No-kid weddings

[Anonymous]

I was nursing newborn twins when I was asked to be maid of honor at my brother's wedding. They also wanted my older son to be the ring bearer. Wedding was a couple hours away, black tie, very fancy. We planned to go to the wedding, spend a bit of time at the reception so the family members traveling from overseas who hadn't yet seen the babies could briefly meet them (they were really good babies and slept all the time) and peace out by the time the cocktail hour ended and before the sit down dinner began. Welp, after I'd agreed to be in the wedding, hosted a very fancy bridal shower and bachelorette party, bought the stupidly overpriced dress, etc, my bro and his wife dropped the bomb that although they did want our son to be the ring bearer, they absolutely did NOT want any kids at the reception. Period. I have no idea what the etiquette books say, but it seems crazy to ask a kid to be in the wedding and then say, "Oh, but you can't come to the reception, sorry!" Anyway, DH and I were pissed but just took the kids to the wedding, let our son do his thing, and then rolled out of there. This was three years ago and my bro and his wife don't have any kids yet. I think they're going to start trying soon, though, and although I love them to death, I hope they get a set of colicky triplets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bride and Groom can have whatever kind of wedding they want. The can have it on the moon if that's what they want. Richard Branson will be the only attendee but it was their choice.

I agree, but Bride and Groom very often talk about how they can't believe what neurotic parents so-and-so are and they feel slighted that said invitees didn't attend and hurt that they aren't the center of their universe because they didn't travel 10 hours and drop $2k on travel, accommodations, engagement party gifts, shower gifts and travel, bachelor/ette party travel and gifts, bridesmaid dresses (and matching shoes, shawls, makeup and hair), rental tuxedos, and various other ridiculous things that people force upon their guests and wedding parties. Seriously. It depends on the couple. And most couples I know that don't want kids at their wedding, do it because it's "their day" and they are real jerks about it.

It's being a jerk not to want children to ruin the video, pictures, cake, etc.? sorry but I was entitled to be a jerk because I was paying. Even now, when our kids are preteens and teens, there is one couple with three kids. they no longer need a sitter but guess what? They never stay long at parties. They just don't like adult only events! I think some people use their kids as an excuse to not go out socially. Ridiculous when the "baby" is 11.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the first PPs here who's SIL is getting married, and literally every sibling or cousin is out of town and has kids. I think she's going to be in for a rude awakening when people decline bc of the no kids rule. Yes of course it is her decision but she needs to live with the consequences.

I read over and over in this thread that some brides and grooms really cared if their guests could all come or not. For heavens sake, why would they care that much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the first PPs here who's SIL is getting married, and literally every sibling or cousin is out of town and has kids. I think she's going to be in for a rude awakening when people decline bc of the no kids rule. Yes of course it is her decision but she needs to live with the consequences.

I read over and over in this thread that some brides and grooms really cared if their guests could all come or not. For heavens sake, why would they care that much?

+1 They don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bride and Groom can have whatever kind of wedding they want. The can have it on the moon if that's what they want. Richard Branson will be the only attendee but it was their choice.

I agree, but Bride and Groom very often talk about how they can't believe what neurotic parents so-and-so are and they feel slighted that said invitees didn't attend and hurt that they aren't the center of their universe because they didn't travel 10 hours and drop $2k on travel, accommodations, engagement party gifts, shower gifts and travel, bachelor/ette party travel and gifts, bridesmaid dresses (and matching shoes, shawls, makeup and hair), rental tuxedos, and various other ridiculous things that people force upon their guests and wedding parties. Seriously. It depends on the couple. And most couples I know that don't want kids at their wedding, do it because it's "their day" and they are real jerks about it.

It's being a jerk not to want children to ruin the video, pictures, cake, etc.? sorry but I was entitled to be a jerk because I was paying. Even now, when our kids are preteens and teens, there is one couple with three kids. they no longer need a sitter but guess what? They never stay long at parties. They just don't like adult only events! I think some people use their kids as an excuse to not go out socially. Ridiculous when the "baby" is 11.

You sound like an image obsessed, small person. Even if you don't like kids, this is such a strange thought to have. But I'm sure your super klassy wedding photos look adorbs over your Willow Tree figurines.

[Anonymous]

I read over and over in this thread that some brides and grooms really cared if their guests could all come or not. For heavens sake, why would they care that much?

Yeah, PP here who posted about enjoying having some kids at her wedding, including a couple of young nieces. I also had some relatives who couldn't travel out of town because they had multiple small children and it was too expensive/too much of a hassle. That also was no big deal--I knew it wasn't a personal affront on me or anything and they sent a nice gift and congratulated me and said how nice the wedding photos looked when I saw them during the holidays. I don't really get why people get so worked up about all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was nursing newborn twins when I was asked to be maid of honor at my brother's wedding. They also wanted my older son to be the ring bearer. Wedding was a couple hours away, black tie, very fancy. We planned to go to the wedding, spend a bit of time at the reception so the family members traveling from overseas who hadn't yet seen the babies could briefly meet them (they were really good babies and slept all the time) and peace out by the time the cocktail hour ended and before the sit down dinner began. Welp, after I'd agreed to be in the wedding, hosted a very fancy bridal shower and bachelorette party, bought the stupidly overpriced dress, etc, my bro and his wife dropped the bomb that although they did want our son to be the ring bearer, they absolutely did NOT want any kids at the reception. Period. I have no idea what the etiquette books say, but it seems crazy to ask a kid to be in the wedding and then say, "Oh, but you can't come to the reception, sorry!" Anyway, DH and I were pissed but just took the kids to the wedding, let our son do his thing, and then rolled out of there. This was three years ago and my bro and his wife don't have any kids yet. I think they're going to start trying soon, though, and although I love them to death, I hope they get a set of colicky triplets.

Please don't be *THAT* SIL, OP. I'm sure the out of town relatives could have met your children any other time. You see, it just wasn't *your* day, literally. Learn to be gracious, as life does not always go the way you want it to. Didn't your mother ever teach you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I read over and over in this thread that some brides and grooms really cared if their guests could all come or not. For heavens sake, why would they care that much?

Yeah, PP here who posted about enjoying having some kids at her wedding, including a couple of young nieces. I also had some relatives who couldn't travel out of town because they had multiple small children and it was too expensive/too much of a hassle. That also was no big deal--I knew it wasn't a personal affront on me or anything and they sent a nice gift and congratulated me and said how nice the wedding photos looked when I saw them during the holidays. I don't really get why people get so worked up about all of this.

+10000

They think their kids are the most important part of the day, is the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It does make it more complicated if it is a family OOT wedding and/or one or both spouses have been asked to be attendants.

Every family wedding up until the most recent 2 had been kid-friendly. And honestly, having the kiddos there was ALWAYS the best part. So, it surprised me when 2 of my cousins had weddings in the past few years where kids were not invited.

I don't begrudge them having the wedding they want or can afford or whatever. But there was this whole "oh, why can't you come?" attitude that we got that was a bit upsetting. Let's see, my parents are part of the family, so there goes the weekend sitter we have used in other cases? It doesn't seem like much fun to have to have someone sit in a hotel room babysitting while their spouse is at the party? I'm not going to leave my kid with some random stranger in a town I don't live in just so I can go to a wedding? I might have attended if there had been a kid's room at the event, but there wasn't, so my parents went and we stayed at home. I hate missing big events for members of my extended family, but I didn't have much choice. My two older cousins (brother and sister, both married with kids) did attend, and their dad and mom (my aunt and uncle) stayed back from the reception so that their adult children could attend. Great for them, but I wasn't going to do that to my parents. Again, it is what it is, but don't make me feel guilty for having to decline.

Making you feel guilty or expressing their disappointment? Grow up, when you decide to have kids you know logistics become more complicated. I knew this going in, was this a surprise to you?

Um, no, I was saying that there were family members (not necessarily the bride and groom) questioning why we couldn't come. I thought it was pretty obvious and there should be no guilt trip laid on us for declining. It's fine that my two older cousins and aunt and uncle made their arrangement, but I didn't feel right about my parents having to miss the event entirely just so we could go. Yes, I realize having kids can complicate things/change logistics - it seemed like my extended family didn't realize we had choices to make, though.

Now, we did attend an OOT wedding for another cousin where our child was invited, but my parents offered to head back to the hotel with her once she got tired. Kiddo partied until 9:30 or 10, and then it was time to go and her grandparents were fine with heading out a little early. We would have taken her out ourselves had they not offered.

What in the hell does the reaction of others who are NOT the bride and groom have to do with it?
Either go or don't geeeez

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the first PPs here who's SIL is getting married, and literally every sibling or cousin is out of town and has kids. I think she's going to be in for a rude awakening when people decline bc of the no kids rule. Yes of course it is her decision but she needs to live with the consequences.

Maybe she is fine with that...

[Anonymous]

Why do people think they are entitled to take their kids to weddings? The day is about the couple starting their lives together, not about your kids.

If you don't have child care don't go.

I insulted people by having the wedding I wanted. Small, quiet, no big party.I wanted to focus on dh and I not 100 guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was nursing newborn twins when I was asked to be maid of honor at my brother's wedding. They also wanted my older son to be the ring bearer. Wedding was a couple hours away, black tie, very fancy. We planned to go to the wedding, spend a bit of time at the reception so the family members traveling from overseas who hadn't yet seen the babies could briefly meet them (they were really good babies and slept all the time) and peace out by the time the cocktail hour ended and before the sit down dinner began. Welp, after I'd agreed to be in the wedding, hosted a very fancy bridal shower and bachelorette party, bought the stupidly overpriced dress, etc, my bro and his wife dropped the bomb that although they did want our son to be the ring bearer, they absolutely did NOT want any kids at the reception. Period. I have no idea what the etiquette books say, but it seems crazy to ask a kid to be in the wedding and then say, "Oh, but you can't come to the reception, sorry!" Anyway, DH and I were pissed but just took the kids to the wedding, let our son do his thing, and then rolled out of there. This was three years ago and my bro and his wife don't have any kids yet. I think they're going to start trying soon, though, and although I love them to death, I hope they get a set of colicky triplets.

Please don't be *THAT* SIL, OP. I'm sure the out of town relatives could have met your children any other time. You see, it just wasn't *your* day, literally. Learn to be gracious, as life does not always go the way you want it to. Didn't your mother ever teach you?

It is totally rude to ask a child to be in the wedding but not invite said child to the reception.

[Anonymous]

If a bride and groom have no children in the wedding, and don't invite their close family's children to the wedding, and are close enough to hear how close family feels about it, and they are fine with it, would you still try to invite your small children who no one cares about? What if the groom has exigent circumstance in his family that precludes having small children about that day? Say, if they are bringing in a dying relative on their hospital bed for the event, and that relative's situation and needs take precedent over *anyone*?

Because some people just do not know when to let a matter rest. Really.

It is not about you. Trust me on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was nursing newborn twins when I was asked to be maid of honor at my brother's wedding. They also wanted my older son to be the ring bearer. Wedding was a couple hours away, black tie, very fancy. We planned to go to the wedding, spend a bit of time at the reception so the family members traveling from overseas who hadn't yet seen the babies could briefly meet them (they were really good babies and slept all the time) and peace out by the time the cocktail hour ended and before the sit down dinner began. Welp, after I'd agreed to be in the wedding, hosted a very fancy bridal shower and bachelorette party, bought the stupidly overpriced dress, etc, my bro and his wife dropped the bomb that although they did want our son to be the ring bearer, they absolutely did NOT want any kids at the reception. Period. I have no idea what the etiquette books say, but it seems crazy to ask a kid to be in the wedding and then say, "Oh, but you can't come to the reception, sorry!" Anyway, DH and I were pissed but just took the kids to the wedding, let our son do his thing, and then rolled out of there. This was three years ago and my bro and his wife don't have any kids yet. I think they're going to start trying soon, though, and although I love them to death, I hope they get a set of colicky triplets.

Please don't be *THAT* SIL, OP. I'm sure the out of town relatives could have met your children any other time. You see, it just wasn't *your* day, literally. Learn to be gracious, as life does not always go the way you want it to. Didn't your mother ever teach you?

It is totally rude to ask a child to be in the wedding but not invite said child to the reception.

Yeah, I think this is pretty rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a bride and groom have no children in the wedding, and don't invite their close family's children to the wedding, and are close enough to hear how close family feels about it, and they are fine with it, would you still try to invite your small children who no one cares about? What if the groom has exigent circumstance in his family that precludes having small children about that day? Say, if they are bringing in a dying relative on their hospital bed for the event, and that relative's situation and needs take precedent over *anyone*?

Because some people just do not know when to let a matter rest. Really.

It is not about you. Trust me on this.

Say what? I don't think most people are excluding children because a dying relative is going to be attending in a hospital bed.