My DH occasionally binge drinks and drives w/ kids in car

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mother, I would protect my kids and my dh could pound dirt if he didnt like it.

I would FORBID, yes FORBID him from EVER driving MY kids.
Period, if he doesnt like that, he can file for divorce.
you are such a wimp

Did you read what she wrote? If he files for divorce he will have unsupervised visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a breath lock for your car. He must breathe into it before it lets him start the car.

I was going to suggest this as well. The issue is not the drinking, but the drinking and driving.

OP should explain to DH that the drinking and driving puts the children at risk. She should then install this device in the family car(s). DH probably doesn't realize when he's too drunk to drive. The device will teach him just how little it takes to be DUI.

The issue is both the drinking and the drinking and driving.

OP, you are scum. Seriously, you have left a loaded gun on a children's playground and said "it's not my fault if someone gets shot"

You make me sick, you and your husband don't deserve your kids. He's a drunk and your a bad mother.

Wow, you are a terrible person.

[Anonymous]

Actually, OP wrote that she talked to 2 lawyers who both thought she would get sole custody and supervised visitation but that supervision would be lifted if DH stayed sober. So, because of the possibility that at some point in the future her ex could become sober, then lose sobriety and be alone with the kids and harm them, she's chosen to stay in a situation where in fact her DH regularly drives the kids drunk. She has the illusion that she has "more control" if she stays married, and yet she is not even willing to put her foot down and insist that she be the sole driver for the children. What's the point of staying married if you're not going to USE that proximity and control to actually control the situation? That's what I don't get, OP, and what no one else gets. Either you stay and make damn sure that your husband never, ever drives the children while drinking or you divorce and work as hard as you can with a lawyer for supervised visits unless/until a point where your ex is truly sober. But right now, you're doing neither: you're enabling your husband while failing to protect your children.

IF you don't want to divorce, at the very least you need counseling and some kind of intervention, and put an ignition lock on both cars. If your DH assumes he has no issues drinking and driving, then he should have no issue over installing it. I don't know why you're too damn scared to confront your husband and make some hard and fast rules.

[Anonymous]

Binge drinking and driving...doesn't he also sit around the house drunk in front of the kids?

OP, you really need to put your foot down and stop enabling this situation. Do go to a few Al-anon meetings or see a therapist. Sure there are women out there who raise their kids with an alcoholic or drug abused husband, what kind of quality of life do you think they have? The impact on the children is terrible, the decisions or lack of decisions you are making now is conditioning them to grow up to become enablers or addicts.

[Anonymous]

My husband did this. The first time I knew about it, I went ballistic on him and told him I will not stand for it ever again. He denied he was drunk, but I didn't even acknowledge that response because it was obvious. The second time it happened, I staged an intervention with his parents and siblings, who obviously also did not want to see our kids put in danger, and the help of a professional interventionist (Joani Gammill 443-926-4519). I made it clear to him that if he did not go to rehab, I would be taking the kids and moving out. His family backed me 100 percent. My husband was in total denial that he had a problem, but went to rehab under the pressure. He's now been sober 2.5 years and is horrified by what he did in the past. He also has confessed it was happening even more often than I knew. OP, you have to do everything in your power to protect your children. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, OP wrote that she talked to 2 lawyers who both thought she would get sole custody and supervised visitation but that supervision would be lifted if DH stayed sober. So, because of the possibility that at some point in the future her ex could become sober, then lose sobriety and be alone with the kids and harm them, she's chosen to stay in a situation where in fact her DH regularly drives the kids drunk. She has the illusion that she has "more control" if she stays married, and yet she is not even willing to put her foot down and insist that she be the sole driver for the children. What's the point of staying married if you're not going to USE that proximity and control to actually control the situation? That's what I don't get, OP, and what no one else gets. Either you stay and make damn sure that your husband never, ever drives the children while drinking or you divorce and work as hard as you can with a lawyer for supervised visits unless/until a point where your ex is truly sober. But right now, you're doing neither: you're enabling your husband while failing to protect your children.

IF you don't want to divorce, at the very least you need counseling and some kind of intervention, and put an ignition lock on both cars. If your DH assumes he has no issues drinking and driving, then he should have no issue over installing it. I don't know why you're too damn scared to confront your husband and make some hard and fast rules.

If your DH has any kind of a good lawyer they will point out that this can't be that much of a problem since you have essentially allowed him unsupervised visitation while married. Your behavior undermines any potential of a good case...

[Anonymous]

13:52 here -- I just want to add that my husband also was a great father other than this huge, unacceptable problem. He adores his children more than anything in this world, and that's why he would do anything to keep our family together and agreed to go to rehab. Also, I don't know where your husband is picking up your children from, but you also can tell people not to allow your children to get in the car with him because he drinks and drives. I did this at our children's school. He was mortified and so was I, but embarassment was better than the alternative. I also would really recommend getting a therapist who specializes in addiction to help you get through this. I don't care if your husband goes long periods of being dry, if he is binge drinking and driving, he has an alcohol problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, OP wrote that she talked to 2 lawyers who both thought she would get sole custody and supervised visitation but that supervision would be lifted if DH stayed sober. So, because of the possibility that at some point in the future her ex could become sober, then lose sobriety and be alone with the kids and harm them, she's chosen to stay in a situation where in fact her DH regularly drives the kids drunk. She has the illusion that she has "more control" if she stays married, and yet she is not even willing to put her foot down and insist that she be the sole driver for the children. What's the point of staying married if you're not going to USE that proximity and control to actually control the situation? That's what I don't get, OP, and what no one else gets. Either you stay and make damn sure that your husband never, ever drives the children while drinking or you divorce and work as hard as you can with a lawyer for supervised visits unless/until a point where your ex is truly sober. But right now, you're doing neither: you're enabling your husband while failing to protect your children.

IF you don't want to divorce, at the very least you need counseling and some kind of intervention, and put an ignition lock on both cars. If your DH assumes he has no issues drinking and driving, then he should have no issue over installing it. I don't know why you're too damn scared to confront your husband and make some hard and fast rules.

Excellent points. I was married to an alcoholic. I didn't realize it for a long time and attributed his slow personality change to the stress of becoming a father. He didn't drink at home in my presence, but he did at work and then he drove. One day he tried to pick our son up from daycare and our provider would not allow him to go because she smelled alcohol on my husband's breath. When she called me, I was shocked and horrified, and furious with myself for not seeing what was right in front of my eyes. I never let my husband drive our son again. I just didn't allow it, OP, and it is an easy enough rule to implement when you simply insist on being the person who is there, all the time, no matter what. We eventually separated and divorced because my husband would not get help. You may or may not experience this, OP, but an interesting thing about true alcoholics is that they will gladly let other people take over all areas of responsibility in their lives, including parenting. My ex talked a good game about visitation with our son, but he never wanted to do the actual hard work of making it happen. I've never been genuinely concerned about him getting unsupervised visitation, let alone any sort of custody, because he has always prioritized his drinking. If that ever changes, I'd welcome him having more interaction with our son.

[Anonymous]

Please don't leave him in charge of the kids. It sounds like you were sleeping when he left your autistic child alone downstairs? My DH is an alcoholic and he never is left alone with the kids.

[Anonymous]

I am a foster parent, and you WILL be charged with Failure to Protect of your kids get hurt and you know he was driving drunk. It is enough of a charge that you may end up having your kids removed (temporarily) by CPS. You will go to court to get them back. The Failure to Protect charge also means that you won't be able to legally supervise children again, like teaching.

So OP, you are leaving yourself open to charges, and leaving your kids open to the possibility of foster care, in addition to the possibility og injury or death. My last two foster kids were in this situation. The mom got them back after 5 months, but the Failure to Protect means she can not be a teacher. Her kids were very traumatized by being taken from her. It was so sad all around.