents realize that working hard is more important than smarts.

I'm not advocating OP be a tiger mom to a 5/6 yr old. I am not one, either. But, just because a kid isn't "smart", it won't mean that kid can't be a success in life, and yes, success is defined differently for different people. I think the most important thing you can do for your child is to teach them to try their best and work hard.

In the grand scheme of things, being happy and content with your life is more important than financial/academic success. But, you have to find a balance. I think that's one of the hardest part of being a parent... trying to find that right balance of pushing your kid to their fullest potential and making sure they are "happy".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, is there anyone on this thread who DID NOT go to an Ivy?

In DC? Not likely - every other person I've met here went to an Ivy or Georgetown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG, is there anyone on this thread who DID NOT go to an Ivy?

In DC? Not likely - every other person I've met here went to an Ivy or Georgetown.

Or was in a sorority at UVA in the 1980s.

[Anonymous]

We have a family friend who is currently a very successful litigator (and went to Yale undergrad and University of Chicago law) who didn't read until 7 or 8. Early reading isn't necessarily a sign of success later in life, and it's pretty sad that you feel like boxing your kid in as average/a dissappointment when he is so young and so much can change. Your kid almost certainly picks up on this and honestly if you don't get it together probaby you should start saving for his therapy bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a family friend who is currently a very successful litigator (and went to Yale undergrad and University of Chicago law) who didn't read until 7 or 8. Early reading isn't necessarily a sign of success later in life, and it's pretty sad that you feel like boxing your kid in as average/a dissappointment when he is so young and so much can change. Your kid almost certainly picks up on this and honestly if you don't get it together probaby you should start saving for his therapy bills.

+1 Poor child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a family friend who is currently a very successful litigator (and went to Yale undergrad and University of Chicago law) who didn't read until 7 or 8. Early reading isn't necessarily a sign of success later in life, and it's pretty sad that you feel like boxing your kid in as average/a dissappointment when he is so young and so much can change. Your kid almost certainly picks up on this and honestly if you don't get it together probaby you should start saving for his therapy bills.

It's not just this kid. It's any kid. Every parent has an imaginary kid in their head. Then you get your real kid and the kid is different from what you imagined. Sometimes better. Sometimes worse. Usually both at the same time. The hardest thing to do as a parent is to parent the kid you got, instead of the kid you imagined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. We all have our moments when we lose perspective and struggle. But reading late does not necessarily mean your child is not intelligent.

I can think of several of my childhood peers who were considered slow and did not do well in school, yet are now successful in their field of work. It's a matter of finding the right field. You need to open your mind to non-academic possibilities for your child. Only if your mind is open will you be able to help your child find his path. Instead of laying awake worrying, make an effort to help your child develop his unique talents. That is the way forward.

OP here. DH is successful and earns close to 7 figures. I stayed home and now do some consulting work so that I could focus on the children. I just feel like such a failure. I have tried so hard to enrich him. I put so much effort into a balanced schedule of studying, sports, music, etc. We do play dates, educational outings, journals, have a million books and go to the library all the time. I don't think there is anything more I can do.

Wow, you really are a failure, OP. I'm not being snarky, I truly mean it and agree with you. You had one job, as you defined it, and you failed at it. Your son probably would have been much better off with an educated nanny who didn't put so much pressure on him.

I'm sorry, OP. We all have our failures in life. It is so tragically sad however that your poor son is your failure.

In all honesty, I agree with this. You are a failure, OP. But kudos for admitting it I suppose.

Feel better now? Happy you finally get to tell an Ivy they failed at something? You suck.

-state school grad here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My average child died when he was 7. Make the most of each day, and you will be less concerned with reading ability.

Sorry for your loss, but your condescension is inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. We all have our moments when we lose perspective and struggle. But reading late does not necessarily mean your child is not intelligent.

I can think of several of my childhood peers who were considered slow and did not do well in school, yet are now successful in their field of work. It's a matter of finding the right field. You need to open your mind to non-academic possibilities for your child. Only if your mind is open will you be able to help your child find his path. Instead of laying awake worrying, make an effort to help your child develop his unique talents. That is the way forward.

OP here. DH is successful and earns close to 7 figures. I stayed home and now do some consulting work so that I could focus on the children. I just feel like such a failure. I have tried so hard to enrich him. I put so much effort into a balanced schedule of studying, sports, music, etc. We do play dates, educational outings, journals, have a million books and go to the library all the time. I don't think there is anything more I can do.

Wow, you really are a failure, OP. I'm not being snarky, I truly mean it and agree with you. You had one job, as you defined it, and you failed at it. Your son probably would have been much better off with an educated nanny who didn't put so much pressure on him.

I'm sorry, OP. We all have our failures in life. It is so tragically sad however that your poor son is your failure.

In all honesty, I agree with this. You are a failure, OP. But kudos for admitting it I suppose.

Feel better now? Happy you finally get to tell an Ivy they failed at something? You suck.

-state school grad here

I'm the PP who wrote that and I did graduate from Dartmouth (an Ivy). If OP defines herself with this narrow criteria than she did, indeed, fail - thus she is a failure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My average child died when he was 7. Make the most of each day, and you will be less concerned with reading ability.

Sorry for your loss, but your condescension is inappropriate.

Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My average child died when he was 7. Make the most of each day, and you will be less concerned with reading ability.

Sorry for your loss, but your condescension is inappropriate.

OMG - You win PP - that is the worst thing anyone has ever written on DCUM. You are a truly scummy human being.