No-kid weddings

[Anonymous]

No kids at the ceremony is one thing, but no kids at the reception is pretty stupid...especially if your guests are traveling to your wedding.

We had 20+ kids at our wedding, and it was a blast! It was formal, but we wanted our family and friends there. We have bailed on two out of state weddings that didn't include our kids. We don't have anyone to leave our handful of kids with overnight. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

You are dense. An 18 month old toddler isn't "celebrating" the marriage because he doesnt know what the hell that means. A six year old left to her own devices would "celebrate the union" with a homemade glitter and sticker card -- so she doesn't need to attend, either.

There are different varieties of celebrations, did you know this? On the flip side, I would find it very odd if my turning-21-yr-old son decided to invite his 85 year old grandparents and even older great aunts and uncles to binge drink with him and play beer pong at his 21st birthday party. My law partners don't belong at my daughter's first communion.

[Anonymous]

We had an out-of-town wedding and restricted it to older kids. The kids cost a lot of money, it was en evening wedding, and we've been to a number of weddings where kids screamed during the ceremonies and no one removed them. That seems to be a lot of the narcissism - my precious baby screaming doesn't need to be removed because everyone loves my baby. FWIW, I provided and paid for licensed, bonded babysitters and kid dinner at the wedding site so guests could enjoy an adult evening while checking on their kids as often as they wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

You are dense. An 18 month old toddler isn't "celebrating" the marriage because he doesnt know what the hell that means. A six year old left to her own devices would "celebrate the union" with a homemade glitter and sticker card -- so she doesn't need to attend, either.

There are different varieties of celebrations, did you know this? On the flip side, I would find it very odd if my turning-21-yr-old son decided to invite his 85 year old grandparents and even older great aunts and uncles to binge drink with him and play beer pong at his 21st birthday party. My law partners don't belong at my daughter's first communion.

So what do you do with your toddler when they aren't invited and the wedding is out of town? What if you're in the wedding? This is happening to us. We have no local family to watch our toddler. The weddings aren't in a hotel where we can leave them with a sitter (if I even felt comfortable doing that with a complete stranger in a different town anyway) and the reception is in the evening so my toddler would either be a mess up until 11pm or I'd have to skip most of the reception. I just don't think the couple understand how miserable this whole weekend is going to be for everyone with small children. They're in their 30s too so it's not like we're their only friends with kids.

[Anonymous]

It's usually a financial decision. Some venues charge per head and infants who don't even eat solids or even take up a seat count as a "head" and that ups the total cost.

There are people who think a baby's cry during the service would ruin everything, but that's not the most frequent reason for child-free weddings.

For us, it would be hard to swing for both DH & I to attend a kid free wedding out of town - mostly due to cost, partially due to childcare though I'm sure the hotel could help us find a babysitter. My best friend's getting married in a year, and even though she's said my kid is welcome, the kids will probably stay home with dad and I'll get a weekend away on my own - I'm actually really looking forward to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

You're right. It's not all about you and your baby (and I say this as a parent). Some people want adult only weddings, some want wild everyone included affairs. It's up to the bride and groom to decide based on their lives, wants, and family traditions. People can want different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think its narcissistic to think that your kids belong at every event. You wouldn't expect to bring them to a cocktail party, which is essentially what a wedding is.

I see no problem with it. If you can't be apart from your kids for 4 hours, that's a problem.

I had a no-kid wedding for this reason. We wanted an elegant evening party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

You are dense. An 18 month old toddler isn't "celebrating" the marriage because he doesnt know what the hell that means. A six year old left to her own devices would "celebrate the union" with a homemade glitter and sticker card -- so she doesn't need to attend, either.

There are different varieties of celebrations, did you know this? On the flip side, I would find it very odd if my turning-21-yr-old son decided to invite his 85 year old grandparents and even older great aunts and uncles to binge drink with him and play beer pong at his 21st birthday party. My law partners don't belong at my daughter's first communion.

So what do you do with your toddler when they aren't invited and the wedding is out of town? What if you're in the wedding? This is happening to us. We have no local family to watch our toddler. The weddings aren't in a hotel where we can leave them with a sitter (if I even felt comfortable doing that with a complete stranger in a different town anyway) and the reception is in the evening so my toddler would either be a mess up until 11pm or I'd have to skip most of the reception. I just don't think the couple understand how miserable this whole weekend is going to be for everyone with small children. They're in their 30s too so it's not like we're their only friends with kids.

so don't go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

You are dense. An 18 month old toddler isn't "celebrating" the marriage because he doesnt know what the hell that means. A six year old left to her own devices would "celebrate the union" with a homemade glitter and sticker card -- so she doesn't need to attend, either.

There are different varieties of celebrations, did you know this? On the flip side, I would find it very odd if my turning-21-yr-old son decided to invite his 85 year old grandparents and even older great aunts and uncles to binge drink with him and play beer pong at his 21st birthday party. My law partners don't belong at my daughter's first communion.

So what do you do with your toddler when they aren't invited and the wedding is out of town? What if you're in the wedding? This is happening to us. We have no local family to watch our toddler. The weddings aren't in a hotel where we can leave them with a sitter (if I even felt comfortable doing that with a complete stranger in a different town anyway) and the reception is in the evening so my toddler would either be a mess up until 11pm or I'd have to skip most of the reception. I just don't think the couple understand how miserable this whole weekend is going to be for everyone with small children. They're in their 30s too so it's not like we're their only friends with kids.

Look, if it's too much of burden for you, then decline the invitation. You seriously can't expect the couple to change the time or location of their wedding because your toddler can't stay up late or that you have no local family to babysit. Stop making this a big drama and bemoaning the fact that this wedding doesn't work with YOUR family's schedule. Just decline. It doesn't make you a bad person, nor does it make the couple bad for planning a wedding they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think its narcissistic to think that your kids belong at every event. You wouldn't expect to bring them to a cocktail party, which is essentially what a wedding is.

I see no problem with it. If you can't be apart from your kids for 4 hours, that's a problem.

But it's not 4 hours. My cousin had a no kid wedding in PA. My parents were going to be at the wedding, which left my in laws to watch the kids for a weekend. They already had other plans. It was in a small town so it wasn't like the local Holiday Inn had vetted babysitters. So I didn't go. There comes a point where you are asking a lot of people just to attend the wedding.

[Anonymous]

I think you're kind of missing the point if you think about what a burden it is for you to attend the wedding under the circumstances that it's being held. The couple wants the wedding they want - whether it's a big, open free for all with all the cousins and their children + all your high school friends you're still in touch with or a small, intimate wedding. They've planned what they wanted and they realize that impacts who can and can not attend. If having absolutely every cousin there were important to them, they would have planned a wedding that accommodated that.

I have not met a single engaged person who says "I wish I'd gotten more 'yes' RSVPs." People are usually hoping that a good portion of those invited won't be able to make it. Most people don't want hundreds at their wedding. So if it's inconvenient for you to attend, don't feel guilty about declining and don't feel put on by having received the invitation. It's fine to decline - the couple expects, and may even by hoping, for quite a few no's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

You are dense. An 18 month old toddler isn't "celebrating" the marriage because he doesnt know what the hell that means. A six year old left to her own devices would "celebrate the union" with a homemade glitter and sticker card -- so she doesn't need to attend, either.

There are different varieties of celebrations, did you know this? On the flip side, I would find it very odd if my turning-21-yr-old son decided to invite his 85 year old grandparents and even older great aunts and uncles to binge drink with him and play beer pong at his 21st birthday party. My law partners don't belong at my daughter's first communion.

So what do you do with your toddler when they aren't invited and the wedding is out of town? What if you're in the wedding? This is happening to us. We have no local family to watch our toddler. The weddings aren't in a hotel where we can leave them with a sitter (if I even felt comfortable doing that with a complete stranger in a different town anyway) and the reception is in the evening so my toddler would either be a mess up until 11pm or I'd have to skip most of the reception. I just don't think the couple understand how miserable this whole weekend is going to be for everyone with small children. They're in their 30s too so it's not like we're their only friends with kids.

+1 The couple should have the wedding atmosphere they want. If you can't attend, then that's just how it goes.

Look, if it's too much of burden for you, then decline the invitation. You seriously can't expect the couple to change the time or location of their wedding because your toddler can't stay up late or that you have no local family to babysit. Stop making this a big drama and bemoaning the fact that this wedding doesn't work with YOUR family's schedule. Just decline. It doesn't make you a bad person, nor does it make the couple bad for planning a wedding they want.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it means a couple doesn't like kids.

For many, including children could double the head count of the wedding, which gets really pricey. I'm sure that's a big reason for a lot of people.

We got married 3 years ago, but if we got married today, pretty much all of our friends have kids by now. It would turn the wedding into more of a baby/toddler event. I might considering only inviting older children or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

You are dense. An 18 month old toddler isn't "celebrating" the marriage because he doesnt know what the hell that means. A six year old left to her own devices would "celebrate the union" with a homemade glitter and sticker card -- so she doesn't need to attend, either.

There are different varieties of celebrations, did you know this? On the flip side, I would find it very odd if my turning-21-yr-old son decided to invite his 85 year old grandparents and even older great aunts and uncles to binge drink with him and play beer pong at his 21st birthday party. My law partners don't belong at my daughter's first communion.

So what do you do with your toddler when they aren't invited and the wedding is out of town? What if you're in the wedding? This is happening to us. We have no local family to watch our toddler. The weddings aren't in a hotel where we can leave them with a sitter (if I even felt comfortable doing that with a complete stranger in a different town anyway) and the reception is in the evening so my toddler would either be a mess up until 11pm or I'd have to skip most of the reception. I just don't think the couple understand how miserable this whole weekend is going to be for everyone with small children. They're in their 30s too so it's not like we're their only friends with kids.

Look, if it's too much of burden for you, then decline the invitation. You seriously can't expect the couple to change the time or location of their wedding because your toddler can't stay up late or that you have no local family to babysit. Stop making this a big drama and bemoaning the fact that this wedding doesn't work with YOUR family's schedule. Just decline. It doesn't make you a bad person, nor does it make the couple bad for planning a wedding they want.

It does, actually. Or at least it's a slight to the couple and I would love to celebrate their union with them. My spouse is in the wedding and I'm marginally involved. I haven't made it about me in any way. I haven't said anything to anyone. I just have a hard time understanding why people plan a destination wedding and then say no kids when they have many friends and family with young children. When we got married we went out of our way to ensure it was as convenient as possible for as many people as possible. Did I want a fabulous destination outdoor wedding? Yes. Was it more important for me that everyone be able to have a nice, convenient, affordable trip outside of our wedding? Yes. I get it. I really do, but I'm stressed trying to figure out what to do and some help —babysitting coordination isn't that hard to put together when you're already planning a wedding— or acknowledgement of our situation would be appreciated. Out of context, it may seem I'm being selfish, and maybe I am (though in private feelings alone) but this couple has already been kind of gift-grabby with multiple parties and showers, destination bachelor party, and registry info on the invitation, so it's hitting me hard because I'd really just like to go and have a good time.

[Anonymous]

Probably most ppl who do no-kid weddings do so because they're concerned adults won't exercise good judgement in terms of which kids are old/mature enough to attend. Like, say, the PP contemplating a toddler at a wedding until 11pm. Sounds like an adult party to me.

Note that I have a toddler. If I can't find care, I don't go.