My D wants to go away with BF and family

[Anonymous]

My D who is 17 has had a BF for about a year. Really nice kid, nice family,etc..they own a house by the shore, are going for 10 days next week. Invited my D to go, when the invite occurred I was out of town on business, my H said it was fine and she has been eagerly awaiting the trip.
I was not happy when I got home to find out that he didn't discuss it with me. I called the BF's mom to be sure what the arrangements would be, but was met with a laugh and a "well, of course she will be in the guest room but I cannot promise what might change in the middle of the night" (insert laugh). It kind of reconfirmed my worst fears.
I cannot stop thinking of this and though I have relented, I am uneasy with it. The BF is 18 and like a man, my D to me at least is still a young lady but still a "girl" not a woman! He towers over her as he is 6'2" and she is rather petite. My H tells me I am being silly and overprotective.

I know many of you are going to say she is having sex. She has sworn updown and sideways they are not. What to do!

[Anonymous]

I don't think the fact that he is big or "manly," should be too much of a concern.

Talk to her (and him?) about your concerns.

[Anonymous]

Let her go. If they are having sex, they will do it somewhere regardless of whether or not they go on this trip with his family. As long as you don't suspect any past abuse on his part (and if you do, this is a different problem) then why does it matter that he is much bigger than she is?

In a year she will be away at college and be on her own managing her relationships. Give her this little space to see what it is like to be with another family for an extended period. It is a good learning situation to truly get inside another family and see how patterns and behaviors differ. She will probably learn a few things about what she likes/can tolerate and what she can't stand - an important lesson as she moves into adulthood and toward an inlaw relationship.

This seems pretty low risk to me.

[Anonymous]

Is she never alone with him? I'm asking because you're treating this as if this will be their one and only time to have sex. If they have had many opportunities to be alone AND they are sexually active, going to a beach house or staying home will not change anything.

[Anonymous]

Talk to your daughter and explain your concerns. If you can trust her, let her have a little freedom, so long as she will be responsible. I don't think anyone wants to think of their kids having sex, but be cool. Besides, one of you said yes, and it would really hurt both your husband and your daughter to flip the choice he's made.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't let her go. My kids can take vacations with their boy / girl friends when they're on their own and pay their own bills. But I'm old fashioned like that...

[Anonymous]

She's too young but your husband needs to be the one to tell her she can't go. It's not really a question about sex (cause if they are having it, they are having it) but more about the other people in the house. Do you trust his dad, the other guests? That is what would concern me more than anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My D who is 17 has had a BF for about a year. Really nice kid, nice family,etc..they own a house by the shore, are going for 10 days next week. Invited my D to go, when the invite occurred I was out of town on business, my H said it was fine and she has been eagerly awaiting the trip.
I was not happy when I got home to find out that he didn't discuss it with me. I called the BF's mom to be sure what the arrangements would be, but was met with a laugh and a "well, of course she will be in the guest room but I cannot promise what might change in the middle of the night" (insert laugh). It kind of reconfirmed my worst fears.
I cannot stop thinking of this and though I have relented, I am uneasy with it. The BF is 18 and like a man, my D to me at least is still a young lady but still a "girl" not a woman! He towers over her as he is 6'2" and she is rather petite. My H tells me I am being silly and overprotective.

I know many of you are going to say she is having sex. She has sworn updown and sideways they are not. What to do!

This is just an odd sentence. They are basically the same age, when does she turn 18? His height doesn't say anything about him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's too young but your husband needs to be the one to tell her she can't go. It's not really a question about sex (cause if they are having it, they are having it) but more about the other people in the house. Do you trust his dad, the other guests? That is what would concern me more than anything.

Wow - seriously? You really think male = rapist?

[Anonymous]

Is your daughter self sufficient enough to take care of a baby if she gets pregnant? Also pay for her own place and go to college, assuming that college is in her plans. If not, you have every right to veto the trip.

[Anonymous]

This is weird- I posted a little while ago but it's gone now. Anyhow,

OP-if it was your son, visiting his GF's family, what would your reaction be?

Let her go. She's 17, not 12.

[Anonymous]

PS- I love that you posted this in Travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is weird- I posted a little while ago but it's gone now. Anyhow,

OP-if it was your son, visiting his GF's family, what would your reaction be?

Let her go. She's 17, not 12.

There were two threads with the same post - one was deleted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your daughter self sufficient enough to take care of a baby if she gets pregnant? Also pay for her own place and go to college, assuming that college is in her plans. If not, you have every right to veto the trip.

I hope you have this same standard for the sons in your household.

[Anonymous]

OK need to clarify a few things- she just turned 17 last week and he is turning 19. So they are really 2 years apart.Assuming they are not having sex, and I don't think they are, this will give them ample opportunity, and yes they are alone here and there but when he comes to our house or her to his someones always around. In this case the parents are big golfers and will be gone most of the day (so the mother told me) and to various functions at night and she specifically said they are welcome to join them but she doesn't' think they will want to.

My H is adamant about not reneging on this, he is being very stubborn. Really doesn't think its a big deal. I know its me being paranoid but sub consciously when I mentioned his size and "manliness:" I guess I was just thinking if things got heated one night when no one is home and she didn't' want to take things to the next level and he did,that would really scare me. He in fairness seems like a great level headed kid but a hormone driven teen in the prime of his youth, all bets are off.

So have no idea how to handle this.