How to handle MIL visiting for too long

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This decision is dependent on your MIL and DH. What does your MIL do all day when you are at work and kids are in daycare or school? Is she self sufficient? As for your DH, what does he do to make this 2-3 week guest feel comfortable? Does he pickup, help with laundry, grocery shop and interact with his mother without you pestering him?

I totally understand your hesitation with having guests over sometime. My DH is ALL IN except that he doesn't clean much and will happily grill what you have shopped and marinated. My DH is having some people in next week for MY birthday. Nice thought, but the reality is he will say the powder room is clean enough. I will be screaming " Lift and seat and take a look."

Good god are you me? DH in charge of cleaning powder room - it's not that clean at all.

One time he invited a bunch of people without asking me and I said, "you do it all". He got hot dogs, premade slaw and canned baked beans all from Costco and threw it out there.

The people did not get in touch again. I don't actually know why but I was mortified at our hosting because I knew I would be blamed, not him.

[Anonymous]

Wow the amount of intolerance is appaling! I would never dream of saying my MIL is staying too long. Our parents are not around for a long time. Seriously Americans need to learn kindness and respect for elders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow the amount of intolerance is appaling! I would never dream of saying my MIL is staying too long. Our parents are not around for a long time. Seriously Americans need to learn kindness and respect for elders.

This post is from several years ago so who knows what happened to their relationship in this amount of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 weeks is nothing. Imagine having overseas in-laws expect to come live with you, once they can immigrate to the US. It is not in my culture (is in my husband's), but it's not something I am accustomed to or hoped for, at least not while we are still in our 30s, trying for a family, etc.

This^. I would gladly welcome ILs if they are only visiting for few weeks in a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow the amount of intolerance is appaling! I would never dream of saying my MIL is staying too long. Our parents are not around for a long time. Seriously Americans need to learn kindness and respect for elders.

Ideally one shouldn't but probably being human you would if ILs are moving in with you and depend on y'all for everything.

[Anonymous]

*moving in forever

[Anonymous]

I've been married three decades and MIL is still alive. If I had agreed to them permanently moving in with us, we would be divorced decades ago. We compromised on financially supporting them so they can live in their own home in their own country with their child who lives there anyways and hired nurses and maids to do the work. We tried keeping them here but it was lot more expensive and complicated.

[Anonymous]

Old post and my DH also has a mom abroad. Initially, when she came to visit, either I had to do everything or she took it upon herself to rearrange our kitchen. DH disappeared to his office not to deal with her. It got old fast. He stopped inviting her for extended stays once I said I'm not helping him out and he has to take a vacation to deal with her. He did. They travelled and stayed with us only shortly (she doesn't speak English, so that's another issue). In the end, she also liked it better. This year he wanted to invite his brother. I said I'll be gone that week. Surprise, he didn't want to deal with the visit by himself. It's been 25 years and he still thinks I'll cater to his family, and when my family visits, it's also on me. I'm over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow the amount of intolerance is appaling! I would never dream of saying my MIL is staying too long. Our parents are not around for a long time. Seriously Americans need to learn kindness and respect for elders.

Nope. Boundaries are a great thing. The woman can stay for 2 weeks. It's that simple. You might not be around for a long time so that argument is stupid. Anyone of us could die at any point. I'm kind and respect my elders but that has nothing to do with how long they stay at my house. Please explain how having a guest stay for 2 weeks is unkind and shows a lack of respect. You are silly and illogical.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is here from abroad for three months.....
You're whining about 3 weeks?
Suck it up, butter cup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell DH she can stay for a month, if she stays in a hotel nearby.

This. If it's going to be longer, the living spaces can be separated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is here from abroad for three months.....
You're whining about 3 weeks?
Suck it up, butter cup.

Are we one-upping each other? FFS, don't discount someone else's feelings. Three weeks is tough. But oh yeah, there are starving children in Africa so none of us can have any problems, right?

[Anonymous]

My husband's family is also from another culture that thinks home visits of 3 weeks are normal. My MIL has even stayed with us for 3 months. Most recently she came to stay for 6 weeks, and it got to the point where I was going to divorce him just to get away from her. I finally told him that I need my privacy, our family needs privacy, and that if she doesn't go to a hotel then I will. That has worked, at least temporarily, although she stayed for one week not too long ago and spent the entire time glaring at me. You're going to the be the bad person no matter what, but as these relatives age it's important to stay vigilant about long visits, because they'll try and move in with you eventually.