If you're a non-contributer parent to "school extras"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't care about classroom parties , field trips, assemblies, the intervention teacher, or reading medals. I spends a boatload of money on my kids education AT HOME. I buy Singapore Math, writing programs, science activities, etc. I have paid for my kid to go to Kumon. My kid is a well -behaved kid who is easy to educate because he already has met grade level standards. The PTA president at my school pushed funding an intervention teacher. Perhaps it is a coincidence but her kids all need to go to intervention, and she surely could pay privately for tutoring. My kids attend a school with a really low FARM rate no kid in the school doesn't have opportunities. Why should I send in money for the PTA for a field trip to a pumpkin patch or farm? All the kids have parents who take them. Why do classroom parties? I wish there were more rigorous academics, but since it is public school I don't complain but I am not sending in money.

But your kids get to participate in these parties and in these field trips that you don't help out with though, right?

+1
These parents are modeling to their kids to be takers.

Mean.

but true

I disagree -- it's just plain mean. I volunteer for parties whenever I can because I enjoy being in the classroom with my kids but I would never call parents who don't "takers." You are just plain mean.

By not helping out at holiday parties, I am modeling for my child what is more important: working. Work is more important than parties. Likewise, she should be working (learning and going to school is her "work") and those are the priorities in our family. Our family does not do all the extra dippy-dips. If I could write a note and say, "Please excuse Larla from the Santa Christmas Shoppe and just give her some extra work to do," then I would. I'm sure the teacher would LOVE that, though, b/c it would create more work for her to do. So, I just have my child go along to Santa's Christmas Shoppe and buy the cheapest thing there and be done with it. And I teach her that Christmas is not about commercialism and buying things, but love for each other. We don't need THINGS and SHOPPING to show our love for one another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think schools should do away with PTA. Up to $5 of every membership goes to the state and national PTA organization. In poorer schools this is not beneficial at all.

All parents should pay $10 or $20 at the beginning of the school year. There should be a committee of parents who decide on some activities that all kids would benefit from - taking the input of the teachers. So, the art teacher sponsors an art exhibition of the best works of ALL students. Music teacher can have a musical concert where all students participate. Science and Math teachers can sponsor a Science Fair. English, Language teachers and media specialists sponsor "Reading Night". All this can be funded by the $10 -$20 you collect from each parent at the beginning of the school year.

The only acceptable and beneficial fundraiser is the book fairs in my opinion. Year books and portraits costs also add up for parents - and frankly, if I am paying for all that then I have participated adequately.

Parents are more willing to help out if they feel that they are directly helping their kids. I am more willing to read to my kids class once every couple of months, rather than photocopy stuff. I used to help out in the Math G/T classes and I felt that my help was needed. I do not think that classroom teachers know how to use the parents help effectively.

It's great to think of a way for this to work, but even if you do this, there will be parents who don't contribute. We put on a staff luncheon (each month a class does it, I think it is common at many preschools) so that the staff and teachers can stay and eat during their meeting. Our class put it on and we collected a grand total of $35 and someone brought a 6-pack of coke. Is it my idea to do a luncheon? No. But we do it, so there it is. I actually think it's nice to do for teachers. About 3 parents ended up doing it all and paying for it all (just sandwiches and fruit and drinks). It had nothing to do with the PTA or cliques or looking good. So yes, I think that the people who don't help are takers. Maybe they can't right now, but it doesn't change that they are taking and not contributing. And I know they don't volunteer in other ways. They could have come to set up or clean up too. Or just volunteer to make calls and collect money from other parents!

There will be parents who don't contribute??? If only 3 parents participated in this luncheon, then clearly no one thinks it's a good idea but the people putting it on.

Agree. I would not contribute to this b/c I think it's a dumb activity. If only 3 parents participate in the luncheon, bag this idea. People are "voting" with their "dollars." They are telling you this idea is stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Any parent can do something, once or twice a year. There are after-hours volunteer opportunities (set-up, clean-up) and opportunities to do small donations like send cookies or supplies to the classroom (less than $10). There really is no excuse for not doing ANYTHING.

You don't know what other parents do; you don't know what other parents can do; you don't get to say what other parents should do.

If you think there's something that needs to be done, then do it. Or sit around and complain about how other people should want what you want and do as you do.

You're right. But we can still call you takers if you don't do anything. Can't change the facts. If this makes you defensive, maybe put some energy into helping out or contributing at your child's school.

I think you missed the part about "you don't know what other parents do".

Also, I suggest you think about what your goal is, here. Is your goal trying to get more parents involved in doing the things you think they should be doing? Then calling them "takers" and making them defensive is probably not the best way to achieve this goal. Or is your goal to feel like you're a better, more involved parent than the other, "taker" parents? If so, you're using an effective strategy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this attitude new? My kids are still daycare age and I had no idea this was such an expectation. I don't remember my (working) parents doing all of this volunteering/donating/etc. at my Fairfax county public schools in the 80s and 90s. And I don't remember them feeling guilty about it either. They paid their taxes that funded those schools, they were great parents who cared about our education and read to us and helped us with our homework. Maybe they wrote a membership check to the PTA once a year? But they certainly weren't hanging around our classroom reading to us there or planning teacher breakfasts. Is this expected now?

Some parents do these things and believe that other parents should be doing them too. Other parents believe that what they do is their business, and what the other parents do is the other parents' business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't do them b/c they are silly and I am trying to get my point across that I'd prefer my daughter's time to be better spent than traipsing around collecting $$ for the school, etc. I think parents should be educational coaches behind the scenes for their children, and not necessarily frantically involved with bake sales, auctions, walk-a-thons, and the like. Read: THE SMARTEST KIDS IN THE WORLD: AND HOW THEY GOT THAT WAY and you'll see there is no correlation b/w academic success and parental involvement in PTA, bake sales, auctions, etc. In fact, these children do slightly less well. The best way to support your child's education is to act as an academic coach behind the scenes. Do read the book; it is extremely interesting.

Agreed! And I haven't read the book but will.

Awesome! I think you'll like it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Any parent can do something, once or twice a year. There are after-hours volunteer opportunities (set-up, clean-up) and opportunities to do small donations like send cookies or supplies to the classroom (less than $10). There really is no excuse for not doing ANYTHING.

You don't know what other parents do; you don't know what other parents can do; you don't get to say what other parents should do.

If you think there's something that needs to be done, then do it. Or sit around and complain about how other people should want what you want and do as you do.

There are parents on this thread who state that they don't do anything. My comment was directed to them. If they really do NOTHING for their schools, not even send in store-bought cookies for a holiday party, they are selfish assholes who are modeling selfish asshole behavior for their kids. A school is a community and everybody should be contributing to the well-being of the community.

I'm mostly a donation person, not a volunteer person, myself. I don't have a shred of guilt about that. I don't have time to worry about what the PTA volunteer parents say about it. I don't have time to complain about other parents, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this attitude new? My kids are still daycare age and I had no idea this was such an expectation. I don't remember my (working) parents doing all of this volunteering/donating/etc. at my Fairfax county public schools in the 80s and 90s. And I don't remember them feeling guilty about it either. They paid their taxes that funded those schools, they were great parents who cared about our education and read to us and helped us with our homework. Maybe they wrote a membership check to the PTA once a year? But they certainly weren't hanging around our classroom reading to us there or planning teacher breakfasts. Is this expected now?

Some parents do these things and believe that other parents should be doing them too. Other parents believe that what they do is their business, and what the other parents do is the other parents' business.

OP, I do think this expectation IS more ratcheted up than when we were kids. (I grew up in Fairfax County also -- public hs.) I think the moms who have chosen to stay home take it very seriously and try to do their best at everything, which means that the holiday parties which were a few cookies and some fruit punch when we were young, are now bigger extravaganzas and have grown to require more parental involvement. Everything is "too much" and the kids could be happy and learn a lot more if we scrapped a lot of new things, like Dr. Seuss Day (wear a silly hat and bring in your favorite Dr. Seuss book), 100th Day of School (dress up like a 100-year-old), etc. ENOUGH. By not participating to run these things or help with these things, I am "voting"/trying to demonstrate that I think they are unnecessary. I won't be forced to participate in the "more more more".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I do think this expectation IS more ratcheted up than when we were kids. (I grew up in Fairfax County also -- public hs.) I think the moms who have chosen to stay home take it very seriously and try to do their best at everything, which means that the holiday parties which were a few cookies and some fruit punch when we were young, are now bigger extravaganzas and have grown to require more parental involvement. Everything is "too much" and the kids could be happy and learn a lot more if we scrapped a lot of new things, like Dr. Seuss Day (wear a silly hat and bring in your favorite Dr. Seuss book), 100th Day of School (dress up like a 100-year-old), etc. ENOUGH. By not participating to run these things or help with these things, I am "voting"/trying to demonstrate that I think they are unnecessary. I won't be forced to participate in the "more more more".

WAY TOO MANY cookies at the holiday parties now. Nobody wants to be thought a deadbeat, so everybody sends in enough cookies for the whole class. 24 kids x 24 cookies = ridiculous excess. I agree in wishing that there were a lot less of this kind of stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I do think this expectation IS more ratcheted up than when we were kids. (I grew up in Fairfax County also -- public hs.) I think the moms who have chosen to stay home take it very seriously and try to do their best at everything, which means that the holiday parties which were a few cookies and some fruit punch when we were young, are now bigger extravaganzas and have grown to require more parental involvement. Everything is "too much" and the kids could be happy and learn a lot more if we scrapped a lot of new things, like Dr. Seuss Day (wear a silly hat and bring in your favorite Dr. Seuss book), 100th Day of School (dress up like a 100-year-old), etc. ENOUGH. By not participating to run these things or help with these things, I am "voting"/trying to demonstrate that I think they are unnecessary. I won't be forced to participate in the "more more more".

WAY TOO MANY cookies at the holiday parties now. Nobody wants to be thought a deadbeat, so everybody sends in enough cookies for the whole class. 24 kids x 24 cookies = ridiculous excess. I agree in wishing that there were a lot less of this kind of stuff.

Yes, and everyone has been on Etsy so their heads are filled with a million cute ideas about tissue paper pom poms ("they're so easy!"), DIY flag banners, and the like. Kids don't need all this stuff. You're not a bad mom if you've chosen to stay at home and you are not trying to create an Etsy-style party for every event at school. Remember all those articles we all read about "kids need some hardship in their life to develop character," "grit is what is most important in kids' future success," etc. Don't pave the way and make your child's life so easy and luxurious. They're fine with a few cookies and water bottles -- they won't even know what they're missing. If this means that you, the mom, then have extra time to fill and you TRULY LIKE making the tissue paper pom poms and the flag banners, do some other craft activity, or rein it in. Is this REALLY good for your child? Does he/she need it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Any parent can do something, once or twice a year. There are after-hours volunteer opportunities (set-up, clean-up) and opportunities to do small donations like send cookies or supplies to the classroom (less than $10). There really is no excuse for not doing ANYTHING.

You don't know what other parents do; you don't know what other parents can do; you don't get to say what other parents should do.

If you think there's something that needs to be done, then do it. Or sit around and complain about how other people should want what you want and do as you do.

There are parents on this thread who state that they don't do anything. My comment was directed to them. If they really do NOTHING for their schools, not even send in store-bought cookies for a holiday party, they are selfish assholes who are modeling selfish asshole behavior for their kids. A school is a community and everybody should be contributing to the well-being of the community.

I'm mostly a donation person, not a volunteer person, myself. I don't have a shred of guilt about that. I don't have time to worry about what the PTA volunteer parents say about it. I don't have time to complain about other parents, either.

Apparently you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I do think this expectation IS more ratcheted up than when we were kids. (I grew up in Fairfax County also -- public hs.) I think the moms who have chosen to stay home take it very seriously and try to do their best at everything, which means that the holiday parties which were a few cookies and some fruit punch when we were young, are now bigger extravaganzas and have grown to require more parental involvement. Everything is "too much" and the kids could be happy and learn a lot more if we scrapped a lot of new things, like Dr. Seuss Day (wear a silly hat and bring in your favorite Dr. Seuss book), 100th Day of School (dress up like a 100-year-old), etc. ENOUGH. By not participating to run these things or help with these things, I am "voting"/trying to demonstrate that I think they are unnecessary. I won't be forced to participate in the "more more more".

WAY TOO MANY cookies at the holiday parties now. Nobody wants to be thought a deadbeat, so everybody sends in enough cookies for the whole class. 24 kids x 24 cookies = ridiculous excess. I agree in wishing that there were a lot less of this kind of stuff.

Yes, and everyone has been on Etsy so their heads are filled with a million cute ideas about tissue paper pom poms ("they're so easy!"), DIY flag banners, and the like. Kids don't need all this stuff. You're not a bad mom if you've chosen to stay at home and you are not trying to create an Etsy-style party for every event at school. Remember all those articles we all read about "kids need some hardship in their life to develop character," "grit is what is most important in kids' future success," etc. Don't pave the way and make your child's life so easy and luxurious. They're fine with a few cookies and water bottles -- they won't even know what they're missing. If this means that you, the mom, then have extra time to fill and you TRULY LIKE making the tissue paper pom poms and the flag banners, do some other craft activity, or rein it in. Is this REALLY good for your child? Does he/she need it?

It's funny to me that parents who believe like this (above) think the "contributing parents" are doing the wrong thing. Not parenting in the right way. Etc. Being too excessive with the kids. Etc.

And the "contributing parents" think the "non-contributing parents" (their words) are "not parenting in the right way." Not "supporting their child's education," etc. But I think this side is a little self-aware and is aghast to think that other parents would think that what THEY are doing is wrong.

I think the first side (para 1 above) cares less about what the second side (para 2) thinks of them and shrugs it off and says, "Oh well, I will parent in my own way." Which enrages the parents in para 2.


LOL.

[Anonymous]

NP here. Interestingly it appears that a lot of the posters who claim to be non-contributors actually are. They might not be members of the PTA but they donate classroom items, or come to read stories or send in cookies or a host of other things.

I'm a WOH mom and am active as a room parent contributing both time and money to the extent I can. For me, the frustration comes from listening to other parents gripe about this, that or the other yet never once do they volunteer with either time or money or in-kind goods. There are things I can do to help make my child's school experiences better and more well-rounded, and most of the time those efforts benefit your kids as well. It can be frustrating to feel as if so many people just go along for the ride but are quick to complain if something isn't to their liking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Interestingly it appears that a lot of the posters who claim to be non-contributors actually are. They might not be members of the PTA but they donate classroom items, or come to read stories or send in cookies or a host of other things.

I'm a WOH mom and am active as a room parent contributing both time and money to the extent I can. For me, the frustration comes from listening to other parents gripe about this, that or the other yet never once do they volunteer with either time or money or in-kind goods. There are things I can do to help make my child's school experiences better and more well-rounded, and most of the time those efforts benefit your kids as well. It can be frustrating to feel as if so many people just go along for the ride but are quick to complain if something isn't to their liking.

I am also frustrated with people who complain about a problem and expect other people to fix it. But I think that's a different issue.

[Anonymous]

Oh please. You're not "voting" that things are too excessive by contributing nothing. If you don't want to put on a teacher breakfast or a holiday party, then TELL somebody. Tell the room mom, or tell the principal. Give your reasons. Be an adult. Don't just blow everyone off and think you are on some moral high ground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. You're not "voting" that things are too excessive by contributing nothing. If you don't want to put on a teacher breakfast or a holiday party, then TELL somebody. Tell the room mom, or tell the principal. Give your reasons. Be an adult. Don't just blow everyone off and think you are on some moral high ground.

Yeah, right. That'll really make the room-mothers happy.