My DH regrets having kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone admit any of this ambivalence toward parenting to their friends?

Oh hell yes. We laugh a out it on the daily. We love our kids (except whichever one is being a pain in the as s that day) but parenting is for the birds. Except when we love it. Laughter is great stress relief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Reading some of these responses— like the one above saying the husband is “missing his dad goggles”— makes me feel very sorry for dads who went into it with some ambivalence and are now coming under criticism and shaming from women who believe you can’t be a good dad if you aren’t 100% in love with the experience.

Think it from the child’s POV. Think of it from YOUR child’s POV. Wouldn’t it break your heart to know that your child’s father isn’t 100% in love and all in all the way on the experience?

Eventually the ambivalence becomes known to the child and it breaks something inside of them.

Lots of shattered adults out there because they had crappy, neglectful parents who didn’t shower them with love and acceptance.

I’m the PP. I agree with you. I believe that parents who are ambivalent need to actively put forth the effort not to convey that ambivalence to their children. I’ve had to do this myself and have found that “faking it until I make it” helped me get through the years when the kids were small and I really questioned what I’d done. Now they are older (8 and 10) and my feelings have transformed. I can’t imagine life without them. But I can guarantee that they never realized how ambivalent I was in their earlier years because I forced myself to actively engage with them even though i didn’t feel it.

[Anonymous]

Outsource as much as you can so you can get through these years and save your marriage.

[Anonymous]

OP is it possible he’s having an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another father here. Anyone in their right mind regrets having kids. It is a relentless nightmare.
I agree that there is not point complaining about it though. You can't push the shit back into the horse, as they say.
Next time he complains just point out that it is only a few more decades before the sweet release of death. Until then he just has to suck it up like the rest of us.

You win the internet today!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"if he's giving them a bath, he's on his iPhone while they're bathing instead of playing with them"

If I co-parented with someone who criticized things such as this, I probably wouldn't regret having kids, but I might regret choosing to parent with this person.

OP again - I'm not saying that you to be a perfect parent all the time. But I gave that example because I wonder if my kids notice that daddy is always doing something else instead of playing with them or interacting with them. Sometimes my daughter asks him questions 4-5 times and he ignores her bc he's on his phone and finally I just answer. It's pretty obvious that if he had the choice, he would never be with them. I was telling a story about someone who had multiple nannies covering essentially 24 hours a day and he said "I wish I had that much money so I could pay someone else to play with them." And it's obvious he feels this way by his actions.

As one PP mentioned, I think he expressed himself poorly. If I had to interpret what he meant, I’d say that he hates parenting right now and it feels like a total slog to him. He might be a guy who is going to be be way more into having a 6 or an 8 year old. I think my husband poorly faked that he didn’t love the baby and toddler phase but give him a 10 year old who wants to do outdoorsy stuff and he is beside himself happy.

[Anonymous]

ahem, reminding ppl this thread is from 2011!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ahem, reminding ppl this thread is from 2011!

And yet it still resonates with ppl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"if he's giving them a bath, he's on his iPhone while they're bathing instead of playing with them"

If I co-parented with someone who criticized things such as this, I probably wouldn't regret having kids, but I might regret choosing to parent with this person.

If he’s bathing a ONE YEAR OLD and THREE YEAR OLD, he better damn well not be on his iPhone, Jesus, are you a moron?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ahem, reminding ppl this thread is from 2011!

And yet it still resonates with ppl

agreed, concepts obviously still resonate!
but speculating about OP's husband having an affair, etc seem unnecessary at this point

[Anonymous]

for 100,000 years of human history, until 100 years ago, all parents were ambivalent about loving their children - other than a base evolutionary sense to protect their lives. This business that a dad (or mom) should find joy in giving a 3 year old a bath every day is beyond me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:for 100,000 years of human history, until 100 years ago, all parents were ambivalent about loving their children - other than a base evolutionary sense to protect their lives. This business that a dad (or mom) should find joy in giving a 3 year old a bath every day is beyond me.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another father here. Anyone in their right mind regrets having kids. It is a relentless nightmare.
I agree that there is not point complaining about it though. You can't push the shit back into the horse, as they say.
Next time he complains just point out that it is only a few more decades before the sweet release of death. Until then he just has to suck it up like the rest of us.

You win the internet today!

No, he won it 9 years ago. Can’t you people read?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:for 100,000 years of human history, until 100 years ago, all parents were ambivalent about loving their children - other than a base evolutionary sense to protect their lives. This business that a dad (or mom) should find joy in giving a 3 year old a bath every day is beyond me.

Don’t be an idiot! No-one expects a parent to be overjoyed, but you better not be staring at your damn phone. Do you have such low expectations of everyone in your life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for 100,000 years of human history, until 100 years ago, all parents were ambivalent about loving their children - other than a base evolutionary sense to protect their lives. This business that a dad (or mom) should find joy in giving a 3 year old a bath every day is beyond me.

+1

No -1 That isn’t the point. Another idiot.