My D wants to go away with BF and family

[Anonymous]

What form of birth control is dd using ? 10 days of non stop sex using condoms is pretty risky. Are you ready for a teen pregnancy ?

[Anonymous]

I they want to have sex, they will have it at the beach or at home.

[Anonymous]

For what it is worth, I did a very similar trip when I was 17. We hadn't had sex yet and we didn't on the trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What bothers me about the other family is the "boys will be boys" attitude. And that not Only is it fine but they are tacitly encouraging it. I would say no to this trip but that is my old fashioned view

This.
What did you decide, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

If she has a nice boyfriend whom she's been with a year, I would let her go. (I wouldn't have appreciated the his mom's flip response about the sleeping arrangements.)

You need to talk with your DD about being responsible about sex if she decides to have it and/or is already having it. Seriously, your kid could be having sex any time any where.

I knew someone in college who wouldn't go for a pelvic exam/preventative health screening. She said, "My mom will think I'm having sex." I responded, "But you are having sex." Which she was with her boyfriend. I wasn't sexually active yet, but as a woman, you go for the dreaded pelvic exam. It's time to let your kid grow up. She's going to have sex eventually whether you think she's ready or not. She should be prepared.

I agree with this, though I would also let her go. But maybe a follow up convo with mom where you thank them for looking after your DD during the trip and convey that your DD is still young and while you really like their son a lot and think they make a nice couple, you're conservative about certain things. Something calm and measured and avoiding anything that sounds like "your really tall son might be taking advantage of my underage daughter." It sounds like bf's mom could use a reminder that she still needs to exercise responsibility over your daughter while she's in her care, and at the least she will probably tone down the "jokes."

Yes, this!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

If she has a nice boyfriend whom she's been with a year, I would let her go. (I wouldn't have appreciated the his mom's flip response about the sleeping arrangements.)

You need to talk with your DD about being responsible about sex if she decides to have it and/or is already having it. Seriously, your kid could be having sex any time any where.

I knew someone in college who wouldn't go for a pelvic exam/preventative health screening. She said, "My mom will think I'm having sex." I responded, "But you are having sex." Which she was with her boyfriend. I wasn't sexually active yet, but as a woman, you go for the dreaded pelvic exam. It's time to let your kid grow up. She's going to have sex eventually whether you think she's ready or not. She should be prepared.

I agree with this, though I would also let her go. But maybe a follow up convo with mom where you thank them for looking after your DD during the trip and convey that your DD is still young and while you really like their son a lot and think they make a nice couple, you're conservative about certain things. Something calm and measured and avoiding anything that sounds like "your really tall son might be taking advantage of my underage daughter." It sounds like bf's mom could use a reminder that she still needs to exercise responsibility over your daughter while she's in her care, and at the least she will probably tone down the "jokes."

Yes, this!!!

What exactly?

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone, Its me the original poster. Well.....spoke to my H who convinced me we have every reason to let her go as she has up until now proven herself to be a very responsible,honest and respectful daughter. She has not once ever done anything to make me think I cannot trust her so he felt the right thing to do is to let her go.

My H is going on a golf trip for 6 of the days but said he would be open to getting her when he gets back (we agreed to play it by ear). I am going to the west coast for business and not sure how long I will be gone.

At this point I am happy to put this to rest and forget the stress it has put me under. I guess I need to look at the positives, that she has a nice BF who comes from a good family, and that they think enough of her to include them in their family plans. I hope it all works out. Thanks to all who chimed in.

[Anonymous]

Sounds reasonable. Just have a heart to heart with your D and if you trust her, then it should work out just fine.

I would also definitely speak with BF's parents. Make it clear what your concerns are. Your D is THEIR responsibility and it is your right.

[Anonymous]

So you still got your free childcare. Hopefully your doaughter's are as generous with their future grandkid.

Get a clue. They're already having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you still got your free childcare. Hopefully your doaughter's are as generous with their future grandkid.

Get a clue. They're already having sex.

Must admit that that seemed to be the real concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you still got your free childcare. Hopefully your doaughter's are as generous with their future grandkid.

Get a clue. They're already having sex.

Free childcare? I don't think so. My sister will be staying in our home, so that was never an issue and I resent the implication but I understand there are many angry bitter and unhappy people who patrol these boards. I don't think I asked you if you think my D is having sex. So no need to insert your bitter opinion.

[Anonymous]

OP glad you worked things out. Sounds like it will be fine. I am sure you like him and his family enough to let her go, you have to let the rest work itself out, and if you trust her then that should be enough.

I agree with others about having one last talk with the boys mom, just letting her know your concerns, I think that way she is more likely to watch over them a bit more carefully. But we all know that kids that age will find a way to do what they want to do. Hope it all works out.

PS My D who was 16 went with her BF and family to a wedding in Florida for 3 days and it worked out really well. It was a great chance for them to get to know each other much better (his family).

[Anonymous]

OP, a few things. Healthy straight men do not invite girls to go away with them unless they are expecting sex. Healthy straight women should not go on such trips unless they want to have sex with the men who invite them. Your daughter is 17. In a year, she will be 18 which means she can vote, die for her country, sign contracts and get married. One year makes a lot of difference. Based on your follow up post, I suspect you just want her off your hands which is sad. You need to dial back your business travels and be a mom. Talk with her about sex and about men, not in a lecture mode but about life. Offer to take her to a gynecologist. Have your husband talk with her too, so she gets the male perspective. I suspect your daughter knew full well which parent to ask to get the "yes" she thinks she wants. Your husband was happy to give it because that means he can go on his golf trip. You are unwilling to stay home from your openended business trip and your daughter knows this too. If you two are as absentee as your posts suggest, trading sex for inclusion is a fine trade for her to make. Know too that the costs, finantial, emotional and logistical of an unplanned and unwanted baby fall to the girl's family, i.e. you. You seem to have washed your hands of your daughter. Think very hard about how you will parent her child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, a few things. Healthy straight men do not invite girls to go away with them unless they are expecting sex. Healthy straight women should not go on such trips unless they want to have sex with the men who invite them. Your daughter is 17. In a year, she will be 18 which means she can vote, die for her country, sign contracts and get married. One year makes a lot of difference. Based on your follow up post, I suspect you just want her off your hands which is sad. You need to dial back your business travels and be a mom. Talk with her about sex and about men, not in a lecture mode but about life. Offer to take her to a gynecologist. Have your husband talk with her too, so she gets the male perspective. I suspect your daughter knew full well which parent to ask to get the "yes" she thinks she wants. Your husband was happy to give it because that means he can go on his golf trip. You are unwilling to stay home from your openended business trip and your daughter knows this too. If you two are as absentee as your posts suggest, trading sex for inclusion is a fine trade for her to make. Know too that the costs, finantial, emotional and logistical of an unplanned and unwanted baby fall to the girl's family, i.e. you. You seem to have washed your hands of your daughter. Think very hard about how you will parent her child.

You have a very strange outlook on the world. This has not been my experience, but I am not in the habit of dating sleezebags!

This woman has a 17 YEAR-old, not a 17 month-old. I think that a kid of this age who is shown the respect and independence she has earned with her good behavior is better off than a kid who is never allowed to make any of her own decisions or organize her own life. OP, I think you made a good decision and congratulations on raising such a nice kid.

[Anonymous]

I'd talk with her about it and see if she really wants to go. She has had time to think about it and maybe she thinks 10 days is too long. You could be her excuse for getting out of it. I know you said its 10 days or nothing, but do you have any other options for her to go for just part of the trip?

I'd probably let my daughter go.