My DH regrets having kids

[Anonymous]

I'm a new dad, with our first child arriving recently. The baby is amazing and I love being a parent. I'm super hands-on and take on a lot of stuff that dads typically don't - but should - do (eg, all the laundry, changing, bathing, feeding, meal prep, etc plus a 95% of the house and car maintenance).

That said, I absolutely cannot imagine adding another kid to the mix in the next year or two. I've always been a very independent, social, and active person. All of these things have plummeted since the baby arrived. I was at the gym 3-4x per week before the baby and I have not returned. I absolutely love skiing and its really, really depressing me that I won't be able to go this year.

We've been talking about trying for a 2nd kid, but we are both a bit ambivalent. It's becoming very clear to me that I won't be happy trying to raise multiple kids. Dividing my time and energy like that is exhausting; dividing my money between multiple kids sounds extremely stressful and anxiety inducing.

"One and done" is what will make me happy, I think. Ask me in a few months and maybe it will be different. We are late 30s and it feels like trying for another is tempting fate since our current kid is happy, healthy, and not that fussy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same as your DH.

OP here - are you a father? If so, and if you truly feel this way - what could your wife do for you to help? And I mean besides just letting you go out and do whatever you want to do all the time - I mean realistically given that you have kids and you made these choices - what could she do to help?

I'm a mother. I learned to suck it up.

Your poor kids. I wouldn’t expect them to be close when grown. You reap what you sow.

What an asinine comment.

She sucks it up and gets her joy from her pets and this is an asinine comment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same as your DH.

OP here - are you a father? If so, and if you truly feel this way - what could your wife do for you to help? And I mean besides just letting you go out and do whatever you want to do all the time - I mean realistically given that you have kids and you made these choices - what could she do to help?

I'm a mother. I learned to suck it up.

Your poor kids. I wouldn’t expect them to be close when grown. You reap what you sow.

What an asinine comment.

She sucks it up and gets her joy from her pets and this is an asinine comment?

Life is not perfect for anyone.

[Anonymous]

You guys know this is an ancient thread, right? Someone bumped it hoping from an update from OP, 9 years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another father here. Anyone in their right mind regrets having kids. It is a relentless nightmare.
I agree that there is not point complaining about it though. You can't push the shit back into the horse, as they say.
Next time he complains just point out that it is only a few more decades before the sweet release of death. Until then he just has to suck it up like the rest of us.

OMG. Dying. This is hilarious - and probably close to the right response.

OP, I get why you feel like this when your husband says this, but I really think you can't take it personally. Don't sweat the small stuff like him being on his phone while he gives them a bath - HE IS GIVING THEM A BATH. You don't complain that he's not pulling his weight and refuses to be involved.

Can you leave the kids with grandparents or a babysitter and get away together for a long weekend? Doing that a few times a year might be just the break you need. Or better yet, encourage him to do a guy's weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys know this is an ancient thread, right? Someone bumped it hoping from an update from OP, 9 years later.

And yet, still extremely relevant to new parents (like me) and those considering to start or expand their family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another father here. Anyone in their right mind regrets having kids. It is a relentless nightmare.
I agree that there is not point complaining about it though. You can't push the shit back into the horse, as they say.
Next time he complains just point out that it is only a few more decades before the sweet release of death. Until then he just has to suck it up like the rest of us.

Not the OP of the thread, but I did post the above 9 years ago. I had forgotten all about this. I will say that my views have changed. I always thought I was a baby-person, until we had them. The whole two demanding jobs/two young children though was exhausting. They do become more and more fun though, once they were both over 5 it was a lot easier. I love spending time with them, and would have to confess that they are the best thing I have ever done. Still quite looking forward to the sweet release of death though, should be a nice break. But at least when the time comes I will leave behind two children with a more positive attitude than my own...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same as your DH.

OP here - are you a father? If so, and if you truly feel this way - what could your wife do for you to help? And I mean besides just letting you go out and do whatever you want to do all the time - I mean realistically given that you have kids and you made these choices - what could she do to help?

I'm a mother. I learned to suck it up.

+1
And both kids were shockingly not planned

[Anonymous]

I have seen men show their immaturity once they have kids. Some of them cannot really put someone else's needs above their own. If he is selfish and shallow, then getting drunk might seem more rewarding then the exchanges he can have with his child. But I would be very surprised if before this he came across as an unselfish, well grounded, mature guy.

Maybe you chose someone who makes a fun boyfriend but poor life partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another father here. Anyone in their right mind regrets having kids. It is a relentless nightmare.
I agree that there is not point complaining about it though. You can't push the shit back into the horse, as they say.
Next time he complains just point out that it is only a few more decades before the sweet release of death. Until then he just has to suck it up like the rest of us.

Not the OP of the thread, but I did post the above 9 years ago. I had forgotten all about this. I will say that my views have changed. I always thought I was a baby-person, until we had them. The whole two demanding jobs/two young children though was exhausting. They do become more and more fun though, once they were both over 5 it was a lot easier. I love spending time with them, and would have to confess that they are the best thing I have ever done. Still quite looking forward to the sweet release of death though, should be a nice break. But at least when the time comes I will leave behind two children with a more positive attitude than my own...

This gave me a real smile after reading this ancient thread (and realizing halfway through). My husband and I were just discussing potentially number 2 and my husband feeling a lot more reticent than I, leaving me feeling bummed. This thread helped me understand how he is feeling a bit better (not extreme like OP, but the drudgery of the early years for sure). And seeing this update made me pretty hopeful whatever we decide (1 or 2). Glad fatherhood feels better now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another father here. Anyone in their right mind regrets having kids. It is a relentless nightmare.
I agree that there is not point complaining about it though. You can't push the shit back into the horse, as they say.
Next time he complains just point out that it is only a few more decades before the sweet release of death. Until then he just has to suck it up like the rest of us.

OMG. Dying. This is hilarious - and probably close to the right response.

OP, I get why you feel like this when your husband says this, but I really think you can't take it personally. Don't sweat the small stuff like him being on his phone while he gives them a bath - HE IS GIVING THEM A BATH. You don't complain that he's not pulling his weight and refuses to be involved.

Can you leave the kids with grandparents or a babysitter and get away together for a long weekend? Doing that a few times a year might be just the break you need. Or better yet, encourage him to do a guy's weekend.

We need to stop praising men for doing their fatherly duties. They don’t deserve medals. He isn’t doing her any favors; he’s SUPPOSED to be doing these things for his kids, but he’s doing them halfheartedly. His children are still young enough to be too wild in the bathtub and injure themselves. ‘Pulling your weight’ means you’re focused on the task at hand, not staring at your phone. I’m glad OP gave him an ultimatum and he’s pulled up his socks. Many men want to act as if they’re another baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another father here. Anyone in their right mind regrets having kids. It is a relentless nightmare.
I agree that there is not point complaining about it though. You can't push the shit back into the horse, as they say.
Next time he complains just point out that it is only a few more decades before the sweet release of death. Until then he just has to suck it up like the rest of us.

Not the OP of the thread, but I did post the above 9 years ago. I had forgotten all about this. I will say that my views have changed. I always thought I was a baby-person, until we had them. The whole two demanding jobs/two young children though was exhausting. They do become more and more fun though, once they were both over 5 it was a lot easier. I love spending time with them, and would have to confess that they are the best thing I have ever done. Still quite looking forward to the sweet release of death though, should be a nice break. But at least when the time comes I will leave behind two children with a more positive attitude than my own...

Classic DCUM moment right here!

I will remember the word of Mr. “Sweet Release of Death” when going through my own temporary struggles with my kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another father here. Anyone in their right mind regrets having kids. It is a relentless nightmare.
I agree that there is not point complaining about it though. You can't push the shit back into the horse, as they say.
Next time he complains just point out that it is only a few more decades before the sweet release of death. Until then he just has to suck it up like the rest of us.

Funniest post I’ve read in a long time. Bravo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another father here. Anyone in their right mind regrets having kids. It is a relentless nightmare.
I agree that there is not point complaining about it though. You can't push the shit back into the horse, as they say.
Next time he complains just point out that it is only a few more decades before the sweet release of death. Until then he just has to suck it up like the rest of us.

OMG. Dying. This is hilarious - and probably close to the right response.

OP, I get why you feel like this when your husband says this, but I really think you can't take it personally. Don't sweat the small stuff like him being on his phone while he gives them a bath - HE IS GIVING THEM A BATH. You don't complain that he's not pulling his weight and refuses to be involved.

Can you leave the kids with grandparents or a babysitter and get away together for a long weekend? Doing that a few times a year might be just the break you need. Or better yet, encourage him to do a guy's weekend.

We need to stop praising men for doing their fatherly duties. They don’t deserve medals. He isn’t doing her any favors; he’s SUPPOSED to be doing these things for his kids, but he’s doing them halfheartedly. His children are still young enough to be too wild in the bathtub and injure themselves. ‘Pulling your weight’ means you’re focused on the task at hand, not staring at your phone. I’m glad OP gave him an ultimatum and he’s pulled up his socks. Many men want to act as if they’re another baby.

The bolded text from 9 years ago is so funny, I laughed at that one.

The updated message from now seems so toxic. It's a sign of the changing times isn't it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another father here. Anyone in their right mind regrets having kids. It is a relentless nightmare.
I agree that there is not point complaining about it though. You can't push the shit back into the horse, as they say.
Next time he complains just point out that it is only a few more decades before the sweet release of death. Until then he just has to suck it up like the rest of us.

OMG. Dying. This is hilarious - and probably close to the right response.

OP, I get why you feel like this when your husband says this, but I really think you can't take it personally. Don't sweat the small stuff like him being on his phone while he gives them a bath - HE IS GIVING THEM A BATH. You don't complain that he's not pulling his weight and refuses to be involved.

Can you leave the kids with grandparents or a babysitter and get away together for a long weekend? Doing that a few times a year might be just the break you need. Or better yet, encourage him to do a guy's weekend.

We need to stop praising men for doing their fatherly duties. They don’t deserve medals. He isn’t doing her any favors; he’s SUPPOSED to be doing these things for his kids, but he’s doing them halfheartedly. His children are still young enough to be too wild in the bathtub and injure themselves. ‘Pulling your weight’ means you’re focused on the task at hand, not staring at your phone. I’m glad OP gave him an ultimatum and he’s pulled up his socks. Many men want to act as if they’re another baby.

The bolded text from 9 years ago is so funny, I laughed at that one.

The updated message from now seems so toxic. It's a sign of the changing times isn't it.

You’re just old.