my husband is a terrible gift giver and it bums me out each year

[Anonymous]

OP, what did you end up getting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ITA it has to do with how they grew up. FIL never once bought MIL a nice gift. I am still convinced she poisoned him to death, but I suppose that is beside the point. The woman hates men! Anyway, DH never learned how to appreciate women because the women in DH's family are a little (okay a lot) um, how you say, "b-u-t-c-h"; there is absolutely no connection with the dad, who hated the family, it is really odd. So moms, teach your sons well. Your future DIL will credit you, which will pay off dearly. Truly.

That's a pretty extreme thing to say - do you mean that? If so, what makes you think she did?

[Anonymous]

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

You cannot change your husband. (That's not to say he will never change, only that YOU cannot change HIM. Only he can change himself.)

You CAN change your own reactions.

Accept that, then decide what you are going to do with this knowledge.

You can buy your present(s) for him, give him a detailed wishlist, agree to forgo the gift exchange, or just stick to the status quo with your newfound acceptance.

I suppose you could also decide that you can't live with a crappy gift-giver, and leave, but I suspect you don't want to do that. You say you know he is committed to you, but that you do not feel cherished. Well, HOW do you know he is committed to you? Does he say or do certain things? They may not be your idea of romantic, but if they let you know he is, in fact, committed to you, then start to recognize them and cherish those things.

Also, for someone who claims to not be materialistic, you have a pretty narrow idea of an acceptable gift--jewelry. And be honest--would you REALLY be happy with a $10 pair of tacky Christmas earrings from the CVS clearance bin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband just stinks at gift giving. I'm honestly not materialistic but his lack of gift buying efforts bums me out each year.
Last night i know he tried to find something on Amazon. He told me today he doesn't know what to buy me. He was going to get a robe or pajamas.
I don't need or want either. I have more pajamas than i know what to do with. I got 3 robes over the past 2 years from my mom and MIL and gave them all away. (how many robes does a person need?)

In 10 years of marriage he has never given me a piece of jewelry. I would LOVE jewelry. I have told him such. We have the money. He just doesn't want to put in the time or effort it would take to find something. I found something I liked this year. I spontaneously tried it on. He knew about it but didn't act on it. It's no longer available.

I'm okay with all of this but part of me is just bummed out. I want to feel cherished and like he cares enough to buy me something special. Anything. He could buy me ANY jewelry and I would be happy but he just doesn't. It's not the even the item that would mean something--it's the act of purchasing.

okay, vent over. I just told him not to buy me anything which I do at least every other year when we go through this whole song-and-dance again and again. Christmas is about our kids anyway.

Buy your own gift from him, put it under the tree, and when you open it, hug him and thank him for being so thoughtful and generous. Make sure it is expensive. Mine has never gotten the message, nevertheless, every Christmas, birthday, etc., he gives me lovely gifts, exactly what I want. Mine tells me that he isn't a "special occasion" person, yet he does seem to love receiving gifts on his special occasions. Go figure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband just stinks at gift giving. I'm honestly not materialistic but his lack of gift buying efforts bums me out each year.
Last night i know he tried to find something on Amazon. He told me today he doesn't know what to buy me. He was going to get a robe or pajamas.
I don't need or want either. I have more pajamas than i know what to do with. I got 3 robes over the past 2 years from my mom and MIL and gave them all away. (how many robes does a person need?)

In 10 years of marriage he has never given me a piece of jewelry. I would LOVE jewelry. I have told him such. We have the money. He just doesn't want to put in the time or effort it would take to find something. I found something I liked this year. I spontaneously tried it on. He knew about it but didn't act on it. It's no longer available.

I'm okay with all of this but part of me is just bummed out. I want to feel cherished and like he cares enough to buy me something special. Anything. He could buy me ANY jewelry and I would be happy but he just doesn't. It's not the even the item that would mean something--it's the act of purchasing.

okay, vent over. I just told him not to buy me anything which I do at least every other year when we go through this whole song-and-dance again and again. Christmas is about our kids anyway.

My friend's husband gave her a shoe rack for Christmas once.

this kind - She had to assemble it herself.

She should be grateful he didn't give her an iron and an ironing board!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband just stinks at gift giving. I'm honestly not materialistic but his lack of gift buying efforts bums me out each year.
Last night i know he tried to find something on Amazon. He told me today he doesn't know what to buy me. He was going to get a robe or pajamas.
I don't need or want either. I have more pajamas than i know what to do with. I got 3 robes over the past 2 years from my mom and MIL and gave them all away. (how many robes does a person need?)

In 10 years of marriage he has never given me a piece of jewelry. I would LOVE jewelry. I have told him such. We have the money. He just doesn't want to put in the time or effort it would take to find something. I found something I liked this year. I spontaneously tried it on. He knew about it but didn't act on it. It's no longer available.

I'm okay with all of this but part of me is just bummed out. I want to feel cherished and like he cares enough to buy me something special. Anything. He could buy me ANY jewelry and I would be happy but he just doesn't. It's not the even the item that would mean something--it's the act of purchasing.

okay, vent over. I just told him not to buy me anything which I do at least every other year when we go through this whole song-and-dance again and again. Christmas is about our kids anyway.

My friend's husband gave her a shoe rack for Christmas once.

this kind - She had to assemble it herself.

She should be grateful he didn't give her an iron and an ironing board!

Wow! She is really good because I could never have put that together and it would have gone for $1.00 at the nest yard sale.

[Anonymous]

Well ladies, this year was our first married Christmas. My husband got me cake! One cake a month for a year. Not flowers, or chocolates, but CAKE! I asked him to return it and get me what I really wanted, he said he would and still hasn't. While I'm not all about gifts either, it frustrates me that he is ok that I spent over 600 on him and at this point I have nothing. Is that what he really thinks of me? I don't know how to handle the situation.

[Anonymous]

Ladies: I wonder: what did you get your husbands, and did they really like their presents? I sometimes hit, sometimes miss. Buying presents is hard! (for example, the PP said she spent 600$ on him, but was it $600 well spent or wasted? and personally, I think cake sounds very romantic. he is trying to give you pleasure)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH also gives strange and useless gifts. Every year when I'm out shopping for gifts I'll see a few thinks I like, which I wrap and put under the tree. The gift stickers say "to the best mom" from you secret santa.

Love this! I may do this next year!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH also gives strange and useless gifts. Every year when I'm out shopping for gifts I'll see a few thinks I like, which I wrap and put under the tree. The gift stickers say "to the best mom" from you secret santa.

Love this! I may do this next year!

Of course! I bought myself a watch AND a bracelet this year. DH would never do it.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]My husband just stinks at gift giving. I'm honestly not materialistic but his lack of gift buying efforts bums me out each year.
Last night i know he tried to find something on Amazon. He told me today he doesn't know what to buy me. He was going to get a robe or pajamas.
I don't need or want either. I have more pajamas than i know what to do with. I got 3 robes over the past 2 years from my mom and MIL and gave them all away. (how many robes does a person need?)

In 10 years of marriage he has never given me a piece of jewelry. I would LOVE jewelry. I have told him such. We have the money. He just doesn't want to put in the time or effort it would take to find something. I found something I liked this year. I spontaneously tried it on. He knew about it but didn't act on it. It's no longer available.

I'm okay with all of this but part of me is just bummed out. I want to feel cherished and like he cares enough to buy me something special. Anything. He could buy me ANY jewelry and I would be happy but he just doesn't. It's not the even the item that would mean something--it's the act of purchasing.

okay, vent over. I just told him not to buy me anything which I do at least every other year when we go through this whole song-and-dance again and again. Christmas is about our kids anyway.

[/quote]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, Do you have children? Assuming they are old enough, could you enlist them to help DH come up with something more thoughtful?

I would leave the kids out of this. It's between OP and her husband. DH and I don't like to waste a cent, so we decided early on to just be open about what things we want as gifts. Also, we keep Christmas and Chanukah for kid gift giving only. A month before his (or my) birthday I ask him (or he asks me) what he wants. I also come up with a bunch of stuff I was considering getting him and he is honest about what I should cross off the list. Open communication works for us. Some may consider this unromantic. We both end up happy. I think there is too much room for hurt feelings when anyone expects another person to be a mind reader. My husband's parents and sibs always give him gifts he has no use for or that are not his taste at all and they have known him his whole life. He told me I was the 1st person who cared to get him something he actually wanted.

[Anonymous]

Did I write thus? SMH it really bums me out too. My birthday included. I feel unimportant and unappreciated.

[Anonymous]

I make a wish list and if DH wants to get me something he MUST buy from the list- that is the rule. After awhile we don't even bother with gifts anymore, either of us. Sometimes he'll get me something little, like a candy bar I like, or I'll make him something to eat that he likes, and we know that we love each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make a wish list and if DH wants to get me something he MUST buy from the list- that is the rule. After awhile we don't even bother with gifts anymore, either of us. Sometimes he'll get me something little, like a candy bar I like, or I'll make him something to eat that he likes, and we know that we love each other.

pp here I mean we get each other little things outside of Christmas and don't bother with the stressful commercial free for all.