He wants a divorce...

[Anonymous]

Breastfeeding keeps me sane and stopping isn't an option. It's not an issue either, since he sleeps pretty well, waking up once at night to nurse. I love the closeness of those 2 am snuggles. They remind me how much I love him.

No family in the area. We recently moved from DC, so no real friends either. Perfect storm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The receptionist said they don't do evenings and weekends but I am hoping I can schedule future ones around lunchtime. I'm salaried so it's not like I'm needing to clock in and out but still can't really be away during the day, you know?

We've been married five years. Things were great before I was pregnant, and started going downhill during, but not much you can do about it at that point. I've posted here before about that stuff.

Well that is definitely a long enough marriage to NOT be entitled to bail after several months of bitchy behavior, I don't care how bad it is. You just had a baby, had to go straight back to work, and deal with an unsupportive husband. Is there any chance he didn't really want this baby? I don't want to offend you by asking, but if everything was great up until then it seems to point to something going on with him.

[Anonymous]

No way. He wanted the baby really badly. Maybe reality set in, but he definitely wanted one. Maybe two. Maybe three. He really says it's because I'm a bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way. He wanted the baby really badly. Maybe reality set in, but he definitely wanted one. Maybe two. Maybe three. He really says it's because I'm a bitch.

He needs to understand that your depression is a bitch, and not you. It's a disease, like any other health condition, and needs to be managed. You wouldn't wait weeks to see someone if you thought you had cancer would you? Call a psychiatrist today, leave a message telling them you are desperate, and suck up the high cost of treatment. Many psychiatrists will see you same day if you have PPD. Tell work you threw up and have to leave. You and your family cannot afford for you to continue to put this off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Breastfeeding keeps me sane and stopping isn't an option. It's not an issue either, since he sleeps pretty well, waking up once at night to nurse. I love the closeness of those 2 am snuggles. They remind me how much I love him.

No family in the area. We recently moved from DC, so no real friends either. Perfect storm.

Can your mother (or maybe a sister) come in from out of town to help you out?

[Anonymous]

But what if it's not PPD? What if I really do suck at being a mother and a wife and I'm taking it out on him? That happens, doesn't it?

[Anonymous]

How old is your baby?

[Anonymous]

5 month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But what if it's not PPD? What if I really do suck at being a mother and a wife and I'm taking it out on him? That happens, doesn't it?

Then you are in counselling already, and can learn coping mechanisms to control your anger, frustration, agitation, disappointment, etc.

I'm a firm believer that there is no one on the planet who can't benefit from having counselling. Even if it's not PPD, it's still a good thing, OP. the perfect storm that you are describing is enough to push anyone to their breaking point. Therapy / counselling can help with that too. You don't have to be "sick" to benefit from having someone objective to talk to.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]But what if it's not PPD? What if I really do suck at being a mother and a wife and I'm taking it out on him? That happens, doesn't it?[/quote]

OP, I was in the same situation as you when I had my first. We started having difficulties during pregnancy because of my hormonal changes. We then moved two months before my son was born across the country to a place where I knew no one. I lived in an isolated neighborhood. I had no friends. My closest family was nine hours drive away. My husband was always at work. And I got PPD. And I was a bitch.

But I got treatment, got on medication and slowly felt better. It wasn't all just PPD. If we hadn't moved I don't think I would've gotten PPD. You need a support system when you have a baby for the first time. Being isolated and stressed and overworked can make anyone a bad wife. I can tell from your posts that you are neither a bad wife nor a bad mother. Take care of yourself. If your husband decides he's not going to be there for you it's his loss, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But what if it's not PPD? What if I really do suck at being a mother and a wife and I'm taking it out on him? That happens, doesn't it?

No, you don't suck at being a wife an mother. I can tell you care. But could you try not to take it out on your husband? Can you vent to someone else?

[Anonymous]

See, he claims that people do this (the baby and isolation thing) all the time and I don't have any to be depressed about. He sneered when I mentioned very early on that lack of a support system was proven to be a cause of PPD. I really don't understand the purpose in him insisting I don't have PPD, but I'm just a bitch. Is mental illness that uncomfortable for people that they'd rather see the person they married as the face of evil? Because he's called me evil before too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But what if it's not PPD? What if I really do suck at being a mother and a wife and I'm taking it out on him? That happens, doesn't it?

No, you don't suck at being a wife an mother. I can tell you care. But could you try not to take it out on your husband? Can you vent to someone else?

I guess that's why I'm venting here. I really don't have anyone right now. I don't vent to him much, but when I finally let it out, it's bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:See, he claims that people do this (the baby and isolation thing) all the time and I don't have any to be depressed about. He sneered when I mentioned very early on that lack of a support system was proven to be a cause of PPD. I really don't understand the purpose in him insisting I don't have PPD, but I'm just a bitch. Is mental illness that uncomfortable for people that they'd rather see the person they married as the face of evil? Because he's called me evil before too.

Your husband doesn't live in reality. Does he have surveillance cameras in all he homes of the people who are "coping" with a new baby and isolation perfectly? Because it would paint a very different picture than the one he is seeing. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know exactly how you feel in almost every way. He is supposed to be your support system too and he is failing. If you are offering him explanations for your unhappiness (which in most cases causes angry behavior toward the spouse) and he is rejecting them without contemplation and focusing on one sole theory (which is probably untrue or why would he have married you?), I cannot see how you can live with that. That is not someone who seems to be able to look inward.

I've never posted this many responses on a thread before (normally a lurker) but this just makes my blood boil.

[Anonymous]

PP here, by the way how old is your DH? Could this be a maturity issue? Because his behavior sounds like he is a 16 year old.