Feeling conflicted about my mommy track "career"

[Anonymous]

Someone here once put it very succinctly, and it's something that comforts me when I start to get a little weepy about my own mommy-tracked career:

You are not going to lie on your deathbed saying "Gee, I wish I'd spent more time at the office."

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you to all posters -- it is so helpful and grounding to hear that others are in the same boat. Every single response resonates for me and I hope the support and good karma flows back in every direction.
I was feeling especially low because on the same day one of my bosses told me that I hadn't been assigned to a certain project "out of respect for [my] PT schedule", DC2 expressed sadness that I'd missed chaperoning a class field trip. DC2 wasn't complaining, and the boss in question is a good person...I just ended up feeling felt sub-par on both fronts. I generally feel grateful for my situation, and I would guess that the PT/flexible situation would not have been possible for professional women in prior decades.

[Anonymous]

OP, if it's any consolation, I was a SAHM for 10 years, and my kids routinely made me feel I was disappointing them, too -- sometimes no matter what you do it isn't enough!

[Anonymous]

Sometimes when I am feeling like I should step off the mommy-track onto the fast(er) lane, I have a busy work week and am reminded how much it kind of sucks. I work 30 hours a week (lawyer) and this week I had to wrok 48, and while I know that is still not a ton, especially by law firm standards, it SUCKED. I missed bedtime twice and was so rushed in the morning. It sucked.
the mommy track is looking pretty good right now.

[Anonymous]

The reason I became a sahm is because I felt like I wasn't doing a proper job no matter where I was or what I was doing. I couldn't every find a 'good place'. So, I ended up deciding that I had to pick one...go gung ho back into my career and shoot for the stars (at dh's expense, really, but his job is more flexible anyway) or stay home and truly devote my time to being a mom. I was SOO tempted to go for it. DH was willing. We had a good nanny. But in the end, I decided that I would rather regret not being satisfied with my career than not being satisfied with the job I did as a mom. And I felt like it was a more 'reverisble" decision to leave my career (not really, but sort of) but my kids are growing up NOW and aren't waiting for me to get my shit together. If I made the wrong choice, I would lose the chance to be with my kids when they were young. I'm still missing my career but I've found other intellectually stimulating stuff to do now that I'm home. While my career will never be the same, there will always be 'work' and 'opportunity' out there. My kids won't be kids for much longer. Its such a hard decision and there isn't a 'right' one. I do feel like when I was growing up, nobody really 'warned me' that I couldn't really have it all and I'm still a little bitter than I was 'misled' by society. I kept thinking that there must be a way and I hadn't figured it out yet! If someone who has a great, high powered career with long hours has figured out how to achieve balance, PLEASE, do share how!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone here once put it very succinctly, and it's something that comforts me when I start to get a little weepy about my own mommy-tracked career:

You are not going to lie on your deathbed saying "Gee, I wish I'd spent more time at the office."

Not as simple as that. The more time I put in with work, the more I publish. Intellectually, it is very satisfying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone here once put it very succinctly, and it's something that comforts me when I start to get a little weepy about my own mommy-tracked career:

You are not going to lie on your deathbed saying "Gee, I wish I'd spent more time at the office."

Not as simple as that. The more time I put in with work, the more I publish. Intellectually, it is very satisfying.

Actually, it is that simple for me. I LOVE that quote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reason I became a sahm is because I felt like I wasn't doing a proper job no matter where I was or what I was doing. I couldn't every find a 'good place'. So, I ended up deciding that I had to pick one...go gung ho back into my career and shoot for the stars (at dh's expense, really, but his job is more flexible anyway) or stay home and truly devote my time to being a mom. I was SOO tempted to go for it. DH was willing. We had a good nanny. But in the end, I decided that I would rather regret not being satisfied with my career than not being satisfied with the job I did as a mom. And I felt like it was a more 'reverisble" decision to leave my career (not really, but sort of) but my kids are growing up NOW and aren't waiting for me to get my shit together. If I made the wrong choice, I would lose the chance to be with my kids when they were young. I'm still missing my career but I've found other intellectually stimulating stuff to do now that I'm home. While my career will never be the same, there will always be 'work' and 'opportunity' out there. My kids won't be kids for much longer. Its such a hard decision and there isn't a 'right' one. I do feel like when I was growing up, nobody really 'warned me' that I couldn't really have it all and I'm still a little bitter than I was 'misled' by society. I kept thinking that there must be a way and I hadn't figured it out yet! If someone who has a great, high powered career with long hours has figured out how to achieve balance, PLEASE, do share how!!

Why does a great career have to have long hours? I have a great career, though I guess it's not high powered, but it gives me a lot of satisfaction and I don't work nights and weekends. It is FT but the hours are reasonable. And to the person who said you will never be on your deathbed wishing you had spent more time in the office, I agree with the poster who said it is not as simple as that. I wouldn't be happy working hellish hours as a mom, but I wouldn't be happy giving up my career either. So for me, I am cool with a bit of a mommy track for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone here once put it very succinctly, and it's something that comforts me when I start to get a little weepy about my own mommy-tracked career:

You are not going to lie on your deathbed saying "Gee, I wish I'd spent more time at the office."

Not as simple as that. The more time I put in with work, the more I publish. Intellectually, it is very satisfying.

Actually, it is that simple for me. I LOVE that quote.

Yes, but not for everyone. Depends on your career.

[Anonymous]

Turned down a job that would have helped my career because I saw that dd was going through a serious depression and I could count on my current job to be very supportive - whereas I didn't trust the people at the new place. Now that dd is in a much better place, I'm starting to look again but with the economy is a worse place, I do wonder what would have happened if I had taken that other job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone here once put it very succinctly, and it's something that comforts me when I start to get a little weepy about my own mommy-tracked career:

You are not going to lie on your deathbed saying "Gee, I wish I'd spent more time at the office."

Not as simple as that. The more time I put in with work, the more I publish. Intellectually, it is very satisfying.

And the more time you put in with your family . . . ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone here once put it very succinctly, and it's something that comforts me when I start to get a little weepy about my own mommy-tracked career:

You are not going to lie on your deathbed saying "Gee, I wish I'd spent more time at the office."

Not as simple as that. The more time I put in with work, the more I publish. Intellectually, it is very satisfying.

And the more time you put in with your family . . . ?

Not the poster you asked the question to, but for some of us, it IS possible to actually have a career AND a fulfilling life with family. It really depends on the career, the organization, the spouse's situation, and other things like finances, family nearby, commute, etc. So many factors. Life is just not as simple as "family or career? pick one." Come on, most sane parents pick family but that doesn't mean we can't still have a career.

I have a lot of SAHM friends and all of them have something outside their kids and marriage they are dedicated too. I think most people on their deathbed would give anything for one more hour with their family...but that doesn't mean they want to discount everything else in their life, be it other close friends, their education, their career, their volunteer commitments, their church, whatever. Life is rich! And that's a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone here once put it very succinctly, and it's something that comforts me when I start to get a little weepy about my own mommy-tracked career:

You are not going to lie on your deathbed saying "Gee, I wish I'd spent more time at the office."

Not as simple as that. The more time I put in with work, the more I publish. Intellectually, it is very satisfying.

And the more time you put in with your family . . . ?

Not the poster you asked the question to, but for some of us, it IS possible to actually have a career AND a fulfilling life with family. It really depends on the career, the organization, the spouse's situation, and other things like finances, family nearby, commute, etc. So many factors. Life is just not as simple as "family or career? pick one." Come on, most sane parents pick family but that doesn't mean we can't still have a career.

I have a lot of SAHM friends and all of them have something outside their kids and marriage they are dedicated too. I think most people on their deathbed would give anything for one more hour with their family...but that doesn't mean they want to discount everything else in their life, be it other close friends, their education, their career, their volunteer commitments, their church, whatever. Life is rich! And that's a good thing.

I'm the PP. I hear you, and I'm not thinking that life shouldn't be rich and full. I've been very fortunate to be in a professon I truly enjoy, plus my husband and I have two wonderful children. I still think it's a concern when people seem to put their careers over their families or suggest that they give more time to their careers than their families. Our time with our children is fleeting.

[Anonymous]

Another mom in a safe but mind numbingly insignificant mommy track job. I don't feel like I'm really "contributing" like I did when I was a young go getter. And it's strange, because as long as I spend my days doing not really important work, I feel like I should be with my child instead. If I were more critical to an organization, it might feel more worth it to be away from my child. I've been offered opportunities to get off the mommy track, but ive turned them down because they all involve more hours, more travel, and I feel I can't take on the responsibility until I'm at least done having kids. I'm not sure how much longer I will have to stay on this track, maybe there's no getting back until the kids are significantly older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone here once put it very succinctly, and it's something that comforts me when I start to get a little weepy about my own mommy-tracked career:

You are not going to lie on your deathbed saying "Gee, I wish I'd spent more time at the office."

Not as simple as that. The more time I put in with work, the more I publish. Intellectually, it is very satisfying.

And the more time you put in with your family . . . ?

I'm the PP with the italicized quotes, above. If I'm on my deathbed, yeah, sure I'll be wishing I spent more time with my family, too (and I only work 35 hours/week). But I'll also be grateful for all those hours I put towards my work (medical research). I'll probably also be wishing I traveled more, ate more cheesecake, and had more sex. I hope I'll be grateful for balancing it all the best I could.