If you're a non-contributer parent to "school extras"

[Anonymous]

We participate minimally in basic fundraisers. I've had a kid in school constantly since the mid-90's.. I've had enough. If it's related to ds's extra curricular activities I do participate. We fund raise, I drive and help out where I can. I'm just "done" with the extra fundraisers at this point.

We have a choice, we can fund raise or we can just send a cheque. This past week every single parent involved (40 kids worth) chose to just send a cheque.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We participate minimally in basic fundraisers. I've had a kid in school constantly since the mid-90's.. I've had enough. If it's related to ds's extra curricular activities I do participate. We fund raise, I drive and help out where I can. I'm just "done" with the extra fundraisers at this point.

We have a choice, we can fund raise or we can just send a cheque. This past week every single parent involved (40 kids worth) chose to just send a cheque[u].

That's awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We participate minimally in basic fundraisers. I've had a kid in school constantly since the mid-90's.. I've had enough. If it's related to ds's extra curricular activities I do participate. We fund raise, I drive and help out where I can. I'm just "done" with the extra fundraisers at this point.

We have a choice, we can fund raise or we can just send a cheque. This past week every single parent involved (40 kids worth) chose to just send a cheque[u].

That's awesome.

I'm 10:18 and in my mind that's participation!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Not exactly micromanaging by my book, however what I do see is the same small subset of parents stepping up with time or money. No question there are likely some parents doing other things that I don't know about and it's none of my business to know about, but it is sometimes discouraging to feel as if everyone's happy to let someone else do the work of supporting some of those extra efforts that contribute to the general school community.

The action has to be its own reward. I assume that the main reason you're doing it is not to benefit the other parents, but rather because you think it's something worth doing. And maybe the other parents don't even want to be benefited (depending on the action).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I respectfully disagree. Silence/non-response = I am not interested in doing this project.

Is there a difference between "I'm not interested" and "I think this is a poor idea and shouldn't be happening at all"? The first is one thing. The second is where I think you should speak up instead of just not engaging.

I mentioned above that I'm a room parent, but I've also used that opportunity to let the school leadership know that I don't agree with a particular activity and won't help organize or participate for x, y, z reasons. I might not go as far as not having my kid participate depending on what it is, but I'm proactive in asking them to re-think the entire activity.

Do you think the schools would appreciate it if every single parent were as micromanaging as you are, PP? I don't.

Huge assumption, don't you think?

"Room parent, could you help man the bookfair or try to round up some volunteers?" Me: "Ok, happy to help"
"Room parent, we're running low on some basic supplies for the room. Any chance you or some other parents might bring in some crayons or boxes of kleenex?" Me: "Ok, happy to help"
"Room parent, would you help us organize a bake sale to raise money for x, y, or z?" Me: "I can help you find some volunteers, but can't help out with this one"

Not exactly micromanaging by my book, however what I do see is the same small subset of parents stepping up with time or money. No question there are likely some parents doing other things that I don't know about and it's none of my business to know about, but it is sometimes discouraging to feel as if everyone's happy to let someone else do the work of supporting some of those extra efforts that contribute to the general school community.

That's your job as room parent -- a role you assumed voluntarily. Please don't spend your time being bitter because you are doing it an not someone else. Step aside and let someone who actually wants to do it have the job without complaining about who's NOT doing the job. Because we all assume the room parent is actually being the room parent....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the parents who do all these things for their kids at home and one on one (that's great!) are missing the point that their kids also do a ton of things at school that other people are apparently organizing and paying for out of pocket.

Do you think that's fair? Would you rather your kid be excluded? Or that these things didn't take place at all? (but they do)

I think people have pretty clearly stated that they would prefer those things didn't happen.

I don't have kids yet, but I have thought a lot about this. I think that the parties and the activities are more of a distraction than anything else. What I have seen with my friends' kids is that they spend a lot of classroom time doing parties, but then they go home with hours and hours of homework and, worse, the teacher hasn't had time to even teach them how to do the homework.

I don't think those activities benefit children as much as the PTA people like to think. I think an educational field trip every now and again is a good idea, but most often, parents have to pay for that separately anyhow.

I think it actually does kids a disservice to constantly try to entice them into learning, this belief that everything has to be fun. What kids need to learn is discipline, that everything isn't fun all of the time, but they still have to do it. Children should have recess and PE in school, so that they run around and get a physical break. But I think fewer parties, more in-class time on education and less homework (so that the incentive for kids to pay attention in school is that they'll have less homework and can go home and play) is the better way to go.

This approach of more activities has been in play for a decade now, and I don't think it's yielded any results/improvements.

I also think that in schools with active PTAs, most kids' parents can afford iPads. The problem with the PTA buying technology is that technology becomes very quickly outdated. It is far better to have some kind of arrangement with Apple or Microsoft of HP where parents can buy their kids equipment at a discount. For schools with high FARMS rate, a different strategy needs to be employed, but I don't think making kids and parents do fundraising is the answer, given most FARMS kids' parents aren't exactly sitting around the house with lots of time and disposable income to participate in those things. And usually schools with high FARMS rates don't have a bunch of wealthy SAHMs kids. If anything, it's a mix of FARMS kids and solidly middle class kids, and the middle class families usually have two working parents.

[Anonymous]

My kids went to co-op preschools because I wanted to be in the room. ES + is not a co-op and being there is not mandatory. If you WANT to be there, be there. Why do you need everyone else there with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huge assumption, don't you think?

"Room parent, could you help man the bookfair or try to round up some volunteers?" Me: "Ok, happy to help"
"Room parent, we're running low on some basic supplies for the room. Any chance you or some other parents might bring in some crayons or boxes of kleenex?" Me: "Ok, happy to help"
"Room parent, would you help us organize a bake sale to raise money for x, y, or z?" Me: "I can help you find some volunteers, but can't help out with this one"

Not exactly micromanaging by my book, however what I do see is the same small subset of parents stepping up with time or money. No question there are likely some parents doing other things that I don't know about and it's none of my business to know about, but it is sometimes discouraging to feel as if everyone's happy to let someone else do the work of supporting some of those extra efforts that contribute to the general school community.

That's your job as room parent -- a role you assumed voluntarily. Please don't spend your time being bitter because you are doing it an not someone else. Step aside and let someone who actually wants to do it have the job without complaining about who's NOT doing the job. Because we all assume the room parent is actually being the room parent....

I'm not bitter, I promise. I do it because I tend to be someone who likes to be involved and join things and help make things happen. I'm following up on the OP's original question which is not, why aren't you stepping forward to be the room parent, but why do you (hypothetical you, since I don't know you personally) not participate in any way.

[Anonymous]

I see the same people volunteer at school.
I see the same (but different from above) people volunteering on sports teams.
I see the same (but different from above) people volunteering for scouts.
I see the same (but different from above) people volunteeringat other clubs or at their houses of worship.

In the end, most of us put something into the pool. If we all volunteered for the same thing, it wouldn't work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the parents who do all these things for their kids at home and one on one (that's great!) are missing the point that their kids also do a ton of things at school that other people are apparently organizing and paying for out of pocket.

Do you think that's fair? Would you rather your kid be excluded? Or that these things didn't take place at all? (but they do)

I think people have pretty clearly stated that they would prefer those things didn't happen.

I don't have kids yet, but I have thought a lot about this. I think that the parties and the activities are more of a distraction than anything else. What I have seen with my friends' kids is that they spend a lot of classroom time doing parties, but then they go home with hours and hours of homework and, worse, the teacher hasn't had time to even teach them how to do the homework.

I don't think those activities benefit children as much as the PTA people like to think. I think an educational field trip every now and again is a good idea, but most often, parents have to pay for that separately anyhow.

I think it actually does kids a disservice to constantly try to entice them into learning, this belief that everything has to be fun. What kids need to learn is discipline, that everything isn't fun all of the time, but they still have to do it. Children should have recess and PE in school, so that they run around and get a physical break. But I think fewer parties, more in-class time on education and less homework (so that the incentive for kids to pay attention in school is that they'll have less homework and can go home and play) is the better way to go.

This approach of more activities has been in play for a decade now, and I don't think it's yielded any results/improvements.

I also think that in schools with active PTAs, most kids' parents can afford iPads. The problem with the PTA buying technology is that technology becomes very quickly outdated. It is far better to have some kind of arrangement with Apple or Microsoft of HP where parents can buy their kids equipment at a discount. For schools with high FARMS rate, a different strategy needs to be employed, but I don't think making kids and parents do fundraising is the answer, given most FARMS kids' parents aren't exactly sitting around the house with lots of time and disposable income to participate in those things. And usually schools with high FARMS rates don't have a bunch of wealthy SAHMs kids. If anything, it's a mix of FARMS kids and solidly middle class kids, and the middle class families usually have two working parents.

Clap clap clap! Hear, hear! This was a terrific post!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see the same people volunteer at school.
I see the same (but different from above) people volunteering on sports teams.
I see the same (but different from above) people volunteering for scouts.
I see the same (but different from above) people volunteeringat other clubs or at their houses of worship.

In the end, most of us put something into the pool. If we all volunteered for the same thing, it wouldn't work.

+1

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For God's Sake.

This whole thing is ridiculous:

You PTA-supporters on this thread: just because a family doesn't choose to value exactly what you value in exactly the same way does not mean the family is "raising their children to be takers", doesn't love their children, or anything at all. It most certainly does NOT mean the family doesn't volunteer in other ways - perhaps some you support. Do what is best for your kids and leave it at that.

You PTA-Bashers: I have more sympathy for you since this thread started with a judgmental post that could be rephrased "how come you aren't more like me, since the way I am is the only way to be"? But the debate is getting old. Do what you think is best for your kids and leave it at that.

I am EXTREMELY insulted by the supposition that because I don't do PTA things, I don't care about my community, the children in it, or anything at all.

I may be wrong but I think this thread is more about contributing period as opposed to just PTA. If u are doing things then that is great. However there are parents out there who do not contribute whether it be through time or money. I am not part of PTA but I do volunteer in other ways. I am not offended by this thread.

Respectfully, I think you are wrong. This is all about the PTA and in many schools, those ladies make some wackadoodle choices about what is important. I wrote my post after reading a few remarks: a) that parents like me, who don't volunteer for the PTA, clearly don't volunteer for anything else within the community, and b) that I am raising my kid to be a taker because I don't help pay for activities I don't support (and should just pull my kid). The comments were rude and judgmental. And tiresome.

To be fair, I am not offended by all the posters, but very offended by some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're one of the parents who never brings in money for collections, or silent auction items, or you never volunteer for anything like selling raffle tickets, PTA, etc. can you explain why and if it embarrasses you at all? This is anonymous, so no accusations, I just really want to know. What are your justifications? Do you think it impacts your child at all? Do you find yourself avoiding other parents? Or seeking out like-minded ones? Really just looking for honest answers and not ugliness. TIA!

Let me preface this by saying I am not trying to feel sorry for myself. But you asked so I will tell you.

Single mom here, not by choice. Up at 6:30, Leave for work at 7:30 AM. Get home around 5/5:30, pick up child.
Monday: Math tutor for an hour. Dinner. Homework. Bed for child at 8 PM (child reads for 30 minutes to an hour each night in bed)
Tuesday: Dinner, homework, therapy for child. Bed at 8 PM
Wednesday: Math tutor for an hour. Dinner. Homework. Bed at 8 PM
Thursday: Dinner, homework, Tae Kwon do (her one fun extracurricular).
Friday: No homework! Thank God! This is the one night a week I have some free time. Ex MIL babysits for a few hours.

Since my ex is several thousand dollars behind in support I am now looking at taking a weekend job to pay for said tutor, therapist, and TKD.

Please tell me where in all that I can participate in the PTA, volunteer, etc? My vacation will be used by snow days and taking half days off work to come in for the plays scheduled at 1:30 in the afternoon (you may remember me from another thread.)

I don't "avoid" other parents, but I don't know a single one of them either, because I don't have the time to socialize with them that you might.

My point, not everyone has the same flexibility and options that you do. We're not lazy or uncaring - I wish I could do more "fun" things. But you don't know what someone's personal circumstance are.

And before you jump on the single mothers as "takers" band wagon, even when I was married, my schedule was much the same, as I was the primary breadwinner, and volunteering for the PTA isn't really ex DH's "thing".

And I recall as a kid, my parents had very limited roles at school. Once in a blue moon my SAHM chaperoned a field trip, but really, the school didn't do so many things, and there were only a few parents who were closely involved - or even asked or expected to be so. My parents didn't have to spend every night doing hours of homework with me or making sure I did it. If I didn't do my homework, the school punished me with a detention. We don't have detention anymore, guess it costs too much? And the homework load, since we have to pass the all important SOLs, is insane. Really it ruins whatever actual "life" my kid and I could have.

IMHO it's a combination of increased volunteer demands on parents by the schools, increased demands on women due to work, increased demands to meet academic standards, and increased homework loads taking up whatever would remain of free time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're one of the parents who never brings in money for collections, or silent auction items, or you never volunteer for anything like selling raffle tickets, PTA, etc. can you explain why and if it embarrasses you at all? This is anonymous, so no accusations, I just really want to know. What are your justifications? Do you think it impacts your child at all? Do you find yourself avoiding other parents? Or seeking out like-minded ones? Really just looking for honest answers and not ugliness. TIA!

Let me preface this by saying I am not trying to feel sorry for myself. But you asked so I will tell you.

Single mom here, not by choice. Up at 6:30, Leave for work at 7:30 AM. Get home around 5/5:30, pick up child.
Monday: Math tutor for an hour. Dinner. Homework. Bed for child at 8 PM (child reads for 30 minutes to an hour each night in bed)
Tuesday: Dinner, homework, therapy for child. Bed at 8 PM
Wednesday: Math tutor for an hour. Dinner. Homework. Bed at 8 PM
Thursday: Dinner, homework, Tae Kwon do (her one fun extracurricular).
Friday: No homework! Thank God! This is the one night a week I have some free time. Ex MIL babysits for a few hours.

Since my ex is several thousand dollars behind in support I am now looking at taking a weekend job to pay for said tutor, therapist, and TKD.

Please tell me where in all that I can participate in the PTA, volunteer, etc? My vacation will be used by snow days and taking half days off work to come in for the plays scheduled at 1:30 in the afternoon (you may remember me from another thread.)

I don't "avoid" other parents, but I don't know a single one of them either, because I don't have the time to socialize with them that you might.

My point, not everyone has the same flexibility and options that you do. We're not lazy or uncaring - I wish I could do more "fun" things. But you don't know what someone's personal circumstance are.

And before you jump on the single mothers as "takers" band wagon, even when I was married, my schedule was much the same, as I was the primary breadwinner, and volunteering for the PTA isn't really ex DH's "thing".

And I recall as a kid, my parents had very limited roles at school. Once in a blue moon my SAHM chaperoned a field trip, but really, the school didn't do so many things, and there were only a few parents who were closely involved - or even asked or expected to be so. My parents didn't have to spend every night doing hours of homework with me or making sure I did it. If I didn't do my homework, the school punished me with a detention. We don't have detention anymore, guess it costs too much? And the homework load, since we have to pass the all important SOLs, is insane. Really it ruins whatever actual "life" my kid and I could have.

IMHO it's a combination of increased volunteer demands on parents by the schools, increased demands on women due to work, increased demands to meet academic standards, and increased homework loads taking up whatever would remain of free time.

When you do all these things for your kid, you are participating in my book. You have no need to do more than that. You are really not obliged to do anything for the school. Volunteers should stop thinking that others should volunteer. Being a volunteer is a CHOICE, it can't be forced down people's throat. Not should you volunteer if it makes you unhappy and stressed. The act of volunteering should be your reward.

- perpetual volunteer mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the parents who do all these things for their kids at home and one on one (that's great!) are missing the point that their kids also do a ton of things at school that other people are apparently organizing and paying for out of pocket.

Do you think that's fair? Would you rather your kid be excluded? Or that these things didn't take place at all? (but they do)

I think people have pretty clearly stated that they would prefer those things didn't happen.

I don't have kids yet, but I have thought a lot about this. I think that the parties and the activities are more of a distraction than anything else. What I have seen with my friends' kids is that they spend a lot of classroom time doing parties, but then they go home with hours and hours of homework and, worse, the teacher hasn't had time to even teach them how to do the homework.

I don't think those activities benefit children as much as the PTA people like to think. I think an educational field trip every now and again is a good idea, but most often, parents have to pay for that separately anyhow.

I think it actually does kids a disservice to constantly try to entice them into learning, this belief that everything has to be fun. What kids need to learn is discipline, that everything isn't fun all of the time, but they still have to do it. Children should have recess and PE in school, so that they run around and get a physical break. But I think fewer parties, more in-class time on education and less homework (so that the incentive for kids to pay attention in school is that they'll have less homework and can go home and play) is the better way to go.

This approach of more activities has been in play for a decade now, and I don't think it's yielded any results/improvements.

I also think that in schools with active PTAs, most kids' parents can afford iPads. The problem with the PTA buying technology is that technology becomes very quickly outdated. It is far better to have some kind of arrangement with Apple or Microsoft of HP where parents can buy their kids equipment at a discount. For schools with high FARMS rate, a different strategy needs to be employed, but I don't think making kids and parents do fundraising is the answer, given most FARMS kids' parents aren't exactly sitting around the house with lots of time and disposable income to participate in those things. And usually schools with high FARMS rates don't have a bunch of wealthy SAHMs kids. If anything, it's a mix of FARMS kids and solidly middle class kids, and the middle class families usually have two working parents.

This. I'm willing to donate if it's something that the classroom or school really needs and can't afford. But I think there are too many parties and fairs and other unrelated things going on, and I don't want to support them because I don't want them to happen. I'd rather my kid spend more time in class and have less homework. I hate hate hate asking other people for money, so I don't like being asked to sell raffle tickets or anything else. I work FT, so I really don't have time during the day or even during the week to volunteer. We also have other causes that we volunteer for and support as a family, and I can only be spread so thin.