Husband doesn't sit or eat with us for dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has been a problem for me as well. I think it comes down to issues with intimacy and feelings of vulnerability and respect.

You’ve bumped a nine year old thread. The OP has probably resolved this or divorced by now.

I would love know which it was.

And how that daughter’s relates to men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine rarely does either excluding nights that he is responsible for dinner since we take turns. But if he just grabs a pizza he also just calls the kids to eat and disappears. On the nights I cook he is usually at work or has disappeared somewhere. He does Uber Eats also for extra money so maybe he is doing that since dinner time is peak money but who knows. I stopped caring anymore.

Please divorce for the sake of your children.

You are teaching them really unhealthy views on marriage

[Anonymous]

This thread shows me his many women just put up with any treatment.

Why?

Is it because he brings in so much money? Because your own family was unhealthy.m? Do you have low self-esteem?

Seriously, why do you let these fathers get away with such selfish behavior, which clearly does but promote family values???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very important to eat together as a family. However while this tradition is still with us it is becoming less and less common especially with all the digital entertainment around us..

+1. We still do but I'll be honest we have to drag our teens to the dinner table. They are just busy texting and so forth. Even DW she is into the texting crap as well now. Seems like everyone is just hooked to the devices now.

Easy. Family rule :no devices during dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps he just doesn't realize how important this is to you OP.

Men can be quite clueless about things like this.

Why not talk to him directly and let him know that it is very important to you that he sits down with the family and eats dinner with you and the children every evening? If he knows it will mean something to you, he most likely will comply. I do not see why he wouldn't.

A lot of men are just too selfish, not too clueless about family.

How can a normal person think it's fine to not sit down with your family for dinner? It's one thing if you guys have no kids, but it's even more important if you do have kids.

Did he grow up in a broken home or something? Did he even want kids? Is he an otherwise engaged parent and spouse?

My silent, self absorbed spouse and father of one is so because he and his parents are all in the spectrum. They don’t care about sharing and conversating, so don’t.

Yet another spectrum detecting wife..

The PhD psychologist Dx him with ASD. We were hoping it was adhd and he could pop some pills instead of pots of coffee and Diet Coke all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here wanting to add that he is not a disengaged parent - he brushes her teeth and gives her baths and gives me a break if I need one, usually. But he has no sens of family routine and togetherness as being valuable.

OP my DH is like this but less extreme. He at least tends to other tasks in other places so it's a somewhat productive use of the time, sometimes.

From his parents I can see how it happens. They really just don't talk at all. So this idea of sitting and making conversation together as just a family norm, no that piece is missing. He is fine at a restaurant, socializing with others, etc. But not at home and it started pre-kids and frankly back then I would just watch TV with my dinner. It's a symptom of broader problems as always. But it is depressing and I wish it were better.

Mental disorders.

I used to think cultural differences but then all the chronic symptoms kept piling up and up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread shows me his many women just put up with any treatment.

Why?

Is it because he brings in so much money? Because your own family was unhealthy.m? Do you have low self-esteem?

Seriously, why do you let these fathers get away with such selfish behavior, which clearly does but promote family values???

Because the USA family court system puts dna parents rights above children’s rights.

So selfish dinner “dad” will continue to neglect and ignore his children during his 50% custody time. Silence, pizza, screens, skip practices, go to bed whenever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread shows me his many women just put up with any treatment.

Why?

Is it because he brings in so much money? Because your own family was unhealthy.m? Do you have low self-esteem?

Seriously, why do you let these fathers get away with such selfish behavior, which clearly does but promote family values???

And when women and children divorce these losers what happens?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here wanting to add that he is not a disengaged parent - he brushes her teeth and gives her baths and gives me a break if I need one, usually. But he has no sens of family routine and togetherness as being valuable.

OP my DH is like this but less extreme. He at least tends to other tasks in other places so it's a somewhat productive use of the time, sometimes.

From his parents I can see how it happens. They really just don't talk at all. So this idea of sitting and making conversation together as just a family norm, no that piece is missing. He is fine at a restaurant, socializing with others, etc. But not at home and it started pre-kids and frankly back then I would just watch TV with my dinner. It's a symptom of broader problems as always. But it is depressing and I wish it were better.

Mental disorders.

I used to think cultural differences but then all the chronic symptoms kept piling up and up.

I don't disagree. I have plenty of armchair diagnoses.

He has some kind of anxiety around family meals where people just sit and talk. He will busy himself with chores or kids' needs when it's not necessary and other people will say "he's so helpful" but I know he also can't calmly sit and just talk anymore.

I honestly didn't know earlier. We would go out with friends a lot and he's great in that context of long meals and hanging out. It's the everyday family time as a routine/MO that is missing. Sometimes I feel like it's just his loss if he wants to be futzing with his phone in another room instead of putting the rest of us on edge and feeling uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here wanting to add that he is not a disengaged parent - he brushes her teeth and gives her baths and gives me a break if I need one, usually. But he has no sens of family routine and togetherness as being valuable.

OP my DH is like this but less extreme. He at least tends to other tasks in other places so it's a somewhat productive use of the time, sometimes.

From his parents I can see how it happens. They really just don't talk at all. So this idea of sitting and making conversation together as just a family norm, no that piece is missing. He is fine at a restaurant, socializing with others, etc. But not at home and it started pre-kids and frankly back then I would just watch TV with my dinner. It's a symptom of broader problems as always. But it is depressing and I wish it were better.

Mental disorders.

I used to think cultural differences but then all the chronic symptoms kept piling up and up.

I don't disagree. I have plenty of armchair diagnoses.

He has some kind of anxiety around family meals where people just sit and talk. He will busy himself with chores or kids' needs when it's not necessary and other people will say "he's so helpful" but I know he also can't calmly sit and just talk anymore.

I honestly didn't know earlier. We would go out with friends a lot and he's great in that context of long meals and hanging out. It's the everyday family time as a routine/MO that is missing. Sometimes I feel like it's just his loss if he wants to be futzing with his phone in another room instead of putting the rest of us on edge and feeling uncomfortable.

I wish I had some type of AI systems that read all the posts here by women I sear at least 50% of their DHs have some type of mental health issue. Do you guys know that weirdos are not necessarily mentally ill?.just checking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread shows me his many women just put up with any treatment.

Why?

Is it because he brings in so much money? Because your own family was unhealthy.m? Do you have low self-esteem?

Seriously, why do you let these fathers get away with such selfish behavior, which clearly does but promote family values???

Because the USA family court system puts dna parents rights above children’s rights.

So selfish dinner “dad” will continue to neglect and ignore his children during his 50% custody time. Silence, pizza, screens, skip practices, go to bed whenever.

Oh s***t up please. Geez mom of the year! Seriously I am sorry so many dads are not up to your standards of care

[Anonymous]

In the United States mental illnesses are diagnosed very differently compared to the rest of the world. In fact in the US you are far more likely to be misdiagnosed as an adult for ASD etc...

[Anonymous]

Womem thinking men who don't act like women (more specifically, themselves) are mentally ill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg I was just googling this to see how normal it is. My spouse does the same- eats in front of the tv while the rest of us eat. He’s so checked out.

Hasn’t anyone told him that’s rude?

The only people I know who do that are mentally ill and hate people or super old and take 2 hours to eat and don’t talk anymore.

When I was growing up, my mom would cook for us and she would eat in front of the tv while I would eat alone and read. I was ages 6-18. She was a single mom and I’m an only child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread shows me his many women just put up with any treatment.

Why?

Is it because he brings in so much money? Because your own family was unhealthy.m? Do you have low self-esteem?

Seriously, why do you let these fathers get away with such selfish behavior, which clearly does but promote family values???

Because the USA family court system puts dna parents rights above children’s rights.

So selfish dinner “dad” will continue to neglect and ignore his children during his 50% custody time. Silence, pizza, screens, skip practices, go to bed whenever.

Oh s***t up please. Geez mom of the year! Seriously I am sorry so many dads are not up to your standards of care

Exactly. The divorce court system has $hit standards of care. Everyone should fall in line with that!