I feel bad that my child is not gifted

[Anonymous]

My kindergarten son cannot yet read and he is almost 6yo. DH and I are ivy league educated and have always been at the top of our class. We have many friends with very bright children and I've come to realize my child is average. I know this is not the end of the world but I feel sad tonight. I love him so much and don't want him to know my disappointment.

[Anonymous]

I feel sad that my kid is undergoing chemo.

[Anonymous]

Then you need to work on how you can see what is special and unique about your child, rather than disappointed that he isn't fitting your vision of the perfect child (which he would never be able to do, even if he were "gifted"). This disappointment is all about you and your issues, not about him.

[Anonymous]

Reading unfolds at different rates for everyone. Your "should be" thinking is what is making you sad.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad that you've already given up on your kid and he's only 5...if he grows up to be a happy person, he'll have far surpassed you and your "ivy league education."

[Anonymous]

Legacy preferences?

[Anonymous]

Oh good God, grow the f up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel sad that my kid is undergoing chemo.

I am sending you and your child and family all my best wishes.

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. We all have our moments when we lose perspective and struggle. But reading late does not necessarily mean your child is not intelligent.

I can think of several of my childhood peers who were considered slow and did not do well in school, yet are now successful in their field of work. It's a matter of finding the right field. You need to open your mind to non-academic possibilities for your child. Only if your mind is open will you be able to help your child find his path. Instead of laying awake worrying, make an effort to help your child develop his unique talents. That is the way forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. We all have our moments when we lose perspective and struggle. But reading late does not necessarily mean your child is not intelligent.

I can think of several of my childhood peers who were considered slow and did not do well in school, yet are now successful in their field of work. It's a matter of finding the right field. You need to open your mind to non-academic possibilities for your child. Only if your mind is open will you be able to help your child find his path. Instead of laying awake worrying, make an effort to help your child develop his unique talents. That is the way forward.

OP here. DH is successful and earns close to 7 figures. I stayed home and now do some consulting work so that I could focus on the children. I just feel like such a failure. I have tried so hard to enrich him. I put so much effort into a balanced schedule of studying, sports, music, etc. We do play dates, educational outings, journals, have a million books and go to the library all the time. I don't think there is anything more I can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. We all have our moments when we lose perspective and struggle. But reading late does not necessarily mean your child is not intelligent.

I can think of several of my childhood peers who were considered slow and did not do well in school, yet are now successful in their field of work. It's a matter of finding the right field. You need to open your mind to non-academic possibilities for your child. Only if your mind is open will you be able to help your child find his path. Instead of laying awake worrying, make an effort to help your child develop his unique talents. That is the way forward.

OP here. DH is successful and earns close to 7 figures. I stayed home and now do some consulting work so that I could focus on the children. I just feel like such a failure. I have tried so hard to enrich him. I put so much effort into a balanced schedule of studying, sports, music, etc. We do play dates, educational outings, journals, have a million books and go to the library all the time. I don't think there is anything more I can do.

So maybe he'll be dumb and rich. Welcome to the club.

[Anonymous]

I'm an Ivy league graduate as well - do you really think it means squat now that you have your BA/BS from an Ivy? Were all your classmates at your university brilliant - mine sure as hell weren't. Lots of miserable, socially awkward stressed out kids. We're not talking Cornell here or Penn - I graduated from Harvard. Being "smart" (what ever the fuck that means) has never brought me one second of happiness.

Get your priorities straight, OP, and stop thinking you accomplished anything special from graduating from an "Ivy".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. We all have our moments when we lose perspective and struggle. But reading late does not necessarily mean your child is not intelligent.

I can think of several of my childhood peers who were considered slow and did not do well in school, yet are now successful in their field of work. It's a matter of finding the right field. You need to open your mind to non-academic possibilities for your child. Only if your mind is open will you be able to help your child find his path. Instead of laying awake worrying, make an effort to help your child develop his unique talents. That is the way forward.

OP here. DH is successful and earns close to 7 figures. I stayed home and now do some consulting work so that I could focus on the children. I just feel like such a failure. I have tried so hard to enrich him. I put so much effort into a balanced schedule of studying, sports, music, etc. We do play dates, educational outings, journals, have a million books and go to the library all the time. I don't think there is anything more I can do.

Wow, you really are a failure, OP. I'm not being snarky, I truly mean it and agree with you. You had one job, as you defined it, and you failed at it. Your son probably would have been much better off with an educated nanny who didn't put so much pressure on him.

I'm sorry, OP. We all have our failures in life. It is so tragically sad however that your poor son is your failure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kindergarten son cannot yet read and he is almost 6yo. DH and I are ivy league educated and have always been at the top of our class. We have many friends with very bright children and I've come to realize my child is average. I know this is not the end of the world but I feel sad tonight. I love him so much and don't want him to know my disappointment.

Is he artistic? Does he like to tell stories? Does he like sports? There are so many special things that a child can be interested and that you can cultivate. Not everything is academic. Get to know your little one and help him find his passions. People tend to excel in what they love to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. We all have our moments when we lose perspective and struggle. But reading late does not necessarily mean your child is not intelligent.

I can think of several of my childhood peers who were considered slow and did not do well in school, yet are now successful in their field of work. It's a matter of finding the right field. You need to open your mind to non-academic possibilities for your child. Only if your mind is open will you be able to help your child find his path. Instead of laying awake worrying, make an effort to help your child develop his unique talents. That is the way forward.

OP here. DH is successful and earns close to 7 figures. I stayed home and now do some consulting work so that I could focus on the children. I just feel like such a failure. I have tried so hard to enrich him. I put so much effort into a balanced schedule of studying, sports, music, etc. We do play dates, educational outings, journals, have a million books and go to the library all the time. I don't think there is anything more I can do.

20:28 here. It sounds like you need a therapist. You have complicated feelings about your choices, your work, and your parenting (and it's normal to have complicated feelings!) and a therapist can help you work through them. It seems like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. You think if you put certain things in you should get a certain result, like a vending machine. But parenting is not like that.

Stop pushing so hard on the reading. Some kids just don't read until later. In Waldorf schools they do reading later, and in Finland they don't even start formal school until 6 or 7. Your efforts and enrichments are helping him even if he doesn't read yet.

What does he actually enjoy doing?