No-kid weddings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its narcissistic to think that your kids belong at every event. You wouldn't expect to bring them to a cocktail party, which is essentially what a wedding is.

I see no problem with it. If you can't be apart from your kids for 4 hours, that's a problem.

I had a no-kid wedding for this reason. We wanted an elegant evening party.

You can have an elegant evening party and have kids. We did. I'm not saying you should allow kids but to say it can't be a nice wedding with children is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

You are dense. An 18 month old toddler isn't "celebrating" the marriage because he doesnt know what the hell that means. A six year old left to her own devices would "celebrate the union" with a homemade glitter and sticker card -- so she doesn't need to attend, either.

There are different varieties of celebrations, did you know this? On the flip side, I would find it very odd if my turning-21-yr-old son decided to invite his 85 year old grandparents and even older great aunts and uncles to binge drink with him and play beer pong at his 21st birthday party. My law partners don't belong at my daughter's first communion.

So what do you do with your toddler when they aren't invited and the wedding is out of town? What if you're in the wedding? This is happening to us. We have no local family to watch our toddler. The weddings aren't in a hotel where we can leave them with a sitter (if I even felt comfortable doing that with a complete stranger in a different town anyway) and the reception is in the evening so my toddler would either be a mess up until 11pm or I'd have to skip most of the reception. I just don't think the couple understand how miserable this whole weekend is going to be for everyone with small children. They're in their 30s too so it's not like we're their only friends with kids.

Look, if it's too much of burden for you, then decline the invitation. You seriously can't expect the couple to change the time or location of their wedding because your toddler can't stay up late or that you have no local family to babysit. Stop making this a big drama and bemoaning the fact that this wedding doesn't work with YOUR family's schedule. Just decline. It doesn't make you a bad person, nor does it make the couple bad for planning a wedding they want.

It does, actually. Or at least it's a slight to the couple and I would love to celebrate their union with them. My spouse is in the wedding and I'm marginally involved. I haven't made it about me in any way. I haven't said anything to anyone. I just have a hard time understanding why people plan a destination wedding and then say no kids when they have many friends and family with young children. When we got married we went out of our way to ensure it was as convenient as possible for as many people as possible. Did I want a fabulous destination outdoor wedding? Yes. Was it more important for me that everyone be able to have a nice, convenient, affordable trip outside of our wedding? Yes. I get it. I really do, but I'm stressed trying to figure out what to do and some help —babysitting coordination isn't that hard to put together when you're already planning a wedding— or acknowledgement of our situation would be appreciated. Out of context, it may seem I'm being selfish, and maybe I am (though in private feelings alone) but this couple has already been kind of gift-grabby with multiple parties and showers, destination bachelor party, and registry info on the invitation, so it's hitting me hard because I'd really just like to go and have a good time.

Don't go. An invitation to a party is just that. The couple should not be held responsible for everyone's childcare needs. I have turned down invitations to various parties, including a wedding recently, because I can't find childcare. I don't feel guilty about it nor should the party-thrower feel like they should have invited my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

You're right. It's not all about you and your baby (and I say this as a parent). Some people want adult only weddings, some want wild everyone included affairs. It's up to the bride and groom to decide based on their lives, wants, and family traditions. People can want different things.

No, what is selfish is to assume that just because you chose to have a family, that everyone needs to cater to you and your small children. You have lots of options. You can leave your children with family, even if that family is also out of town (my sister-in-law has volunteered for us to drop the kids off at her place while we go to an out-of-town event and if it was logistically possible, we'd do that). You can take your child and tag off and on, one go to the wedding. One goes to the beginning of the reception while the other takes the kid to Bob Evans or Chik-Fil-A or some other place for a couple of hours, then comes to the wedding and switch and the other takes the kid to the hotel to put to bed and the later partner gets a ride back to the hotel. My MIL has volunteered a couple of times to come with us, fly to our house, then ride with us to an event and she'd stay in the hotel with the kids while we go to an event and come back. I've been in towns where I look for a professional nanny service that does background checks and will hire a professional nanny that I can interview over the phone and can speak to before we leave. We get a suite hotel and then I have her come about an hour or so before we have to leave so that we can watch her watching the kids while we finish getting ready to go and that the kids get a transition before we leave. Or you can send your regrets and stay home.

Even though I have kids and we have no family local, I find it very selfish that so many people with kids rant about events that are not "family friendly". There is a whole world out there of family friendly events. I go to those and I pick and choose the adult restricted events that I go to and if the logistics don't work, I don't go. If I want to go, I figure out what logistics will make it work. That's part of the choice I made when I had a family. It's not a bride & groom's responsibility to accommodate the family I chose to have.

I agree to a point with the first PP above. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends. But that does not necessarily have to include young children who will behave as young children do. And even the best of children have meltdowns, need to run off energy or generally need to talk or play. And they don't understand the limitations of a location such as a wedding. Plus, some catering companies or banquet halls include children in their head counts. I've seen plenty of folks that have a wedding on Saturday with adult reception and then a family brunch or something on Sunday before folks head back out of town that is open to all ages. The children can celebrate just as easily and probably better at a brunch with a family friendly setting than they can in a ballroom with fancy food and no play space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

You're right. It's not all about you and your baby (and I say this as a parent). Some people want adult only weddings, some want wild everyone included affairs. It's up to the bride and groom to decide based on their lives, wants, and family traditions. People can want different things.

No, what is selfish is to assume that just because you chose to have a family, that everyone needs to cater to you and your small children. You have lots of options. You can leave your children with family, even if that family is also out of town (my sister-in-law has volunteered for us to drop the kids off at her place while we go to an out-of-town event and if it was logistically possible, we'd do that). You can take your child and tag off and on, one go to the wedding. One goes to the beginning of the reception while the other takes the kid to Bob Evans or Chik-Fil-A or some other place for a couple of hours, then comes to the wedding and switch and the other takes the kid to the hotel to put to bed and the later partner gets a ride back to the hotel. My MIL has volunteered a couple of times to come with us, fly to our house, then ride with us to an event and she'd stay in the hotel with the kids while we go to an event and come back. I've been in towns where I look for a professional nanny service that does background checks and will hire a professional nanny that I can interview over the phone and can speak to before we leave. We get a suite hotel and then I have her come about an hour or so before we have to leave so that we can watch her watching the kids while we finish getting ready to go and that the kids get a transition before we leave. Or you can send your regrets and stay home.

Even though I have kids and we have no family local, I find it very selfish that so many people with kids rant about events that are not "family friendly". There is a whole world out there of family friendly events. I go to those and I pick and choose the adult restricted events that I go to and if the logistics don't work, I don't go. If I want to go, I figure out what logistics will make it work. That's part of the choice I made when I had a family. It's not a bride & groom's responsibility to accommodate the family I chose to have.

I agree to a point with the first PP above. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends. But that does not necessarily have to include young children who will behave as young children do. And even the best of children have meltdowns, need to run off energy or generally need to talk or play. And they don't understand the limitations of a location such as a wedding. Plus, some catering companies or banquet halls include children in their head counts. I've seen plenty of folks that have a wedding on Saturday with adult reception and then a family brunch or something on Sunday before folks head back out of town that is open to all ages. The children can celebrate just as easily and probably better at a brunch with a family friendly setting than they can in a ballroom with fancy food and no play space.

Exactly this. They're your kids, your responsibility. You should expect the world to accommodate your choice to have kids.

[Anonymous]

The bride and groom decide if they will invite children to their wedding. It would be thoughtful if they would let people know as soon as possible if children will not be invited. They don't have to tell you their reason(s).

The guests decide if they will attend the wedding or not. RSVP "yes" or "no." You do not need to give a reason for your decision.

Stop judging people about their choices. It's their business.

[Anonymous]

Flying to a no kid wedding. Older couple that does not like kids and doesn't plan to have them (40yrs).

Not even relative's kids are allowed and it is in a remote location.

I think it's way to keep the guest list very small since most people won't go through huge expense and not everyone has family nearby to leave their kids for a few days. People with very young toddlers/babies especially won't do it.

If you don't want them at reception, etc provide a babysitting room if This is destination wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its narcissistic to think that your kids belong at every event. You wouldn't expect to bring them to a cocktail party, which is essentially what a wedding is.

I see no problem with it. If you can't be apart from your kids for 4 hours, that's a problem.

I had a no-kid wedding for this reason. We wanted an elegant evening party.

You can have an elegant evening party and have kids. We did. I'm not saying you should allow kids but to say it can't be a nice wedding with children is ridiculous.

You just lucked out.

[Anonymous]

I've been to weddings where there were kids and the kids really just took over. I think it's totally reasonable to want a no-kids wedding. I don't understand being offended by being invited without kids to a wedding. Not every event is appropriate for children, and that's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been to weddings where there were kids and the kids really just took over. I think it's totally reasonable to want a no-kids wedding. I don't understand being offended by being invited without kids to a wedding. Not every event is appropriate for children, and that's fine.

+1. I've been to a few black tie weddings that kids totally dominated. They were rolling on the dance floor and kids get very wild past 8pm. Especially once they've had a lot of sweets. I've also seen weddings where parents primarily want to show off their sweet kid all dressed up and they also leave early and don't stay until the end.

I'm not anti kids but I didn't have a kid wedding. None of my friends had kids yet when we were married and only two cousins had kids. It wasn't a big deal. We had a ring bearer invited but every one else was over 21. My wedding had a full open bar and went to 1am. Not kid friendly.

[Anonymous]

I understand their logic, I think. They spend a lot of money to host an event. Perhaps they would like an event where people get to mingle and enjoy themselves, not necessarily where children have to be looked after. If it is an evening event, over-tired children can become disruptive. I do think, however, that bride and groom should arrange child care.

[Anonymous]

Because kids are a damn nuisance at weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

You're right. It's not all about you and your baby (and I say this as a parent). Some people want adult only weddings, some want wild everyone included affairs. It's up to the bride and groom to decide based on their lives, wants, and family traditions. People can want different things.

Exactly. Pp is the one who sounds like a narcissist. Not everyone wants your kids everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Just don't go if they don't invite your kids. That's what I'd do. It's not mandatory to go hail the statistically likely soon-to-be-divorced people.

[Anonymous]

I had a kid-free wedding. What happened there? DH and I got hitched and our friends and family got completely hammered and had a blast. Those with childcare conflicts (there were 2), didn't come. We missed them but that's life. I have a child now and another on the way and am not at all offended when they aren't invited.

[Anonymous]

Why do people take such offense to no kid weddings? If your kids are invited, great! If they aren't and that's a problem for you, just don't go...what am I missing? Unless it's a close relative, I'm not seeing the issue.

We're going to a no kid wedding tonight - sure, the babysitter is expensive, but we wanted to go so we're paying. Love our kids but also looking forward to a few hours with just my husband.