No-kid weddings

[Anonymous]

Oh FFS. No one is saying to leave your toddler with a 14 year old. But you also don't have to hold out for a PhD in developmental child psychology who has known your child since she was in utero.

Seriously. The hospital left an infant with YOU the first time. What were your qualifications?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its narcissistic to think that your kids belong at every event. You wouldn't expect to bring them to a cocktail party, which is essentially what a wedding is.

I see no problem with it. If you can't be apart from your kids for 4 hours, that's a problem.

I had a no-kid wedding for this reason. We wanted an elegant evening party.

You can have an elegant evening party and have kids. We did. I'm not saying you should allow kids but to say it can't be a nice wedding with children is ridiculous.

How can you do that? I'm truly curious.

Simple. When you address the invites, you specifically invite the parents, not the whole family. Of course some will just bring the kids anyway.....

I grew up attending family weddings, but can't ever remember a time my parents took us to weddings of their friends. They got us a sitter. If they had to go out of town for one, my grandparents would watch us. I get that most people around here don't have family nearby (I don't either). So we welcomed kids from our family and friends who were in from out of town. But in-town friends who don't like to leave their kids with a sitter (but take them to daycare) bewilder me. I don't know if its a generational thing or what. I was babysitting at age 13, but it doesn't seem that anyone would let someone that age watch their kids these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Seriously. The hospital left an infant with YOU the first time. What were your qualifications?

Right. Because that is totally the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

They don't.

You actually sound like a narcissist. It's not all about you. Perhaps they want to have the wedding at an elegant location where it isn't appropriate to have toddlers and young children. Perhaps it's cost. Maybe they've been to weddings where kids have had HORRIBLE tantrums and the parents didn't appropriately deal with their badly behaved children.

[Anonymous]

Bride and Groom can have whatever kind of wedding they want. The can have it on the moon if that's what they want. Richard Branson will be the only attendee but it was their choice.

[Anonymous]

I am totally good with no kid weddings if kids just don't fit the bill. This summer I am invited to a wedding in a fancy hotel in an extremely expensive resort town. The guest list isarge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am totally good with no kid weddings if kids just don't fit the bill. This summer I am invited to a wedding in a fancy hotel in an extremely expensive resort town. The guest list isarge.

Whoops, hit post too soon.

The guest list is large - this is my second cousin. Anyhow, I got an email saying that kids would not be invited because of their very limited budget. I found this ridiculous, honestly. No problem if you don't want kids there but if you don't just own it. I wouldnt invite kids to a cocktail party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

See, to me the "horrible narcissist" is someone who believes she is the sole arbiter of what "weddings are supposed to be." What a ridiculous individual you are. But I do think your family does care that you skip the weddings - in fact, I think they are ecstatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

They don't.

You actually sound like a narcissist. It's not all about you. Perhaps they want to have the wedding at an elegant location where it isn't appropriate to have toddlers and young children. Perhaps it's cost. Maybe they've been to weddings where kids have had HORRIBLE tantrums and the parents didn't appropriately deal with their badly behaved children.

Perhaps they know that their obnoxious, know-it-all cousin won't come if she can't bring Larla, and it's a great way to eliminate a butch from the guest list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I've ever seen a kid at a wedding. Definitely no kids at receptions. All if the wedding receptions I've been to were formal sit down dinners that lasted until 11 pm or later. They were not kid friendly events at all.

Me too. Surprised so many people have been to so many weddings with kids. Almost all the weddings i have attended were kid-free affairs except sometimes the immediate family or a couple flower girls at the reception. Most were in a mahor metropolitan area, start right around bedtime for most small kids, at venues that cost $$ per person, plated dinners, per seat costs for decorations, apps, and flowers. So.....cant even imagine doubling that cost and size with everyone's kids. And yes, most have been cocktail party type events. Maybe other posters have attended weddings in less expensive areas that are more casual?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Seriously. The hospital left an infant with YOU the first time. What were your qualifications?

Right. Because that is totally the same thing.

You're right. It's not the same thing. You leave an infant with two people who know nothing about parenting for LIFE.

You leave your toddler with anyone who has a brain and a pulse for 4 hours and IT'S FINE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Seriously. The hospital left an infant with YOU the first time. What were your qualifications?

Right. Because that is totally the same thing.

You're right. It's not the same thing. You leave an infant with two people who know nothing about parenting for LIFE.

You leave your toddler with anyone who has a brain and a pulse for 4 hours and IT'S FINE.

Get off it, nobody is talking about local weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Seriously. The hospital left an infant with YOU the first time. What were your qualifications?

Right. Because that is totally the same thing.

You're right. It's not the same thing. You leave an infant with two people who know nothing about parenting for LIFE.

You leave your toddler with anyone who has a brain and a pulse for 4 hours and IT'S FINE.

We have been discussing leaving them for a weekend. No way am I leaving my kids with just anyone. I don't care if people invite them to weddings or not. And they shouldn't care whether we attend or not. They get to issue the invitation. We get to accept or decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bride and Groom can have whatever kind of wedding they want. The can have it on the moon if that's what they want. Richard Branson will be the only attendee but it was their choice.

I agree, but Bride and Groom very often talk about how they can't believe what neurotic parents so-and-so are and they feel slighted that said invitees didn't attend and hurt that they aren't the center of their universe because they didn't travel 10 hours and drop $2k on travel, accommodations, engagement party gifts, shower gifts and travel, bachelor/ette party travel and gifts, bridesmaid dresses (and matching shoes, shawls, makeup and hair), rental tuxedos, and various other ridiculous things that people force upon their guests and wedding parties. Seriously. It depends on the couple. And most couples I know that don't want kids at their wedding, do it because it's "their day" and they are real jerks about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its narcissistic to think that your kids belong at every event. You wouldn't expect to bring them to a cocktail party, which is essentially what a wedding is.

I see no problem with it. If you can't be apart from your kids for 4 hours, that's a problem.

I find this thinking so odd. To me, a wedding is an event in which your loved ones - regardless of age- celebrate with you. NOT essentially 'a cocktail party.' I've gone to plenty of events and overnight trips with DH without kids so I'm not some mom attached to my kids 24/7.

Do you go to cheap weddings or expensive ones? I waited until my mid 30s to get married. Sorry but I'm not interested in someone's 5 year old running loose on the dance floor. There is a place and time for kids. If you have a laid back cheap outdoor or casual wedding sure invite kids. A formal affair? Not appropriate.

You sound about as fun as a barrel of monkeys. Is your idea of a good time table service at some eurotrash bar?

NP here. My friends brought their uninvited 5yo to the wedding because she wanted to see a wedding. I had provided babysitting, movies, and dinner but they decided she should come to the wedding anyway. She stuck her fingers in the wedding cake while her parents laughed. The other guests (who told me about it) were horrified. This kind of behavior, and the narcissism of special snowflake's parents is exactly why I didn't want kids. It seems fewer people want to discipline their kids sometimes.