No-kid weddings

[Anonymous]

My sister and her husband do not like children and so they didn't invite kids to their wedding. It's perfectly acceptable to host an adult-only event and if you have kids and can't get a sitter then you decline. Children aren't included in everything and that's okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

On the contrary, it's a symptom of the "me, me, me" culture of today that people cannot go anywhere without their children. I have a child and I recognize that some events are for adults and some are for children. If a friend or relative throws a wedding and is nice enough to invite my husband and me, we are thrilled to go, rsvp "yes, with pleasure," and arrange care for our child. It is not my friend's or relative's responsibility to worry about my child. I bring my child to child-appropriate events and I teach her that some events are not for children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just a sign of the selfishness and "me" culture of today. Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of union that you host for your family and friends, not a fete spotlighting the bridezilla. Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings -- god forbid a family member is not old enough to be "up to snuff," they will be disinvited.

It's really sad, but whatever. I am lucky that I don't have any friends who are horrible narcissists. I just skip weddings of relatives who have done this. Clearly my family's presence doesn't matter to them, as long as enough people show up that they can be the center of attention, I can't imagine they even care.

Yes - it clearly only the bride contributing to the selfish "me" culture. It has nothing to do with people assuming they know best how to celebrate a wedding or that everyone else finds their children as charming and delightful as they do. As you said, formal, adult only weddings were only invented 10 years ago.

[Anonymous]

It has nothing to do with liking children.

[Anonymous]

It is a form of "I will plan your wedding for you!" to insist on having your kids at a no kids wedding.

[Anonymous]

Last month my husband and I went to a black tie 7 pm wedding. Why would our kids be invited to that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a form of "I will plan your wedding for you!" to insist on having your kids at a no kids wedding.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last month my husband and I went to a black tie 7 pm wedding. Why would our kids be invited to that?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a form of "I will plan your wedding for you!" to insist on having your kids at a no kids wedding.

I agree. It's also like, "Oh, yeah, I don't like your color scheme either, so I'll be bringing my own tablecloth (in the color I prefer) to the reception with me. And a different center piece too."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was nursing newborn twins when I was asked to be maid of honor at my brother's wedding. They also wanted my older son to be the ring bearer. Wedding was a couple hours away, black tie, very fancy. We planned to go to the wedding, spend a bit of time at the reception so the family members traveling from overseas who hadn't yet seen the babies could briefly meet them (they were really good babies and slept all the time) and peace out by the time the cocktail hour ended and before the sit down dinner began. Welp, after I'd agreed to be in the wedding, hosted a very fancy bridal shower and bachelorette party, bought the stupidly overpriced dress, etc, my bro and his wife dropped the bomb that although they did want our son to be the ring bearer, they absolutely did NOT want any kids at the reception. Period. I have no idea what the etiquette books say, but it seems crazy to ask a kid to be in the wedding and then say, "Oh, but you can't come to the reception, sorry!" Anyway, DH and I were pissed but just took the kids to the wedding, let our son do his thing, and then rolled out of there. This was three years ago and my bro and his wife don't have any kids yet. I think they're going to start trying soon, though, and although I love them to death, I hope they get a set of colicky triplets.

Please don't be *THAT* SIL, OP. I'm sure the out of town relatives could have met your children any other time. You see, it just wasn't *your* day, literally. Learn to be gracious, as life does not always go the way you want it to. Didn't your mother ever teach you?

It is totally rude to ask a child to be in the wedding but not invite said child to the reception.

OP here. Glad a couple other people seem to agree it was rude to ask my kid to be in the wedding and not the reception. As for the person telling me not to be *THAT* SIL, the relatives in question (who had flown in from overseas), were dying to meet the babies and were upset they weren't even allowed to sneak a quick peek at the reception. They had no idea that our kids wouldn't be allowed to attend, especially because they knew our son was in the ceremony, and actually ended up changing their flight so we could visit the following day. BTW, my mom taught me plenty of things, including that you're under no obligation to be in anyone's wedding. I could have reneged the minute they told me I couldn't bring my kids and left them in the lurch, but guess what? I/we sucked it up and they had the wedding of their dreams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was nursing newborn twins when I was asked to be maid of honor at my brother's wedding. They also wanted my older son to be the ring bearer. Wedding was a couple hours away, black tie, very fancy. We planned to go to the wedding, spend a bit of time at the reception so the family members traveling from overseas who hadn't yet seen the babies could briefly meet them (they were really good babies and slept all the time) and peace out by the time the cocktail hour ended and before the sit down dinner began. Welp, after I'd agreed to be in the wedding, hosted a very fancy bridal shower and bachelorette party, bought the stupidly overpriced dress, etc, my bro and his wife dropped the bomb that although they did want our son to be the ring bearer, they absolutely did NOT want any kids at the reception. Period. I have no idea what the etiquette books say, but it seems crazy to ask a kid to be in the wedding and then say, "Oh, but you can't come to the reception, sorry!" Anyway, DH and I were pissed but just took the kids to the wedding, let our son do his thing, and then rolled out of there. This was three years ago and my bro and his wife don't have any kids yet. I think they're going to start trying soon, though, and although I love them to death, I hope they get a set of colicky triplets.

Please don't be *THAT* SIL, OP. I'm sure the out of town relatives could have met your children any other time. You see, it just wasn't *your* day, literally. Learn to be gracious, as life does not always go the way you want it to. Didn't your mother ever teach you?

It is totally rude to ask a child to be in the wedding but not invite said child to the reception.

OP here. Glad a couple other people seem to agree it was rude to ask my kid to be in the wedding and not the reception. As for the person telling me not to be *THAT* SIL, the relatives in question (who had flown in from overseas), were dying to meet the babies and were upset they weren't even allowed to sneak a quick peek at the reception. They had no idea that our kids wouldn't be allowed to attend, especially because they knew our son was in the ceremony, and actually ended up changing their flight so we could visit the following day. BTW, my mom taught me plenty of things, including that you're under no obligation to be in anyone's wedding. I could have reneged the minute they told me I couldn't bring my kids and left them in the lurch, but guess what? I/we sucked it up and they had the wedding of their dreams.

Then what in the world are you whining about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was nursing newborn twins when I was asked to be maid of honor at my brother's wedding. They also wanted my older son to be the ring bearer. Wedding was a couple hours away, black tie, very fancy. We planned to go to the wedding, spend a bit of time at the reception so the family members traveling from overseas who hadn't yet seen the babies could briefly meet them (they were really good babies and slept all the time) and peace out by the time the cocktail hour ended and before the sit down dinner began. Welp, after I'd agreed to be in the wedding, hosted a very fancy bridal shower and bachelorette party, bought the stupidly overpriced dress, etc, my bro and his wife dropped the bomb that although they did want our son to be the ring bearer, they absolutely did NOT want any kids at the reception. Period. I have no idea what the etiquette books say, but it seems crazy to ask a kid to be in the wedding and then say, "Oh, but you can't come to the reception, sorry!" Anyway, DH and I were pissed but just took the kids to the wedding, let our son do his thing, and then rolled out of there. This was three years ago and my bro and his wife don't have any kids yet. I think they're going to start trying soon, though, and although I love them to death, I hope they get a set of colicky triplets.

Please don't be *THAT* SIL, OP. I'm sure the out of town relatives could have met your children any other time. You see, it just wasn't *your* day, literally. Learn to be gracious, as life does not always go the way you want it to. Didn't your mother ever teach you?

It is totally rude to ask a child to be in the wedding but not invite said child to the reception.

OP here. Glad a couple other people seem to agree it was rude to ask my kid to be in the wedding and not the reception. As for the person telling me not to be *THAT* SIL, the relatives in question (who had flown in from overseas), were dying to meet the babies and were upset they weren't even allowed to sneak a quick peek at the reception. They had no idea that our kids wouldn't be allowed to attend, especially because they knew our son was in the ceremony, and actually ended up changing their flight so we could visit the following day. BTW, my mom taught me plenty of things, including that you're under no obligation to be in anyone's wedding. I could have reneged the minute they told me I couldn't bring my kids and left them in the lurch, but guess what? I/we sucked it up and they had the wedding of their dreams.

Then what in the world are you whining about?

Not whining, talking about how my kid was asked to be in the wedding but not invited to the reception. I viewed that as rude and probably a breech of etiquette, someone else said I should have just gone along with whatever the bride and groom wanted (which is what we ended up doing); sounds like a couple other people thought it was bizarre to ask a kid to be in the wedding but not at the reception, too. So, if anyone else is thinking about going this route, it's probably a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

We've run into backlash from others more than our own feelings about kidless weddings. One family wedding mandated no kids (except for another family member who was the flower girl), but the extended family still wanted the kids there for the brunch the next day, so we couldn't leave them behind. Bottom line: If you want to have no kids, don't make it harder for us to say yes OR no with your bridezilla requirements!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was nursing newborn twins when I was asked to be maid of honor at my brother's wedding. They also wanted my older son to be the ring bearer. Wedding was a couple hours away, black tie, very fancy. We planned to go to the wedding, spend a bit of time at the reception so the family members traveling from overseas who hadn't yet seen the babies could briefly meet them (they were really good babies and slept all the time) and peace out by the time the cocktail hour ended and before the sit down dinner began. Welp, after I'd agreed to be in the wedding, hosted a very fancy bridal shower and bachelorette party, bought the stupidly overpriced dress, etc, my bro and his wife dropped the bomb that although they did want our son to be the ring bearer, they absolutely did NOT want any kids at the reception. Period. I have no idea what the etiquette books say, but it seems crazy to ask a kid to be in the wedding and then say, "Oh, but you can't come to the reception, sorry!" Anyway, DH and I were pissed but just took the kids to the wedding, let our son do his thing, and then rolled out of there. This was three years ago and my bro and his wife don't have any kids yet. I think they're going to start trying soon, though, and although I love them to death, I hope they get a set of colicky triplets.

Please don't be *THAT* SIL, OP. I'm sure the out of town relatives could have met your children any other time. You see, it just wasn't *your* day, literally. Learn to be gracious, as life does not always go the way you want it to. Didn't your mother ever teach you?

It is totally rude to ask a child to be in the wedding but not invite said child to the reception.

OP here. Glad a couple other people seem to agree it was rude to ask my kid to be in the wedding and not the reception. As for the person telling me not to be *THAT* SIL, the relatives in question (who had flown in from overseas), were dying to meet the babies and were upset they weren't even allowed to sneak a quick peek at the reception. They had no idea that our kids wouldn't be allowed to attend, especially because they knew our son was in the ceremony, and actually ended up changing their flight so we could visit the following day. BTW, my mom taught me plenty of things, including that you're under no obligation to be in anyone's wedding. I could have reneged the minute they told me I couldn't bring my kids and left them in the lurch, but guess what? I/we sucked it up and they had the wedding of their dreams.

Then what in the world are you whining about?

Not whining, talking about how my kid was asked to be in the wedding but not invited to the reception. I viewed that as rude and probably a breech of etiquette, someone else said I should have just gone along with whatever the bride and groom wanted (which is what we ended up doing); sounds like a couple other people thought it was bizarre to ask a kid to be in the wedding but not at the reception, too. So, if anyone else is thinking about going this route, it's probably a bad idea.

Then why didn't you just say no to the kid being in the wedding? It was a stupid request that did not take into account the logistics of what to do with the kid after the ceremony -- so the quick and easy solution is to say "no" .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was nursing newborn twins when I was asked to be maid of honor at my brother's wedding. They also wanted my older son to be the ring bearer. Wedding was a couple hours away, black tie, very fancy. We planned to go to the wedding, spend a bit of time at the reception so the family members traveling from overseas who hadn't yet seen the babies could briefly meet them (they were really good babies and slept all the time) and peace out by the time the cocktail hour ended and before the sit down dinner began. Welp, after I'd agreed to be in the wedding, hosted a very fancy bridal shower and bachelorette party, bought the stupidly overpriced dress, etc, my bro and his wife dropped the bomb that although they did want our son to be the ring bearer, they absolutely did NOT want any kids at the reception. Period. I have no idea what the etiquette books say, but it seems crazy to ask a kid to be in the wedding and then say, "Oh, but you can't come to the reception, sorry!" Anyway, DH and I were pissed but just took the kids to the wedding, let our son do his thing, and then rolled out of there. This was three years ago and my bro and his wife don't have any kids yet. I think they're going to start trying soon, though, and although I love them to death, I hope they get a set of colicky triplets.

Please don't be *THAT* SIL, OP. I'm sure the out of town relatives could have met your children any other time. You see, it just wasn't *your* day, literally. Learn to be gracious, as life does not always go the way you want it to. Didn't your mother ever teach you?

It is totally rude to ask a child to be in the wedding but not invite said child to the reception.

OP here. Glad a couple other people seem to agree it was rude to ask my kid to be in the wedding and not the reception. As for the person telling me not to be *THAT* SIL, the relatives in question (who had flown in from overseas), were dying to meet the babies and were upset they weren't even allowed to sneak a quick peek at the reception. They had no idea that our kids wouldn't be allowed to attend, especially because they knew our son was in the ceremony, and actually ended up changing their flight so we could visit the following day. BTW, my mom taught me plenty of things, including that you're under no obligation to be in anyone's wedding. I could have reneged the minute they told me I couldn't bring my kids and left them in the lurch, but guess what? I/we sucked it up and they had the wedding of their dreams.

Then what in the world are you whining about?

Not whining, talking about how my kid was asked to be in the wedding but not invited to the reception. I viewed that as rude and probably a breech of etiquette, someone else said I should have just gone along with whatever the bride and groom wanted (which is what we ended up doing); sounds like a couple other people thought it was bizarre to ask a kid to be in the wedding but not at the reception, too. So, if anyone else is thinking about going this route, it's probably a bad idea.

Then why didn't you just say no to the kid being in the wedding? It was a stupid request that did not take into account the logistics of what to do with the kid after the ceremony -- so the quick and easy solution is to say "no" .

It was my brother's wedding and they really wanted my son (his/their only nephew) to be the ring bearer. When they asked, there was no mention of him not being allowed to be at the reception; that happened approx six months later within a couple weeks of the wedding. Since I was also in the wedding and breastfeeding the twins, they had to come along, at least to the church because the wedding was a couple hours away. They spent the time in one of the church nursery rooms with DH so they didn't disrupt anything--they slept the whole time so they wouldn't have anyway, but whatever. Saying no to my son being in the wedding definitely would have been the easy way out I would have happily done so if I'd been given more of a heads-up about the reception. But then everyone would probably be jumping on me for being OMG SELFISH AND NOT DOING EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO GIVE THE BRIDE AND GROOM THEIR SPECIAL, PERFECT DAY.