I feel bad that my child is not gifted

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. We all have our moments when we lose perspective and struggle. But reading late does not necessarily mean your child is not intelligent.

I can think of several of my childhood peers who were considered slow and did not do well in school, yet are now successful in their field of work. It's a matter of finding the right field. You need to open your mind to non-academic possibilities for your child. Only if your mind is open will you be able to help your child find his path. Instead of laying awake worrying, make an effort to help your child develop his unique talents. That is the way forward.

OP here. DH is successful and earns close to 7 figures. I stayed home and now do some consulting work so that I could focus on the children. I just feel like such a failure. I have tried so hard to enrich him. I put so much effort into a balanced schedule of studying, sports, music, etc. We do play dates, educational outings, journals, have a million books and go to the library all the time. I don't think there is anything more I can do.

Wow, you really are a failure, OP. I'm not being snarky, I truly mean it and agree with you. You had one job, as you defined it, and you failed at it. Your son probably would have been much better off with an educated nanny who didn't put so much pressure on him.

I'm sorry, OP. We all have our failures in life. It is so tragically sad however that your poor son is your failure.

In all honesty, I agree with this. You are a failure, OP. But kudos for admitting it I suppose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Ivy league graduate as well - do you really think it means squat now that you have your BA/BS from an Ivy? Were all your classmates at your university brilliant - mine sure as hell weren't. Lots of miserable, socially awkward stressed out kids. We're not talking Cornell here or Penn - I graduated from Harvard. Being "smart" (what ever the fuck that means) has never brought me one second of happiness.

Get your priorities straight, OP, and stop thinking you accomplished anything special from graduating from an "Ivy".

+1. I went to Harvard twice and it isn't all that. And lots of my high school friends who went to NO COLLEGE AT ALL are very intelligent people doing well in life, with interesting jobs and happy as well. I envy their ability to go off the beaten path and reject prestige and conventionality. They are happier and more successful for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kindergarten son cannot yet read and he is almost 6yo. DH and I are ivy league educated and have always been at the top of our class. We have many friends with very bright children and I've come to realize my child is average. I know this is not the end of the world but I feel sad tonight. I love him so much and don't want him to know my disappointment.

another example of how overrated the ivy league is. bunch of bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Ivy league graduate as well - do you really think it means squat now that you have your BA/BS from an Ivy? Were all your classmates at your university brilliant - mine sure as hell weren't. Lots of miserable, socially awkward stressed out kids. We're not talking Cornell here or Penn - I graduated from Harvard. Being "smart" (what ever the fuck that means) has never brought me one second of happiness.

Get your priorities straight, OP, and stop thinking you accomplished anything special from graduating from an "Ivy".

Agree completely (although I went to a lesser Ivy - Dartmouth). I doubt that OP went to an Ivy at all as only true Ivy Leaguers know that it doesn't mean squat to undergrad at an Ivy.

[Anonymous]

troll

[Anonymous]

+1

[Anonymous]

My kids are 3 and 1. I'm in the thick of all of my peers having kids. I'm sure you are too. Given everyone else's struggles with their kids-NICU stays, infertility, autism diagnoses, all around struggles- how the hell do you you justify your ridiculous feelings? Clearly the Ivy League doesn't get you a damn bit of perspective, does it?

[Anonymous]

OP what will you do when real problems come up?

[Anonymous]

OP, your kid is too young for you to make this determination. Please learn about what's going on in the bigger picture here both in terms of child development and the current cultural situation; it will make you feel a ton better.

When I was a kid, people only got concerned if a child couldn't read by the end of THIRD GRADE. Everything's been pushed down a few grades (due to politics, among other things) and the effects of this are huge--many kids who can't sit still because they are too young are given drugs; many kids are sent to tutors or development specialists to help their child, when in lots of these cases, time would be the cure.

I've posted this before so I'll keep it short: My DC was the LAST kid in DC's grade to learn to read, and was an older kid for that grade. DC finally learned the summer before 2nd grade. DC is now in 6th grade and consistently scores around the 98% percentile in reading on national tests. Do not assume that if your child is low on the classroom cure, they will stay low--they may jump ahead.

All that being said, I understand you just want to share your disappointment, and I also understand some of the PPs' frustration with this. If you haven't done this already, you may want to look into Carol Dweck and google "fixed mindset" and "growth mindset."

[Anonymous]

Don't push him. Often boys mature later. Plenty of kids in Switzerland don't have any academics up to age 7. Put your son in the forest kindergarten that they are offering at the Waldorf school next year. Let him run, and jump, and develop his gross motor skills and imagination. You might be surprised how he takes off the next year.

[Anonymous]

I have two kids..one who is gifted and one who struggles. I have full confidence both will be successful. The one who struggles academically has a great personality and is a hard worker. He does not define himself by his grades and is comfortable with who he is. So am I..even though I was all about school as a kid.!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. We all have our moments when we lose perspective and struggle. But reading late does not necessarily mean your child is not intelligent.

I can think of several of my childhood peers who were considered slow and did not do well in school, yet are now successful in their field of work. It's a matter of finding the right field. You need to open your mind to non-academic possibilities for your child. Only if your mind is open will you be able to help your child find his path. Instead of laying awake worrying, make an effort to help your child develop his unique talents. That is the way forward.

OP here. DH is successful and earns close to 7 figures. I stayed home and now do some consulting work so that I could focus on the children. I just feel like such a failure. I have tried so hard to enrich him. I put so much effort into a balanced schedule of studying, sports, music, etc. We do play dates, educational outings, journals, have a million books and go to the library all the time. I don't think there is anything more I can do.

Wow, you really are a failure, OP. I'm not being snarky, I truly mean it and agree with you. You had one job, as you defined it, and you failed at it. Your son probably would have been much better off with an educated nanny who didn't put so much pressure on him.

I'm sorry, OP. We all have our failures in life. It is so tragically sad however that your poor son is your failure.

Don't be so mean to this poor mom!!! It's kind of hard not to be type a about your child if you are type a.
1- he isn't average he is reading at the normal age. All the boys here are kept back in k because it isn't dev correct for them to read so early. Solution is to keep him back a year. Everyone does this and he will be bigger for sports so that's a plus.
2- you need some other arena to compete in so it takes some of the pressure off the child rearing. I didn't do this and I wish I had. You will need something to do in 15 years when he leaves do start part time now.
Good luck and thanks for being a dedicated mom- it's an important job and your child will benefit hugely from it.

[Anonymous]

Stop making your kindergartener "study." WTF?

[Anonymous]

Definitely troll

[Anonymous]

Unless you have the money for private school, be happy with your average child. Public schools are made for average kids.