He wants a divorce...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:
As far as being a bitchy roommate, I don't want sex. I turn him down when he wants it. I am beyond terrified of getting pregnant again. I cry a lot and tell him he doesn't understand. YES, that's all I'm doing that makes him call me bitchy. Turning down sex and crying.No, it doesn't make sense.

Have you talked to your OB about birth control?
Or are you planning not to have sex again? If so, that's something you really need to discuss with your husband. I've seen too many threads about sexless marriages and they sound like hell.

The NP in his office suggested Paraguard so I can avoid the hormones, but that's not really my thing. Our plan was to use condoms but the failure rate terrifies me. DH is holding out that I'll change my mind about another baby and doesn't want to get snipped.

OP, you seem to have a lot of excuses for everything. Why you haven't gotten help for your PPD. why your husband finds you difficult. Now why you can't have sex.

If you're that scared about pregnancy, then a temporary, effective birth control option that's "not your thing" (such as an IUD) BECOMES your thing, especially since using condoms terrifies you. Or, you seek out dual contraception like diaphragm + condom so that you can feel more comfortable about risk.

If you're terrified of pregnancy, then sorry, but the onus is on you to not get pregnant. Denying your husband sex is certainly going to work to avoid pregnancy, but it's not going to do much for your marriage.

Asking your husband to get a vasectomy (a permanent option) if he does not want to is unfair, and withholding sex because of that is pathologically so. Especially since there are other options that have been offered to you, with less risk and permanency.

I think there's more to your story than you're stating here. Would love to get your husbands point of view.

Well, I would have said I have religious objections to the IUD, but I'd get flamed for that. So there. I'm too pro-life to use one. Flame away. We're seriously looking at only condoms or a diaphragm, both of which have abysmal failure rates. Yes, that scares me that much. My delivery was traumatic and I don't care to repeat it, nor can my body physically handle another delivery without good spacing. And since another pregnancy doesn't affect my husband's physical and mental well being, that's that. And I fail to see how asking him to get a vasectomy is unfair. And beyond the birth control thing, I don't have much desire to have sex with a man who calls me evil and a bitch. Yes, that flits into my brain every time he makes a move.

No, I don't have an underlying mental condition. I was fine while not on birth control, which was for most of my life - I only started it 3 months before the wedding. I was fine while not pregnant. I was fine while my hormones weren't all over the place postpartum.

Aaaaaannnnnnnd, more excuses. What is it you want here, OP? Because you CLEARLY aren't interested in any of the great advice you've gotten so far

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tried to help in my posts but you are full of excuses. Seems like you are the problem. Get some help.

What excuses? I made an appointment with a counselor. Grow up, or at least read every post if you're going to be accusatory.

Uh excuses about the sex, about your relationship, about how he does not understand, etc. it's all about YOU! That's the problem and you are too blind to see it. Have some compassion...your husband is obviously struggling as well.

You won't apologize as you stated previously, and it's all about you you you. Grow up!

Don't forget she can't take off of work, she can't stop breastfeeding, she can't use X type of birth control, doesn't have a PCP, etc, etc

[Anonymous]

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OP, first you have got to stop treating your husband like a roommate and viewing it as "just a season". If you do nothing else, cuddle with him and hold him. Give him a blow job and do it like you love him not like it's a duty. Viewing this as "just a season" gives him no end point. I can see why divorce would look good to him about now. I'ma woman with a baby if that matters. Second, if you don't like where you live, figure out what lifestyle you do want. It took my husband and I years to figure out what we wanted. Some of it was due to poor communication and health problems, some of it was due to being new parents. You have a right to have the lifestyle you want. Whining about how miss d.c. isn't productive. Finally, you are making a lot of excuses as to why you can't get treatment. That may be behind your husband's cruel comments. He has a right to have a healthy wife and to see that you are headed in that direction. If threatening divorce gets you to get help, he may be justified. Serving you tea and toast in bed while you bitch about your life while withholding love and affection from him is not what he signed up for. Realize that you are treating your boss like your husband and your husband like your boss. Your boss can always hire a new employee. Your husband can't get another wife. You tell your boss you have a medical appointment and you go. You tell your husband that you want to be a good wife to him and if that means you need to quit your job, then that's what you do. Not all women are able to work and be good wives and moms. You may be one of them.

Did no one read that I have an appointment today?

I guess not.

Ignore him, OP (oh, sorry -- PP is a "woman with a baby" -- uh huh, sure :roll. When you get to "give him a blow job and do it like you love him not like it's a duty," it's a fair assumption that the rest of the post doesn't have any value either.

Agreed - the answer to not wanting sex when you've been told you're evil and a bitch? Suck his dick! Such excellent advice... [sarcasm]

She says she won't give him sex b/c she's afraid of getting pregnant again. Even a 12 year old knows you can't get pregnant from a blow job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appointment was yesterday. I think it went well. She validated how I am feeling but also pointed out that I am probably putting the baby first, in a bad way. She encouraged me to see if he'd come to counseling too and suggested some other concrete ideas. I haven't asked him yet.

A pp here. Glad it went well. Did you talk to your DH about counseling yet?

No, and I don't think I will although I'm going back this week. Reading all the hateful replies sent me into a spiral again. I guess people just read the posts they want and not all of them. I'm not making excuses for everything. I went to counseling, so I don't know why people are bashing me for making excuses as to why I won't go. I love a PP's suggestion of condoms and charting, so I'm not sure why people are harping on me making excuses about birth control. Hateful, hateful people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appointment was yesterday. I think it went well. She validated how I am feeling but also pointed out that I am probably putting the baby first, in a bad way. She encouraged me to see if he'd come to counseling too and suggested some other concrete ideas. I haven't asked him yet.

A pp here. Glad it went well. Did you talk to your DH about counseling yet?

No, and I don't think I will although I'm going back this week. Reading all the hateful replies sent me into a spiral again. I guess people just read the posts they want and not all of them. I'm not making excuses for everything. I went to counseling, so I don't know why people are bashing me for making excuses as to why I won't go. I love a PP's suggestion of condoms and charting, so I'm not sure why people are harping on me making excuses about birth control. Hateful, hateful people.

OP, get a grip on yourself. Put you Into a spiral? Seriously? You posted on a public, anonymous board. Did you really think that every reply here would be of the supportive "oh poor bunny" type?

I read back through the posts and found nothing hateful. Because someone doesn't agree with you doesn't make them "hateful". It means their experience in life is not your experience. Most of the advice I saw, even when contrary to what you wanted to hear, seemed pretty reasonable.

Life is full of dissenters. Sometimes their opinions should be taken to heart, because they're honest and impartial.

Reading your reactions to any post that is contrary to what you want to hear, I'm wondering if this is what you do with your husband? Can you look honestly at yourself and say if you negate what he is saying if it differs from what you want to hear?

I'm glad you're in counseling, and hope you continue to go. You sound honestly like you have some things to work out. Disagreeing with people. Is part of like. Being overwhelmed is part of life. You need to learn how to not make excuses and empower yourself.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I do believe it's hateful to say someone is full of excuses when they are not. Everyone here knows calling someone full of excuses is button pushing, and button pushing is hateful.

I still fail to see what excuses I am making. I'm in counseling and working on birth control. I've even researching lawyers just in case. Reading TCOYF as a refresher in charting and signs as we speak. But just because I don't want to IUD, react poorly to the pill, and don't have a PCP (really can't figure out how that's an excuse when it's a statement of fact) I'm full of excuses. Ok.