my husband is a terrible gift giver and it bums me out each year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do what we do -- just don't give each other gifts. If some deals come up (holiday time sales, etc), we might take advantage of those, for things we might need or could use. But I'm happy to not have pressure to find *the* right gift, etc. Kind of wish all occasions were like this (birthdays, etc).

The problem with this is it sets a bad example for the kids. I want to them to see that we love each other and enjoy GIVING gifts to each other.

Exactly. And this is how little boys grow up to be crappy gift givers. They see it modeled by their parents - the men who are crappy at it, and the women who tolerate it.

To me, giving a gift doesn't have to be so hard. A gift can be as simple as a card with a lovely and heartfelt handwritten message in it, the kind of thing you will never throw away and that makes you weepy to read. A gift doesn't have to be expensive. It can be a commitment to cook the entire month of January, or breakfast in bed for the next 4 Saturdays. It can be a box of all your favorite things: a Starbucks gift card, a bag of your favorite candy, a new book or CD by your fav artist, a magazine subscription - that's about $50 bucks worth of stuff right there, but the gift is customized to what makes YOU happy. It's THOUGHTFUL. It's about YOU. That is what gift giving is about, not materialistic THINGS that you can just go out and buy yourself anyway. Mothers need to teach their children this, and if they don't, then the wives need to convey it.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I have been having a running conversation about this for the past few days. We've been married 32 years and I've done the Christmas and birthday gift thing every way imaginable and mentioned on this forum. I'm done. I'm sorry he says he's terrible at buying gifts (he's right, he is) -his comment is, "I don't know what you need." I can't get it through his head that it's not about need. I need a new bottle of shampoo. Get me that. I feel for the stocking poster (been there), the rocketship garbage can (got a bright stick one year - you know the small florescent light that goes under the kitchen cabinet?), got a bathrobe that snapped (I was 38), a metal wire twisted tree statue with metal leaves (called a money tree), a watch just like the one I already had (he said "You said you wanted a new watch"). I'm sure there's more, but I've blocked them from memory. I'm not buying my own gifts any more. I wish I had never started it because I've come to resent him more for it. So here's what I want for Christmas - a new roof for the house with the baffles that keep the warm air away from plywood so it doesn't rot. I look at the roof every time I pull into the driveway and it needs replacing.

Definitely kudos to the idea about the wish list on Amazon. I will start one the day after Christmas for next year so this argument can be avoided.

So to the poster who has the fabulous spouse who knows just what to get, good for you. Better hang on to him.

[Anonymous]

ITA it has to do with how they grew up. FIL never once bought MIL a nice gift. I am still convinced she poisoned him to death, but I suppose that is beside the point. The woman hates men! Anyway, DH never learned how to appreciate women because the women in DH's family are a little (okay a lot) um, how you say, "b-u-t-c-h"; there is absolutely no connection with the dad, who hated the family, it is really odd. So moms, teach your sons well. Your future DIL will credit you, which will pay off dearly. Truly.

[Anonymous]

My mom and I did not get along, but she did know (this is proof) I was dad's favorite. Every year she would tell me what she wanted, and she got it because dad listened to me and not her. Funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, my husband is my gift. The gift of unconditional love, loyalty and being a wonderful father. Every day I spend with him is another present for me. Sure we fight like mad sometimes, (I threw a leg of chicken at him recently) and I have been know to tell him to go away. But I love him dearly and would never expect him to purchase something in order to make me feel special. He does that just by putting up with me. I am sorry if this makes some of you angry, but I hope you have wonderful Christmases anyway.

the horror

This is a joke, right?

[Anonymous]

19:30 - I know couples like this. Believe me, no one else would put up with their undeserving, conniving, underhanded, questionable at best, spoiled brat stunts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. What's wrong with a vacuum? My DW would LOVE a good hand vacuum for cleaning the car, food under the kids chairs and the like. She would value that I had thought about ways to make our lives easier.

A vacuum may be a great gift for your wife, but clearly it's not a great gift for OP, and after 10 years of marriage, it would be nice if her husband realized that. (You're not her husband, are you?)

I hope this is MY husband! Please please please get me the dyson I want. Please!!!! Love you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Exactly. And this is how little boys grow up to be crappy gift givers. They see it modeled by their parents - the men who are crappy at it, and the women who tolerate it.

To me, giving a gift doesn't have to be so hard. A gift can be as simple as a card with a lovely and heartfelt handwritten message in it, the kind of thing you will never throw away and that makes you weepy to read. A gift doesn't have to be expensive. It can be a commitment to cook the entire month of January, or breakfast in bed for the next 4 Saturdays. It can be a box of all your favorite things: a Starbucks gift card, a bag of your favorite candy, a new book or CD by your fav artist, a magazine subscription - that's about $50 bucks worth of stuff right there, but the gift is customized to what makes YOU happy. It's THOUGHTFUL. It's about YOU. That is what gift giving is about, not materialistic THINGS that you can just go out and buy yourself anyway. Mothers need to teach their children this, and if they don't, then the wives need to convey it.

This. My dad gave my mom a file cabinet for Christmas. My mom was also one that she would say she didn't want anything and then subtlety say she would have been happy with just nut clusters after you got her x. Or one year said, oh didn't you know I don't wear silk, shop at Macy's etc. Not surprisingly, I don't enjoy giving gifts other than to kids. DH has a bunch of stories that I've told him he can't share about my gift giving attempts. I try but I have to admit even from when we were dating I was a last minute gift shopper and found it very stressful. As far as receiving gifts, I like opening gifts as much as the next person, but really it is the cards and the humorous and romantic things DH writes in them for our anniversary for example that I enjoy more. Or on Mother's Day having the day to myself to go to the movies and relax and then him cooking my favorite meal. We have said, let's not exchange gifts for Valentines Day and save it for
the house item before but we still exchange cards. So to the OP, I think you will have to strike the right tone to get DH to put thought into it without making him feel like he is pressured to get the perfect gift and everything is riding on it. Maybe be specific that you want him to plan a night away to surprise you. Or maybe a book of "coupons " of things you may like like making your favorite meal or whatever. Perhaps make a theme each year for your gifts to each other and vary it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Worst gift with best of intentions: my feet are cold a lot. DH got me electric hunting socks. Each one required two D batteries. Seriously, big ass batteries hanging from my calves.

My DH bought me those same socks last year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Worst gift with best of intentions: my feet are cold a lot. DH got me electric hunting socks. Each one required two D batteries. Seriously, big ass batteries hanging from my calves.

My DH bought me those same socks last year.

Love it! My DH bought me a crap load of foot care products last year. I'm talking lotions, scrubs, buffers, even a razor blade to scrape off the cavewoman calluses. I wouldn't have been surprised if he had tossed in a tube of fungal cream. The funny thing is, this was my only gift.

[Anonymous]

My husband fits right in here. He actually means well, but is pretty forgetful a lot of the time. We do stockings for each person in the family - even the dog. I remind my husband a bazillion times not to forget to get something for my stocking. Last year, he totally spaced it. So on christmas morning, both kids, the dog and the husband all had stockings filled with fun, thoughtful gifts, but mine was empty. My daughter actually cried because she was so sad for me. "Oh mamma," she told me. "What did you do wrong last year? Santa must be so mad at you, but I thought you were really good most of the time." She went on to speculate for DAYS about why Santa was mad at me - was it the parking ticket? the time I forgot to feed the dog? the time I said $*%&* when I dropped something in the kitchen? I had to totally suck it up and let her think I'd totally blown it in Santa's eyes, when it was actually my husband's fault for forgetting. He felt so bad! Never again - I'm stuffing my own stocking this year!!

I'm in charge o my own stocking too. This year I just did not want to run yet another errand and buy a bunch of small stuff to pretend that someone else put something in my stocking. I came up with a great idea..regifting to yourself. I grabbed some unopened spices from the pantry, some make up from my bathroom and a few small kitchen past gifts from relatives that I've never opened. Instant filled sock and happy kids.

[Anonymous]

I remember my Dad taking us out shopping for mom every Christmas Eve. One year she got a cheese grater, an iron, a pair of sloppy pajamas, a foot bath and Sweating to the Oldies. She was thrilled.

[Anonymous]

My husband gave me a card (that I had purchased) in which he drew a picture of a stick vacuum cleaner. He hadn't actually bought it yet.

[Anonymous]

Totally do not get adults who hang stockings for themselves. Santa comes for kids. So glad I buy my own whatever I want when I want all year long. I don't want a vacuum. I want Prada shoes. And I get them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, my husband is my gift. The gift of unconditional love, loyalty and being a wonderful father. Every day I spend with him is another present for me. Sure we fight like mad sometimes, (I threw a leg of chicken at him recently) and I have been know to tell him to go away. But I love him dearly and would never expect him to purchase something in order to make me feel special. He does that just by putting up with me. I am sorry if this makes some of you angry, but I hope you have wonderful Christmases anyway.

Yumm! I love the smell of passive-aggession in the morning!