If you're a non-contributer parent to "school extras"

[Anonymous]

If you're one of the parents who never brings in money for collections, or silent auction items, or you never volunteer for anything like selling raffle tickets, PTA, etc. can you explain why and if it embarrasses you at all? This is anonymous, so no accusations, I just really want to know. What are your justifications? Do you think it impacts your child at all? Do you find yourself avoiding other parents? Or seeking out like-minded ones? Really just looking for honest answers and not ugliness. TIA!

[Anonymous]

Are you asking about private schools or public schools?

Also, you seem to think that the parents should be embarrassed. Why?

[Anonymous]

I don't do them b/c they are silly and I am trying to get my point across that I'd prefer my daughter's time to be better spent than traipsing around collecting $$ for the school, etc. I think parents should be educational coaches behind the scenes for their children, and not necessarily frantically involved with bake sales, auctions, walk-a-thons, and the like. Read: THE SMARTEST KIDS IN THE WORLD: AND HOW THEY GOT THAT WAY and you'll see there is no correlation b/w academic success and parental involvement in PTA, bake sales, auctions, etc. In fact, these children do slightly less well. The best way to support your child's education is to act as an academic coach behind the scenes. Do read the book; it is extremely interesting.

[Anonymous]

PS And no, I am not embarrassed at all. I am indeed trying to get my point across so I do hope people notice, actually!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're one of the parents who never brings in money for collections, or silent auction items, or you never volunteer for anything like selling raffle tickets, PTA, etc. can you explain why and if it embarrasses you at all? This is anonymous, so no accusations, I just really want to know. What are your justifications? Do you think it impacts your child at all? Do you find yourself avoiding other parents? Or seeking out like-minded ones? Really just looking for honest answers and not ugliness. TIA!

I am one of the parents who wonders WTF you care about what other people do with their time, money, and resources.

[Anonymous]

I help around the classroom and in the school library or inthe garden because I enjoy doing those things and they let me spend time with my child and his classmates. I don't do auction stuff or other fundraising but I'm not embarrassed about it.

[Anonymous]

Private school? I think you're conflating a number of things if you're talking about PRIVATE school VS. underfunded urban crumbling school with no playground.

My DCs go to private school and I don't do squat anymore in the bake sale, walk a thon, contribute a cute plant to the butterfly garden - type of project. My kids can, if they want, on their own. I write my check in full and on time.

I will not be bullied into adding silly projects to take up my free time. Like planting annuals that will "attract butterflies."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're one of the parents who never brings in money for collections, or silent auction items, or you never volunteer for anything like selling raffle tickets, PTA, etc. can you explain why and if it embarrasses you at all? This is anonymous, so no accusations, I just really want to know. What are your justifications? Do you think it impacts your child at all? Do you find yourself avoiding other parents? Or seeking out like-minded ones? Really just looking for honest answers and not ugliness. TIA!

I am a single mom with a full-time job that doesn't pay much, living in a tiny one-bedroom in a bad area. I'm already doing all I can. I am not embarrassed at all. I don't avoid other parents but I don't spend much time at the school socializing because I have to get to work in the mornings and get the kid home in the evenings. I haven't noticed it impacting my kid. Are you implying you think less of my kid or dislike her because her mother doesn't bring in homemade brownies for bake sales or volunteer for field trips or whatever?

[Anonymous]

Every hour spent doing PTA work is an hour less spent with my children.

It's the tragedy of the commons, I suppose, but I'd rather focus on my children individually.

[Anonymous]

NP here. For the non-participants, do you object to the "extras" that are purchased with the funds, or the methods by which the fundraising happens.

I'm a former PTA president, and I understood that constant fundraising could be a big turn-off, so while I was president we try to limit the number of things we did, but we still did them, because there were good things the school got that they wouldn't have if we didn't raise the $$ for it.

Not just "fun stuff" but things like smart boards. (Budget paid for most, but it would have taken several more years to get all the classrooms equipped with smartboards, so we did fundraising to make up the difference.

We also tried to do different options for fundraising. One option was a just a straight-up donation. No gift wrap to buy, candy to sell. Just write one check and the beginning of the year. You get a thank letter from us so you can write it off on your taxes, and can ignore any and all further fundraising the rest of the year, but still have helped out. (Any amount accepted, including $5.)

For me personally, this is what I like to do, and I would love it if that was ALL I had to do for fundraising. The reality I learned is that some people really, really like buying the giftwrap, candles, etc. and if we didn't also do those fundraisers, we were basically losing out on money that could help our school.

I also gladly accepted any and who could donate the gift of time. We tried to put on a variety of family events throughout the year that were NOT connected with fundraising. (Reading Night, Math Night) and those are great fun but don't work unless some folks pitch in a few hours to help out.

[Anonymous]

I am the academic coach for my kids. In fact, I do believe in not letting their schooling interfere with their education.

I will also do the following for the school -

1) Buy at lots of books at the scholastic book fairs., both for my child and for the homeroom teacher's wish list.

2) I will contribute store bought food or money for teacher's appreciation day/week.

3) I will contribute to class room parties - money, food and a helping hand on the day of the party.

4) I will contribute coats from previous years for the "coats for kids"

5) I will contribute for the "pennies for patients"

6) I will contribute towards cost of two extra studenst for field trips in my child's home room.

7) I will volunteer for chaperoning for my kids field trip.

8) I will pay extra for two student directories printed by the PTA, but I will not become a member of that organization.

9) I will buy school supplies for my kids home room at least twice a year. Hand sanitizers, paper towels, tissue boxes, Lysol spray, pencils, electric pencil sharpeners and paper, ziplock bags. I ask the teacher directly, not the school.

10) I will give gift cards to all the teachers - home room, arts, music, sports etc...once a year. If not Christmas/ Thanksgiving - then in May for teacher appreciation week.



I do not sell stuff, buy stuff from PTA catalogs, or go for the restaurant fund-raisers.

I also do not care to fund raise for new technology for class. If the kids do not know how to read and do math, having a fancy drop down electronic board is moot and unnecessary.

I would rather that the money collected be used for after school clubs, International night, reading and math night, science fair and art competitions, scholastic competitions and field-trips.

I do not approve of the big deals that PTA make for MSA testing - buying goody bags etc.

I would be very happy if there was no PTA, but some kind of Parent Action Committee who asked every parent to contribute a fixed amount at the beginning of the year - and did away with the fund raisers.


I think I am very involved, but I know I am not involved in the way PTA parents are.

I do think that PTA is very cliquey as well.

[Anonymous]

I am involved in a bunch of committees and activities at our school, and always support the various fundraisers financially. However, it doesn't bother me a bit if other parents don't do the same. Every family has their own priorities and ways of spending their time and money.

[Anonymous]

Because of the off-putting PTA moms. I don't want to contribute to their private club.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the academic coach for my kids. In fact, I do believe in not letting their schooling interfere with their education.

I will also do the following for the school -

1) Buy at lots of books at the scholastic book fairs., both for my child and for the homeroom teacher's wish list.

2) I will contribute store bought food or money for teacher's appreciation day/week.

3) I will contribute to class room parties - money, food and a helping hand on the day of the party.

4) I will contribute coats from previous years for the "coats for kids"

5) I will contribute for the "pennies for patients"

6) I will contribute towards cost of two extra studenst for field trips in my child's home room.

7) I will volunteer for chaperoning for my kids field trip.

8) I will pay extra for two student directories printed by the PTA, but I will not become a member of that organization.

9) I will buy school supplies for my kids home room at least twice a year. Hand sanitizers, paper towels, tissue boxes, Lysol spray, pencils, electric pencil sharpeners and paper, ziplock bags. I ask the teacher directly, not the school.

10) I will give gift cards to all the teachers - home room, arts, music, sports etc...once a year. If not Christmas/ Thanksgiving - then in May for teacher appreciation week.



I do not sell stuff, buy stuff from PTA catalogs, or go for the restaurant fund-raisers.

I also do not care to fund raise for new technology for class. If the kids do not know how to read and do math, having a fancy drop down electronic board is moot and unnecessary.

I would rather that the money collected be used for after school clubs, International night, reading and math night, science fair and art competitions, scholastic competitions and field-trips.

I do not approve of the big deals that PTA make for MSA testing - buying goody bags etc.

I would be very happy if there was no PTA, but some kind of Parent Action Committee who asked every parent to contribute a fixed amount at the beginning of the year - and did away with the fund raisers.


I think I am very involved, but I know I am not involved in the way PTA parents are.

I do think that PTA is very cliquey as well.

Lord, I don't have time for all that stuff. I only have time to be my child's academic coach, and then go to work myself. I am grateful for others who do the above, but I do not have time. It is a challenge for me just to keep track of my own schedule plus my DD's. Every time I turn around, she ahs a change to her schedule, they have no school, they have early dismissal, they have to bring in something extra, etc.

[Anonymous]

I am an involved parent but not a money parent at a private school. Once a month I read to my sons PK class. I don't advertise that I do it, so you may be unaware. I did buy books at the scholastic book fair. When the
teachers sends out a list of things they need for the class, I may fill some of the requests, I may not. My children willingly bring in their own handmade gifts to the teachers - I don't "encourage" them to do it. I don't
do the auctions. I don't have the money. Our school it's $75 per person just to go to the auction. My school, thankfully, doesn't do wrapping paper or anything like that.

The parents I see do the least are probably the wealthiest, and they donate huge sums of money. Their name goes on a big plaque so everyone knows.

I also know some parent s that aren't wealthy but work long hours and don't have the flexibility to do stuff at school (field trips, class parties).

I've lived long enough to not judge people, and not care what others think of me. Based on your post OP, you think I should be embarrassed. I'm not. And you have no clue what all the other parents do. The PTA has no idea that
once a month I read to my son's class, or that the teacher asked for boxes of Kleenex and I gave her some. You shouldn't be judging people for making
decisions based on what works for their family. Not everyone has a budget that can include all the fundraising things from school. Not everyone has a flexible job with lots of time off. BTW, for me, I only earn 4 hours of vacation per 2 week pay period, so I have to work for 5 months without taking any vacation days to take off 5 days for spring break. I am lucky - my job is flexible so when I stay and read to the class, I just work an hour later to make up for it. And before you assume I must be on FA, we're not.
We're the people that barely afford private school.