What Do You Think of SG's No Children Allowed Policy?

[Anonymous]

I wonder also - to those who do feel pain or anguish upon seeing young children, how do you cope in public places such as restaurants, libraries, beaches, etc...?

I would hardly compare a restaurant/beach to a fertility clinic. Yes of course you EXPECT to see children in the everyday places you go but you don't really expect to see them at a fertility clinic would you?

[Anonymous]

"And yes, childcare centers do open at 6:00 a.m. and nannys do start that early too!"

Are you insane? Are you really suggesting that I move my child to a daycare center many miles away from our house, or give up our coveted slot at our great daycare and hire a much more expensive (and lower quality childcare provider, IMHO) nanny, in order to obtain childcare coverage for a couple of days to attend my ER and ET?

You don't actually have children, do you?

[Anonymous]

"And yes, childcare centers do open at 6:00 a.m. and nannys do start that early too!"

Are you insane? Are you really suggesting that I move my child to a daycare center many miles away from our house, or give up our coveted slot at our great daycare and hire a much more expensive (and lower quality childcare provider, IMHO) nanny, in order to obtain childcare coverage for a couple of days to attend my ER and ET?

You don't actually have children, do you?

Whoa settle down! I think that what the previous poster was suggesting was simply to investigate some options you might already have. I know we generlly bring our twins to daycare at 8 but the place opens at 6:30.

I agree with the previous poster---if you don't like the SG policy then perhaps you should go elsewhere! I don't understand the stress because there are plenty of other good clinics without this policy!

[Anonymous]

What is SG?

[Anonymous]

shady grove

[Anonymous]

I agree with the policy. Esp in regards to having children there for the ER and ET.

[Anonymous]

Suppose parents at a hospital with their inpatient child with cancer see healthy children walking along the hallways of the children's floor..is this okay or insensitive? Would it make sense to forbid children, healthy ones, from the hospital? If cancer stricken children can deal with seeing healthy children who visit them in the hospital then can't women struggling with infertility face their demons and tolerate seeing children at cinics too?

A fertility clinic is for those who don't have any children but also for those who have children and are experiencing hardship having more children. I would guess that a small percentage of infertility patients are vehmently against having children there. So a small but very vocal minority has shaped SG's no children policy.

That SG is alone in its policy makes me think that there's a reason why they are - most people don't want one individual's personal burden passed on the neighbor.

I liken it also to the stimulus plan that has just passed. Some people didn't want it because they feel it means people who lived responsibly will be paying taxes to help those who made big financial blunders in their lives. People want to see individuals handle their own problems, on their own, without placing their burdenson others. The emotional burden of infertility is an individual problem. It should be coped with personally, rather than passing on the burden on the other patients who need to bring their kids in.

Crying loud children might be stressful and I understand that. But I like the idea of a family waiting room. This should not upset anyone.

[Anonymous]

I am the mother of a 5 yo and am experiencing secondary infertility. My clinic doesn't have a no-kids policy, but I would never bring my child to an appointment. I feel as though my situation - a woman who is lucky enough to have a child already - is so different from a woman who is struggling to conceive her first. I cannot imagine the pain of not knowing whether you will ever be able to have a child or not, and I feel as though showing up in the waiting room with my son could be a slap in the face to some moms. I don't want to run the risk of creating more sadness for moms who are already suffering. But I can see how moms with small children and few childcare options could be very burdened by a no-kids policy.

[Anonymous]

Since when did people's "feelings" become paramount in when/ where they seek competent medical care?

If you're at SG, or any other fertility clinic, you are there because of your situation alone. Why in the hell does it matter to you whether the woman flipping magazines in the chair next to you has no children, one child or ten? It's not going to change your case one iota.

If you ask me, this is simply giving in to the notion that women in their fragile state (PMS, pregnant, menopausal, fill in the blank) are completely irrational and hysterical, hormonally or otherwise, and simply can't be expected to cope with the real world.

[Anonymous]

Correction: (I'm the 20:05 poster) - meant to say "women" instead of "moms."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since when did people's "feelings" become paramount in when/ where they seek competent medical care?

If you're at SG, or any other fertility clinic, you are there because of your situation alone. Why in the hell does it matter to you whether the woman flipping magazines in the chair next to you has no children, one child or ten? It's not going to change your case one iota.

If you ask me, this is simply giving in to the notion that women in their fragile state (PMS, pregnant, menopausal, fill in the blank) are completely irrational and hysterical, hormonally or otherwise, and simply can't be expected to cope with the real world.

This is a bit silly. I don't think considering the impact your choices might have on others' feelings (bringing your kids to the clinic or not) is giving in to any notions about "fragile" women. This is simply acknowledging that waiting for your appointment to get IUI is different from waiting for your appointment to get a root canal. There's a little more at stake, don't you think?

[Anonymous]

There IS a little more at stake, but it's an individual, personal stake, not one that can be transferred or shared by all Shady Grove patients for eternity.

I have the greatest empathy for infertile women. Trust me, I do. But why be so pessimistic and despair? It may happen, just at different times for each woman. And when our bodies can not produce a child, there's always adoption which allows us to still be a mother to a child desperately in need of a loving one.

I think women in fragile states of mind must learn to cope with their own situation and not force the rest of the entire Shady Grove population to sacrifice for them.

[Anonymous]

I can see both sides of the policy.

Sitting and waiting and anticipating good (or bad) news can be tough enough, but to see other people's babies/children sorta just rubs it in your face even more - almost like you just can't quite get what is "suppose to be yours".

On the other hand, last minute babysitters can be hard to find. And if TTC is a very private and personal matter for you and DH than the pool of available friends and family members to babysit becomes slim.

[Anonymous]

PP, thats precisely our circumstances. We have told noone about our infertility treatments, not even my own mother.

Also, how do I call a babysitter on Tuesday afternoon to ask her to come to our house at 6:30 a.m. on Wednesday?

[Anonymous]

I was a patient at CFA, and we did occasionally see children in the waiting room. It did strike me as a little unusual (though, I would feel the same way if I saw kids in the waiting room with Mom at her annual GYN exam), but then I would just go back to my magazine. I felt that when I was going through IVF I was extremely reactive to lots of things (especially insensitive comments of friends and family who had never suffered from infertility, but who couldn't shut up with ridiculous advice), but personally, the kids in the waiting room never bothered me. To me, they were anonymous people who were just trying to get through their own private sorrows/difficulties. Dealing with my own friends and family who didn't know what to say to an infertile was far, far worse.

That being said, I do think the IVF clinics, in general, could be a little better about disseminating information about dealing emotionally and logistically with this disease. If SG has a no child policy, they could easily make recommendations for child care back up. The last minute timing of ER and ET, especially if you have to go through multiple cycles must be very stressful for many patients with children at home.