No-kid weddings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its narcissistic to think that your kids belong at every event. You wouldn't expect to bring them to a cocktail party, which is essentially what a wedding is.

I see no problem with it. If you can't be apart from your kids for 4 hours, that's a problem.

I had a no-kid wedding for this reason. We wanted an elegant evening party.

You can have an elegant evening party and have kids. We did. I'm not saying you should allow kids but to say it can't be a nice wedding with children is ridiculous.

How can you do that? I'm truly curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if people have no kid weddings, but it places an undue burden (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on people traveling for the wedding. We are in this tough situation with a few weddings right now. We don't have anyone to watch our child at home and bringing our child will make the logistics crazy and I'll probably miss the receptions. Hardly seems worth it to go for me since it will just be a huge expensive headache and I won't enjoy myself at all, but we don't really have that option.

No it doesn't. You get to decline. Send a nice gift, and make a date to see the couple soon after the honeymoon.

Nope, they are out of town and my spouse is in the wedding.

And there it is.

En-ti-tled. (n.) "I want to do something, and I refuse to leave my kids with anyone who isn't me, so the world has to bend itself backward to ensure that I don't miss out just because I chose to have (and never be 4 feet away from my) kids."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

You are dense. An 18 month old toddler isn't "celebrating" the marriage because he doesnt know what the hell that means. A six year old left to her own devices would "celebrate the union" with a homemade glitter and sticker card -- so she doesn't need to attend, either.

There are different varieties of celebrations, did you know this? On the flip side, I would find it very odd if my turning-21-yr-old son decided to invite his 85 year old grandparents and even older great aunts and uncles to binge drink with him and play beer pong at his 21st birthday party. My law partners don't belong at my daughter's first communion.

So what do you do with your toddler when they aren't invited and the wedding is out of town? What if you're in the wedding? This is happening to us. We have no local family to watch our toddler. The weddings aren't in a hotel where we can leave them with a sitter (if I even felt comfortable doing that with a complete stranger in a different town anyway) and the reception is in the evening so my toddler would either be a mess up until 11pm or I'd have to skip most of the reception. I just don't think the couple understand how miserable this whole weekend is going to be for everyone with small children. They're in their 30s too so it's not like we're their only friends with kids.

Your responsibility to develop trusted sitters.

Sure, I'll spend thousands of dollars on sitters (and I guess nights or days away) so they have a relationship with my child so the 3 important weddings in my life where we need somebody to stay with DC we'll be set. Want to fund this for me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if people have no kid weddings, but it places an undue burden (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on people traveling for the wedding. We are in this tough situation with a few weddings right now. We don't have anyone to watch our child at home and bringing our child will make the logistics crazy and I'll probably miss the receptions. Hardly seems worth it to go for me since it will just be a huge expensive headache and I won't enjoy myself at all, but we don't really have that option.

No it doesn't. You get to decline. Send a nice gift, and make a date to see the couple soon after the honeymoon.

Nope, they are out of town and my spouse is in the wedding.

And there it is.

En-ti-tled. (n.) "I want to do something, and I refuse to leave my kids with anyone who isn't me, so the world has to bend itself backward to ensure that I don't miss out just because I chose to have (and never be 4 feet away from my) kids."

I would love to leave my kids with somebody else, but not ANYBODY else. We have no local family or trusted sitters. And again, nobody said the couple should do anything. Just expressing my desire to be able to leave kids with family and have a fun weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its narcissistic to think that your kids belong at every event. You wouldn't expect to bring them to a cocktail party, which is essentially what a wedding is.

I see no problem with it. If you can't be apart from your kids for 4 hours, that's a problem.

I find this thinking so odd. To me, a wedding is an event in which your loved ones - regardless of age- celebrate with you. NOT essentially 'a cocktail party.' I've gone to plenty of events and overnight trips with DH without kids so I'm not some mom attached to my kids 24/7.

Do you go to cheap weddings or expensive ones? I waited until my mid 30s to get married. Sorry but I'm not interested in someone's 5 year old running loose on the dance floor. There is a place and time for kids. If you have a laid back cheap outdoor or casual wedding sure invite kids. A formal affair? Not appropriate.

You sound about as fun as a barrel of monkeys. Is your idea of a good time table service at some eurotrash bar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if people have no kid weddings, but it places an undue burden (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on people traveling for the wedding. We are in this tough situation with a few weddings right now. We don't have anyone to watch our child at home and bringing our child will make the logistics crazy and I'll probably miss the receptions. Hardly seems worth it to go for me since it will just be a huge expensive headache and I won't enjoy myself at all, but we don't really have that option.

It would be really helpful to cultivate a sitter or two for just this type of thing.

You mean so we can bring her on the trip with us? Wish we had the budget for that, but unfortunately we don't.

No, so you can pay her her overnight rate to keep the children at your home for 24 hours while you and your spouse attend the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if people have no kid weddings, but it places an undue burden (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on people traveling for the wedding. We are in this tough situation with a few weddings right now. We don't have anyone to watch our child at home and bringing our child will make the logistics crazy and I'll probably miss the receptions. Hardly seems worth it to go for me since it will just be a huge expensive headache and I won't enjoy myself at all, but we don't really have that option.

No it doesn't. You get to decline. Send a nice gift, and make a date to see the couple soon after the honeymoon.

Nope, they are out of town and my spouse is in the wedding.

And there it is.

En-ti-tled. (n.) "I want to do something, and I refuse to leave my kids with anyone who isn't me, so the world has to bend itself backward to ensure that I don't miss out just because I chose to have (and never be 4 feet away from my) kids."

I would love to leave my kids with somebody else, but not ANYBODY else. We have no local family or trusted sitters. And again, nobody said the couple should do anything. Just expressing my desire to be able to leave kids with family and have a fun weekend.

As my first boss used to say, make a plan.

It is just not that hard to cultivate a reliable, trustworthy babysitter. Really. When we were kids, our babysitters were freshmen in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

You are dense. An 18 month old toddler isn't "celebrating" the marriage because he doesnt know what the hell that means. A six year old left to her own devices would "celebrate the union" with a homemade glitter and sticker card -- so she doesn't need to attend, either.

There are different varieties of celebrations, did you know this? On the flip side, I would find it very odd if my turning-21-yr-old son decided to invite his 85 year old grandparents and even older great aunts and uncles to binge drink with him and play beer pong at his 21st birthday party. My law partners don't belong at my daughter's first communion.

So what do you do with your toddler when they aren't invited and the wedding is out of town? What if you're in the wedding? This is happening to us. We have no local family to watch our toddler. The weddings aren't in a hotel where we can leave them with a sitter (if I even felt comfortable doing that with a complete stranger in a different town anyway) and the reception is in the evening so my toddler would either be a mess up until 11pm or I'd have to skip most of the reception. I just don't think the couple understand how miserable this whole weekend is going to be for everyone with small children. They're in their 30s too so it's not like we're their only friends with kids.

Your responsibility to develop trusted sitters.

Sure, I'll spend thousands of dollars on sitters (and I guess nights or days away) so they have a relationship with my child so the 3 important weddings in my life where we need somebody to stay with DC we'll be set. Want to fund this for me?

You can't afford it? Then you stay home. Could also be a trusted family friend whom you swap weekend childcare with. Use your creativity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if people have no kid weddings, but it places an undue burden (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on people traveling for the wedding. We are in this tough situation with a few weddings right now. We don't have anyone to watch our child at home and bringing our child will make the logistics crazy and I'll probably miss the receptions. Hardly seems worth it to go for me since it will just be a huge expensive headache and I won't enjoy myself at all, but we don't really have that option.

No it doesn't. You get to decline. Send a nice gift, and make a date to see the couple soon after the honeymoon.

Nope, they are out of town and my spouse is in the wedding.

And there it is.

En-ti-tled. (n.) "I want to do something, and I refuse to leave my kids with anyone who isn't me, so the world has to bend itself backward to ensure that I don't miss out just because I chose to have (and never be 4 feet away from my) kids."

I would love to leave my kids with somebody else, but not ANYBODY else. We have no local family or trusted sitters. And again, nobody said the couple should do anything. Just expressing my desire to be able to leave kids with family and have a fun weekend.

As my first boss used to say, make a plan.

It is just not that hard to cultivate a reliable, trustworthy babysitter. Really. When we were kids, our babysitters were freshmen in high school.

No way would I leave my kids with a 14 or 15 year old for a weekend. That is crazy.

[Anonymous]

A couple gets to have the kind of wedding they want to have. They should not have to shape their event for you. If you have kids and therefore can't go, oh well. That's something about kids...they take responsibility...from the parents. You may miss out on a few things while kids are young. Again, that's just part of having kids. Your responsibility, not theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its narcissistic to think that your kids belong at every event. You wouldn't expect to bring them to a cocktail party, which is essentially what a wedding is.

I see no problem with it. If you can't be apart from your kids for 4 hours, that's a problem.

I find this thinking so odd. To me, a wedding is an event in which your loved ones - regardless of age- celebrate with you. NOT essentially 'a cocktail party.' I've gone to plenty of events and overnight trips with DH without kids so I'm not some mom attached to my kids 24/7.

Do you go to cheap weddings or expensive ones? I waited until my mid 30s to get married. Sorry but I'm not interested in someone's 5 year old running loose on the dance floor. There is a place and time for kids. If you have a laid back cheap outdoor or casual wedding sure invite kids. A formal affair? Not appropriate.

You sound about as fun as a barrel of monkeys. Is your idea of a good time table service at some eurotrash bar?

I'm sorry, but children do not belong out late in the evening at a black tie wedding. Nope, they do not. And whether I'm fun or not, or you agree or not, the bottom line is that the bride and groom are the hosts (read: they are paying) so they get total control over whether your pumpkin gets invited or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple gets to have the kind of wedding they want to have. They should not have to shape their event for you. If you have kids and therefore can't go, oh well. That's something about kids...they take responsibility...from the parents. You may miss out on a few things while kids are young. Again, that's just part of having kids. Your responsibility, not theirs.

Of course. But don't get hurt when people decline the invite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its narcissistic to think that your kids belong at every event. You wouldn't expect to bring them to a cocktail party, which is essentially what a wedding is.

I see no problem with it. If you can't be apart from your kids for 4 hours, that's a problem.

I find this thinking so odd. To me, a wedding is an event in which your loved ones - regardless of age- celebrate with you. NOT essentially 'a cocktail party.' I've gone to plenty of events and overnight trips with DH without kids so I'm not some mom attached to my kids 24/7.

Do you go to cheap weddings or expensive ones? I waited until my mid 30s to get married. Sorry but I'm not interested in someone's 5 year old running loose on the dance floor. There is a place and time for kids. If you have a laid back cheap outdoor or casual wedding sure invite kids. A formal affair? Not appropriate.

You sound about as fun as a barrel of monkeys. Is your idea of a good time table service at some eurotrash bar?

I'm sorry, but children do not belong out late in the evening at a black tie wedding. Nope, they do not. And whether I'm fun or not, or you agree or not, the bottom line is that the bride and groom are the hosts (read: they are paying) so they get total control over whether your pumpkin gets invited or not.

Of course they do. And the parents get to say no.

Also, black tie events are annoying and pretentious.

[Anonymous]

To the posters saying kids don't belong at black tie evening events - you do realize that different families and cultures have different viewpoints, right? Having kids at weddings doesn't mean that person's wedding is just a backyard barbecue or something similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if people have no kid weddings, but it places an undue burden (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on people traveling for the wedding. We are in this tough situation with a few weddings right now. We don't have anyone to watch our child at home and bringing our child will make the logistics crazy and I'll probably miss the receptions. Hardly seems worth it to go for me since it will just be a huge expensive headache and I won't enjoy myself at all, but we don't really have that option.

No it doesn't. You get to decline. Send a nice gift, and make a date to see the couple soon after the honeymoon.

Nope, they are out of town and my spouse is in the wedding.

And there it is.

En-ti-tled. (n.) "I want to do something, and I refuse to leave my kids with anyone who isn't me, so the world has to bend itself backward to ensure that I don't miss out just because I chose to have (and never be 4 feet away from my) kids."

I would love to leave my kids with somebody else, but not ANYBODY else. We have no local family or trusted sitters. And again, nobody said the couple should do anything. Just expressing my desire to be able to leave kids with family and have a fun weekend.

As my first boss used to say, make a plan.

It is just not that hard to cultivate a reliable, trustworthy babysitter. Really. When we were kids, our babysitters were freshmen in high school.

Hey good for you, but I'm not stupid enough to leave my 15 month old with a 14 year old. Is that even legal?