parents constantly giving low-performing siblings money, but not us bc we don't "need" it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's that I'm the executor and I'm worried that when they die, that I'm going to have a mess to deal with, particularly since they don't have all their wills and things in order. It's so much more than just what my parents choose to do with their money.

OP if you are the executor then you MUST have the conversation with them, hard as it may be, or you need to back out as executor. Otherwise you will have a huge mess on your hands at a very painful time.

[Anonymous]

I hear you girl! I have a younger sister who has been a train wreck since birth. She hated school, was extremely rebellious, a slut,...etc. Every car she has wrecked, my parents just buy a new one. She flunks out of college and gets pregnant, my parents take care of the baby and pay her bills. She becomes a dope head, my parents pay for rehab. Now she is getting out of rehab and my parents just bought her a vehicle so she can go find a job (we'll see how long that lasts!). It's never ending. In the meantime, my husband and I have worked almost 30 years to save for our dream home/property. I worked two jobs for 10 years to save the money! In the meantime, we raised two children who are wonderful productive adults. We are now involved in a lawsuit with a contractor that took almost ALL our money we saved. We are on the verge of financial ruin. Did my parents offer to help in any way? Of course not. And even if they did, I would say no. But it would be nice if they offered. My father thinks that all his children should be treated equally. Kind of ironic for him to say that isn't it? They have spent tens of thousands of dollars on my younger sibling with no chance of ever being paid back. I had to accept a long time ago that a parents love is not based on merit. Sometimes parents just have a favorite or they feel like one child just "needs" them more than the others. My parents are good Christian people and I respect them for that, but sometimes its just painful to watch. Life is hard. Loving your family is even harder sometimes. (or do like I did and move 8 hours away) Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I know it’s difficult, but try and be so happy you are independent.

My parents and grandparents have given money to my siblings and cousins unevenly. As a result my parents and grandparents are all up in their business. No money from them = they stay out of my business!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize this is a good problem to have, but man it's getting annoying. Can anyone help me just let this go and be happy that we've done well in life?

I have a pretty close family and we all live in the area. I really do like my parents a lot and feel lucky in that regard. My husband and I have two kids in elementary school. We both graduated from college, got masters degrees while working full-time, got married, and then saved like crazy for a down payment for three years before buying our first house. We both kept working and are successful at our jobs (government employees and both make under $100k, but we have enough money to live nicely). Then we saved like crazy some more, bought a second house when we had kids, and kept the first house as a rental. My parents do babysit ocassionally and realy love our kids.

Meanwhile, my older brother got kicked out of his first year at college for failing, tried a whole bunch of random things (all paid for by my parents), and now lives in a house that my parents pay the rent for while he does random jobs (or not). My younger brother is sort of on the same path I was, except he hasn't done great at work and isn't a good saver. My parents lent him money that he doesn't pay back, and now they are giving him a down payment for a house. I just heard they are buying a house for my older brother to live in (they also just bought him a car).

Rationally, I know I'd rather be us on some level - we really are happy and lucky, but also have worked hard for what we have. My siblings seem to be just floating through life taking money from my parents. It's frustrating and every time someone mentions something my parents are paying for, it just seems so unfair and is really starting to irritate me. Again, help me just let this go? Anyone going through anything similar?

The vicious cycle of enablers, OP. Thank God you are not that sibling, truly.

[Anonymous]

Oh, yes, 100%.

I'm an only child, but DH has a younger brother and sister.

My MIL and SFIL buy property together with DH's younger brother. They help pay for food and MIL provides childcare for their kids. They are much closer to each other because of it.

MIL also pays for his sister's housing, but she is in college, so that makes sense. She did the same for DH when he was in college.

She says it's because she expects DH's brother and wife to care for her as she ages. We like having our own home and some boundaries, so we don't let it bother us. I do wish she took more of an interest in our kids and getting to know them, but that's her decision.