Feeling conflicted about my mommy track "career"

[Anonymous]

You won't ramp back up PP. In 20 years in the workforce, I've known exactly one woman who went back from 28 hours a week to full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you don't need your income to save for retirement and college?

Can you lose those 15 pounds and have more sex whether or not you SAH?

No, not really (answering question number 1).

Second, it's a lot harder when you're working 40 hours a week. I'm much more tired, and simply don't have the hour a day to go to the gym or cook as much as I'd like (versus takeout).

I don't mean to gang up on you, but I really hate it when people equate going to the gym with the only way to move their body, and imply that you have to devote hours to preparing healthy meals. I rarely eat food that has not been prepared by me or my husband (or my mom) and we eat very healthy, home cooked foods. It does take planning, but it is very doable. It does help if DH is on board and can help. I grew up with a SAHM who HATED cooking in the late afternoon/evening - she would plan ahead and prep food at other times, for many meals, and we ate healthy, home cooked meals every night. So that was a great model for me on how to plan and prep ahead so evenings aren't rushed and the temptation to just grab something quick is not there. She stayed home, but my dad didn't lift a finger, I work, but DH is a great partner.

If you look into it you really can start meal-planning and have it be very easy and healthy. And you don't need an hour of gym time to exercise. Sneakers can take you a long way - and you can do a ton in your own home.

I really didn't mean to single you out but I hate that there is that belief or thought process out there. I will say it is easier to eat healthy if you are not watching every penny, so I feel for people who live in low-income areas without access to grocery stores, etc. and not having enough money to buy a lot of the extras I love to buy. But otherwise, time shouldn't be a factor!

That said, if you think your life will be better balanced by working less or staying home, and you can afford it and are not worried about long term implications like re-entering the workforce, then you are lucky to have that choice and sounds like you should act on it! I would hate to have to drag myself to a boring job every day. Best of luck with whatever you decide!

I hear you, but exactly when do you do this planning and prepping? I don't relish the thought of getting up any earlier than I need to so I can prep that night's dinner, and once hte kids are in bed I usually have to hop on my laptop, or if I'm lucky, spend an hour with my husband. When I walk in the door at 6 pm, my kiddos are hungry, and I have half an hour maximum to get dinner on the table. I guess what I was trying to say is that I'm not superwoman -- I don't have it in me to get up at 5 am, exercise, prep that night's dinner, get everyone ready to get out the door, work an 8 hour day, spend quality time with the kids, and go back to work (via laptop) from 8 to 10 pm. As a PP said, you can't "do it all".

When do you spend time with your children? Not meaning to be snarky, just genuinely curious. Your schedule sounds nearly impossible - and exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm reminded of the Facebook video that was making the rounds a few weeks ago why there are so few mothers and women at a high level in different organizations. A career that you've 'mommy tracked' is much easier to give up to stay home than one you love. For me? With a mother who was fired for being pregnant, and then found herself unexpectedly pregnant with #2, then whisked around on the whim of her partner's career - she never got that career back, and she really hated it. She worked nights and weekends with kids 3 and 4, and we all turned out fine, except her desire for a more fulfilling career infected me with my strong desire to keep mine. I can only hope it will work out (since I've done everything I can, but am only pregnant with #1 - and please god, don't hijack this thread and tell me 'you'll seeeeeeee!!!) - I have an equal partner, I am still applying for new and challenging opportunities, and I do work at a relatively family friendly place. I haven't 'made room' for the kid - it will make room for itself, I'm sure, and I do sit at the table and speak up.

It really depends on your organization, job, field, etc. I don't feel mommy-tracked yet, I may in five years. I like working 45 hour weeks and even before kids, didn't really want to do more than that. I think if you want a career in biglaw making partner, or you are striving to be a C-level business exec, it's hard to find balance being a mom. Really, working 50 or more hours a week, not to mention 60 or more, it's not hard to figure out why that is and why a lot of moms don't pursue that, especially if you married a guy who is not staying home but is pursuing the same or similar. Unless you want to hire a night and weekend nanny, it's just not going to happen.

That said, I totally think as evidenced by my experience, that you CAN be a mom and have a fulfulling career. Absolutely, and I think it's great to hear about moms who are making it work - millions of us are and I like to think I'm in that category. I have had some great mentors of working moms throughout my career. For us, we get a lot of help from my parents - point blank wouldn't be able to do it without them and I'm thankful. We also benefit from my husband having a lot of flexibility in his intense job, a fantastic daycare situation, and we have good commutes. I think working toward having the right circumsances helps. You need some amount of flexibility and outside support helps, even if it's not family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You won't ramp back up PP. In 20 years in the workforce, I've known exactly one woman who went back from 28 hours a week to full time.

You're hanging out in the wrong crowd. I know more than a dozen women who have done this, including one of my best friends who is running a large book publishing house.

It depends on your field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You won't ramp back up PP. In 20 years in the workforce, I've known exactly one woman who went back from 28 hours a week to full time.

You're hanging out in the wrong crowd. I know more than a dozen women who have done this, including one of my best friends who is running a large book publishing house.

It depends on your field.

How long were they mommy-tracked? Did they have big careers before and after?

[Anonymous]

Career housewives need to stay off this thread.

That's a weird statement, because there seems to be exactly 1 person in 7 pages of posts who is a career housewife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you don't need your income to save for retirement and college?

Can you lose those 15 pounds and have more sex whether or not you SAH?

No, not really (answering question number 1).

Second, it's a lot harder when you're working 40 hours a week. I'm much more tired, and simply don't have the hour a day to go to the gym or cook as much as I'd like (versus takeout).

I don't mean to gang up on you, but I really hate it when people equate going to the gym with the only way to move their body, and imply that you have to devote hours to preparing healthy meals. I rarely eat food that has not been prepared by me or my husband (or my mom) and we eat very healthy, home cooked foods. It does take planning, but it is very doable. It does help if DH is on board and can help. I grew up with a SAHM who HATED cooking in the late afternoon/evening - she would plan ahead and prep food at other times, for many meals, and we ate healthy, home cooked meals every night. So that was a great model for me on how to plan and prep ahead so evenings aren't rushed and the temptation to just grab something quick is not there. She stayed home, but my dad didn't lift a finger, I work, but DH is a great partner.

If you look into it you really can start meal-planning and have it be very easy and healthy. And you don't need an hour of gym time to exercise. Sneakers can take you a long way - and you can do a ton in your own home.

I really didn't mean to single you out but I hate that there is that belief or thought process out there. I will say it is easier to eat healthy if you are not watching every penny, so I feel for people who live in low-income areas without access to grocery stores, etc. and not having enough money to buy a lot of the extras I love to buy. But otherwise, time shouldn't be a factor!

That said, if you think your life will be better balanced by working less or staying home, and you can afford it and are not worried about long term implications like re-entering the workforce, then you are lucky to have that choice and sounds like you should act on it! I would hate to have to drag myself to a boring job every day. Best of luck with whatever you decide!

I hear you, but exactly when do you do this planning and prepping? I don't relish the thought of getting up any earlier than I need to so I can prep that night's dinner, and once hte kids are in bed I usually have to hop on my laptop, or if I'm lucky, spend an hour with my husband. When I walk in the door at 6 pm, my kiddos are hungry, and I have half an hour maximum to get dinner on the table. I guess what I was trying to say is that I'm not superwoman -- I don't have it in me to get up at 5 am, exercise, prep that night's dinner, get everyone ready to get out the door, work an 8 hour day, spend quality time with the kids, and go back to work (via laptop) from 8 to 10 pm. As a PP said, you can't "do it all".

When do you spend time with your children? Not meaning to be snarky, just genuinely curious. Your schedule sounds nearly impossible - and exhausting.

Actually I manage to spend a lot of time with my kids -- breakfast and getting everyone ready in the morning, and then between 6 pm and bedtime (8 pm) I'm with them and avoiding chores (other than getting dinner on the table) and my blackberry. And then pretty much my entire weekend is focused on the kids. That's my point --I don't have time to read, work out, etc, because I am spending time with my kids when Im not working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same way, OP. I worked my way up pretty high in my organization and was making good money for my field. Moved. Took 10 months off. Got a job making half of what I was previously making and the job is pretty much entry level. I get really upset sometimes when I think about where I am professionally, as my career was always so important to me. However, I really can't go back to the demands that I had previously. My husband travels Monday through Friday every week and makes about four times what I make right now. His job MUST come first, as we couldn't even begin to pay our bills on my salary. I've looked at other jobs that I'm qualified and probably pretty competitive for, but I can't possibly do nights and weekends without getting extra childcare help.

When I start to get really upset about my situation, I think about my mom's career. Her career didn't really take off until I was in late high school/college. She's incredibly successful now, but she had to wait until her family commitments (she was a single mom) let up a bit before she could really pursue all of her career options.

OP here. THAT is really helpful to hear! DH is always saying (when I get really down on myself) that the work will be there when I'm ready to take it on, thank you for affirming that concept!

[Anonymous]

How old are you, PP?