My D wants to go away with BF and family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK need to clarify a few things- she just turned 17 last week and he is turning 19. So they are really 2 years apart.Assuming they are not having sex, and I don't think they are, this will give them ample opportunity, and yes they are alone here and there but when he comes to our house or her to his someones always around. In this case the parents are big golfers and will be gone most of the day (so the mother told me) and to various functions at night and she specifically said they are welcome to join them but she doesn't' think they will want to.

My H is adamant about not reneging on this, he is being very stubborn. Really doesn't think its a big deal. I know its me being paranoid but sub consciously when I mentioned his size and "manliness:" I guess I was just thinking if things got heated one night when no one is home and she didn't' want to take things to the next level and he did,that would really scare me. He in fairness seems like a great level headed kid but a hormone driven teen in the prime of his youth, all bets are off.

So have no idea how to handle this.

No, this is not true., All males are not rapists just waiting for opportunity. Women can rape and sexually assault others as well. Rapists rape - male and female.
If you think your daughter's boyfriend is a rapist then that should be a much bigger issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't let her go. My kids can take vacations with their boy / girl friends when they're on their own and pay their own bills. But I'm old fashioned like that...

This, she is a kid for goodness sake.

[Anonymous]

If you allow her to go, you are basically telling them,
"I know you'll be having sex, and I'm ok with it."

Your hubby wants to be her buddy. She needs you to be her parent, and say "no."

If you let her go, you'll have to "protect" her, and hope it works so she's not getting an abortion next.

[Anonymous]

1) your dh is a fool
2) your daughter is sleeping with the guy.
3) teens can meet at schools during lunch and have sex, anywhere... Car, forest.
4) his mom basically knows they are having sex
5) you are not ever reacting. Don't let her go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Bottom line, lets put everything else aside, would you let your 17 year old go to a beach trip with her BF and his family?
Just curious if I am being overly reactive or most would be like me.

PP1 here. No I wouldn't let her go. But now that your DH has said yes, I think you need to consider it.

[Anonymous]

No, she still shouldn't be going away with her boyfriend's family for ten days. She is a kid--not a college student. I would find somewhere else for her to stay, camp, etc. or ask dad to cancel his trip.

Also, it sounds like a good time for her to have some space from her boyfriend. Dating is good; acting like a married couple is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello again, the thing is I am going to be going away on business to the west coast for 7 of the days. My H is going on a golf trip with his brother and my other D is in camp, so we could not go and get her and I wouldn't feel comfortable asking them to drive 4-5 hours to bring her home early.

It's either she goes or stays (in which case now she would be alone). My H planned his trip once he knew she was going. I have spoken to her ad nauseum but she rolls her eyes as she is tired of hearing the same thing over and over.

Bottom line, lets put everything else aside, would you let your 17 year old go to a beach trip with her BF and his family?
Just curious if I am being overly reactive or most would be like me.

Who is home with the kids when you both travel at the same time?
Sounds like they have already had lots of alone time while you are gone.

[Anonymous]

You tell her no. Done.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, it almost sounds like the 19-year-old son promoted this ten day vacation just to spend time with your daughter knowing that his parents are going to be busy with activities both day and night.

And at 19 he is college aged whereas your just turned 17-year-old is probably a junior or senior in high school and is underaged.

If they haven't been intimate, they probably will be. And a ten day vacation together for a teen couple is more than many married couples take together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) your dh is a fool
2) your daughter is sleeping with the guy.
3) teens can meet at schools during lunch and have sex, anywhere... Car, forest.
4) his mom basically knows they are having sex
5) you are not ever reacting. Don't let her go.

+1

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would let her go. I spent a semester in high school as a foreign exchange student living with a family who's older son became my boyfriend. I was 16. He was 19. We did NOT have sex even though I lived at their house.

You either trust her or you don't. If they want to have sex, you preventing her from stay over at their beach house isn't going to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would let her go. I spent a semester in high school as a foreign exchange student living with a family who's older son became my boyfriend. I was 16. He was 19. We did NOT have sex even though I lived at their house.

You either trust her or you don't. If they want to have sex, you preventing her from stay over at their beach house isn't going to do it.

But you had a reason to live with another family. What reason does a 17 yo have for going away on vacation with the BF's family for 10 days?

[Anonymous]

Vacation?

[Anonymous]

What state? It could be statutory rape. You could tell the mom you are not comfortable with them having sex and say it is statutory rape. Maybe that'll make her police the bedrooms more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello again, the thing is I am going to be going away on business to the west coast for 7 of the days. My H is going on a golf trip with his brother and my other D is in camp, so we could not go and get her and I wouldn't feel comfortable asking them to drive 4-5 hours to bring her home early.

It's either she goes or stays (in which case now she would be alone). My H planned his trip once he knew she was going. I have spoken to her ad nauseum but she rolls her eyes as she is tired of hearing the same thing over and over.

Bottom line, lets put everything else aside, would you let your 17 year old go to a beach trip with her BF and his family?
Just curious if I am being overly reactive or most would be like me.

Can she not drive herself? No, I would not let her go for 10 days, especially.