my husband is a terrible gift giver and it bums me out each year

[Anonymous]

I have been married 33 LONG YEARS and I hate my birthday. I buy myself whatever I want. So I have told my husband and kids to not get me anything. I have even bought the gifts for them to give me. My idiot hubby went shopping today and spent needlessly over $800 on crap he wants.He got Tv shows on DVDs and music CDs. He treats me like crap and is very disrespectful both at home and in public. I think he feels if he spends lots of $ this negates his bad behavior. I have told him he can't buy what I want from him at a store which is RESPECT. He does not get it, but will when I file for divorce soon.

[Anonymous]

I have been married 33 LONG YEARS and I hate my birthday. I buy myself whatever I want. So I have told my husband and kids to not get me anything. I have even bought the gifts for them to give me. My idiot hubby went shopping today and spent needlessly over $800 on crap he wants.He got Tv shows on DVDs and music CDs. He treats me like crap and is very disrespectful both at home and in public. I think he feels if he spends lots of $ this negates his bad behavior. I have told him he can't buy what I want from him at a store which is RESPECT. He does not get it, but will when I file for divorce soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Do you have children? Assuming they are old enough, could you enlist them to help DH come up with something more thoughtful?

I would leave the kids out of this. It's between OP and her husband. DH and I don't like to waste a cent, so we decided early on to just be open about what things we want as gifts. Also, we keep Christmas and Chanukah for kid gift giving only. A month before his (or my) birthday I ask him (or he asks me) what he wants. I also come up with a bunch of stuff I was considering getting him and he is honest about what I should cross off the list. Open communication works for us. Some may consider this unromantic. We both end up happy. I think there is too much room for hurt feelings when anyone expects another person to be a mind reader. My husband's parents and sibs always give him gifts he has no use for or that are not his taste at all and they have known him his whole life. He told me I was the 1st person who cared to get him something he actually wanted.

Is all your money joint? If you buy him exactly what he's told you he wants, with money that belongs to both of you, how exactly is it a gift?

[Anonymous]

Just read this whole thread out of curiosity and I will state the obvious. This has nothing to do with gifts, and everything to do with feeling appreciated. It would probably be a lot less complicated for everyone involved to try to separate the emotional connection from the material manifestation of it.

My husband and I both suck at gift giving, but neither of us cares about it and neither of us feels that the quality of our relationship hinges on whether we've accurately anticipated each other's material desires. Seems like all the misery on this thread is from people who have conflated these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just read this whole thread out of curiosity and I will state the obvious. This has nothing to do with gifts, and everything to do with feeling appreciated. It would probably be a lot less complicated for everyone involved to try to separate the emotional connection from the material manifestation of it.

My husband and I both suck at gift giving, but neither of us cares about it and neither of us feels that the quality of our relationship hinges on whether we've accurately anticipated each other's material desires. Seems like all the misery on this thread is from people who have conflated these things.

I want to be appreciated but I want a gift too dammit. My dh is just cheap + lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just read this whole thread out of curiosity and I will state the obvious. This has nothing to do with gifts, and everything to do with feeling appreciated. It would probably be a lot less complicated for everyone involved to try to separate the emotional connection from the material manifestation of it.

My husband and I both suck at gift giving, but neither of us cares about it and neither of us feels that the quality of our relationship hinges on whether we've accurately anticipated each other's material desires. Seems like all the misery on this thread is from people who have conflated these things.

My guess is that you and your husband are considerate to each other on a daily basis. I get the shaft in terms of household work on a daily basis, so DH needs to give me a nice gift every once in a while to make up for it.

[Anonymous]

I learned my lesson, I just get the gift myself. No disappointment. I've given all the hints I'm gonna give. My DH is a good husband but he stinks at gift giving. for me. The reason why it used to tick me off is he gets a gift list from his mom/dad/brother/sister and gets them exactly what they asked for. I give him a list...he gets nothing on it. Now I give up and have released it to the universe and buy my own gifts.

[Anonymous]

I honestly can't think of a gift DH has given me since we've been married. Maybe I should feel upset, but I don't. Maybe I will one day, but our money is joint and he never says anything if I get something for myself. WHen dating he tried a few things, but they weren't right. He occasionally goes shopping with me (well, before we had kids, now we don't shop) but that's about it. On my birthday he might arrange a party, or dinner, or flowers.

[Anonymous]

not in my case my hubby loves gift especially for Christams. One year I suggested no gift for Christmas and he said absolutly not! he wants many gifts at Christmas time! and he will wrap me something. My problems is mother's day! that's day he will not do a thing for me!!! and I have 2 teenages I think I deserve a metal not a gift!
he is a wonderful husband and thoughtful but when it comes to mother's day it's the same heart ache for me just can not believe it and it does hurt like hell.

[Anonymous]

Go the nearest 99cents ONLY store and buy him one of those cheap vases or mugs.

That should fix the problem.

[Anonymous]

I bet it would matter to him if you were to get really bad at picking out groceries or remembering to fulfill his sexual needs. That's all bull. What you start you have to keep up. Just not that hard to walk into a department store and find a customer service rep lady to help him. Acting helpless and dumb makes life easy for him!

[Anonymous]

Some of my gifts from my SH over the years have been:

Various exercise equipment (yes, because he wants me to lose weight)

A Dyson vacuum cleaner (to make my Coors more pleasant)

A Samsung tablet that he got free witha TV purchase

A handgun (that he wanted for himself)

[Anonymous]

I meant chores, not
coors

[Anonymous]

Nothing to add except I'm in the same boat. Birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Valentine's Day, you name it, no gifts! The family he grew up in was not big on gifts either. That should have been a tip off for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is annoying. Every year on Christmas morning I we open up presents and there are basically none for me - because I buy all of the presents. On the few occasions that my husband has tried and bought me something, the gifts have been so completely random that I wonder who he really thinks I am.

That being said, he is a great husband in every other way so I look on this with amusement. He is bad at picking out gifts for everyone, not just me, so I know that it is not a personal slight. I now feel free to get myself a few nice things that I like, wrap them up, put them under the tree, and when I open them declare, "I love it, honey. Its just what I wanted." We laugh and I get what I want.

This is me, exactly! My husband is awesome, but gift giving is his kryptonite. We joke about it.