He wants a divorce...
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Anonymous
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....because I have PPD.
Of course, he claims it's because I'm a bitch and bad wife and mother. I've had a lot of trouble getting help for a multitude of reasons, so as of now it's undiagnosed and untreated. And now he wants a divorce because "I'm a shitty wife and shitty mother." And truth be told, I am. It's all I can do to get up every morning and right now my baby needs every ounce of other effort I can muster. He's clean, dry, fed, and amused, but because I'm not over the moon about him sometimes and I'm having a hard time loving his father, my husband thinks I'm the worst person ever. And yes, I am angry and irritable and pretty bitchy. I know I need help, but it's hard getting it when you can barely get out of bed. I saw my OB about it and he denied it was PPD because I was too far postpartum at 3 months for PPD. I believed him at first but now I know that's not true. I'm lost. |
Anonymous
| See another OB! |
Anonymous
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Some numbers you may want to call...
http://www.womenshealth.gov/mental-health/hotlines/ Specifically: Postpartum Support International Phone: 800-994-4PPD (4773) PPD Hope Phone: 877-PPD-HOPE (877-773-4673) PPD Moms Phone: 800-PPD-MOMS (800-773-6667) |
Anonymous
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I'm mad at your husband for you. You need help. Agree with PP - see someone else now. Call a new doctor and tell them that you need help immediately.
A spouse should be supportive in times of need, not ready to walk out the door. |
Anonymous
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Do you even need to see an OB about this if yours is so clueless? Try your primary care physician if you need a referral; otherwise, ask a friend or check the boards here for a good therapist.
If you're only 3 months and your husband is already bailing on you, wow. Tell him you're seeking therapy for PPD and want counseling first and see if he's just trying to get you in a faster gear to seek help. I hope so. Ditching you in your time of need is not impressive and horrible for all of you. |
Anonymous
| I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Do seek help right away. You deserve to feel better. And you will. Try focusing on getting better for now and you will be better equiped to deal with your husband later. I'm pissed at him for you. You should be feeling supported right now. |
Anonymous
| I had PPD for months after the birth of my child. Hated life, hated everything about being a mother. Started medication 5 months later and began to feel better. My DH will still bring up those months, which makes my blood boil. |
Anonymous
OP here. Is it a lack of understanding, caring, or what? It's like he wants to make me out to be evil. I realize life isn't peaches for him either, but come on. |
Anonymous
| You should be the one asking for a divorce because your husband is an unsupportive asshole. So sorry OP, I'm married to someone who doesn't believe that mental health issues are real either. |
Anonymous
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Your husband may be dealing with own new parent depression and taking it out on you. Mine did. It was awful. Basically took my doctor yelling at him and shaming him that it wasn't my fault and I needed help. I went to therapy, got meds, got better, and DH feels terrible about how he acted. He was much more supportive when I had it the second time.
I think some men get freaked out when their spouse isn't well enough to be there for them, and when they have to be the one giving support. DH used to get mad at me when I got sick as well, but after seeing a counselor a few times that has stopped. It look a long time to get to this point, though. |
Anonymous
I don't think he really understands what you're going through, and I don't think you really understand what he's going through. I've been where you are, OP, at least in terms of the PPD. I get it. You're giving every ounce of yourself to the baby right now. But nothing you wrote gave any indication that you give a crap about prioritizing your marriage, and you have to know that your DH is getting that message loud and clear. Try to step outside of how scared and sad and overwhelmed you feel, and think about how helpless and angry he must feel too. Here he was expecting this blissful little family life, and so far it hasn't exactly turned out that way. As women we hear so much about PPD and we know it's normal and it will pass, but men DON'T know that and they DON'T hear that. Your DH is probably scared out of his mind that this is the new you, permanently. If he's never experienced chemical depression he's simply not capable of understanding how you can be simply unable to function. You don't go into the "issues" that led you to be undiagnosed and untreated but you MUST find a way to get to a doctor, stat. Like, TODAY. You owe it to your DH, your baby, and yourself to do everything you can to get through this period sooner rather than later. |
Anonymous
This is part of the problem. I've called a few counselors and it's a 3 week wait to see someone. Same with a family practice doctor - I don't have a PCP. I know, I know, if I'd just made an appointment, but when you're desperate and begging someone for help and are told it's 3-4 weeks for it, the easiest thing to do is hang up the phone and cry. Finding someone today just isn't going to happen. |
Anonymous
| OP try the Women's Center: http://www.thewomenscenter.org/ |
Anonymous
We never had a second child because of my depression. He was a good *baby* daddy - did overnight feedings, changing, but I did those tasks as well, just not jumping for joy about my little bundle of joy. It's a tough time for everyone, even without depression in the mix. Perhaps you both need some good sleep 
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Anonymous
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OP, whatever you do, please make an appointment, even if it's for 3-4 weeks out. You can always cancel. Just concentrate on making it day by day. And please use some of the links to educate your DH about PPD.
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