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Infertility Support and Discussion
What Do You Think of SG's No Children Allowed Policy?
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Anonymous
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It's standard practice in most RE practices and clinics in NYC not to allow children. It's a matter of respect and thoughtfulness.
If you are fortunate enough to be facing the logistical issues of arranging child care, then you have a higher quality of problem than the people who are there for primary rather than secondary infertility. Have some compassion and stop whining. |
Anonymous
The highlighted part simply is not true for some women. Some will never conceive and will never be able to adopt. I personally know of 2 women who have failed donor egg multiple times and have aged out of most international adoption programs. Domestic adoption is often a bumpy heartbreaking road and is an incredible longshot when you're 40+. There's been several comments on this thread to the effect of "it will happen to everyone!" and the reality is that for some it just won't. Positive attitude is certainly great but it has never been proven to help fertility rates. A study published just last month just showed that anxiety/depression (or lack there of) while doing IVF had zero impact on cycle results. So telling people to "buck up" does nothng except make someone feel worse! |
Anonymous
It could be standard practice on Mars too, that doesn't in and of itself prove anything. Having a family waiting room would go a long way to alleviate this stress. Infertile women are by definition adults, capable of functioning like adults in a complex world without everyone contorting themselves over the state of someone else's womb. |
Anonymous
But lets remember - who is the one whining first? |
Anonymous
Stress has absolutely been shown to be one huge reason for infertility in many women. This study is in Pulling Down the Moon, the acupuncture place across the hall from SG. It's also in SG's binder in their office. If it's not there, ask for that study to be shown to you. Please give me the link of the study you cite. I'd like to evaluate it. |
Anonymous
I didn't tell people to "buck up," I said to get therapy for those feelings of pain and anguish and intolerance for seeing children at the infertility clinics. |
Anonymous
Look, if a biological child is not possible, one may be possible through a donor egg pgm. If thats not possible then domestic adoption. If thats not possible then international adoption, which is easier I would think. There are a small minority of women who, even if they exercise every single of these options, are still childless. But this is a very small minority and SG policy should not be based on this very small percentage of women who will remain childless. I'm sorry if I came across harsh. I didn't mean to. I'm just suggesting to women, the ones who instituted SG's policy or agree with it - wouldn't it be more realistic and practical to get therapy for your emotional struggle than to ask that policies be instituted to create a sterile environment for you in every infertility clinic across the country? When I said I could empathize, I meant it. I went through many hoops to get DS. I cried at nearly every appointment from the frustation and physical pain. I'm now 42 and trying for a second one. But I've been to several clinics across the country and SG is the only one that I've seen that forbids children. Seattle Reproductive, Univ of Washington, Dominion Fertility do not forbid children. |
Anonymous
I have a friend whose 2 year old daughter had cancer. She and the family went through hell and back. Thankfully her daughter survived but there is a high risk that the cancer will return apparently. To be a parent one needs to be strong. Very strong. Because life will throw all kinds of curve balls at you or your children. Whenever you feel an issue in your life is causing you grief, get therapy immediately with a damn good psychologist or psychiatrist. I'm not lecturing infertile women, I'm simply giving you a suggestion based on what I did in my own life to deal with my own very painful experiences. It helps tremendously to be able to talk to a professional, a woman who has experience in counseling infertile women. You will be so grateful if you do. |
Anonymous
Nicely said- I had issues (and posted earlier) for #1- many losses and pains- trying for #2 wasn't that easy again.. somebody who goes through primary adn secondary IF is no comparison with someone with 2ndary IF only - not saying you don't have pain but with primary- you just want one child.. it gets more desperate as you realize having a 2nd child is even less likely.. having only secondary IF is more of a shock since the first may have just come sooner.. basically- anyone at an IF clinic is desperate at whatever stage- of all places- that should be a sanctuary- so great job SG! |
Anonymous
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I agree with SG's policy. I went there as a patient trying for my first child and went back when trying for #'s 2 and 3. I had a very difficult time conceiving even with IVF. I also suffered a miscarriage. I think it really would have been too much for me after my visit where they failed to see the heartbeat to then have to walk through a waiting room of children. For those of you who have never suffered primary infertility, you have no idea what it is like. As others have said, there is no guarantee you will have children. I have friends who were not able to get pregnant via IVF or adopt and have had to learn to live as childless couples.
Since I'm a repeat customer, I know the hassle of finding a baby sitter. That being said, the monitoring appointments are pretty easy to plan ahead for. It is usually the ER and ET that are harder to accomodate since they require both partners and since the ER can happen so early in the morning, even on weekends. That being said, a family waiting room will not help in the case of a ER since both partners have "procedures" and you certainly cannot leave the child unattended in the waiting room. I do believe SG has the best policy in the interest of accomodating the majority of their patients. |
Anonymous
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I am the OP and I have suffered from primary infertility. Not all women with primary infertility feel that children should be forbidden from fertility clinics. I doubt that it is the majority of infertile women. I believe it's probably a significant minority, but not a majority.
We went through three IVF's so we understand that ER's have procedures for both the spouse and myself. DS came along. He was never alone. He waited with me in the car while DH had his 'procedure'. He then waited with DH in the car again while I had mine. DH took him out for breakfast too and tried his best to preoccupy him at Barnes and Noboles. |
Anonymous
Here you go: http://humrep.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/content/abstract/den491v1 |
Anonymous
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If you don't like SG's policy, you are free to find another facility in the DC area that does not have a child-free waiting room. Columbia Fertility permits children, as do the other clinics cited earlier on this board.
I used to be a SG patient. Now I'm at Columbia. I didn't care one way or the other when we started, but now---two years and many failed procedures later---I wish that Columbia had the same policy. Yes, we infertile women see children everywhere and we deal with it. But one of the PP's said it best---the RE clinic is where you are the most vulnerable and the most likely to be hearing bad news. The suggestion that women who prefer the SG policy should seek "therapy" instead is facile, and, quite frankly, obnoxious---most infertile women are already spending hours and hours in the RE's office---many of us have neither the additional time or the extra $$$ to layer additional doctor visits on top of the situation. Moreover, to suggest that SG just create a new waiting room out of thin air is also unrealistic---depending upon the office, they may not have room in which to expand. SG has made a policy choice to be more sensitive to those women struggling with primary infertility than to women who have already been blessed with a child. Not an irrational choice at all. Find a new clinic that is more in synch with your needs instead of kvetching that SG should change in order to accommodate you. |
Anonymous
Beautifully said. Thank you. |
Anonymous
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I would never go to clinic that allowed children in the waiting room. I can't imagine what it would have been like to see a child in there after finding out I was having yet another miscarriage. This doesn't make me weak or in need of therapy, it means I am human.
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