What Do You Think of SG's No Children Allowed Policy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see both sides of the policy.

Sitting and waiting and anticipating good (or bad) news can be tough enough, but to see other people's babies/children sorta just rubs it in your face even more - almost like you just can't quite get what is "suppose to be yours".

On the other hand, last minute babysitters can be hard to find. And if TTC is a very private and personal matter for you and DH than the pool of available friends and family members to babysit becomes slim.

Me too. By far the easiest way to handle this would a family waiting room. Barring that, designating "family hours" vs. "no children hours" (or "family days" vs. "no children days") would be better than nothing.

Anyone know of any good local clinics that ARE family-friendly while still respecting the desires of women with no children yet? I think GIVF may be one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"And yes, childcare centers do open at 6:00 a.m. and nannys do start that early too!"

Are you insane? Are you really suggesting that I move my child to a daycare center many miles away from our house, or give up our coveted slot at our great daycare and hire a much more expensive (and lower quality childcare provider, IMHO) nanny, in order to obtain childcare coverage for a couple of days to attend my ER and ET?

You don't actually have children, do you?

Yes, I do have children AND I can find affordable childcare AND I work. Do you? Your children are your responsibility AND no one elses. If you can naviagete IVF treatments, then surely, you can find someone to keep YOUR responsibility for a couple of hours.

Personally, I find time and a way to do the things that I WANT to do. Parenthood and the responsibilities that come along with it are NOT new to the Earth. By the way, most ER and ETs are not scheduled at 6:00 in the morning . . . monitoring and bloodwork (7 a.m.) maybe but not ERs and ETs. Do what you need to do to get the IVF.

I try to keep it all in prospective and be thankful. I try to think of the deaf IVF patient from GW and the disabled IVF patient. Geesh, FIND DAYCARE!

[Anonymous]

"Since when did people's "feelings" become paramount in when/ where they seek competent medical care?

If you're at SG, or any other fertility clinic, you are there because of your situation alone. Why in the hell does it matter to you whether the woman flipping magazines in the chair next to you has no children, one child or ten? It's not going to change your case one iota."

You can flip it the other way. The clinic is there to provide you with a medical procedure not provide childcare during it, that's your responsibility. Why is your convenience paramount to someone else's feelings? SG probably made a determination based on what was best for the majority of their patients not what would be more convenient for a few at the expense of others.

[Anonymous]

Honestly the policy doesn't make any sense. We see people with children at the grocery store, mall, library, church, etc. It's not like people who have not been able to conceive live in a bubble with no children in it and never see children around.

I agree with the PP who suggested a separate family friendly room, where a spouse or friend could watch the child or children while you have your procedure. It's impossible to get a babysitter to come over at 6am on a Saturday morning so you have go to Rockville and have your husband drive you back since you'll be groggy and sick from the anesthesia and pain meds after egg retrieval. We try our best not to bring our daughter during the weekday scheduled routine monitoring but on the weekend on short notice, it's impossible.

I had to go in for a urgent fluid aspiration due to severe OHSS straight from my regualr monitoring office in Annandale, VA (which I went to alone without my daughter; my husband was watching her at home on Sunday monrning) to Rockville. But then had to call him to inform him that I was stopping by home so that he could drive me since I wouldn't be able to drive myself back after the anesthesia. So he and my 3 yr old had to wait outside the building, in the car, and finally drove around Bethesda until then nurse called him on the cell phone that I was ready to be picked up, which was about 5-6 hours later as I had to be fit in the schedule and I needed IV fluid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Since when did people's "feelings" become paramount in when/ where they seek competent medical care?

If you're at SG, or any other fertility clinic, you are there because of your situation alone. Why in the hell does it matter to you whether the woman flipping magazines in the chair next to you has no children, one child or ten? It's not going to change your case one iota."

You can flip it the other way. The clinic is there to provide you with a medical procedure not provide childcare during it, that's your responsibility. Why is your convenience paramount to someone else's feelings? SG probably made a determination based on what was best for the majority of their patients not what would be more convenient for a few at the expense of others.

Yes, there are to sides but no one is asking for them to provide "childcare", i.e just asking to allow your child to come and wait in the waiting room with your husband, if you need your spouse to come along to drive you home. Obviously if you do not need someone else to drive you back then have your spouse watch your child/children at home and drive yourself. Sometimes you have to go urgently. Such as with egg transfer, it could be any day between 3 days and 5 days so it's difficult to set up and you definitely need a ride as you can't drive yourself.

There's no need to bring in your 2 kids if you can drive yourself there and back home. Just like at the regular doctor's office. Why do women bring all 4 of their kids when they are the patient. In those scheduled, non-sedating/not anesthesia receiving/on-procedure visits, find a babysitter so that the healthcare provider can focus on you and not be distracted by one of your 4 kids jumping off the chair or pulling on exam paper, etc.

[Anonymous]

I conceived my DD via SGF & it took 3 long and hard cycles. It was painful for me to see children on the street, in restaurants, on the subway, everywhere. So to answer OP question, when I was cycling and especially after the 2 failed cycles, it was horrible for me to see other children of all ages wherever I went. That's life, yes, but that doesn't mean it was easy. I first used a clinic that did not have this policy, and it was a bit painful. The kids were restless, running around everywhere as kids normally do, bored, being loud, etc. I was so anxious and nervous it just made it worse. It is unrealistic to expect a child to behave in a boring medical office when appointments are taking a long time. I think the no kids policy is the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

We had 4 miscarriages (2 d&cs)- and 3 years of TTC (I know there are many with more)- I was so desperate- I went to GIVF that doesn't have this policy and I really felt like crying in the waiting room- I wondered why the other people with 3 kids were there when I just wanted ONE.. ONE.. please.. it was very hard.. So- after we got our miracle one- I went for miracle 2- another not easy road- many IUIS and 2 IVFS- i went to SG then (a GREAT place!!!!!!!!!!!!- GIVF is mud in my book and they did not help with #1- long story) . This policy was hard since I had DD and she was a less than one year by then (I went early in TTC knowing our history and odds- and it took another 2+ years with major luck) and I didn't know what to do- the first time I went there for monitoring I was asked to go to another area and explained the policy- and that a woman was pregnant and had just learned early on there was no longer a heartbeat.. You know what- I UNDERSTAND! I've been there- it cuts inside of you. I never brought DD then- I did everything possible but we just avoided it. And I appreciate what they are doing.

[Anonymous]

I think reactions to kids in the waiting room may vary quite a bit by where a person is the infertility journey. There will be those who go to Shady Grove and are pregnant after a single IUI and those who are still sitting childless in the waiting room after 6 IVFs and 5 years of trying.
I know that the further I got in my infertility journey (after several failed IVFs) the less I was encouraged by other peoples' pregnancies (even if those other people did IVF, etc). IVF was NOT working for me and at times it only made me feel worse to see it working for others.

When I finally got pregnant I remember feeling guilty when I sat in the OBs office with my big belly because I was afraid that I might be hurting someone else in the waiting room who could be struggling with infertilty. I acutely remember the pain of not being able to have that and I didn't want to hurt others. I'm not particularly sensitive to the needs of others in much of the rest of my life but I will always be extremely burdened for those who are dealing with infertility. I am cycling again now and it is inconvenient to find childcare for monitoring etc, but if I can minimize the pain of one other woman in the waiting room by not bringing my child I feel like it's worth it ten times over to get a sitter, etc.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I do have children AND I can find affordable childcare AND I work. Do you? Your children are your responsibility AND no one elses.

Poster to made the above comment - If children are our responsibility then surely you should also agree that the inability to have children is your issue and your issue alone. And no one elses. So better to keep your anguish a personal issue and not complain to Shady Grove that you will cry each time you see a young child in the waiting room.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Okay I'm up late tonight because I had to get some stuff done for a big event I'm planning tomorrow. So forgive me if I make typos here.

I truly feel for infertile women. I do. Honestly. I can not only sympathize, but I can empathize. But when it is an incredible inconvenience to patients and they have to have hubby drive around at 7 -8 a.m. and keep a toddler busy for three hours in Rockville because he can't bring him into the SG waiting room, then we have to balance peoples interests and needs.

Children are allowed in most waiting rooms of clinics. I know the exception is cancer clinics where they ask that if children come, they remain quiet because there are many friends and relatives of parents there also who are either grieving or deep in thought and don't need the noise and chaos of running and loud children. But remember they are objecting, not to children's presence, but to the noise they make. This is understandable as waiting rooms should not be a circus.

That many women can conceive or have children is a fact of life. I feel a mixture of joy and delight and pain when I see a baby. So I think I understand. BUT it is better to seek therapy to learn to manage our personal pain instead of forcing others to walk on eggshells and make our environment sterile for our fragile state of mind. It's not realistic and it certainly isn't healthy to have such severe issues that you can not even stand to be around or look at someone else's child. Life will be very hard for us indeed if we continue to think this way for the rest of our life.

Who is to say we won't have that child? Each of us should always beleive no matter what that our dream is possible and it WILL one day be realized. Having a positive attitide no matter how many IVF's you've done is key to our health as well as in managing our pain. Besides, having this positive attitude is better for fertility too. Carrying around this bag of extreme pain and intolerance for even seeing other kids in clinics has got to be terrible for fertility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
That many women can conceive or have children is a fact of life. I feel a mixture of joy and delight and pain when I see a baby. So I think I understand. BUT it is better to seek therapy to learn to manage our personal pain instead of forcing others to walk on eggshells and make our environment sterile for our fragile state of mind. It's not realistic and it certainly isn't healthy to have such severe issues that you can not even stand to be around or look at someone else's child. Life will be very hard for us indeed if we continue to think this way for the rest of our life.

Who is to say we won't have that child? Each of us should always beleive no matter what that our dream is possible and it WILL one day be realized. Having a positive attitide no matter how many IVF's you've done is key to our health as well as in managing our pain. Besides, having this positive attitude is better for fertility too. Carrying around this bag of extreme pain and intolerance for even seeing other kids in clinics has got to be terrible for fertility.

Wow, OP. Who ever said anything about forcing others to walk on eggshells or that infertile women can't even stand to be around/look at someone else's child? Your post comes off as pretty harsh. I'm sorry for the woman whose husband got stuck in Rockville with a toddler. I had an analogous situation, but I called a friend to come get me while DH watched our son. These are exceptions, not rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP. Who ever said anything about forcing others to walk on eggshells or that infertile women can't even stand to be around/look at someone else's child? Your post comes off as pretty harsh. I'm sorry for the woman whose husband got stuck in Rockville with a toddler. I had an analogous situation, but I called a friend to come get me while DH watched our son. These are exceptions, not rules.

Ah, well... objecting to the presence of other people's children to the point that those children aren't allowed to be in a Dr.'s office IS forcing others to walk on eggshells. And it DOES suggest that infertile women can't even stand to be around/look at someone else's child. As harsh as PP's post comes across, it is a logistically consistent response to SG's policy.

The PP didn't describe infertile women in that manner, Shady Grove did. She's just responding to that characterization.

[Anonymous]

Children should be allowed if they are not disruptive. If a man is undergoing treatment for a sex change, does the doctor ban all bio women from entering the office? Of course not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Children should be allowed if they are not disruptive. If a man is undergoing treatment for a sex change, does the doctor ban all bio women from entering the office? Of course not.

Try to focus, people. This is not even remotely analogous to the situation of a woman struggling to conceive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay I'm up late tonight because I had to get some stuff done for a big event I'm planning tomorrow. So forgive me if I make typos here.

I truly feel for infertile women. I do. Honestly. I can not only sympathize, but I can empathize. But when it is an incredible inconvenience to patients and they have to have hubby drive around at 7 -8 a.m. and keep a toddler busy for three hours in Rockville because he can't bring him into the SG waiting room, then we have to balance peoples interests and needs.

Children are allowed in most waiting rooms of clinics. I know the exception is cancer clinics where they ask that if children come, they remain quiet because there are many friends and relatives of parents there also who are either grieving or deep in thought and don't need the noise and chaos of running and loud children. But remember they are objecting, not to children's presence, but to the noise they make. This is understandable as waiting rooms should not be a circus.

That many women can conceive or have children is a fact of life. I feel a mixture of joy and delight and pain when I see a baby. So I think I understand. BUT it is better to seek therapy to learn to manage our personal pain instead of forcing others to walk on eggshells and make our environment sterile for our fragile state of mind. It's not realistic and it certainly isn't healthy to have such severe issues that you can not even stand to be around or look at someone else's child. Life will be very hard for us indeed if we continue to think this way for the rest of our life.

Who is to say we won't have that child? Each of us should always beleive no matter what that our dream is possible and it WILL one day be realized. Having a positive attitide no matter how many IVF's you've done is key to our health as well as in managing our pain. Besides, having this positive attitude is better for fertility too. Carrying around this bag of extreme pain and intolerance for even seeing other kids in clinics has got to be terrible for fertility.

This is a nice sentiment, in theory. But if I were a woman who wanted desperately to conceive her first child and feared (in many cases, with good reason) that it might never happen, I might find that comment a bit much coming from someone who already has a child. Lecturing women who are struggling with infertility to have a "positive attitude" and stop complaining and stressing is probably not the way to make friends on this message board.