Reply to My DH occasionally binge drinks and drives w/ kids in car

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Actually, OP wrote that she talked to 2 lawyers who both thought she would get sole custody and supervised visitation but that supervision would be lifted if DH stayed sober. So, because of the possibility that at some point in the future her ex could become sober, then lose sobriety and be alone with the kids and harm them, she's chosen to stay in a situation where in fact her DH regularly drives the kids drunk. She has the illusion that she has "more control" if she stays married, and yet she is not even willing to put her foot down and insist that she be the sole driver for the children. What's the point of staying married if you're not going to USE that proximity and control to actually control the situation? That's what I don't get, OP, and what no one else gets. Either you stay and make damn sure that your husband never, ever drives the children while drinking or you divorce and work as hard as you can with a lawyer for supervised visits unless/until a point where your ex is truly sober. But right now, you're doing neither: you're enabling your husband while failing to protect your children.

IF you don't want to divorce, at the very least you need counseling and some kind of intervention, and put an ignition lock on both cars. If your DH assumes he has no issues drinking and driving, then he should have no issue over installing it. I don't know why you're too damn scared to confront your husband and make some hard and fast rules. [/quote]

Excellent points. I was married to an alcoholic. I didn't realize it for a long time and attributed his slow personality change to the stress of becoming a father. He didn't drink at home in my presence, but he did at work and then he drove. One day he tried to pick our son up from daycare and our provider would not allow him to go because she smelled alcohol on my husband's breath. When she called me, I was shocked and horrified, and furious with myself for not seeing what was right in front of my eyes. I never let my husband drive our son again. I just didn't allow it, OP, and it is an easy enough rule to implement when you simply insist on being the person who is there, all the time, no matter what. We eventually separated and divorced because my husband would not get help. You may or may not experience this, OP, but an interesting thing about true alcoholics is that they will gladly let other people take over all areas of responsibility in their lives, including parenting. My ex talked a good game about visitation with our son, but he never wanted to do the actual hard work of making it happen. I've never been genuinely concerned about him getting unsupervised visitation, let alone any sort of custody, because he has always prioritized his drinking. If that ever changes, I'd welcome him having more interaction with our son.[/quote]

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