Black-tie wedding - how to afford?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't give a gift card or cash--give a gift on their registry that costs $200 or less or another (similar) gift you find on sale somewhere. Giving them cash or a gift card is just calling attention to the amount. If you need to decrease the amount you spend on the gift in order to keep your budget intact, I would do it--just don't give cash!!!

I actually feel the exact opposite. I frequently give gift cards to the store where the registry is. Almost all companies that host registries give a discount to those registering after the event. For example, wedding couples often can buy any items remaining of their registry after the wedding for 10% off. So, a gift card to the store with the registry can often buy more than the face value due to the discount. When we got married 12 years ago, we were able to use the gift cards we received, pool them together and with the 10% discount, we were able to buy the rest of the items that we wanted off of the registry (there were a couple of items that we registered for, that we realized after the wedding that we probably wouldn't use even though we liked the items) without spending a cent out of pocket. That was wonderful and we noted that in the thank you cards to those people, that they helped us buy out the items on the registry after the wedding.

I think this approach is excellent, as long as the OP doesn't feel like she is "being watched" or is super-conscious about how much money they give.
Otherwise, OP can just go to the place with the registry, talk to the salesperson, and give them you budget. They will help you pick something out.

[Anonymous]

Here is what is wrong with black tie weddings: You are inviting people AS YOUR GUESTS but requiring them to conform to a dress code that will, for some of them, COST THEM MONEY. You are, in a sense, charging admission to your wedding. That is just rude and ill-mannered, particularly since they are also going to be bringing you a gift.

What your black tie invitation says is: I only want you if you can present yourself in the manner to which I would like to become accustomed. You are not saying: I want you, my friend/loved one, to join me in celebrating the start of my next new adventure in life.

Some people live lives that involve frequent, or even occasional wearings of floor-length dresses and tuxedos. But there are very many people, I would actually say a majority, who haven't worn a full-length dress or tux since they went to the prom or got married themselves. Your black-tie invitation asks people to spend time and money outfitting themselves with items they may never wear again. It is as if you have asked every guest to be a bridesmaid or groomsman.

I don't own a long dress in any color and I'd be pissed if I had to spend even $25 to buy one to attend someone's wedding. It's not the $25, it's the time needed to find something I will likely never wear again. I would feel different about it if I had to buy a long dress to attend a White House dinner or the Oscars. But guess what, Bride? Your wedding is neither of those things. It is not the social event of the season or a one-in-a-lifetime event (for your guests).

My DH is 50 years old. He hasn't had occasion to wear a tuxedo in 20 years. The notion that it is "worth it" for him to run out and buy one to wear as a guest to someone's wedding is patently ridiculous. He'll likely only wear it again if I bury him in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is what is wrong with black tie weddings: You are inviting people AS YOUR GUESTS but requiring them to conform to a dress code that will, for some of them, COST THEM MONEY. You are, in a sense, charging admission to your wedding. That is just rude and ill-mannered, particularly since they are also going to be bringing you a gift.

What your black tie invitation says is: I only want you if you can present yourself in the manner to which I would like to become accustomed. You are not saying: I want you, my friend/loved one, to join me in celebrating the start of my next new adventure in life.

Some people live lives that involve frequent, or even occasional wearings of floor-length dresses and tuxedos. But there are very many people, I would actually say a majority, who haven't worn a full-length dress or tux since they went to the prom or got married themselves. Your black-tie invitation asks people to spend time and money outfitting themselves with items they may never wear again. It is as if you have asked every guest to be a bridesmaid or groomsman.

I don't own a long dress in any color and I'd be pissed if I had to spend even $25 to buy one to attend someone's wedding. It's not the $25, it's the time needed to find something I will likely never wear again. I would feel different about it if I had to buy a long dress to attend a White House dinner or the Oscars. But guess what, Bride? Your wedding is neither of those things. It is not the social event of the season or a one-in-a-lifetime event (for your guests).

My DH is 50 years old. He hasn't had occasion to wear a tuxedo in 20 years. The notion that it is "worth it" for him to run out and buy one to wear as a guest to someone's wedding is patently ridiculous. He'll likely only wear it again if I bury him in it.

Amen to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is what is wrong with black tie weddings: You are inviting people AS YOUR GUESTS but requiring them to conform to a dress code that will, for some of them, COST THEM MONEY. You are, in a sense, charging admission to your wedding. That is just rude and ill-mannered, particularly since they are also going to be bringing you a gift.

What your black tie invitation says is: I only want you if you can present yourself in the manner to which I would like to become accustomed. You are not saying: I want you, my friend/loved one, to join me in celebrating the start of my next new adventure in life.

Some people live lives that involve frequent, or even occasional wearings of floor-length dresses and tuxedos. But there are very many people, I would actually say a majority, who haven't worn a full-length dress or tux since they went to the prom or got married themselves. Your black-tie invitation asks people to spend time and money outfitting themselves with items they may never wear again. It is as if you have asked every guest to be a bridesmaid or groomsman.

I don't own a long dress in any color and I'd be pissed if I had to spend even $25 to buy one to attend someone's wedding. It's not the $25, it's the time needed to find something I will likely never wear again. I would feel different about it if I had to buy a long dress to attend a White House dinner or the Oscars. But guess what, Bride? Your wedding is neither of those things. It is not the social event of the season or a one-in-a-lifetime event (for your guests).

My DH is 50 years old. He hasn't had occasion to wear a tuxedo in 20 years. The notion that it is "worth it" for him to run out and buy one to wear as a guest to someone's wedding is patently ridiculous. He'll likely only wear it again if I bury him in it.

You are so ridiculous - If a couple wants to have a nice, formal affair, its their choice. I am sure that the couple and their family are paying a bundle for the wedding and are doing their best to provide you with a really nice evening (good food, drinks, decorations, music, etc.) so they can celibate the marriage. No one is trying to make you feel bad and uncomfortable. If you don't want to go, then don't go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You are so ridiculous - If a couple wants to have a nice, formal affair, its their choice. I am sure that the couple and their family are paying a bundle for the wedding and are doing their best to provide you with a really nice evening (good food, drinks, decorations, music, etc.) so they can celibate the marriage. No one is trying to make you feel bad and uncomfortable. If you don't want to go, then don't go.

There is an especially nice autocorrect in this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would give $500. Get a cheaper dress that looks expensive. You got good advice on the suits. Find a way to afford it. A few hundred isn't a big deal.

Snort.

My advice:

1. Husband wears a black suit.
2. You borrow a dress or buy a dress at Value Village or at a consignment store.
3. You get them a nice present you can afford.
4. You go and have fun.

They're not better than you. They just have a lot more money.

This. Exactly this.

[Anonymous]

Just a comment about gift cards ~

My BFF's Mom (like a second Mom to me) gave me a gift card for my wedding. I was disappointed (didn't show it). She knew me better than anyone, knew me since I was a small child. She had zero interest is getting me anything special? Even if it wasn't my taste it would have been her taste, and it would have meant something to me.

[Anonymous]

I recently went to a pretty formal wedding and people were in all kinds of attire. I mean all kinds. A few men were in tuxes but most wore dark suits. Women ran the gamut from fairly casual maxi dresses to gowns and everything in between. My advice is wear what you have and don't worry about it - the bride and groom aren't going to notice how a guest is dressed! As for a gift, give cash or a gift card to a store where they're registered in the amount you can afford - I can tell you that at the nicest weddings I've attended no one bought a gift with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is what is wrong with black tie weddings: You are inviting people AS YOUR GUESTS but requiring them to conform to a dress code that will, for some of them, COST THEM MONEY. You are, in a sense, charging admission to your wedding. That is just rude and ill-mannered, particularly since they are also going to be bringing you a gift.

What your black tie invitation says is: I only want you if you can present yourself in the manner to which I would like to become accustomed. You are not saying: I want you, my friend/loved one, to join me in celebrating the start of my next new adventure in life.

Some people live lives that involve frequent, or even occasional wearings of floor-length dresses and tuxedos. But there are very many people, I would actually say a majority, who haven't worn a full-length dress or tux since they went to the prom or got married themselves. Your black-tie invitation asks people to spend time and money outfitting themselves with items they may never wear again. It is as if you have asked every guest to be a bridesmaid or groomsman.

I don't own a long dress in any color and I'd be pissed if I had to spend even $25 to buy one to attend someone's wedding. It's not the $25, it's the time needed to find something I will likely never wear again. I would feel different about it if I had to buy a long dress to attend a White House dinner or the Oscars. But guess what, Bride? Your wedding is neither of those things. It is not the social event of the season or a one-in-a-lifetime event (for your guests).

My DH is 50 years old. He hasn't had occasion to wear a tuxedo in 20 years. The notion that it is "worth it" for him to run out and buy one to wear as a guest to someone's wedding is patently ridiculous. He'll likely only wear it again if I bury him in it.

you and your post reek of obnoxious judgment. i'd hate to be your 'friend' or someone that invited you to a wedding. basically, you suck and sound like the kind of person who just wants to bitch about something, always.

-guess what, newsflash: weddings cost guests money, in some way or another. whether it's for the gift, gas to get there, plane ticket, hotel, or a dress. it costs money.
-how do you not own a single long dress?
-if you spent the $25 to buy a single long black dress....GASP....you would never have to worry about buying another long dress again, and thus you'd have a go-to dress for just about any semiformal/formal event in the future.
-i felt honored to attend my friends' weddings. no, they were not a state dinner or the oscars, but they were important days for my friends, and thus, for me too. i'm proud to attend my friends' weddings, casual or black tie, b/c i'm there to support them.
-i feel sorry for your DH. you sound like an icy wench.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what is wrong with black tie weddings: You are inviting people AS YOUR GUESTS but requiring them to conform to a dress code that will, for some of them, COST THEM MONEY. You are, in a sense, charging admission to your wedding. That is just rude and ill-mannered, particularly since they are also going to be bringing you a gift.

What your black tie invitation says is: I only want you if you can present yourself in the manner to which I would like to become accustomed. You are not saying: I want you, my friend/loved one, to join me in celebrating the start of my next new adventure in life.

Some people live lives that involve frequent, or even occasional wearings of floor-length dresses and tuxedos. But there are very many people, I would actually say a majority, who haven't worn a full-length dress or tux since they went to the prom or got married themselves. Your black-tie invitation asks people to spend time and money outfitting themselves with items they may never wear again. It is as if you have asked every guest to be a bridesmaid or groomsman.

I don't own a long dress in any color and I'd be pissed if I had to spend even $25 to buy one to attend someone's wedding. It's not the $25, it's the time needed to find something I will likely never wear again. I would feel different about it if I had to buy a long dress to attend a White House dinner or the Oscars. But guess what, Bride? Your wedding is neither of those things. It is not the social event of the season or a one-in-a-lifetime event (for your guests).

My DH is 50 years old. He hasn't had occasion to wear a tuxedo in 20 years. The notion that it is "worth it" for him to run out and buy one to wear as a guest to someone's wedding is patently ridiculous. He'll likely only wear it again if I bury him in it.

you and your post reek of obnoxious judgment. i'd hate to be your 'friend' or someone that invited you to a wedding. basically, you suck and sound like the kind of person who just wants to bitch about something, always.

-guess what, newsflash: weddings cost guests money, in some way or another. whether it's for the gift, gas to get there, plane ticket, hotel, or a dress. it costs money.
-how do you not own a single long dress?
-if you spent the $25 to buy a single long black dress....GASP....you would never have to worry about buying another long dress again, and thus you'd have a go-to dress for just about any semiformal/formal event in the future.
-i felt honored to attend my friends' weddings. no, they were not a state dinner or the oscars, but they were important days for my friends, and thus, for me too. i'm proud to attend my friends' weddings, casual or black tie, b/c i'm there to support them.
-i feel sorry for your DH. you sound like an icy wench.

I'm not PP but I don't own a long dress. I get invited to truly nice weddings about once every 5-7 years. Other than that I'd have no occasion to wear it and it would be taking up space in my closet. It's really not that uncommon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

you and your post reek of obnoxious judgment. i'd hate to be your 'friend' or someone that invited you to a wedding. basically, you suck and sound like the kind of person who just wants to bitch about something, always.

-guess what, newsflash: weddings cost guests money, in some way or another. whether it's for the gift, gas to get there, plane ticket, hotel, or a dress. it costs money.
-how do you not own a single long dress?
-if you spent the $25 to buy a single long black dress....GASP....you would never have to worry about buying another long dress again, and thus you'd have a go-to dress for just about any semiformal/formal event in the future.
-i felt honored to attend my friends' weddings. no, they were not a state dinner or the oscars, but they were important days for my friends, and thus, for me too. i'm proud to attend my friends' weddings, casual or black tie, b/c i'm there to support them.
-i feel sorry for your DH. you sound like an icy wench.

I don't own any long dresses. In fact, I have never owned, or even worn, a long dress. I've never been invited to any occasion where I needed a long dress.

[Anonymous]

ok everyone forget the long dresses. you mean to tell me that you don't own a very simple, well cut, classic knee length black dress that can be dressed up with jewelry, pashmina, shoes etc? come on people.

[Anonymous]

www.renttherunway.com

stop bitching. if you don't want to attend don't attend. stop making up excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ok everyone forget the long dresses. you mean to tell me that you don't own a very simple, well cut, classic knee length black dress that can be dressed up with jewelry, pashmina, shoes etc? come on people.

Correct. I do not own such a dress. Also, even if I did own such a dress, I would not wear a black dress to a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ok everyone forget the long dresses. you mean to tell me that you don't own a very simple, well cut, classic knee length black dress that can be dressed up with jewelry, pashmina, shoes etc? come on people.

Correct. I do not own such a dress. Also, even if I did own such a dress, I would not wear a black dress to a wedding.

Absolutely. What that PP described is not appropriate for a black tie wedding.