What Do You Think of SG's No Children Allowed Policy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I want to also add that the reason for all the emotional upheavel associated w/ infertility is the assumption that every woman should be able to biologically have a child. This very premise is false.

I have a loved one with cancer. When first DX with cancer, she asked "Why me?" Then after introspection, she said, "Why NOT me?" Every one of us is going to be tested in life in some way shape and form. Some of us will lose our money in this economy, some will lose our spouse, our loved one to divorce or death, some will lose our child to a tragic accident or disease, some will get cancer, and yes, some will be infertile. So few are the people who have never had to deal with any tragedy in their life. We just can't expect life to hand us everything. We can only learn to cope with whatever life does hand us.

I understand the pain in life, I do. But one may not expect others to carry some part of your burden when it does inconvenience or affect others. Nobody is proposing that a baby be brought in front of your face soon after you receive bad news. A family waiting room should not upset you. It's a very fair compromise. Kids will not be in your presence, they'd be in a separate waiting room.

I agree. And you can't expect life to hand you a clinic that allows children - or that has a separate waiting room for kids - when you have specifically chosen a clinic with a no-child policy. Everyone else at SG manages, somehow, to abide by the policy. Some may even have selected SG based on its no-child policy. So it is patently unfair for you to impose your own needs on everyone else.

Please take a hard look at yourself. No one is imposing a burden on you - YOU are the one imposing YOUR burden (lack of childcare) on everyone else.

OP you need to get a baby sitter. I agree with the pp. Geesh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am amiss as to why those with kids (and I am one of them now) overridde the needs of those without?

To answer this question - because the problem is with those who are feeling so much anguish that they can not cope. So the solution, practically speaking, is to fix the problem by getting therapy so they can cope better.

Heck, I will not allow my young DS to remain cooped up in a car for two or so hours waiting for me to get done with my ER. I tell my husband to come on upstairs and to bring DS along too and I don't care what the nurse says. When the nurse says to me that children are not allowed I tell her then she better let me take the elevator by myself, still suffering from the effects of the anesthesia because my husband is with my DS who is too young to be left alone in the car or downstairs. SG does not want to assume the liability of me walking alone still groggy from anesthesia so they are compelled to let my husband come upstairs with DS. Sorry if the presence of DS hurts others, but our children are a greater priority than your anguish. And no, it is definitely not easy to get a babysitter or nanny of any kind at 6:30 am on short notice. I refuse to leave my DS in a daycare at that early hour either.

Honestly, I can not believe the unbelievable demands women can make on others because their own personal issues. Learn to cope with your anguish I say.

CLEARLY THIS POSTER HAS NO FRIENDS TO ASK TO WATCH HER CHILD WITH AN ATTITUDE AND A SELFISH OUTLOOK ON LIFE LIKE THAT. HOW COULD SHE?

I agree with the pp. Ditto. Get a baby sitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I want to also add that the reason for all the emotional upheavel associated w/ infertility is the assumption that every woman should be able to biologically have a child. This very premise is false.

I have a loved one with cancer. When first DX with cancer, she asked "Why me?" Then after introspection, she said, "Why NOT me?" Every one of us is going to be tested in life in some way shape and form. Some of us will lose our money in this economy, some will lose our spouse, our loved one to divorce or death, some will lose our child to a tragic accident or disease, some will get cancer, and yes, some will be infertile. So few are the people who have never had to deal with any tragedy in their life. We just can't expect life to hand us everything. We can only learn to cope with whatever life does hand us.

I understand the pain in life, I do. But one may not expect others to carry some part of your burden when it does inconvenience or affect others. Nobody is proposing that a baby be brought in front of your face soon after you receive bad news. A family waiting room should not upset you. It's a very fair compromise. Kids will not be in your presence, they'd be in a separate waiting room.

I agree. And you can't expect life to hand you a clinic that allows children - or that has a separate waiting room for kids - when you have specifically chosen a clinic with a no-child policy. Everyone else at SG manages, somehow, to abide by the policy. Some may even have selected SG based on its no-child policy. So it is patently unfair for you to impose your own needs on everyone else.

Please take a hard look at yourself. No one is imposing a burden on you - YOU are the one imposing YOUR burden (lack of childcare) on everyone else.

SG did not always have a no childs policy. It came about because of the complaining, and yes, whining of a few vocal women. To answer your question, I have managed, through all my cycles, as does everyone. We just endure and tolerate and sigh. Apparently, some of these other women, however, could not manage so they complained to have SG's policy changed. So why is it not patently unfair for you not to resolve your own issues personally instead of getting a fertility clinic to change their policy which affects every patient? Why are you so averse to getting therapy instead of instituting policy changes? Why do you think if this was an andrology clinic there would be no such policy? Why do you avoid answering these questions?

Trust me, getting DS to hang out with DH for three hours is not torture. It's stressful for him but not torture. We'll live and DS will live. But from the vehement protests I'm getting the feeling and an understanding of the utter emotional turmoil the mere sight of a young child causes some women. This is a far deeper problem than I have, you are correct. The most rational, and not highly emotional, solution is to seek therapy and seek compromises. But apparently, the vocal minority is neither able to maintain rationality nor are they able to compromise. I truly feel sorry for you then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this entire thread extremely sad. Up until now, this has been the one DCUMs forum that generally has been very supportive and hasn't attracted trolls. There seems to be an extreme amount of judging, and lack of empathy and sympathy, in many of these postings. People have different childcare situations or beliefs. People deal with their infertility in different ways. Why do we have to beat each other up?

thank you. I think its been made clear how everyone feels. Its not like SG is changing anything so this is probably a moot point!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trust me, getting DS to hang out with DH for three hours is not torture. It's stressful for him but not torture. We'll live and DS will live. But from the vehement protests I'm getting the feeling and an understanding of the utter emotional turmoil the mere sight of a young child causes some women. This is a far deeper problem than I have, you are correct. The most rational, and not highly emotional, solution is to seek therapy and seek compromises. But apparently, the vocal minority is neither able to maintain rationality nor are they able to compromise. I truly feel sorry for you then.

It appears that YOUR DH is the one with the problem. Really is it that stressful for a father to spend 3 measly hours to watch his own son. Isn't this really the issue more than SGF's policy? I say take a look at your DH and see why you would even say "it's stressful" for him to watch his own child for a few hours. And what does it matter or difference if he's watching him in the waiting room of SGF or the coffee shop right down the street?" Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I want to also add that the reason for all the emotional upheavel associated w/ infertility is the assumption that every woman should be able to biologically have a child. This very premise is false.

I have a loved one with cancer. When first DX with cancer, she asked "Why me?" Then after introspection, she said, "Why NOT me?" Every one of us is going to be tested in life in some way shape and form. Some of us will lose our money in this economy, some will lose our spouse, our loved one to divorce or death, some will lose our child to a tragic accident or disease, some will get cancer, and yes, some will be infertile. So few are the people who have never had to deal with any tragedy in their life. We just can't expect life to hand us everything. We can only learn to cope with whatever life does hand us.

I understand the pain in life, I do. But one may not expect others to carry some part of your burden when it does inconvenience or affect others. Nobody is proposing that a baby be brought in front of your face soon after you receive bad news. A family waiting room should not upset you. It's a very fair compromise. Kids will not be in your presence, they'd be in a separate waiting room.

I agree. And you can't expect life to hand you a clinic that allows children - or that has a separate waiting room for kids - when you have specifically chosen a clinic with a no-child policy. Everyone else at SG manages, somehow, to abide by the policy. Some may even have selected SG based on its no-child policy. So it is patently unfair for you to impose your own needs on everyone else.

Please take a hard look at yourself. No one is imposing a burden on you - YOU are the one imposing YOUR burden (lack of childcare) on everyone else.

SG did not always have a no childs policy. It came about because of the complaining, and yes, whining of a few vocal women. To answer your question, I have managed, through all my cycles, as does everyone. We just endure and tolerate and sigh. Apparently, some of these other women, however, could not manage so they complained to have SG's policy changed. So why is it not patently unfair for you not to resolve your own issues personally instead of getting a fertility clinic to change their policy which affects every patient? Why are you so averse to getting therapy instead of instituting policy changes? Why do you think if this was an andrology clinic there would be no such policy? Why do you avoid answering these questions?

Trust me, getting DS to hang out with DH for three hours is not torture. It's stressful for him but not torture. We'll live and DS will live. But from the vehement protests I'm getting the feeling and an understanding of the utter emotional turmoil the mere sight of a young child causes some women. This is a far deeper problem than I have, you are correct. The most rational, and not highly emotional, solution is to seek therapy and seek compromises. But apparently, the vocal minority is neither able to maintain rationality nor are they able to compromise. I truly feel sorry for you then.

I wrote the post above, and actually, I already have a child and do not even go to SG. So I'm not emotional about seeing children. But what does kind of tick me off is your unbelievable self-absorption and self-righteousness - your conviction that your convenience should always be placed above everyone else's comfort. I'm glad you don't live next door to me, as you would doubtless be operating your leaf-blower at 6 am (because it's most convenient for you and your family) and throwing loud parties until 4 am (because it suits your schedule). I truly hope your child grows up with a better attitude towards the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trust me, getting DS to hang out with DH for three hours is not torture. It's stressful for him but not torture. We'll live and DS will live. But from the vehement protests I'm getting the feeling and an understanding of the utter emotional turmoil the mere sight of a young child causes some women. This is a far deeper problem than I have, you are correct. The most rational, and not highly emotional, solution is to seek therapy and seek compromises. But apparently, the vocal minority is neither able to maintain rationality nor are they able to compromise. I truly feel sorry for you then.

It appears that YOUR DH is the one with the problem. Really is it that stressful for a father to spend 3 measly hours to watch his own son. Isn't this really the issue more than SGF's policy? I say take a look at your DH and see why you would even say "it's stressful" for him to watch his own child for a few hours. And what does it matter or difference if he's watching him in the waiting room of SGF or the coffee shop right down the street?" Get over yourself.

You could not be more wrong. Actually DH is a doctor who works with children, many of them special needs and he is known well known in the community to be the most compassionate children's doctor. Patients moms always wondered how someone who is so good with children can not have any children of his own. THis was before when I was suffering from primary IF. Patients who hear of him drive from a state away to bring their children to him. DH works 5 days a week, some Saturdays, and still takes DS swimming, to Tae Kwon Do twice per week, takes him to the park each time the weather is nice, meets him for lunch breaks at work, literally plays with him the minute he comes home, is the one to bathe him every single night, is the one who reads him books in bed every single night. So you could not be more wrong about DH. If you only knew him you'd know that. You are making sweeping erroneous conclusions about my husband, with a few measley pieces of information about him, to avoid facing the harsh and painful reality and truth about some women on this forum..which is that grown adult women should handle their own personal problems...well, personally. The responsible and rational approach for grown women who suffer from infertility (or any painful issue) is to seek therapy, but not to ban children from fertility clinics. I can say this because I was someone who suffered from primary IF before. Yours is a very intense, emotional, irrational, and immature response. Take this to any psychiatrist and ask them whether your reaction is over the top and highly emotional and irrational to ban children or whether the mature thing to do is to seek therapy. Any psych will tell you it's better to seek therapy. Sorry to be so rude but you were rude to me. Likely, so few patients will ever need to bring a child into SG. It will likely be one or two patients who have early morning appts. Moreover, I clearly stated a hundred times that children should be allowed in a family waiting room, not the general waiting room.

So the fact is that infertile women need to cope better. Because after they leave SG, they will get in their car and see a young mother pushing a stroller right outside on the sidewalk, they will see a coworker bring in her new baby to work, they will be at family gatherings with cousins who just had a baby, etc..Babies are everywhere. You can't change your environment. But you can change yourself. I know what I'm saying is deeply painful but it's the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I wrote the post above, and actually, I already have a child and do not even go to SG. So I'm not emotional about seeing children. But what does kind of tick me off is your unbelievable self-absorption and self-righteousness - your conviction that your convenience should always be placed above everyone else's comfort. I'm glad you don't live next door to me, as you would doubtless be operating your leaf-blower at 6 am (because it's most convenient for you and your family) and throwing loud parties until 4 am (because it suits your schedule). I truly hope your child grows up with a better attitude towards the world.

Sorry this post is just plain ol' stupid. YOu don't like hearing my opinion so you have to criticize my character and now are starting to bring my young son into your criticism too? Shame on you.

I'm not self absorbed or self righteous. I don't care whether I can bring my son into SG or not. We'll survive regardless. What I find incredibly immature is the self righteousness of infertile women who can't simply take responsibility for their own issues but try to twist and control their environment to conform to their own sensitivities. This is the larger issue at debate here.

I don't own a leaf blower and we don't have loud parties. We have a landscaper who is not permitted to work until after 10 am. The only loud party we have ever thrown are at The Little Gym, My Gym, Sport Bounce, or places like that for DS. And DS is sitting here next to me signing his name on Thank You cards to children who attended his birthday party, complete with a backward 'S.' Shame on you.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, some of you people are nuts and take things way too personally. Calm down. Why are we talking about leaf blowers? How great of a doctor someone's husband is? Writing thank you cards? What????????????

For people that want to have real TTC conceive discussions, I highly recommend ivfconnections.com. If you want to talk about SG, you can go to the regional Washington DC discussion threads. When I was cycling, I found this cite to be very supportive, informative and just all around great. The people on DCUM can often get their panties in a wade over nothing, and write super long narratives about random stuff that has nothing to do with the topic. That is too bad because DCUM really could be of service to many people. I hope all of you take a load off.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the policy - went there for primary infertility and many time over the past few years - 3 beautiful children! And I may go back yet again....and guess what - I still agree with the policy. heck - it makes DH watch the kids!! I even stop for coffee on the way home in the mornings to delay things a bit!

....and for the record - I would take a 'stressed' child and husband over walking out into a waiting room of children after learning there is no longer a heartbeat - or after starting IVF for the second time after loosing my first pregnancy midway through....perhaps you should send DH and DS to therapy the next time............

[Anonymous]

I agree with SG's policy. I think this board has gotten out of control, so I wanted to draw back to the original question and provide my 2 cents.

We have a daughter who we conceived at SG. When we were planning on trying for #2, I went to all of the appointments by myself. And, you know what, I actually enjoyed it. I had a "waiting room" book, and I made it through most of the book. My daughter loved the time with her dad, and on weekends when I had to go out to the SG office, I came home with donuts (which are a real treat in our house). I ended up getting pregnant on my own, so I did not have to worry about the transfer, but we knew that we would have a 2-3 day window for the transfer, and I had lined up a few people to help out depending upon the day/time.

I have to say that I think I get better care when my DD is not with me, b/c I think doctors tend to rush when there are children around.

I think the post got lost above, but one of the PPs had a great point about having a nice quiet waiting room. I just don't think children should be allowed in a fertility waiting room.