My DH occasionally binge drinks and drives w/ kids in car

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're a fucking enabler.

My little sister was killed by a drunk driver when we were kids. Her death totally changed my life forever. I watched her die in the street before the ambulance arrived. We later learned that his wife knew he was getting behind the wheel drunk.

If you are aware that dear hubby is binge drinking with the kids in the car if something goes wrong, and it will eventually, you are an accomplice.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain and loss you suffered. But at the end of the day, I must protect MY children first and foremost. What about when my DH 'graduates' from supervised visitation (because it doesn't take much to graduate...supervised visitation is expensive for the state to provide, and the tendency is to be as least restrictive as possible in terms of parent access). Then he starts drinking again and gets back in the car with our children? How long until I realize that he is drinking again? And how do I catch him? Our autistic child is not verbal. Again, I'm sorry for your loss, but your 'solution' makes a lot of assumptions.

[Anonymous]

How is he driving drunk with your kids? Is he leaving the house drunk with them? Is he stopping at a bar before picking his kids up from somewhere? Does he drink at work before getting them from daycare? Is he drinking in the car?

How much alcohol is kept at home? Will he go out and buy it if it isn't there or does he drink because it is there and convenient?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a good lawyer. Get out and take your kids with you before one of them gets killed. Good luck.

Thanks, but I feel like you didn't read past the subject line.

I'm not the poster who suggested a lawyer and leaving, but I agree 100% and I read the whole post multiple times.

What OP describes sounds like grounds for supervised visits only to me. This is a father who drinks and drives with the kids in the car, whose wife has reported his car to the police as a suspected DUI, who cannot control his drinking in and out of the house. He refuses to change his behavior, "won't agree to not driving the kids" and the OP says she can't do anything about it.

I think she needs to talk to a women's shelter and a lawyer, pronto.

Why a shelter?

Because your husband is endangering your children and he refuses to change his behavior. It doesn't matter if he believes that he is sober enough to drive if he isn't.

Look, I'm not one of those people who assumes that if you've had a beer, you're automatically not safe to drive. You didn't say that he has "a beer" though. You said he "binge drinks" which I assume to mean multiple drinks in a relatively compressed timeframe. It doesn't matter if he's physically dependent or not. If he has multiple drinks in a short time span and then gets behind the wheel, he is endangering your children and all the other children on the roads he drives on as well. If he is unwilling to accept this, I would be unwilling to allow my child to be in that car. If you are unwilling to enforce that, you are either enabling him or you need to talk to someone about the control issues in your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a fucking enabler.

My little sister was killed by a drunk driver when we were kids. Her death totally changed my life forever. I watched her die in the street before the ambulance arrived. We later learned that his wife knew he was getting behind the wheel drunk.

If you are aware that dear hubby is binge drinking with the kids in the car if something goes wrong, and it will eventually, you are an accomplice.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain and loss you suffered. But at the end of the day, I must protect MY children first and foremost. What about when my DH 'graduates' from supervised visitation (because it doesn't take much to graduate...supervised visitation is expensive for the state to provide, and the tendency is to be as least restrictive as possible in terms of parent access). Then he starts drinking again and gets back in the car with our children? How long until I realize that he is drinking again? And how do I catch him? Our autistic child is not verbal. Again, I'm sorry for your loss, but your 'solution' makes a lot of assumptions.

So is your solution just to say this and say "oh well" and hope he doesn't kill your kids and someone else? Because at this point all I hear are excuses and I'm curious what someone has to say in order for you to change your opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a good lawyer. Get out and take your kids with you before one of them gets killed. Good luck.

Thanks, but I feel like you didn't read past the subject line.

I'm not the poster who suggested a lawyer and leaving, but I agree 100% and I read the whole post multiple times.

What OP describes sounds like grounds for supervised visits only to me. This is a father who drinks and drives with the kids in the car, whose wife has reported his car to the police as a suspected DUI, who cannot control his drinking in and out of the house. He refuses to change his behavior, "won't agree to not driving the kids" and the OP says she can't do anything about it.

I think she needs to talk to a women's shelter and a lawyer, pronto.

Why a shelter?

Because your husband is endangering your children and he refuses to change his behavior. It doesn't matter if he believes that he is sober enough to drive if he isn't.

Look, I'm not one of those people who assumes that if you've had a beer, you're automatically not safe to drive. You didn't say that he has "a beer" though. You said he "binge drinks" which I assume to mean multiple drinks in a relatively compressed timeframe. It doesn't matter if he's physically dependent or not. If he has multiple drinks in a short time span and then gets behind the wheel, he is endangering your children and all the other children on the roads he drives on as well. If he is unwilling to accept this, I would be unwilling to allow my child to be in that car. If you are unwilling to enforce that, you are either enabling him or you need to talk to someone about the control issues in your marriage.

Please, tell me how I would 'enforce' that? And yes, he drinks after work and then picks kids up from aftercare or from activities, etc. Or drinks at home while I am out at PTA meetings, or even after I've gone to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a good lawyer. Get out and take your kids with you before one of them gets killed. Good luck.

Thanks, but I feel like you didn't read past the subject line.

I'm not the poster who suggested a lawyer and leaving, but I agree 100% and I read the whole post multiple times.

What OP describes sounds like grounds for supervised visits only to me. This is a father who drinks and drives with the kids in the car, whose wife has reported his car to the police as a suspected DUI, who cannot control his drinking in and out of the house. He refuses to change his behavior, "won't agree to not driving the kids" and the OP says she can't do anything about it.

I think she needs to talk to a women's shelter and a lawyer, pronto.

Why a shelter?

Because your husband is endangering your children and he refuses to change his behavior. It doesn't matter if he believes that he is sober enough to drive if he isn't.

Look, I'm not one of those people who assumes that if you've had a beer, you're automatically not safe to drive. You didn't say that he has "a beer" though. You said he "binge drinks" which I assume to mean multiple drinks in a relatively compressed timeframe. It doesn't matter if he's physically dependent or not. If he has multiple drinks in a short time span and then gets behind the wheel, he is endangering your children and all the other children on the roads he drives on as well. If he is unwilling to accept this, I would be unwilling to allow my child to be in that car. If you are unwilling to enforce that, you are either enabling him or you need to talk to someone about the control issues in your marriage.

Agreed. I don't understand what you mean when you say he won't agree to it. I wouldn't allow my kids in the car with him. I just wouldn't. If he laid his hands on me or the kids in order to get them in the car or get me out of his way, I'd call the cops. There would be some good documentation. You either need to enforce the kids not allowed in the car or look at why you can't enforce it. I don't think it should be this hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a fucking enabler.

My little sister was killed by a drunk driver when we were kids. Her death totally changed my life forever. I watched her die in the street before the ambulance arrived. We later learned that his wife knew he was getting behind the wheel drunk.

If you are aware that dear hubby is binge drinking with the kids in the car if something goes wrong, and it will eventually, you are an accomplice.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain and loss you suffered. But at the end of the day, I must protect MY children first and foremost. What about when my DH 'graduates' from supervised visitation (because it doesn't take much to graduate...supervised visitation is expensive for the state to provide, and the tendency is to be as least restrictive as possible in terms of parent access). Then he starts drinking again and gets back in the car with our children? How long until I realize that he is drinking again? And how do I catch him? Our autistic child is not verbal. Again, I'm sorry for your loss, but your 'solution' makes a lot of assumptions.

So is your solution just to say this and say "oh well" and hope he doesn't kill your kids and someone else? Because at this point all I hear are excuses and I'm curious what someone has to say in order for you to change your opinion.

+1 He can kill someone. Call a shelter. Call a lawyer. There is a solution out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a good lawyer. Get out and take your kids with you before one of them gets killed. Good luck.

Thanks, but I feel like you didn't read past the subject line.

I'm not the poster who suggested a lawyer and leaving, but I agree 100% and I read the whole post multiple times.

What OP describes sounds like grounds for supervised visits only to me. This is a father who drinks and drives with the kids in the car, whose wife has reported his car to the police as a suspected DUI, who cannot control his drinking in and out of the house. He refuses to change his behavior, "won't agree to not driving the kids" and the OP says she can't do anything about it.

I think she needs to talk to a women's shelter and a lawyer, pronto.

Why a shelter?

Because your husband is endangering your children and he refuses to change his behavior. It doesn't matter if he believes that he is sober enough to drive if he isn't.

Look, I'm not one of those people who assumes that if you've had a beer, you're automatically not safe to drive. You didn't say that he has "a beer" though. You said he "binge drinks" which I assume to mean multiple drinks in a relatively compressed timeframe. It doesn't matter if he's physically dependent or not. If he has multiple drinks in a short time span and then gets behind the wheel, he is endangering your children and all the other children on the roads he drives on as well. If he is unwilling to accept this, I would be unwilling to allow my child to be in that car. If you are unwilling to enforce that, you are either enabling him or you need to talk to someone about the control issues in your marriage.

Please, tell me how I would 'enforce' that? And yes, he drinks after work and then picks kids up from aftercare or from activities, etc. Or drinks at home while I am out at PTA meetings, or even after I've gone to bed.

Well, for starters, you pick up your children. You drive them everywhere you need to go. You do not keep alcohol at home. You are the designated driver, at all times. Period.

Every single one of your posts has been making excuses for his behavior and yours. Do not be surprised by the lack of sympathy you get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a good lawyer. Get out and take your kids with you before one of them gets killed. Good luck.

Thanks, but I feel like you didn't read past the subject line.

Of course I did. A good lawyer can help her get sole custody, which is why she is afraid to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a good lawyer. Get out and take your kids with you before one of them gets killed. Good luck.

Thanks, but I feel like you didn't read past the subject line.

I'm not the poster who suggested a lawyer and leaving, but I agree 100% and I read the whole post multiple times.

What OP describes sounds like grounds for supervised visits only to me. This is a father who drinks and drives with the kids in the car, whose wife has reported his car to the police as a suspected DUI, who cannot control his drinking in and out of the house. He refuses to change his behavior, "won't agree to not driving the kids" and the OP says she can't do anything about it.

I think she needs to talk to a women's shelter and a lawyer, pronto.

Why a shelter?

Because your husband is endangering your children and he refuses to change his behavior. It doesn't matter if he believes that he is sober enough to drive if he isn't.

Look, I'm not one of those people who assumes that if you've had a beer, you're automatically not safe to drive. You didn't say that he has "a beer" though. You said he "binge drinks" which I assume to mean multiple drinks in a relatively compressed timeframe. It doesn't matter if he's physically dependent or not. If he has multiple drinks in a short time span and then gets behind the wheel, he is endangering your children and all the other children on the roads he drives on as well. If he is unwilling to accept this, I would be unwilling to allow my child to be in that car. If you are unwilling to enforce that, you are either enabling him or you need to talk to someone about the control issues in your marriage.

Please, tell me how I would 'enforce' that? And yes, he drinks after work and then picks kids up from aftercare or from activities, etc. Or drinks at home while I am out at PTA meetings, or even after I've gone to bed.

I would pick kids up at all times. I don't care if it is inconvenient to me. I'd rather be inconvenienced than have dead kids. Make sure to get there 15 min before pick up. I bet he'd rather keep drinking then cut into his drinking time to pick them up to spite you. You aren't at the house, you arrange for a babysitter or some other child care situation. Do you have any mom friends who can confide in who can take your kids while you are at a PTA meeting? I'd watch my friends' kids in a heart beat if this was their situation. If he tried to take my kids out of the house and he's been drinking, I'd bring them into another room and not let him take them. He tries to drag them out or lays his hands on me to get me out of the way, I call the cops. He wants to call the cops on me? Gladly. I'd love for him to explain why he wants to drive his children when he's been drinking. I bet the cops would love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a fucking enabler.

My little sister was killed by a drunk driver when we were kids. Her death totally changed my life forever. I watched her die in the street before the ambulance arrived. We later learned that his wife knew he was getting behind the wheel drunk.

If you are aware that dear hubby is binge drinking with the kids in the car if something goes wrong, and it will eventually, you are an accomplice.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain and loss you suffered. But at the end of the day, I must protect MY children first and foremost. What about when my DH 'graduates' from supervised visitation (because it doesn't take much to graduate...supervised visitation is expensive for the state to provide, and the tendency is to be as least restrictive as possible in terms of parent access). Then he starts drinking again and gets back in the car with our children? How long until I realize that he is drinking again? And how do I catch him? Our autistic child is not verbal. Again, I'm sorry for your loss, but your 'solution' makes a lot of assumptions.

So is your solution just to say this and say "oh well" and hope he doesn't kill your kids and someone else? Because at this point all I hear are excuses and I'm curious what someone has to say in order for you to change your opinion.

Excuses for what, exactly? Do you really believe that if I leave him he will quit drinking? I don't for a second. I believe he will likely drink even more. And have more 'unsupervised' access to our children. While drunk. When I am not there. And I don't even know if or when my children (or yours) are in danger. I can do NOTHING at that point if I don't know. At least now, I can do something some of the time. Like pick up my cold and crying son off the stairs at 3am. If he had done that on a custody visit? No one would ever know unless our child required hospitalization or a he let himself outside and the police were called. Please think about what I am saying. I'm not saying 'oh, well'. I'm saying 'oh, fuck' because there is no solution to this problem unless my DH quits drinking forever. And I can't make him do that.

[Anonymous]

I'd actually go so far as to tell aftercare about husband's drinking. I would not care about saving our marriage and him hating me. I'd care about my kid's welfare only. I'd tell them to keep the kids inside and call the cops if it appears their dad is drunk and driving. I'd do everything in my power to make sure that I either pick up the kids, have a friend pick up the kids, or tell whoever is in charge of the activity to call the police/me if dad ever shows up to drive them and he appears drunk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a fucking enabler.

My little sister was killed by a drunk driver when we were kids. Her death totally changed my life forever. I watched her die in the street before the ambulance arrived. We later learned that his wife knew he was getting behind the wheel drunk.

If you are aware that dear hubby is binge drinking with the kids in the car if something goes wrong, and it will eventually, you are an accomplice.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain and loss you suffered. But at the end of the day, I must protect MY children first and foremost. What about when my DH 'graduates' from supervised visitation (because it doesn't take much to graduate...supervised visitation is expensive for the state to provide, and the tendency is to be as least restrictive as possible in terms of parent access). Then he starts drinking again and gets back in the car with our children? How long until I realize that he is drinking again? And how do I catch him? Our autistic child is not verbal. Again, I'm sorry for your loss, but your 'solution' makes a lot of assumptions.

So is your solution just to say this and say "oh well" and hope he doesn't kill your kids and someone else? Because at this point all I hear are excuses and I'm curious what someone has to say in order for you to change your opinion.

Excuses for what, exactly? Do you really believe that if I leave him he will quit drinking? I don't for a second. I believe he will likely drink even more. And have more 'unsupervised' access to our children. While drunk. When I am not there. And I don't even know if or when my children (or yours) are in danger. I can do NOTHING at that point if I don't know. At least now, I can do something some of the time. Like pick up my cold and crying son off the stairs at 3am. If he had done that on a custody visit? No one would ever know unless our child required hospitalization or a he let himself outside and the police were called. Please think about what I am saying. I'm not saying 'oh, well'. I'm saying 'oh, fuck' because there is no solution to this problem unless my DH quits drinking forever. And I can't make him do that.

Talk to a lawyer, talk to AA, talk to their ped, talk to ANYONE you can think of that can give you advice. Because your attitude is pretty bad at this point and yes you have an "oh well" attitude. People are giving you suggestions and you just keep coming up with reasons why you can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a fucking enabler.

My little sister was killed by a drunk driver when we were kids. Her death totally changed my life forever. I watched her die in the street before the ambulance arrived. We later learned that his wife knew he was getting behind the wheel drunk.

If you are aware that dear hubby is binge drinking with the kids in the car if something goes wrong, and it will eventually, you are an accomplice.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain and loss you suffered. But at the end of the day, I must protect MY children first and foremost. What about when my DH 'graduates' from supervised visitation (because it doesn't take much to graduate...supervised visitation is expensive for the state to provide, and the tendency is to be as least restrictive as possible in terms of parent access). Then he starts drinking again and gets back in the car with our children? How long until I realize that he is drinking again? And how do I catch him? Our autistic child is not verbal. Again, I'm sorry for your loss, but your 'solution' makes a lot of assumptions.

i am speechless.
you are an ass
BTW you are doing a super shitty job protecting your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a fucking enabler.

My little sister was killed by a drunk driver when we were kids. Her death totally changed my life forever. I watched her die in the street before the ambulance arrived. We later learned that his wife knew he was getting behind the wheel drunk.

If you are aware that dear hubby is binge drinking with the kids in the car if something goes wrong, and it will eventually, you are an accomplice.

You're an ass. Did you even read her post?? She has called the police on him before. I'm the PP in her same situation. I've called the police after finding out my husband has left parties drunk and driving. It's never resulted in an arrest. When I find out he's been driving drunk, he's already home. My husband doesn't call me beforehand and say, "hey honey, I'm wasted and getting behind the wheel. I just wanted to let you know".

And you're a weak, helpless idiot. If you care about your kids you don't allow anyone to put them in harms way. Would you allow a stranger to drive around with them drunk? You and the OP are in horrible situations and need to focus on your exit strategies instead of talking about the lousy situations that you are in. Things are probably getting worst in OP's situation, prompting her to put up this post.

Please don't tell me you're a SAHM and there's nothing that you can do.