SAHMs - what made you decide to SAH? Question from new SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:16, not all WOHMs are low energy, I assume you know that?

LOL -but I can see some WOHMs have no logic. I never mentioned energy levels.

Apparently, you are delusional sitting there at your desk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:00 do you plan to go back to work once your children are all in full day school and you don't spend much more time with them than you would if you worked? Or do you also like the lifestyle?

I plan on going back to work. I do like "the lifestyle" if by that you mean staying home to take care of my 1 year old and 3 year old. In two years I am planning on returning to school and reentering the work world in a new field. It is one of the reasons I don't worry as much as some about the impact to my career of staying home. I wanted to make a career change anyway. I do think there is plenty to occupy a SAHM with children in school. I have several friends that do this and they volunteer almost daily in the elementary and do lots of other activities including some freelance type work.

And to the poster who asked what I'd do if DH dumped me for his soul mate? We'd be fine, thanks.

[Anonymous]

13:43, I'm an extrovert. Working recharges my batteries. SAH drained them. Total personality thing. I'm also a Gemini, so I'm always pulled in multiple directions. Otherwise, I get bored

All my Christmas shopping and decorating and wrapping is done by Thanksgiving weekend. I'm just hyper

[Anonymous]

LOL 13:46 who says I'm at a desk? So glad SAH has made you so blissfully happy.

[Anonymous]

"I plan on going back to work. I do like "the lifestyle" if by that you mean staying home to take care of my 1 year old and 3 year old. In two years I am planning on returning to school and reentering the work world in a new field. It is one of the reasons I don't worry as much as some about the impact to my career of staying home. I wanted to make a career change anyway. I do think there is plenty to occupy a SAHM with children in school. I have several friends that do this and they volunteer almost daily in the elementary and do lots of other activities including some freelance type work. "

Your future coworkers will be delighted to hear these views.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, PP again, and former teacher:

The other anecdotal evidence that informed by decision to stay home was my experience in gradulate school, as a research assistant to a professor who was studying early literacy experiences of children in preschools and daycares. My role in this study was to visit 20 different preschools and daycare centers and record literacy experiences (about 4 hours each visit, multiple visits per center) and characterize different types of "literacy interactions (teacher to whole group, teacher to small group, teacher to single child, child to teacher, child to child, etc.)

This experience, when I was only about 23 years old, got me into a wide variety of different preschools, daycare centers, and head start programs. It also informed my decision NOT to send my child to one of those programs, as I only say one out of the 20 centers that seemed like a place I would be happy to send my own child.

Again, I understand that this is not a sicentific experiment, but I happen to think that it was enough information for me, personally, to make a decision.

Interesting. So you literally studied this in grad school (or so you claim) yet you ask if there have been studies done in an earlier post. You think if you had done research on this in grad school you would have, I don't know, been aware of studies from colleagues in your field? You are either totally clueless, lying through your teeth, or just trying to be inflammatory or stir the pot.

I think you are confusing me with someone else. I didn't ask if there had been any studies.

And anyhow, no, I didn't study the effects of daycare on children's educational achievement, or anything of that nature. When I was a gradulate student getting my teaching degree, I was an assistant to a study that was looking at the effects of teacher/child interaction on literacy. My point was that it got me into 20 different daycare centers on a regular basis for a semester, so I do feel that informed my decision as to what type of child care I wanted for my own children when I got older, even though again, that wasn't the point of the study.

I'm certainly not trying to be inflammatory or stir any pot, and I really wonder what caused you to have that idea? I am sharing my personal experiences and opinions.

There was another PP, and former teacher, who asked about the studies, and I thought you were her. Yes, high quality daycare is important, but there are many great places in this area. We are lucky to have daycare at work. Very low turnover, great ratio, and gorgeous facility (both inside and outdoor space), educated and incredibly sweet teachers/providers (oldest one starts K next year, so "preschool teacher" for her.) Plus of course, the advantage of being able to pop down and volunteer in the classrooms of both kids.

It is very different for my friends who live in smaller towns. One major advantage of living and working in this area is the number of high quality daycare centers (as well as home daycare, which some of my good friends have been happy with).

[Anonymous]

I'm glad you found a daycare center that feels great to you PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I plan on going back to work. I do like "the lifestyle" if by that you mean staying home to take care of my 1 year old and 3 year old. In two years I am planning on returning to school and reentering the work world in a new field. It is one of the reasons I don't worry as much as some about the impact to my career of staying home. I wanted to make a career change anyway. I do think there is plenty to occupy a SAHM with children in school. I have several friends that do this and they volunteer almost daily in the elementary and do lots of other activities including some freelance type work. "

Your future coworkers will be delighted to hear these views.

I'm assuming you're being disparaging/sarcastic, but I don't follow why? My future coworkers will be delighted to hear what views? That I wanted to make a career change to a new field and so didn't worry about being able to step back into my old career after SAH? Why would anyone take issue with that? I will be new to the field so I'll have to start at the bottom, but I'm prepared to do that. Why would anyone care that I had made a career change? Do you mean they will be "delighted" to hear that I think SAH parents of elementary aged children have plenty to do? Why would they care that I think that, it's just a personal opinion. Maybe you can elaborate on what you meant with your comment.

[Anonymous]

Just like a previous poster, I just wanted to say that the MAIN reason I am a SAHM is that I love being with my kids. It can be grueling to be with 2 toddlers all the time, but I would still rather spend my time with them than with a bunch of strangers in an office. Working in an office has never been exciting to me no matter how "challenging" or exciting the work. I honestly don't understand why someone would choose work over spending time with their children BUT having said that I respect that staying at home is not for everyone.

[Anonymous]

"I honestly don't understand why someone would choose work over spending time with their children BUT having said that I respect that staying at home is not for everyone. "

Who pays the bills in your house? Do they choose work over spending time with their children?

[Anonymous]

14:53, everyone has different temperaments and experiences.

"It can be grueling to be with 2 toddlers all the time, but I would still rather spend my time with them than with a bunch of strangers in an office. "

I find it peculiar that you would refer to your coworkers as "a bunch of strangers in an office." Have you ever had an office job? People in many offices celebrate major milestones and daily trivia together. For better or worse, I certainly don't consider my coworkers "strangers."

And I did have two toddlers many moons ago. It was grueling and not any less fulfilling to care for them 14 hours a day rather than 24.

"Working in an office has never been exciting to me no matter how "challenging" or exciting the work."

Well, this is a big clue right here. I've worked in various offices for over 20 years, and have found it exciting much of the time.

"I honestly don't understand why someone would choose work over spending time with their children BUT having said that I respect that staying at home is not for everyone."

Let me give you some reasons: (1) I like what I do; (2) I make 55% of the household income; (3) I get positive reinforcement from my job; and (4) I prefer the company of adults to kids overall. Also, children grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me, it is my own experience as a child that made me want to be a SAHM. My parents were never home when I was growing up, they were too busy with their careers and I was basically raised by a full-time nanny who lived with us. Although the nanny was very nice, I very much missed my parents and I was very hurt that they did not make any efforts to spend more time to me. As a kid, you don't understand what it means to have a job and/or to have to support a family, all you see is that your parents are not there for you. I went through tough times where I thought my parents did not love me at all. Early on, I knew that if I had kids myself, I would not make the mistake my parents made and I would be there for my kids and be a SAHM.

Early on, you narrowed down potential DHs to select the one with the big salary that would allow you to SAH. Stop the BS, it all comes down to that.

[Anonymous]

"I honestly don't understand why someone would choose work over spending time with their children BUT having said that I respect that staying at home is not for everyone. "

This will go over well with your future coworkers. Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just like a previous poster, I just wanted to say that the MAIN reason I am a SAHM is that I love being with my kids. It can be grueling to be with 2 toddlers all the time, but I would still rather spend my time with them than with a bunch of strangers in an office. Working in an office has never been exciting to me no matter how "challenging" or exciting the work. I honestly don't understand why someone would choose work over spending time with their children BUT having said that I respect that staying at home is not for everyone.

Well, it is possible to actually make friends at work. After five years I don't think of my co-workers and others I work with as strangers. There is more to work than challenge and excitement, though that should be part of it. I enjoy bringing home a paycheck. We could scrounge and live on DH's salary, but my salary allows to save much more aggressively and not have to think about every dollar we spend.

But, you know all that already I suspect. You just wanted to take a dig at working moms who you see is "choosing work over family." Not sure what that gets us as a community of women and moms, but okay, point taken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just like a previous poster, I just wanted to say that the MAIN reason I am a SAHM is that I love being with my kids. It can be grueling to be with 2 toddlers all the time, but I would still rather spend my time with them than with a bunch of strangers in an office. Working in an office has never been exciting to me no matter how "challenging" or exciting the work. I honestly don't understand why someone would choose work over spending time with their children BUT having said that I respect that staying at home is not for everyone.

Now see, I am a PP who SAH because I really like it. But this response is what puts WOHM's on the defensive (and understandably) and makes them then trash SAHM's. I do see why someone would work rather than SAH, it just wasn't what worked out for me. But it goes both ways ladies...I have said nothing disparaging about WOHM's and in this thread alone people have inferred that my DH will leave me when he finds his soul mate, my future co-workers will hate me (which I still can't figure out), I marginalize my DH, I like a questionable "lifestyle," I judge WOHM's (just by existing, I suppose), I would rather SAH than fund retirement and savings, etc, etc.... And I have said nothing that should have provoked those responses. So, yes, the poster above said something that would really have irritated me as a WOHM, but SAHM's get plenty of shit from other mothers about their choices.