Black-tie wedding - how to afford?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the above -- you are allowed to give them a gift that is neither cash nor on the registry, thereby saving yourself some money. If you go with something simple and tasteful -- and assuming they aren't jerks -- they won't care; for example a nice simple vase or other glassware. Unless they are glass experts, they won't know or be able to track back how much it costs.

If that seems to "obvious" for you, you can likely do an "experience" gift for less than $200. What are they into? If they went to the same college or have a local sports team they like, a fun present would be 2 tix to a game. It's such an "unexpected" wedding present that they won't even care that they aren't luxury seats, esp if they come with a thoughtful card along the lines of "hope you enjoy a night out after the wedding hecticness."

Aww, I like this! There's no way that every day of their married lives is going to spent amongst Waterford crystal and limoge china, a low key fun day at the ball field or an amusement park sound fun!
And I am totally on board with borrowing a dress or checking out consignment!

+1
love the experience gift idea!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This dress would be perfect for a black tie event and only $35 to rent!

https://m.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/badgleymischka_dresses/fifthavenueshowstopperdress

Can you wear that to a black tie event? I've got a black tie wedding to go to this coming weekend, too, and am also feeling all out of sorts about it, since all my dresses are short. I've got a sparkly short dress that's not SO different from that one - I can wear it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dress Barn. I've purchased dresses from here and gotten tons of compliments. All the time actually. Shoes and jewelry, no...but the dresses are usually $50 and you don't wear the price tag on the outside. Or go to the outlets in Leesburg. Also second the suggestion for Nordstrom Rack. Macy's with a coupon. Most of standard dressy dresses are $150 to start. Go w/a coupon and there are always tons of dresses on sale already.

Isn't that basically what PP that everyone is ripping on said?

[Anonymous]

I love the experience idea! Also- you can mat and frame a copy of their wedding invitation. It's a thoughtful gift with a significant emotional value.

[Anonymous]

OP, why would you give a gift card and draw attention to the amount your gift cost?

Sounds like op is making a "statement" that she can't afford this event, or disapproves.

OP, this would be very rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why would you give a gift card and draw attention to the amount your gift cost?

Sounds like op is making a "statement" that she can't afford this event, or disapproves.

OP, this would be very rude.

Why is it rude to give a gift card? How is that possibly making a statement? A gift is a gift, no?

Sounds like you are the only one that feels this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dress Barn. I've purchased dresses from here and gotten tons of compliments. All the time actually. Shoes and jewelry, no...but the dresses are usually $50 and you don't wear the price tag on the outside. Or go to the outlets in Leesburg. Also second the suggestion for Nordstrom Rack. Macy's with a coupon. Most of standard dressy dresses are $150 to start. Go w/a coupon and there are always tons of dresses on sale already.

Isn't that basically what PP that everyone is ripping on said?

Um, no. I highlighted the disgusting parts of her post, just so you don't miss them:

OP, since you asked. I'n the type of bride you speak of. We want you to be there. Just be respectful, and do the best you can.

If you show up in a casual outfit with an F.U. attitude, we will know and we will remember this. In no way is this a gift grab, we have everything we need! Please, don't fuss, just be respectful and have fun. That is all we ask.

I like the dark suit idea. For crying out loud, borrow a friends long dress, or go to a department store and buy something on sale that fits you well. And some unscuffed shoes that match.

No one is going to know, unless you have this uneasy, "why are we even here" look on your face when you show up. Please don't do that. Be gracious, inclusive, happy, personable, positive, and have fun. Guests will remember you for that, and I will too! "Who was that wonderful lady dancing her heart out..."

If you make a big "to do" about things, we will assume you really don't want to go, and in that case, would rather you did not. "Who was that sourpuss wearing capri pants...."

Since you asked. And I wish more people did!


Bitch.

[Anonymous]

Good grief - This is a family member - not a fashion show. Go in clothes you can afford and in which you are comfortable. Get a dress from your favorite store and have your husband wear a dark suite/bow tie. No one is going to look at your outfits. I know that showers are a little funny because a bunch of high rolling friends show up, but you have to remember that odd relatives show up at the wedding in the same terrible clothes that they wear to every wedding (my uncle Bob has a worn the same blue suite to the last ten weddings! Everyone has an uncle Bob).

Same thing with your gift - a registration is not a request for items. It is just a list of suggested gifts to show what the couple likes/needs. Give whatever you are comfortable giving and like. My favorite gifts from my wedding were all off the registration because they are so interesting, unique and thoughtful.

[Anonymous]

Darn it - I really wish I could remember to spell "suit" (and not suite).

[Anonymous]

Don't give a gift card or cash--give a gift on their registry that costs $200 or less or another (similar) gift you find on sale somewhere. Giving them cash or a gift card is just calling attention to the amount. If you need to decrease the amount you spend on the gift in order to keep your budget intact, I would do it--just don't give cash!!!

Agree with renting a tux or just wearing/buying a nice black suit that could be reworn elsewhere. In addition to the other, cheaper, dress ideas--TJ Maxx has some longer dresses too--that are $100 or less. Right now there is a gorgeous green long Ralph Lauren dress (in petite sizes) at the TJ MAxx near me I wish I could wear somewhere! Very plain, but very elegant.

Buy (or rent) a nicer, plainer evening dress at one of the stores suggested and then buy (or borrow) fancy costume jewelry or accessories to dress it up. So, if you do want to buy, at least you could wear the dress elsewhere or have it shortened to be more practical.

Like the other poster said, no one is going to look at your outfits. Just blend in and try not to be too fancy/flashy.

[Anonymous]

You could also go to the Torpedo Factory or something and get them a unique, handmade piece of pottery or something. Definitely less than $100.

[Anonymous]

re: experience gifts - my husband and i got married three years ago and still have those experience gift certificates sitting in the apartment.

granted, they were all for hotel stays - but for various reasons we just haven't gotten to use them. and the vases and toasting glasses and stuff are also mostly collecting dust.

gift cards get used! even if they aren't for as much $$ as you think your brides and grooms might want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, since you asked. I'n the type of bride you speak of. We want you to be there. Just be respectful, and do the best you can.

If you show up in a casual outfit with an F.U. attitude, we will know and we will remember this. In no way is this a gift grab, we have everything we need! Please, don't fuss, just be respectful and have fun. That is all we ask.

I like the dark suit idea. For crying out loud, borrow a friends long dress, or go to a department store and buy something on sale that fits you well. And some unscuffed shoes that match.

No one is going to know, unless you have this uneasy, "why are we even here" look on your face when you show up. Please don't do that. Be gracious, inclusive, happy, personable, positive, and have fun. Guests will remember you for that, and I will too! "Who was that wonderful lady dancing her heart out..."

If you make a big "to do" about things, we will assume you really don't want to go, and in that case, would rather you did not. "Who was that sourpuss wearing capri pants...."

Since you asked. And I wish more people did!

LOL. Do you think PP wants you to be respectful? After all, you have to respect your betters. And for god's sake, no scuffed shoes.


Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would give $500. Get a cheaper dress that looks expensive. You got good advice on the suits. Find a way to afford it. A few hundred isn't a big deal.

Snort.

My advice:

1. Husband wears a black suit.
2. You borrow a dress or buy a dress at Value Village or at a consignment store.
3. You get them a nice present you can afford.
4. You go and have fun.

They're not better than you. They just have a lot more money.

+1M

Ebay is also a good source for black-tie dresses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dress Barn. I've purchased dresses from here and gotten tons of compliments. All the time actually. Shoes and jewelry, no...but the dresses are usually $50 and you don't wear the price tag on the outside. Or go to the outlets in Leesburg. Also second the suggestion for Nordstrom Rack. Macy's with a coupon. Most of standard dressy dresses are $150 to start. Go w/a coupon and there are always tons of dresses on sale already.

Isn't that basically what PP that everyone is ripping on said?

Um, no. I highlighted the disgusting parts of her post, just so you don't miss them:

OP, since you asked. I'n the type of bride you speak of. We want you to be there. Just be respectful, and do the best you can.

If you show up in a casual outfit with an F.U. attitude, we will know and we will remember this. In no way is this a gift grab, we have everything we need! Please, don't fuss, just be respectful and have fun. That is all we ask.

I like the dark suit idea. For crying out loud, borrow a friends long dress, or go to a department store and buy something on sale that fits you well. And some unscuffed shoes that match.

No one is going to know, unless you have this uneasy, "why are we even here" look on your face when you show up. Please don't do that. Be gracious, inclusive, happy, personable, positive, and have fun. Guests will remember you for that, and I will too! "Who was that wonderful lady dancing her heart out..."

If you make a big "to do" about things, we will assume you really don't want to go, and in that case, would rather you did not. "Who was that sourpuss wearing capri pants...."

Since you asked. And I wish more people did!


Bitch.

Signed,

I call EVERY Bride Bridezilla because my life sucks.