Black-tie wedding - how to afford?
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Anonymous
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We are invited to a relative's black-tie wedding. He makes a lot of money - the bride comes from an extremely well off family. The bride just had her shower where everyting on her registry was well over $100. I ended up getting a $50 gift card and was embarrassed when she opened it after opening lavish gifts. Everyone there was dressed to the nines - I looked like grandma by comparison - except her grandma looked like a queen.
We typically give $200 cash for family weddings and were planning on doing the same for this wedding. Except now my husband has to rent a tux ($150) and i will need to buy a gown ($150). So now we are over our wedding budget by $100 already just for clothing! I don't buy a new dress for events and just rotate through the few I already own. Anyway - other family members are not happy about the black tie requirement. I get that it is their wedding and they can make this requirement - but we feel a little trapped. We want to go to the wedding, but we don't want to break their rules and ruin the pictures or the formality of the event. A couple people told us that my husband can wear a black suit with a white shirt (which he has) and I can probably find something long, yet tacky at the juniros section at Macy's - but I really want to feel good about myself when I am there - not ashamed like Iwas at the shower. I guess I could decline, but like I said, it is a cousin and would like to attend. Advice? Ideas for cheap tuxes and formal gowns? |
Anonymous
| Renttherunway.com for you. especially since you sound petite. |
Anonymous
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Has your DH considered buying a tux? I know Joseph A Banks has them and their suit deals are amazing sometimes. How much time before the wedding?
As for you -- consignment/thrift shop somewhere? I imagine there are lots of "society" people who give dresses away to such places after wearing them once, as they can't be seen in them a second time. So you could get something pretty new -- as long as you're not grossed out at the idea of wearing second hand, it isn't a big deal; though if you get it cheap enough, you could even get it dry cleaned before wearing and still come out at under $150. |
Anonymous
| Can you borrow a dress from a friend? I also have a go to black tie dress that i got at the bcbg outlet for $50. |
Anonymous
| Honestly if your DH doesn't care, he should go with a black suit. I think that does count as black tie for men. He can wear it with a tie that looks like it goes w a tux -- something black and solid with no design on it. If you're just worried about pics, lots of men wear long ties with tuxes anyway so it won't be super obvious that your DH is in a suit unless he opts for a red or green or otherwise loud tie. |
Anonymous
| Also, it's all attitude. Write a really thoughtful card and give them 2, $50 Starbucks cards for impromptu coffee dates or dunkin donuts for road trips, etc. Something where they'll note the thoughtfulness, not amount. And wear something classic (black) where you won't be tugging, or futzing all night. |
Anonymous
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Can you borrow a dress from a friend? I would loan you one if we were the same size. It's just not worth blowing that much on a dress you'll wear once.
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Anonymous
Yeah, what size are you? I bet we could dcum you a dress 
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Anonymous
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Don't decline. Deal.
You've been given some good advice. Black suit. You can find something to wear. If you hadn't wanted people to know how much you spent you wouldn't have given them a gift card!! Come on! You can always choose a gift - not from the registry - a gift no one will know the cost. |
Anonymous
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My DH bought a tux years ago and it has come in handy more often than you'd think! Like, at the school auction dinner when the theme is black&white, or 007. It's surprising the amount of things--if you do this, you will feel like you are investing in his wardrobe, not just wasting money on one night.
I think you could borrow a dress from someone or do the used-dress or consignment thing. The gift doesn't have to come for a year so I'd relax and just get something of the register that is less expensive. I always shoot for $100 myself, so that takes care of some of your budget. Sounds like, OP, that you have the right attitude to turn the lemons into lemonade and could make it into a fun evening--and I bet the food/drink and dancing will be great! |
Anonymous
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Agree with the above -- you are allowed to give them a gift that is neither cash nor on the registry, thereby saving yourself some money. If you go with something simple and tasteful -- and assuming they aren't jerks -- they won't care; for example a nice simple vase or other glassware. Unless they are glass experts, they won't know or be able to track back how much it costs.
If that seems to "obvious" for you, you can likely do an "experience" gift for less than $200. What are they into? If they went to the same college or have a local sports team they like, a fun present would be 2 tix to a game. It's such an "unexpected" wedding present that they won't even care that they aren't luxury seats, esp if they come with a thoughtful card along the lines of "hope you enjoy a night out after the wedding hecticness." |
Anonymous
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My husband wore a black suit that he owned to a wedding that he was told last minute was black tie. (Long story.) The groom said he was glad he found a tux at the last minute.
You can always find a nice dress on sale, e.g.: http://www.lordandtaylor.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/en/lord-and-taylor/brands/wa-gowns-evening/v-neck-gown |
Anonymous
Yes, try this. |
Anonymous
+1 It sounds like you are feeling intimated by this wedding couple. But you don't 'owe' them anything. They invited you because they want you to celebrate with them. The focus is on the bride, not you. So ... 1) borrow dress 2) wear dark suit 2) buy gift or give cash $75 or what you can afford 3) go to wedding and have fun |
Anonymous
| I would give $500. Get a cheaper dress that looks expensive. You got good advice on the suits. Find a way to afford it. A few hundred isn't a big deal. |